A/N: Spoilers for Bodies in Motion… Cath's POV, all about Warrick getting married… I don't have the script or anything, no TIVO, so I'm going from memory here on the lines… they're close enough!
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I don't remember ever feeling like this; like the world is collapsing and my heart isn't beating… like I have no reason to live anymore. I know this is selfish, because I'm all Lindsey has, but seeing the shine on his ring finger makes my heart crack and I can't feel anything except for the dizziness and the feeling that I'm going to vomit.
"Why is there a ring on your ring finger?" I have to ask…I know how stupid that is, and I know what the answer will be. He looks at it like he's never seen it before, and then answers with a grin on his face.
"Oh, that. I'm married." The tears are already starting, but I manage to hold them back, all the while praying, dear god, please let this be a dream, a joke… anything but this. But his beautiful eyes hold no secret laughter… it's real, just as real as the pain I feel right now. He speaks again, but all I can do is watch his lips as he does so… those lips almost came so close to touching mine, once upon a time. Working in nightclubs and working with Grissom and Sara, you think I'd realize that you never end up with the one you're supposed to. I don't want to hear, but I do as he tells the boys about how it was a "drive through wedding at Circus Circus" and how it was "fun, lots of fun." So familiar to my dreams… neither of us really dressed up, all our friends and family lost in the crowd as we say our I do's and run off to be together forever… now he's lived my fantasy with another girl, one he's only been dating for two months. Warrick and I always had a little connection, and that day he almost kissed me… I haven't thought of anything much else since then. Of course I focus on the case when I'm at work, but at home, when Lindsey is asleep in bed, I imagine what could have happened if we had kissed…
"Lividity suggests that she's been dead about four hours." David is there, out of nowhere, and I can't help but have my say.
"Almost as long as Warrick's been married." It's then that he looks into my eyes, then that he understands… did he ever realize how much he meant to me? No. And now that he's married, he won't have to face it unless he wants to. The rest of the night is a blur… I don't go home, though, just like everyone else… I work overtime and far into the day, looking up DNA matches on my computer. Warrick walks in later in the day, and I can't find the strength to look him in the eye.
"Can we talk?" I know about what, but I don't want him to control the conversation as much as he does my emotions, so I jump in.
"So, you're married… her name's Tina?" He nods, and my face crumples. I force myself to smile, though, and lie through my teeth. "Sounds like a great girl. Can't wait to meet her." Warrick is about to say something- he can always tell when I'm upset or lying- but I can't afford to break down in front of him, so I give him the update on the case, praying that he'll talk to me again… but he just gets his information and leaves. When I'm sure he's out of eyesight, I allow the tears to fall freely down my face. I don't think I can wipe them away… I want them to stay, to remind me of what I screwed up.
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The second time that shift, Warrick and I are working together, looking over a map to find parking garages.
"Cath, we need to talk about this." He hold up his left hand, and that damn glint is almost enough to make me collapse onto the floor, but I just turn to face him, steeling myself.
"Warrick, you're married… It was a bit of a shock, but I'm happy for you." He sighs, running his hands through his hair. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Usually, I feel so strong, but now, I just want to go home and sleep.
"But you're not really happy for me, are you Cath?" Damn him… damn how he knows every secret of mine, every emotion I feel at any given time. I have to tell him the truth; I can't look into those eyes and tell him I feel nothing for him.
"Warrick… the best part of a fantasy is the possibility that it might come true…" he listens intently, and I can't believe I'm bearing my heart out for him.
"…And when that possibility disappears, it kind of… sucks." I don't have any other way of saying it. I know I sound weak, but it's how I feel. He just nods and walks out, leaving me alone. I never share much with anyone but Warrick, so I'm sure that all the people who are supposed to be my best friends passed me right now, they would have no idea why my head is in my hands and I'm crying like a baby.
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A/N: Well, I cried like a baby for this, and I just wanted to re-write it with a bit more for my own purposes… kind of like a letting go thing… tell me what you think, as always!