Author's Note: Written in response to the spoilers for ep 6.05 'Gum Drops'.
Summary: When Grissom begins to doubt himself, there's only really one person he can turn to. Third part of a trilogy with 'Epiphany' and 'Hard To Breathe'.
Spoilers: For 'Gum Drops'
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. No infringement intended.
A soft tap on the door roused her from her slumber. Opening her eyes to slits, she could see from the electric clock radio on the bedside table she'd been asleep barely an hour.
Silence. Her imagination, perhaps? Wishful thinking? She rolled over and closed her eyes once more.
Another soft tap. Unmistaken this time.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stretched. There was only really one person it could be. Padding softly to the door and opened it, unsurprised at who waited at the other side.
'Hey,' she greeted him sleepily. 'To what do I owe the late-night pleasure?'
He shot her one of his quirky half-smiles. 'Greg snores.'
Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes, she opened the door wider to allow him access. 'Lamest excuse ever,' she thought.
She shut the door behind him and turned to watch and he wandered to the window. He looked pensive, and tired, but less anxious or upset than earlier. He turned from the window and gave her another of his specialty smiles – the apologetic grin.
'I'm sorry about earlier,' he said quietly. 'I was an ass.'
She nodded in heartfelt agreement. 'Yeah. You were.'
He raised an eyebrow at this. She wasn't going to let him off easily.
'I'm surprised you didn't snap back. It would have been understandable.'
'I'm a professional,' she remarked, as if he didn't already know.
From the look of his face, that stung a little.
'Grissom…' she sighed, not angry but still perhaps a little hurt. 'I love you. You know that. But I told you… I am no one's punch-bag – physically or emotionally.'
Her words propelled him forwards, a look of deep contrition in his eyes as he placed his hands on either cheek, cupping her face like a sacred object. 'You know I'd never hurt you.'
'Not intentionally,' she replied softly. 'But you're hurting right now. You're in pain for some reason and… instead of talking to me about it, you're yelling at me.'
'I know… I'm sorry.'
'I know you are.' She reached up and touched his face, running her fingers across his beard and brushing her thumb along the outline of his lips. 'I know you are,' she whispered.
Stepping into him, she replaced her thumb with her own lips, caressing him softly with a kiss. She could feel the emotion coming off him in waves. He was in pain, so much that it was breaking her heart too. But until he opened up to her, she could do nothing. This fact made her feel beyond helpless.
Resting her forehead against his, she sighed again. 'Do you want to talk about it?'
He said nothing for the longest time, just stood there, his forehead pressed against hers, his breathing deep and even, as though he was forcing himself to breathe that way.
When the emotions inside him became too much to bear, he pulled away from her and went back to the window and stared out of it.
'I'm not sure that I can,' he finally replied, when she had almost forgotten the question. 'It's nothing… specific. The culmination of little things, I guess,' he remarked wryly.
She sat down on the corner of the bed and watched him, measuring her words.
'You've been… out of sorts… for a while now. You've been upset a lot. Emotional.'
He said nothing.
'Is it me? Something I've done?'
'No!' he spun towards her, his eyes wide. 'No. This is not your fault, Sara. Please, don't think that.'
She met his eyes with her own, steady gaze. 'How can I know what to think if you don't tell me what's going on?'
Moving back towards her, he sat down on the bed beside her and took her hand. 'I don't mean to shut you out. I'm still getting used to… this. Us.'
'I know,' she assented with a shrug. 'So am I.'
'We've both done a lot of soul searching since Nick…' He took a deep breath. 'It's why we're here. It's why we're together.'
She nodded, knowing full well that, were it not for the horrible events of just six months ago, neither of them would ever have had the courage to move forward in their relationship.
'But not everything I've been realizing about myself has been good,' he went on. 'I've started to… doubt myself. I've made a lot of wrong choices. A lot of mistakes. And they've all taken me to a place where… I don't even know if I like who I am, Sara.'
She squeezed his hand. 'Well I like you just fine.'
He hung his head as though ashamed. 'I don't know how much I have to offer you.'
Turning towards him, she cupped his face with one hand. 'Grissom? Look at me.'
Slowly, he turned his face towards her.
'You're a good man. And I love you.'
'I love you. So much.'
She smiled. 'That's all I need.' Leaning forward, she kissed him again. 'The rest? We'll work out as we go along.'
He brushed a stray strand of hair from her face and smiled. 'I love you.'
'I know,' she smiled and her breath caught in her throat as his fingers slowly started to caress her neck. 'And when you're ready to talk about all of this – about anything – I'm here. Okay?'
'I know.' Leaning over, his lips followed the same path his fingers had traced a moment before. 'Thank you,' he breathed into her skin.
Pulling away, she kissed him quickly on the lips and smiled. 'Come on. Bed.'
An eyebrow shot up at that.
'Sleep, Grissom. You're exhausted.'
'Maybe I should go back to my room. If anyone finds me here…'
In reply, Sara drew back the covers and gestured for him to get in. 'You're not sleeping alone tonight. Come on.'
Without a hint of reluctance now he padded over to where she stood, dropped a kiss on her cheek and climbed into the bed. When she climbed in after him, he wrapped and arm around her waist and pulled her close.
'What would I do without you?' he asked into her hair.
Closing her eyes, utterly content in that moment, she smiled. 'You'll never have to find out.'
THE END.