Author Note: I am back with a new thrilling humour fic. Run for your lives boys and girls, Walter Sullivan has his own game show. The star prize getting off the show alive. Witness 21 gruesome deaths. 21 Sacraments Game Show is a The Terrapin Production.
Disclaimer: I do not own Silent Hill or the characters Walter Sullivan, Cybil Bennett and Mira the Dog. At least I think the dog ending dog is called Mira. Damn my forgetfulness to hell!
Inside a studio in Downtown Silent Hill a group of Silent Hill's most famous creatures are hard at work. There are Pendulums and Demon Birds hovering above the set holding lights. How the Pendulums are holding the lights is a mystery. The monster of a crew is hoping they do not drop them. The Mannequins are standing by the cameras, drinking coffee and eating doughnuts. Yet another mystery, how are they drinking and eating without mouths. "We drink and eat through our arses." A mannequin, with the name tag 'Bob' on his right upper leg, hollers.
Now that the mannequin known as Bob has taken away some of the mystery lets look at the creatures that are not working. There is a bunch of Insane Cancer's sleeping on their backs. Snoring loudly enough to wake the dead. Their excess flesh vibrating with each breath they take. Quite the horrifying sight if I do say so myself. There is an Abstract Daddy standing on all fours as a Puppet Nurse, a Closer, a Demon Child, Leonard and Victim 13121 are having a game of Poker. While this is happening a group of Ghost Babies are tormenting the Sniffer Dogs that are trying to nap.
As all this is happening the audience starts filing in and taking their seats. It appears the audience consists of creatures that have already been mentioned with a few new additions. There seems to be Bobblehead Nurses, Patients, Straight Jackets and Numb Bodies. And there of course are two forms of the God. One is menacely floating above the audience, striking away who gives her a strange look. The other is busy knowing on the ruins of Claudia's dress at the side of the stage.
A blast of cheesy music starts playing and out of nowhere appears our host Mr. Walter Sullivan. He is wearing his usual blood stained trenchcoat and appears to have forgotten his pants. Walter bows to the audience, mooning an unsuspecting Puppet Nurse. "Hello Ladies and Gentlemonsters. Welcome to this thrilling brand new game show, 21 Sacraments Game Show." Walter announces, the '21 Sacraments Game Show' is said in unison with the audience. Walter smiles into one of the cameras.
"At the 21 Sacraments Game Show we can not guarantee you'll leave with your life. All contestants are aware of this." Walter says with an evil smile on his face. Walter moves behind a desk on the stage and sits down. "And here is the Haunted Borley Mansions narrator to introduce this weeks victims."
"Thank you, Walter." A boring bodiless voice says. "Our first victim this week, Walter, is a police officer from Brahams, the next town over. Everyone give a depressed greeting to Cybil Bennett." Cybil appears out of nowhere with a gun in hand and looking rather confused. She looks towards Walter and points her gun at him. "I've got a gun and I know how to use it." She announces.
Walter nods his head and holds up a bloody spoon. "I have a spoon and I know how to it." He announces and plunges the spoon into his neck. His eyes roll up and then he collapses on the desk in front of him. Cybil sighs and looks about confused once again.
"Now that Walter is passed out lets introduce the second victim for this week." The boring bodiless voice speaks again. "This ball of fluff took control of James Sunderland's adventure in Silent Hill. Please give a depressed greeting to everyone's favourite dog, Mira the Dog." Mira the Dog appears out of nowhere and jumps around happily. At this the audience cheers, the Straight Jackets vomit acid and Walter coos at the dog. Cybil looks like she is offended that the dog got a better response than her.
Walter, minus the spoon in the neck, gestures for his two victims to take a seat and once again gives an evil smile towards the camera. "The rules of the game are simple. The loser dies and the winner lives. You signed a contract saying you know the risks and its tough shit if you change your mind. Final rule is everything is fair in a game of survival. Understood?" Walter asks. Cybil sighs again and Mira the Dog barks happily.
"Are you ready to play 21 Sacraments?" Walter says in a cheerful voice that makes him sound even more disturbing than usual. Mira the Dog barks in response while Cybil shrugs and decides to hope for the best. After all what sort of moron would lose to a dumb dog. The audience applauds, the Straight Jackets stomping their feet on the ground since they have no arms.
"The first question is nice and simple. Any moron could answer, even Henry." Walter starts while looking from Mira to Cybil and back to Mira. Mira barks at Walter as if to tell him to hurry and ask the question. Cybil appears to have lost all interest in the game and staring into space. Now who is on drugs? Walter nods his head and carries on. "Pyramid Head's dog recently died a tragic death." The entire audience laughs at this. After all they are just a bunch of heartless monsters that love death. "Tell me exactly how did the dog meet its fate?"
Cybil has dropped off to sleep and is snoring while sucking at her thumb. Mira on the other hand is growling and whimpering the answer to Walter's question. Walter gives a short sob and gives Mira a thumbs up. "That's correct. Eddie did sit on poor old Pyramid Dog. May that dog rest in peace." Walter gives another sob and wipes his nose on his trenchcoat sleeve, while Mira whimpers some more. As this is happening a crying Pyramid Head runs onto the stage. "May my little Pyramid Dog rest in peace." He shouts as two Closer monsters with 'Sercurity' written on their backs pulls him off the stage.
Cybil snaps out of her slumber and looks at Pyramid Head. "What's with that red pyramid thing?" Walter shakes his head to answer while Mira cocks her head to the right. "Next question, what is the one line Harry Mason uses over and over again?" Cybil perks up, she knows the answer. How could she not? She spent hours in Silent Hill with that moron. "Have you seen a little girl around here? Short, black hair. Just turned seven last month." Cybil shouts the answer in excitement. She most certainly has got this correct.
"Incorrect. That was correct eighteen years ago. It also is not 'Eddie has builders arse.' The correct answer is 'Heather, get me some cheesecake.' I'm giving Mira the point since there was some effort in that answer." Walter says. Cybil stares at him in shock while Mira barks happily. It's unbelievable; Cybil is losing to a dog. A damn dog. "Right I'm bored with asking questions. Next round is killing a Sniffer Dog." Walter announces.
5 Minutes Later
We find Walter and our two contestants in a bullet proof glass booth with two Sniffer Dogs. Cybil is holding a gun in her hand, there is a gun on the floor in front of Mira. "This part is quite simple." Walter starts as some Straight Jackets begin vomiting acid again. "You just have to kill the Sniffer Dog. For every bullet you use, you lose a point. You have 15 points added onto the points you already have. You also have 15 bullets. Good luck."
Cybil shrugs. This is too easy. Just point and pull the trigger. Three bullets at least. A cop should surely be able to kill a dog. Cybil raises the gun and shoots. The bullet hits one of the Sniffer Dogs in the side. The dog charges at Cybil as she shoots at it again. It stops for a moment and then begins charging. Cybil shoots it again. Six bullets later and the dog is dead. Cybil walks smugly out of the glass booth.
While all that was happening, Mira choose to do what it does best. Screw with James Sunderland. Pushing down the lever on a nearby computer, Mira sits back and relaxes. Within a second James comes in equipped with a hunting rifle. James takes aim at the Sniffer Dog that is now eating the dead one. He shoots the dog and the dog dies instantly. Quickly searching the booth for any useful and finding nothing, James leaves. Mira continues to relax.
Another 5 Minutes Later
Mira is busy scratching. Cybil is trying to work out how that damn dog is still winning. "Okay, person and dog I have the final scores. Cybil Bennett has 9 points. While Mira the Dog has 17 points." Walter announces not sounding quite as happy as he was earlier. He clearly has just discovered he has forgotten his pants. Least he isn't mooning innocent people "Now Mira has the honour of killing Cybil." Walter announces clearly excited. It is very evident that he is extremely excited at the prospect of someone's death.
Mira barks happily and head towards the same computer as mentioned earlier. Mira pushes a button and pulls another lever. Within a few seconds Maria appears with a revolver in her hand. Cybil is looking at the dog confused and with her back to Maria. Another second later brings the sound of five gunshots. Maria is now holding a smoking revolver and is leaving the stage. Cybil is dead with a bullet hole in the back of her head. Maria is not the best shot in the world.
With a sigh of satisfaction Walter begins. "I always hated her. As promised Mira gets to leave, life in tact. Cybil on the other has just had an unfortunate accident. What a pity. Tune in next time for 21 Sacraments Game Show." Some more crap music begins playing as Walter goes in search of pants. "Damn bitch got blood on my favourite bloody trenchcoat."
Next time on 21 Sacraments Game Show – Bobby Randolph vs. Douglas Cartland.