Author's Note: Thank you so much for your wonderful support, all my reviewers! The positive feedback you gave me has inspired me to carry on with this fic. It looks to be a three-chapter thing. This chapter describes the same events that happened previously, but from Horo's eyes this time, not Ren's. I'm gonna start on the third chapter soon, which will conclude the entire thing. Please leave another review if you can! I would really appreciate it!

My Icy Heart
- Snow Storm

The window was frosted over with a light skin of glittering ice as Usui Horokeu gazed out of it on to the street outside. Growing up so close to nature, he knew the frosty tint on the glass well. He put a hand to the freezing cold pane, as if to touch the shimmering substance on the other side. His fingers hit the glass with an empty thud.

He looked dully out on to the street, palm pressed firmly on the window. It was getting light outside, and the thin, icy mist that drifted over the roads told him that day was properly breaking now. He sighed, knowing everyone would be awake soon. He wondered if he was out there again, like he had been every morning as of late. Horo wished his room faced over the back of inn, over the yard – then he would be able to see him now, if he was there. Horo could almost guarantee that he was.

He wouldn't even dare to move out of his room to look himself. He knew that he was watching, all the time. He was keeping a close eye on all the windows in the house. He would easily see him pass by. Horo didn't want him to know that he was thinking about him so much.

The clouds outside hung low around the inn, as Horo imagined him sitting out there, freezing cold. Horo couldn't understand why he did it – every morning, he just sat there on the dampened grass, yellow eyes fixed upon the house, stiller than a block of ice.

Horo couldn't bear it. He looked so tormented, sitting alone out there. It hadn't taken everyone to guess that there was something on his mind. It was just that no one understood what exactly was concerning him so much. Horo thought that maybe he could hazard a guess… that was, if he wasn't getting his hopes up too high for himself. He had been so obsessed with this thought recently; it had been all he could think about.

"I mean… what if it is true…?" he wondered aloud to himself, fingers flexing slightly on the glass.

Perhaps… just maybe… he – Ren – shared Horo's thoughts? Horo thought he had noticed it, the way Ren looked at him, right into his eyes. Every time their gaze caught a lump hit Horo's throat. He had been longing for so long to tell him, just to voice his feelings out to Ren. Playing the scene out so many times in his mind, he could imagine telling Ren, telling him everything he felt inside. In his mind, he imagined Ren admitting the same – feeling the same convictions inside his heart.

Horo knew he was hoping for too much.

Ren wasn't like that – Horo was sure Ren could never find love for another inside his cold heart, especially not him. The way the two fought and bickered… Horo knew that they were much more enemies than lovers, the way he would hope. His heart tightened as he thought of all the things the two said to one another - empty threats and meaningless challenges. Horo wondered if Ren hated him for all he had said and done. It wouldn't have surprised him; he had learned now with Ren always to assume the worst.

He knew inside himself that he would never find the courage in his heart to tell Ren. That thought was in the back of his mind all the time. Still, nothing stopped him dreaming – and dream he did. Instead of seeing Ren ridicule him, as Horo was so sure he would do, he saw Ren's face break into a small smile as he told him his darkest and most dangerous secret…

Horo closed his eyes, already feeling Ren in his arms, just as he wished he could be. He could never stop himself from slipping into these thoughts, these endless desires that he dared not whisper a word of.

His dreams carrying him away, he often fell into this trap of a hope. These were the things that made him wonder if he did really know what was on Ren's mind. Surely he couldn't be imagining the lingering gazes, could he? He couldn't just be dreaming up that glint of lust in Ren's eyes when he looked at him? It couldn't just be his mind playing tricks on him when he thought that Ren was watching him from out there in the yard every morning…?

He couldn't help wondering if his desire to have Ren close was making his imagination run wild. Perhaps this 'training' of Ren's… really was just that? Just training?

Before he could think anymore, he heard it. All in a tumultuous wave of noise that spread across the house like wildfire, he heard everyone waking up. Suddenly, doors started to bang along each corridor; voices were heard, shouting impatiently and greeting one another happily; footsteps were heard on the wooden boards… it was officially morning at the inn. Horo had hardly noticed the night go by, not sleeping a wink, standing at his window for what seemed like forever. He turned around, taking a long, deep breath. It was time now. As he took his first footsteps toward his door, his heart began beating frantic rhythms around his chest. He'd know now, what he'd longed to know all night… was Ren there?

Stepping out of his room, he was right out into the corridor. And right in the view of a window. It was easily visible from the yard where Ren usually sat, and Horo knew he was right in line of view. He walked past it, casually. Letting his eyes slowly slip to the side, without making his deliberate glance too obvious, he got a good view of the outside.

He was there. Horo literally glanced him for a second, but he saw him – ever-staring, frozen and secluded…

As he stepped past the wide window, he stopped and breathed a sigh. It felt as if the world had been lifted from his shoulders, just seeing him. It was amazing how just glancing Ren was enough to calm him. He simply loved having him near. As long as he could see him, it was enough.

Hearing Anna cutting across the adjoining corridor, he made a break for the stairs. He jolted down them two at a time, stopping abruptly as he reached the bottom. He wondered for a moment – maybe… maybe he should try to ask Ren what was on his mind? It seemed like an insane idea, but who was to say that nothing good could come of it? He couldn't exactly see anything bad that could happen…

First, he decided, he wanted to take one more look…

He took a turn into the back room. As soon as he stepped inside, he was immediately in Ren's line of sight, the window making him dangerously exposed. And there was Ren, sitting directly in front, his eyes fixed on him too.

Horo felt his body begin to tremble as he laid eyes on him – the one he loved so much. Ren's eyes were fixed into his too, in that unmistakeable gaze that had always been there. Horo almost smiled, slipping… slipping slowly into him…

The fusion was broken as Ren threw his gaze downwards, to the ground. That was when Horo knew he should at least try.

He made another dash - this time, towards the door leading out to the yard. Gently pulling it aside he steeled himself, ready for anything. He didn't know how Ren would react to his presence. Running a hand nervously over his blue hair, he began to walk, calm and collected, towards where Ren sat.

"Ren!" he called out, as he came nearer.

Ren was now sitting, huddled, arms tight around himself. It made Horo want to reach out and hold him in his own arms – he looked so cold.

"You're out here again? You've been out here every morning for the past few weeks," he said, hoping his over-concern didn't really show in his voice. The last thing he needed was for Ren to think that he cared too much, for him to ridicule him for it. Fighting his thoughts away, he took a seat behind Ren, his back almost against his.

"I told you; it's training," he heard Ren's voice cut across, sharp as a knife over the fragile air.

"This definitely isn't training. First off, your kind of training is just smashing the hell out of things. And…" he hesitated a little, wondering how to phrase his thoughts, to stop himself saying the wrong thing. "…You always look so down when you're sitting out here. Everyone can tell there's something wrong."

He waited for a reply, watching his nervous, heavy breaths form little clouds in the air in front of him. He wondered if he had angered Ren, or upset him… he wished that he could see Ren's face to know for sure.

"And to round that off," he continued, when he received no answer, "you're gonna catch a chill sitting out here. Me, I was made for this, but you…"

Slowly, edgily, he turned around. He could feel his hand quivering, but without a second thought, he placed it upon Ren's shoulder.

"You're freezing!" he said, Ren's skin so cold to the touch that it sent shivers resounding all the way through his body. Still… he did not move his hand. He knew he wasn't going to get much closer than this. He paused for a moment; amazed that Ren hadn't pulled away by now, yelling at him in fury. He didn't even want to wonder why – he just enjoyed the touch, keeping his smile to himself. "I don't care if this is training or not. Come inside now, I bet Manta will be cooking up breakfast."

His agitation grew as no reply came, once again. He couldn't even judge Ren's reaction, making him nervous. Perhaps he had gone one step too far?

Fear raced through him as he thought of this, causing him to jerk his hand away quickly and stand to his feet. "Just… come back inside when you're ready," he said, voice wavering. Ren's silence intimidated him. It was always like that – it was always so hard to see into Ren's thoughts… he was so closed off and solitary. Horo didn't think he could take much more.

He looked at Ren carefully, and saw him shaking gently. Horo glanced around himself, looking thoughtful. Slowly, he undid his coat, sliding it over his arms. Once it was in his hands, he looked at it for a moment. This was the next best thing, he supposed. With great care, he placed the coat over Ren's shoulders, with a certain amount of love in his actions. It was as though he was tending to something quite holy and sacred. He couldn't help it – maybe he saw Ren that way?

Terrified of what he had just done, he darted back towards the door, before Ren had chance to explode at him. Closing the door gently behind him, he leant his back against it, heart slowing steadily. He hadn't heard an enraged outcry from Ren yet. Perhaps everything was okay?

Horo was curious. He wasted no time in ascending the stairs once more, heart beginning to race all over again.

On his hands and knees underneath the window, Horo peered out over the yard, and over Ren. There he was, the one he loved… holding his coat tightly.

Horo stared, wide-eyed. Now he knew he wasn't dreaming. Ren was huddled inside the coat, face hidden inside it.

Smiling to himself, Horo stayed there for a long while, still feeling the cold touch of Ren's skin on his fingertips.

In his renewed hope, he knew that maybe the day would yet come when he could fight through love's snowstorm, and hold Ren for himself.

Emily Nash-Medlyn (Lysha)

Monday 12th September 2005