Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, the furuba world or anything that has anything to do with fruit baskets. So don't sue me! And I don't know the name of the editor, nor do I care.
Warning: Chapter contains OOC-ness, crossovers and stupidity. It also contains Yuki being insane and talking to the author. Enjoy.
Prologue: The Dare
Sunday, April 1
Sohma Shigure, 27, perverted novelist and the year of the Dog, was relaxing, minding his own business when suddenly, HIS EDITOR, whatever her name is, popped up beside him, screaming as if hell had broken out and just kicked her in the ass.
"SENSEI!" She screamed furiously, waving her arms around as if hell had burnt them. "Where have you been?"
"What do you mean, where have I been? I've been right here!" Shigure said, being quite bothered by her waiving. "And would you stop that? You could poke somebody's eyes out!"
The editor calmed down, but only slightly. "I need the next chapter Senseeei!" She whined, and the twitching in her left arm threatened to start waiving again.
"Yes, yes. Wait here and I'll go get them. Just… sit still and don't move at all."
Shigure got up and, without the intention of returning, walked into his precious house to keep making up schemes and other various, evil things we all know he does when he's alone.
The one scheme he was working on right now, was one of his master pieces, mostly because it amused him so much it made him giggle.
"Tohru-kun, would you lock the door for me?" He asked, because if he didn't lock the door, his editor would come in sooner or later.
"Okay!" Tohru replied and, as Shigure could hear her footsteps running towards the door and the 'klick' that came from the locking, he lowered his head so it was covered in shadows. It looked like he was thinking 'yes, yes, lock that door! Now nothing shall disturb me and my evil schemes! Ku ku ku ku!'
Though what he thought was something more in the lines of 'I kind of want ice-cream!'
'Schemy, schemy, schemy!' he proceeded to think while he frolicked about with a bowl of ice-cream. Not many people know this, but Shigure (and Momiji) are Supermen, and are uber-fast. Indeed, it's truly surprising.
Later that night, at dinner to be more exact, everyone was eating quietly, listening to the rhythmic sound of Shigure's editor banging on the door, crying her eyes out and threatening to kill herself. To Shigure, it was soothing. To Tohru, it was confusing. To Yuki it was annoying. To Kyo, it didn't matter.
After about 5 minutes of silence, Shigure decided to start his scheme right here and now, as everybody seemed to be bored enough to agree to his little… demand.
"I know!" He exclaimed, making everybody look at him oddly as it came out of nowhere. "Let's play truth or dare!"
"What? No!" Kyo said and glared at Shigure. "There's no where in hell I'm playing truth or dare in a fanfic again! I always end up kissing Yuki for some reason!" Or vice versa. Ku ku ku ku.
"Don't remind me about that." Yuki said and looked like he was going to throw up.
"But still, it would be fun, wouldn't it Tohru-kun?" Shigure said matter-of-factly and turned to Tohru.
Tohru was beaming because; well, she's a girl and girl's like that stupid game. "I would love to play, Shigure-san." She said and glanced at her two best male friends. "But if Sohma-kun and Kyo-kun isn't up for it…"
"I'm in." Yuki stated, taking a sip of his water.
Everyone turned to look as Kyo. Yuki, because he wanted Kyo to run away and not be in the game. Shigure because he needed Kyo to be in the game for his scheme to work. Tohru to see if he wanted to join in.
"What? What're you looking at?" He almost screamed.
"Are you in?" Shigure asked, nodding as in saying 'if you don't join I'm going to rape Tohru.'
"I…" Kyo glanced over the people looking at him. Oh, the stage fright. "I'm in, so stop staring at me!"
Everybody stopped looking at him.
"Okay, okay! So I'll start!" Shigure said, practically jumping of joy. "Err… TOHRU, truth or dare?"
"Emm… Truth!" Tohru said after a while of thinking.
"Which of the 12ishi and the cat are really your favourite?" Shigure winked and pointed at himself, making sounds like a dog. Kyo and Yuki stared at him.
"Well," Tohru blushed slightly and looked at Kyo. "The same as always! The cat!" She paused and thought through what she said before she added. "But I like all the other animals a lot too, now that I've met them!"
No surprise there. Well, it was for Kyo, even tough he'd heard it before. Insert slight blush in his face, and he's set. Good.
"Okay! So now it's your turn, Tohru-kun!"
Tohru thought. And thought. And thought. I'm serious; I could go on for days. Anyways, after a few minutes she said "Yuki-kun, Truth or Dare?"
"Dare." He said calmly, but shot Kyo a competitive look and smirked as in saying 'I dare ya to take the next dare!'
"Excellent." Shigure said, as he saw it, and put his fingers together.
"Eto…" Tohru said, because 'err' is just not the same. "I dare you to…" More thinking. "…" Shigure got fed up, and leaned over to her and whispered a dare.
Looking confused, she repeated what he said. "I dare you to… French… kiss… Kyo… WHAT? No I can't dare him to do that, Shigure-san!"
"But you said it, so they have to do it!" Shigure said and giggled like a girl. Though this was not a part of his scheme, it was still fun, and only made his highly amusing scheme more amusing. In the words of a lot of people: "It's all good."
Yuki and Kyo had frozen on the spot, both because they hated the words 'French kiss' and 'Kyo' in the same sentence. Especially if it was a dare directed to Yuki.
As soon as they unfroze, they both fainted.
"What happened?" Tohru asked worriedly while overreacting like she always does.
Shigure raised his hand to his chin in that all-knowing kind of way. "They seem to have past out." He said calmly and all-knowingly.
Then, suddenly, both Yuki and Kyo woke up again, looked at each other and threw up.
"Don't throw up on my carpet! It's new! Aya-san sew it for me!" Shigure said in fake despair.
Both Kyo and Yuki stood up and looked furiously mad and pissed off. In fact, Tohru was sure they'd kill Shigure this time. Shigure noticed this too, and he wondered if he'd gone a bit too far this time. If he died here he wouldn't be able to proceed his scheme! Oh well, he had fun.
"First of all," Yuki started calmly, but deadly, like a black widow having sex with its soon-to-be-dead husband. Damn, Yuki, you're even compared to a girl! "Shut up!"
"What?" Everyone looked at Yuki.
"No, nothing, I wasn't talking to you." He shot the author a deadly look as in saying 'let's have sex later, hon.' Let's remember that Yuki is being compared to a black widow and that the author has no interest in having sex with a female-looking, male amine character.
Satisfied, for some odd reason, Yuki turned back to Shigure and continued with his talking. "First of all, you don't sew carpets! You knit them!" Of course, that's not true either, but Yuki is, supposedly, a man. "SHUT UP!" Yuki yelled.
"Yuki, are you insane?" Kyo asked, taken aback by the rat's uncool outburst.
"NO!" He yelled.
"NOW DO THE DARE!" Shigure yelled, trying to sound like god or something, because he flashed a light on Yuki.
"Okay already!" And before Kyo knew what was happening, he had been French kissed by Yuki… again.
After being stunned for 10 minutes, the time Yuki was French kissing him, he rushed to the toilet, and everyone could hear him barf. A lot.
Yes, Yuki French kissed Kyo for TEN WHOLE MINUTES! It makes you wonder about him, doesn't it?
"I didn't French kiss Kyo for 10 minutes! It was more like 10 seconds!" Yuki yelled furiously at the author.
Yeah, yeah! I timed ye, matey! It was 10 minutes! I'm starting to wonder about your sexual preference. And gender.
"SHUT UP, You god damn pirate loving samurai!"
Aye! That's me alright.
Just then, when the author decided to stop humiliating Yuki and Shigure and Tohru was seriously considering getting him to a doctor, Kyo came back in.
"You bastard!" He muttered weakly, because his whole stomach had literally come out the wrong way. "You bastard!" This was also the only thing he could say at the moment.
Tohru, being the helpful little flower she is, handed Kyo a big glass of water and some candy to get the taste of his dinner out of his mouth.
About, oh, let's say 15 minutes later, Kyo was his normal, anger management needing self again, and everybody was happy. Disgusted, but happy.
Yuki, wanting to get revenge on Shigure, chose him. "Shigure, truth or dare." He said coolly, because he's always cool, I'll give him that.
"Truth." Shigure said without any though at all. What could the rat POSSIBLY ask to embarrass him?
"What are you really scheming with this game?"
Oh no, Shigure! That feminine rat-boy has seen through you! What ever will you do?
"Tell the truth, of course! I'm scheming to darekyotodressandactlikehisownfemalecousinthatdoesntexistforaweek."
"Say what?" all three teens asked, because they didn't follow.
"I answered, so I won't have to repeat myself! Now! Kyo-kun, truth or dare?"
Kyo was about to say truth, because he was sure he had heard his own name and dare in Shigure's rambling, but then he glanced at Yuki who was shooting him that look again. "Dare" he said, pissed off.
Shigure grinned wider than his face. "I DARE YOU TO DRESS AND ACT LIKE YOUR OWN FEMALE COUSIN THAT DOESN'T EXIST FOR A WEEK!" He yelled happily so everyone could hear him.
Silence.
"Say what?" Kyo asked, unsure if he'd gotten it right. Shigure repeated himself.
"But how? I can't do that! I have school this week!" Kyo objected, still kind of cofused.
"Oh, but I've already informed your school that you won't be there this week, and that your cousin, Sohma Eri, will come instead for a week. I dare you to fool them all." Shigure paused and took a deep breath before he continued. "And I've even gotten you wigs, make up and female uniforms!"
"Wigs and uniforms? You planned this, didn't you, bitch? And why are there two of each? Do you think I'm that dirty, huh?" Kyo said furiously.
"Oh, no," Shigure waved him off. "I was just thinking you should get Yuki-kun over there to join you. After all, you had to be in his dare!"
"You bastard!" Yuki and Kyo said in union. "You've been planning this for weeks, haven't you?" Yuki continued, while Kyo was fuming. In fact, smoke was coming out from his ears and he was starting to sound a little like a train.
When Shigure noticed this he laughed. "Calm down, Kyo-kun, or you'll spontaneously combust!"
"I. Am. Not. Doing. This. Dare." Kyo said, restraining himself from killing Shigure, like a tiger kills it's pray and eats it raw.
"Why do I get a black widow and Kyo a tiger? That's so unfair!" Yuki yelled without keeping his cool. Everybody stared at him oddly again.
Shigure ignored it and said "Why? You scared?"
Kyo spontaneously combusted, but like a phoenix, he was reborn from his own ashes.
"I'LL SHOW YOU, ASSHOLE! I'LL DO IT AND YUKI TOO!" Kyo yelled in rage, earning a smack over his head from Yuki. But there was nothing Yuki could do, because the author had already decided to make him the girl he is.
"So it's settled!" Shigure said and put his fingers together. "Exellent."
--.--
Kyaaa! First chapter! Oh, my! I hope I pissed a lot of people off! Though I hope a lot of people cracked up as well.
Anyways, this chapter will most likely have 7 more chapters (a week has 7 days, you know!)
And now, because I want to; a dialogue between me and one of the characters that appeared in the chapter! This chapter it's… YUKI-KUN, The black widow!
Yuki: I hate you for making fun of me!
Mr Yamamoto: I love you too, hon.
Yuki: I SAID I HATE YOU!
MY: And I said I love you. Big deal. Now go to bed!
Yuki: Never! Hey, is someone other than you handling your MP3?
MY: What? I must fly! (Flies away)
Yuki: (shrugs and drinks a cola)