Sammie Nicks
Author's Note: Hope this one isn't too crazy for you guys. Thanks to feb04, JazzyMcWier, SGCFan4ever, and Jess O'Neill-SGC for reviewing. And yes, 'Edge of Seventeen' is one of my favorite songs too!
Disclaimer: Nothing of Stargate belongs to me!
Before the Beginning: The Good Ol' Zat and Run
"Hey there!" Janet said to the manager. "I'm so glad you could do this for me."
"No prob Doc," he said, "After all, you saved my life twice! I owe you this favor."
The manager looked passed Janet and saw the General.
"Why you baldie! Why didn't you say anything when you got here?"
Hammond went over to greet him, "Long time no see! All my General work has kept me from going anywhere."
"Right, you're probably too lazy to get outta that mountain! Anyway, I got something that'll blow your head off!"
"What is it? It better be the best god-damned beer I've ever tasted."
"Yeah, that and this," he said as he pointed at the mechanical bull. "I just got it."
Hammond's face lit up. Janet had never seen him look so happy.
"You hound dog! I haven't ridden that thing since high school!"
"Go give it a whirl you ol' tubby!" the manager said.
They both gleefully ran over to the bull and Janet was left alone. She wondered how Sam was doing. The last time she checked on her, Sam was trying to escape through a window. Janet checked her watch again. She decided to check on her friend again, lest she try another escape route.
Walking over to the back of the stage, Janet called out, "You still there Sam?"
There was no answer. She sighed as she made her way to the dressing room.
"Sam, honey, you can't get out of this one. You're just going to have to face it. You're debut is tonight!" Janet said.
"Fine! But I'm not going to be happy about it!" Sam shouted.
Janet smiled once again.
"There you are! Look at you, you little rock star!"
Sam stood up from the stool and looked at Janet, "You know, this isn't that bad. I guess all those times I've done it in my lab was just practice for this moment."
Janet nodded, "You've been rationalizing for the last half hour haven't you?"
Sam plopped back down on the stool again, "Well, what else can I do?"
"You can start practicing!" Janet said as she took a seat next to her. "I've got to get ready too. Look at me! I'm still in uniform!"
Sam looked at her, "Wait, why do you have to get ready?"
"Why, I'm the MC dear. The master of ceremonies! The host of the show! Without me, the show won't go on!" Janet said as she brushed her hair.
"The show won't go on, eh?" Sam whispered.
She smiled sweetly at Janet. Unknowingly, the good doctor had given Sam an impish scheme for escape. Unfortunately, when one puts a certain Samantha Carter together with an evil idea, it's usually a bad omen for the victim.
XXXXX
"Just ask for directions!" Daniel found himself saying as he lay down, staring at the truck's inner ceiling.
"I cannot do that," Teal'c replied. "O'neill specified that I may not ask for directions. It would be a violation of the code."
"Good job T. Now if only someone," Jack said as he looked in the rearview mirror at Daniel, "would listen to me as much as you do, we wouldn't be in such a mess."
"What? That doesn't even make sense! We're in this mess because of you and your directionless self."
"Don't blame it on me buddy. I'm not the one who's laying down and doing nothing."
"Indeed."
Daniel sat up, "I'm not doing anything because I can't do anything! What, do you want me to jump out the window and run out yelling for help?"
"That wouldn't be so bad."
"Yeah, and I'll probably get arrested for disturbing the public."
"No, not really. You'd get arrested for looking like a psycho."
"Like I'm really going to do that…"
Teal'c pointed out a sign, "That board mentions O'Malleys. Should we not stop and read it?"
The car halted suddenly, causing everyone to jolt forward.
"Jack! Learn how to drive before you drive!"
"Hey, it's not my fault!"
"Who else is driving the car?"
"Um… that deer…"
"What?"
"That deer!" Jack shouted.
Daniel and Teal'c turned around. There it was, a full grown deer. It was ramming the back of the truck with its antlers. One of the tires had actually gone flat. This was one strong deer.
"Nothing in the code prepared me for this situation. Colonel O'neill, shall I dispose of this creature?"
"Sure."
"Jack! You just can't have Teal'c toss that deer aside. It might get hurt! At least lure it away so we can escape," Daniel said as he scrambled to get himself into the space between Jack and Teal'c.
With a sigh, Jack succumbed to Daniel's pleas and put the car in park.
"Fine, we'll just put the lights on and try to stun the deer," Jack said. "Maybe we can run away or something."
"Why not stun it with this?" Teal'c said as he whipped out a zat gun.
"Whoa! Watch where you're pointing that T!"
"We can't harm it!" Daniel protested as he continued to scramble to get to the front of the car.
The deer was consistent in its ramming. The truck's back couldn't handle the pressure and collapsed to the ground.
"Yikes, what kind of grass do deers eat today?" Jack said painfully as he watched half of his beloved truck go to ruins.
"Oh… there goes the license plate…" Daniel said with a wince.
"Zat it!" Jack yelled.
Without any hesitation, Teal'c jumped out of the truck and shot the deer. The animal let out a fierce shriek as it fell down.
"No!" Daniel yelled. He was a little too late.
A siren began to sound in the distance. They saw some figures moving behind a bush. Two people jumped out and began running. One man had a cell phone in one hand and with the other hand, tried to act out the whole scene.
Daniel took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Tell me this isn't happening."
"What?" Jack asked innocently.
"Those men called the cops on us…"
"Oh. At least it wasn't for public disturbance."
XXXXX
Sam was busy macgyvering a device in the corner when Janet came into the room.
"Sam? What are you doing in the corner?"
Sam hastily replied, "Nothing, nothing… What's up?"
She was still working on her device as Janet stepped forward.
"You're going to need practice if you're going to perform tonight," Janet said as she took a seat by the door.
"Well…" Sam said, "Who said I was going to perform?"
"What the—"
Sam was pointing a hairdryer at her, "Don't move. I can blast you with enough electricity to stun you and knock you senseless."
"S-Sam," Janet said as she stood up, "That's a hairdryer, not a zat gun. Listen, if this is some kind of psychological trauma or stage fright, I can give you some sedatives to calm down. But blowing that thing at me isn't going to help any."
Sam pointed the dryer at a bottle on the table and 'fired'. A blast of blue light hit the bottle and it shriveled up, falling to the ground.
"Still think I'm kidding?" Sam said with a wild look in her eyes.
Janet started to back up, "Okay Sam, just calm down. We can talk this out."
"No we can't… and I'm not going on that stage unless I'm knocked out and dragged on," Sam said as she pressed the 'high' button on the hairdryer.
Instead of a blue light shooting out of the device, the device itself lit up in blue light. Sam's eyes widened as she tried to drop the hairdryer. It was too late though. The device had malfunctioned and shot a bolt of electricity through Sam. She hit the ground, unconscious.
"Well, that takes care of the knocked out part," Janet said as she bent down to check Sam's pulse, "Now for the drag part…"
XXXXX
"Put your hands up in the air! I repeat, put your hands up in the air!" the voice said as it projected from the megaphone.
There were five police cars lined up, blocking the road. Policemen were hidden behind the vehicles, aiming their guns at SG-1, sans Carter.
Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c were hiding behind Jack's broken truck.
"Should we comply?"
"No, Teal'c!"
"Yes we should!" Daniel yelled.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Jack!"
"Daniel!"
"O'neill, Jackson!"
The two looked at Teal'c. He usually didn't interrupt their banter, much less enter it.
"They are coming closer."
"Run!" Daniel said in panic. He dashed off down the road, away from the police.
Jack and Teal'c had no choice but to follow. Teal'c still had his zat gun so the police were reluctant to follow.
They caught up to Daniel who was saying something in a foreign language. It couldn't be good. Jack looked behind him. The police were surveying the truck. They had the chest of weapons open and were hurrying back to their cars.
"For crying out loud, we're running from the police!"
"Jack, we had no choice! Just get back to the base!"
"I believe we should find everyone else first."
Daniel stopped suddenly, causing Jack to run into him and Teal'c to topple over the both of them. They were now a jumbled mess of arms and legs tangled together (don't get any ideas people).
After a long struggle, the sound of loud sirens prompted them to detangle.
"I think I know where O'malleys is."
"Lead the way Danny boy!" Jack said as he brushed himself off. "And next time, tell us when you're going to stop!"
Daniel began to run into the forest as the other two followed. The sirens continued to come closer.
XXXXX
Janet, the manager, and General Hammond, who was now in a cowboy get-up complete with a cowboy hat and Texas belt buckle, were dragging Sam out of the room.
"What did you say this gal did again? Sumo wrestling?" the manager asked gruffly.
"She's an astrophysicist!" Janet said as she struggled to keep Sam's head from touching the ground. "Although I think she could be gaining some pounds…"
"What are you talking about? She's part of the USAF! I bet you it's this dog-gone jacket that's weighing her down," General Hammond said.
"It's not the jacket sir," Janet said as she huffed and puffed.
"Good thing there's a backstage or else the customers would be scared off!"
"Don't worry. These were her conditions!" Janet said.
"Her conditions? I didn't know the Major was so bizarre," Hammond said.
"Well, with rock stars and such, they have weird rituals," the manager informed him.
"In that case, I see…"
They were backstage and near the stairs to the stage.
"I think we could drop her here," Janet said as she let go of Sam's head with a thud.
"Aren't you a doctor? Aren't you supposed to care for the wellbeing of people?" the manager said as he sat down on a step and rested.
"Trust me, she's got enough brain cells in that head that it wouldn't matter if she lost a couple of them."
"If it's all right with you, I'm heading back to that bull. I'm gonna conquer that gal," General Hammond said as he rushed off.
"We'll just leave her here. I think she'll wake up in time," Janet said.
"If that's a doc's opinion, I'm taking it. I've gotta go grill up some steaks now."
Janet was left alone with Sam, who was sprawled on the ground.
"Dearie me, I thought she was used to all the pressure by now. She's gone through that Stargate so many times already, I'd think nothing would scare the wits out of her."
She left to practice on her opening act, leaving Sam near the stage…