DISCLAIMER, YO

I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion; Gainax and Hideaki Anno do. I'm just a 16-year-old fanboy from Alaska.

Please read and review. Thanks. – C.o.W.

Chapter 10 – Life After Death, Love After Death

Ritsuko Akagi drove her De Lorean up in front of Apartment 501. She took a deep breath. He's home, she thought. The man who sat beside her, Ryouji Kaji, stroked the back of her head. She looked up at the man now, wondering what his intentions were. His look was far from neutral; there was great caring and compassion in his face. Is it real, she wondered, the way he seems to fell? The way I surely feel?

She smiled at him. Kaji understood her inner conflict. He had, after all, been the lover of her late best friend. Maybe she felt guilty, or maybe she felt the way she usually did around men: out of place. Kaji had learned from Misato how the fake blonde's mother had been indifferent and ignorant to her daughter's social needs. Didn't Naoko teach her daughter anything? Ryouji asked himself. He wanted to kiss Ritsuko again, but the better part of him held back, playing it cool.

Without a word from either, they stepped out of the car. They both looked over to where several police officers and a number of criminal investigators were examining where Makoto Hyuuga had been seriously wounded. Ritsuko and Ryouji walked up to the door of Apartment 501. The doctor pressed the button that set off the doorbell. To her surprise, Mana Kirishima answered the front door. The girl looked quite sad.

"Good evening, Dr. Akagi. Welcome back, Mr. Kaji," Mana said.

"Hello, Mana-kun. Where is Shinji?" Ritsuko asked, looking into the apartment.

Silently, Mana pointed to the sliding door to the bedroom of one Asuka Langley Soryu. The blonde nodded.

At first, Shinji had no dreams. Then, something did indeed come. It came to his mind slowly, calmly, so that he had enough time to adjust to his new surroundings. His eyes opened slowly. He was in a beautiful field, sunny and warm. A small breeze whispered over his smooth face. Behind him, a small barn stood at the top of the small hill on whose gentle slope he lay. It was so peaceful. Suddenly, a shadow fell over him. He looked up. Even though the sun was to the young woman's back, her pale face was somehow slightly illuminated. He gasped and slowly rose to his feet, the girl's eyes following his astonished face.

Her eyes were ruby-red, and her short blue hair swayed softly in the wind. She looked somewhat older, as if she, too, had aged since they had last seen each other.

"Rei," he said simply.

She smiled at the mention of her name. It was not the small, strained smile she had shown him when he had run to open her Evangelion unit's entry plug as rescued her after the Ramiel's attack. Instead, it was a large smile that made her entire face take on a pleased, kind look.

"Shinji-kun," she said, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Rei, but why are you here?" Shinji asked.

"I watch over you, Shinji," she said. "I have been near you since the day I died."

"What do you mean?" Shinji was slightly confused. This was only a dream; why was Rei talking about being dead? Wasn't he in control of his own dreams? This was not what I want to dream about! he thought uneasily.

"It is alright," Rei said, answering his thoughts. "My soul, the part of me that was able to show emotion, is still here, on Earth. I died, and I felt myself rise to where I could see my own body on the hospital bed. I wanted to stay here… but my body was falling apart. I wouldn't let myself leave, because I missed you all so much. I went to your hospital room, and I sat beside your bed, Shinji, for over three years. The day you awoke was the happiest day I have ever known."

"No…" Shinji said softly, "that's not possible."

"It is possible. It is true. Anything is possible; did you not see that during the Angel attacks?"

"I…" Shinji began, but he was at a loss for words. She's been watching me, all this time. She's been—

"Rei," he said suddenly.

"Yes?" she replied.

"Are… are you the b-b-blue flashes I've seen?" It was a stupid question, Shinji thought immediately.

"Yes, Shinji-kun."

"WHAT!" he cried.

"I… tried to show myself to you, because… I wanted you to know I was there. It was… exhausting, so I only did it three times, twice for you and once for Dr. Akagi."

"Why Ritsuko-san?"

"I… am sorry that Dr. Akagi suffered… because of me."

"Oh," Shinji said softly, examining the grass.

"Yes. She saw me, too. You can ask her."

"Rei," he said, changing the subject innocently, "why do you want to stay here?"

"It is simple, Shinji-kun. I love you."

"B-but! I! We're!"

"Yes, I know, but I still love you. You are kind and compassionate. I did not want to leave you. There was nowhere for me to go, really." Neither Rei nor Shinji had an understanding of heaven as it is in Christianity. However, they both believed in some sort of an afterlife, especially if Rei's spirit had been able to manifest itself.

This made Shinji curious about something. "Rei," he began, "have… have you seen m-my father?"

"No, Shinji-kun, he has… left the Earth. It was unfortunate that he was killed."

Questions ran through the boy's mind. Killed? Unfortunate?

"Didn't he die… during the invasion of NERV or… or the collapse of the Geo-Front?"

"No, Shinji-kun," Rei repeated. "Do you not know who it was that killed your father?"

"W-well, no, or I would've said so!" Shinji said, raising his voice.

Rei looked away for a moment, before returning her attention to the young man.

"I regret having to tell you this, but Dr. Akagi killed him."

Shinji, overwhelmed, sat down on the grass heavily. "I… no…" he mumbled.

Rei, breaking her neutral stance, sat down next to him. "I am sorry," she said.

"D-don't apologize," he said defensively.

"Ritsuko… was a good person," Rei reasoned. "She did it because she wanted to stop Third Impact. In the end, it worked, even if it was not the most moral thing to do."

"But… you died!" Shinji cried, turning away from the blue-haired girl. "That wasn't fair…"

"Perhaps, that was the price. One life for another."

This was too much for Shinji. He stood up suddenly, his eyes filled with tears.

"You didn't need to die! It was bad enough when Misato-san died! I loved both of you… so much…"

For a moment, surprisingly, Rei said nothing. "I know. When I realized I was dying, I tried to change. I tried to live as you and Asuka had. By the time I began to enjoy myself, it was almost too late. I was sick, and both you and Asuka were comatose. There was only one time when I could fully enjoy being a teenager."

"When was that?"

"Before Asuka went into a coma, we spent some time together."

"What do you mean?"

"She visited me once, when I was recovering from some injuries I'd incurred during the fall of NERV. We talked. She… apologized for being mean to me."

"Wasn't she in the hospital, too?"

"Yes, and that's how we lived out our time together. We went to the cafeteria a few times, since we didn't have any communicable diseases or anything."

"Did… didn't it hurt, to walk and stuff?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, my whole body was hurting, but I would have been lonely otherwise. When your father died, I felt lonely for the first time. Someone I had known for all of my life was gone, and I could do nothing."

"What about Asuka? How did she go into a coma if she was healthy?" Shinji felt slightly bad pestering Rei with all these questions, but she didn't seem to mind.

"She was physically sound, but not mentally so. She had failed yet again, in her own mind. Also, she had realized that her mother's soul was present in her Evangelion unit, which was totally destroyed. Over that week, she became more and more depressed."

"Why did she open up to you? She hated you."

"I am uncertain, but I believe she had begun to understand my situation as a tool of Commander Ikari, and not a child of anyone. We were…"

"…both orphans," Shinji finished. He stood still, watching her. A sudden, foreboding breeze swept across the hill and a cloud began to obscure the face of the sun. Rei stood up and looked at him.

"I love you, Shinji Ikari."

"I love you, too, Rei." It was a clear understatement. She had been with him for four whole years. Suddenly, her thin arms closed in on him, and they embraced. It felt so real. Shinji tentatively brought his arms around the girl's slender waist. Rei rested her head on the boy's shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, until Rei spoke.

"I must leave now."

"B-but, Rei…"

"Shinji," she said firmly, "this dream cannot last forever. You are needed elsewhere, but I will stay near you."

He was silent. There was so little to wake up to. He decided to ask her a stupid question.

"Rei, can I meet you here again?"

"I… I am not sure, Shinji-kun. My strength has been severely diminished. I will not be able to attempt to reach your dreams again, probably for many months. You must have strength in me."

He wanted to protest, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

"G-goodbye, Rei."

"Goodbye, Shinji Ikari."

Their deep hug ended, and Rei Ayanami, the First Child, began to rise above the ground. Their faces stayed locked onto each other's. She continued to ascend into the sky until she was barely visible. At the same time, the entire scene began to fade out to blackness once again.

Shinji Ikari awoke slowly. He looked up in the doorway to Asuka's bedroom, to see Ritsuko Akagi's silhouette.

"It's been a while, Ikari."

Four sat at Apartment 501's kitchen table: Shinji Ikari, Mana Kirishima, Ritsuko Akagi, and Ryouji Kaji. It had been an exhausting day for all of them. The blonde doctor nursed a mug of cheap instant coffee; it was the only caffeine Shinji could find in the apartment. The former spy drank numerous glasses of ice water. Mana stared at a glass of orange juice somewhat dejectedly. Shinji himself needed nothing. They had been talking for quite a while, about Shinji's time in America, Asuka, and Kaji, with the last being the least detailed story.

Silence had fallen, and eyelids were getting heavy. It had been decided that nothing could be done about the Second Child. She was her own person; she could defend herself. It was Kaji's opinion that soon enough, she would be on television, either being hauled off to jail for assaulting the chancellor of Germany or being shot into orbit around the moon. Shinji was a bit put off that he could crack jokes like that.

It was well after midnight when the group split up. Mana and Ritsuko returned to their respective apartments, the latter toting her signature cigarette. Shinji allowed Kaji to stay at his.

"Arigato, Ikari. I would ask Ritsuko-san, but I do value my internal organs," he had said. Shinji simply smiled politely as the older man flopped onto the couch and fell asleep almost immediately. Shinji sighed, and returned to Asuka's bedroom. It was not decorated extensively, but it did smell… pleasant. He could not sleep. Instead, he sat and thought about the Second Child. What could I have done differently?

Later

On the other side of the world, the object of Shinji's desires slept in a small hotel room outside Berlin.