Author Note: I'm back, with some cuts and bruises. Tired eyes and sore feet. College really sucks ass because I now have no time to do anything I enjoy. Except on weekends. Worst of all I get to stay there til January. I don't even want to be there. What was I doing?
Disclaimer: Don't own Walter, Joesph, Maria, Pyramid Head, Valtiel, DJ or Ken.
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Another foggy day in the silent town of Silent Hill.
However in the northern parts of the town sits the lone TV studio where the award winning game show, 21 Sacraments Game Show, is about to be filmed. The usual hustle and bustle of monsters, victims and the odd human is going on. Every so often there is a loud scream of agony or possibly joy at the sight behind those dark walls.
Down one of the long, decaying hallways voices can be heard. What they are talking is for a change extremely important. For the sake of story you shall not be told what it is all about.
"Just find a replacement. It's only a God damn light bulb."
Clearly you've all been brought down the wrong hallway. So many hallways. So much like a giant maze. So easy to get lost. "Well screw you." Said the narrator as she turned and ran faster then an Olympic athlete towards a doorway that appeared out of nowhere.
Back at the set the familiar horrific theme music starts to play. The audience comes to life and starts shouting with joy. They all begins clapping whatever they have instead of hands, with the exception of the Straight Jackets who stomp their feet instead. A Ghost Baby falls down a flight of stairs, this results in Victim 12121 to burst into fits of laughter. He is really laughing at the fact that he is the American equivalent of a Chav. The Ghost Baby tells it's Ghost Baby Mother. This ends up with Ghost Baby Mother beating the unliving heck out of Victim 12121.
The audience turn their attention back towards the set. There they see something horrific. Not in a scary manner though. Instead of everyones favourite homicidal maniac, who has an unnatural obsession with his mother, are two teenage girls. Both are around the age of 15 or 16 and are dressed like they fell in a laundry basket. The audience look at the two, speechless. One of the girls nudges the other. The other girl flinches.
"Hi, I'm Ken." The flinchy girl says. "We're hosting the show because Walter is high and is running naked through a forest with Snow White and the seven dwarves." The nudging girl nods in agreement.
"I'm DJ." Nudging girl introduces herself. "And Gorillaz rock!"
In the audience Pyramid Head shakes his pyramid back and forth in disagreement. He pulls a piece of cardboard from under his seat and begins scribbling something on it. Once finished he holds it up to show everyone. Written on the cardboard is: 'Gorillaz Suck Poo.'
Rather then taking the mature option of ignoring Pyramid Head, nudging girl, now known as DJ, chooses to insult him. "Pyramid Head is Valtiel's bitch."
Once again Pyramid Head pulls out a piece of cardboard and begins scribbling on it. He then another piece and does the same. He does this three more time before showing what he wrote. He holds up the first piece of cardboard. DJ reads it out.
"Valtiel lives in an air ventilation system with a smelly sock called Boris." Not being able to think of a decent comeback DJ says the first thing that comes to mind. "Valtiel pwns!"
Pyramid Head holds up a piece of a cardboard. Written on is: 'Pwns is not a word.'
DJ begins prancing and starts singing in a childish voice. "I like humping straight jackets and demons because I'm ever so horn-ny." She stops and gives Pyramid Head a cocky smile.Pyramid Head crosses his arms in anger and ignores her.
Meanwhile in a forest God knows where Walter is talking to a blue bird. Every so often he picks a blossom off the tree the bird is in. He then puts the blossom in his hair. He happily hums to himself as some rabbits hop passed him.
Back at the studio DJ and Ken are finally ready to bring out this weeks guests. This was brought on with the threat of no pizza and coke. Now they have been given no choice but to follow the script or feel the wrath of the producer.
Ken takes to the front of the stage to introduce the first guest. "Today's first contestant comes straight from Heaven's Nights strip bar. She's a dirty little whore. Her hobbies include being a whore, entering some crazy guy's mansion, playing with James and being a whore. Today's first contestant is Maria."
Maria come walking out and all the monsters, victims and the odd humans begin drooling. This may be because she has forgotten to put her clothes on. Or maybe because James had taken her clothes in the divorce settlement. He was not too impressed when he discovered she was indeed a demon. "Don't you want to touch me?"
Before the audience can react to question, DJ butts in. "Shut up. We don't have time for chit chat. Pyramid Head wasted ten minutes arguing with me." DJ says while keeping an eye on Pyramid Head who is looking around innocently. "Tonight's other contestant comes straight from 302. He likes to hang from ceiling, post notes under people's doors and digging up graves. Tonight's second guest is Joesph Schreiber."
Joseph drops from the ceiling landing in the centre of the set. He slowly stands up, cracking the joints in his arms and legs. He looks around the studio and sighs with relief upon seeing that Walter is not there ready to kill again. Most certainly one of the best moments of his afterlife.
The question on everyone's minds is: Is it possible to kill someone who is already dead? To answer that question one would have to look over countless bits of information and in the end come to the conclusion that are indeed thick.
"Okay, first thing first." Announced Ken, while DJ searched for the mystery voice that was rambling about the question. "To get to the question round you have to do my maths homework." With that she holds up a notebook and a textbook. In the textbook there is equations that even Einstein himself would not be able to answer.
Meanwhile in the forest
A naked Walter is staring up a tree. In the tree is a ginger cat hissing and clawing at the air. Deciding the cat is grump and needs rescuing, Walter begins climbing the tree, somehow avoiding the wasp nest that is in the tree. Climbing onto the branch with cat, he carefully walks towards it. He tries to get hold of the cat. The cat on the other hand has other ideas. As Walter's hand nears the cat, the cat lashes and scratches Walter's hand. This leaves three thin lines of blood coming from the new wound on Walter's hand.
"Oh, that's right." Walter laughs and then grabs the cat. What happens can not be told because people against animal cruelty would take offense to it. After the carnage, Walter and tree branch are covered in blood. "I have a feeling two teenage brats are ruining my show." Walter jumps from the tree and runs, scaring a couple of campers. Whether it is because he is naked or because he is covered in blood is questionable. Possibly both.
Back at the studio
Ken is currently looking at the answers in the notebook that she gave our two latest victims. A educated guess would say she doesn't know the answers herself. In fact it is very likely. DJ appears to be starstruck. This is most likely the case since Valtiel is busy playing with Fukuro. Why Fukuro is even there is not known and nobody should ask.
"Right, I don't know the answers." Ken quickly says and answers the question that was on the pissed off producers mind. "So I'm going to say you got them right. Means you get to move onto the question round." Ken nods her head and begins prodding DJ with a broom that has appeared out of nowhere.
"First question." Ken announces while still prodding DJ with the broom. "If Kaufmann sells 3kg of PTV to Walter a week, how long would it take for Walter to get here from the forest where he just brutally murdered a poor kitty? Odd question."
Joseph looks thoughtful. He then leaves the studio. A vote within the audience says 3 think he is going to research, the rest think he is taking a toilet break. If there were any rules, no doubt this would be against them. This leaves Maria looking rather stupid. She was hoping to win the game by acting like a whore.
Maria's eye begins to twitch and then she loses her patience. "How the hell am I supposed to know the answer to that? And where the hell did that weird guy go?" Most people would come up with a sarcastic comeback to that, Walter would start thinking of hundreds of ways to kill this woman. Ken is different; she hides under a nearby desk. Joseph re-enters the studio out of breath. The answer is four minutes and twenty-one seconds or right after you ask the third question."
Ken looks over the desk and nods her head, agreeing that that is the correct answer. She then passes out from fear. DJ's starstruck state ends at this point. "I have a question, I have a question. Why does Valtiel's head bounce about so much?"
"Drugs." Both Maria and Joesph answer in unison.
"Correct." DJ says. Valtiel then raises his arms and acts like he is about to say something. DJ sees this and takes it as something else. To be precise a marriage proposal. "Valtiel wants to marry me." With that DJ dives towards the poor monster and hugs him tightly. She doesn't seem appear to be letting him go anytime soon.
Ken appears to have recovered and is ready to ask the next question. "Final question. What is the name of Victim 11121?" As soon as the question is out Joseph's answer is proved to be correct. Walter enters the studio and heads straight towards the set. He stands in the centre in all of his naked glory. This sends a chorus of cheers through the audience and a few whistles from the females and Bob the Mannequin.
Both Maria and Joseph point to Walter to answer their question. "Incorrect. Victim 10121 was Eric Walsh. So no points." Walter says happily.
"Actually they're right. Victim 11121 was Walter Sullivan." Ken says proudly. Walter turns to her. "You're the 22nd Sacrament." Quicker than the blink of an eye Ken is gone.
"The current scores are one point to Maria and two to Joesph. I really hate him." Walter mumbles and curses. With a sigh he continues on. "Next round: Numb Body Racing."
Ten minutes later
On one of the nights when he was high, Walter built himself a throne. He then later moved it to the studios. Now it is standing proud in front of the track for the Numb Body Racing. In his naked glory, Walter is sitting on the throne. It seems he has gotten in touch with nature and then brutally slaughters any of its creatures.
Currently our two victims are sitting on the backs of two giant Numb Bodies. The Numb Bodies are making noises that sound like horses with breathing problems. Neither contestant looks to happy. Joseph seems slightly more uncomfortable since the Numb Body he is on has been starved and is currently trying to attack him. This was most likely arranged by Walter. In fact, most certainly was since Walter is looking at said Numb Body with pride.
"The rules for this game are simple. The first over the finish line wins. If you fall off the Numb Body you lose. If your Numb Body dies due to starvation, you lose. There are severed limbs on the track. Numb Bodies will try and eat them. You also get weapons to hit the other contestant off their Numb Body. And if you kill your Numb Body you lose." Walter says praying the entire time that a certain victim will lose.
A foghorn signals for the race to begin. Both Numb Bodies begin walking around the track. Joseph's Numb Body is still trying to attack while its walking. Maria however is having no luck with her own Numb Body. It is stopping at the limbs and begins eating. Maria begins hitting across the head with her metal pipe.
Joseph has managed to find a better use for his stick. He was given a stick to use as a weapon. As he and his Numb Body pass Maria, Joseph ties a severed limb to the end of the stick. He then swings in front of the Numb Body. Instead of attacking Joesph, the Numb Body now tries to get the Limb. The Numb Body stops, its body starts shaking violently before it topples onto its side, dead. Walter, on his throne, is currently laughing happily at this.
Maria's Numb Body has no moved from the severed limb and is moving towards the dead Numb Body. It makes an odd noise and sits next to the dead Numb Body. This aggravates Maria and she begins hitting it with the pipe again. The first hit kills it. Maria stares at her Numb Body before giving it a kick in the head. Walter is no longer laughing.
"I hate to say it but Joseph wins this time." With that Walter leaves the set in a huff. He is most likely going to 302 to tell mummy how the big mean Joseph wouldn't play his game. A rock falls from the ceiling and lands on top of Maria. Joseph leaves the studio to enjoy his new found freedom.
Next Time on 21 Sacraments Game Show: Jasper Gein vs Claudia Wolfe.