Monday: The terrors of eyebrow-picking

An: Haisha means loser in Japanese, and Shousha means winner (I looked it up). Though I don't actually think these are names, I doubt anyone would ever call their kids something that means 'loser'. At least they sound girlish.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Anyways, here are the people who I just felt I had to answer:

Demon Writter: Well, they'll try, but they'll probably not succeed, because Shigure is too awesome.

Blood Thirst: Too bad, you were the one I wanted to piss off… Just joking! Actually, I don't know if you'll like the following chapters, as I'm not you. But I will certainly like them. I hope.

Kracker Lace: Ah, long time no see! I love your nick! Anyways, I'm sorry for printing such a horrible image into you head… though it was intentional, so I guess I'm not actually sorry… Anyways, like always, you help me out! Thank you very much! I got an idea from you, so look out for things you recognize! Not in this chapter, though, because I'm almost done with it when I'm writing this!

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It was a new day and a new gender for our favourite furuba boys, maybe, as they got themselves ready for school. Tohru, being a girl and all, applied makeup on the two boys, even though the author doubts she actually wears it herself. Yuki, being his feminine self, was especially easy to make a girl out of, as he already looked like one in almost every way.

Kyo, on the other hand, was harder because, well, let's face it; Kyo is the manliest, studliest, macho-est man in the entire Furuba series. Sort of. With the exception of Hatori, because he's manlier, studlier and machoer, mostly because he's way older and, supposedly, handsomer.

"Kyo-kun, you'll have to sit still." Tohru said as she carefully picked his eyebrows and anyone who has ever picked their eyebrows before knows that it is the worst kind of torture in the world. Can you see why Kyo was tossing and turning?

Kyo wanted to scream 'It hurts, it hurts!' and 'Save me from this hell!', but restrained himself, because the ever so perfect Yuki was in the same room, glaring at him for making Tohru pick his eyebrows. Even though it wasn't Kyo's idea to pick his eyebrows in the first place, as it was Shigure's, so Yuki blaming him for it was pretty childish.

Yuki didn't need help to pick his eyebrows. In fact, he had already picked them himself a hundred times before, because he's a prince(ess) and prince(esses) are always perfect in every way. (when it comes to looks!)

Anyways, Kyo was being tortured by Tohru. Tohru was unhappy because she was torturing her beloved Kyo. Yuki was the perfect girl.

But what about Shigure? Well, if you have to know, he was currently talking with the headmaster at Kaibara High.

"Ah, hello, this is Sohma Shigure, care-taker of Sohma Kyo and Sohma Yuki." He said in the phone, with a big smile in his face because his scheme was working perfectly.

"Ah, Sohma-san, how do you do?" The head master, whose gender and name isn't needed in this fic, because this will probably be the first and last time he's ever mentioned.

"Fine, just fine." Shigure replied. "Anyways, I'm calling to tell you that Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun isn't going to attend school this week."

"Oh? Why is that?" The headmaster seemed quite curious for a made up character without a real personality.

"Well, due to some rather complex family matters, they decided to go to their cousins schools and go there for a week." Shigure paused, proud of his actor skills. "However, their cousins will come here instead. Is that okay?"

The headmaster was silent for a while, to add more suspense. "Well, okay, but I don't want any trouble from them!"

"No, no, I can assure you, they're just like little angels!"

"Oh!" The headmaster seemed happy about this, and it made the author wonder if she had created a perverted monster. "Well, then, they're welcome to stay here for as long as they want! What're the angel's names?" This was, supposedly, some kind of "joke". Apparently, the headmaster doesn't have a sense of humour.

"Sohma Haisha and Sohma Shousha." Remember how Shigure told Kyo he'd already called and told the headmaster about Sohma Eri's arrival? Yeah, well, he lied.

"Those are some odd names…"

"Their parents are odd people. But who can blame them? After that car crash seventeen years ago, they just haven't been their sane selves…"

Yes, Shigure is a very good liar, mostly because it's convenient for the author. If he wasn't, the author, and the rest of the world, would've doubted he would ever pull this scheme off.

"Oh, okay. I'll put them in the same class as Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun. Tell them to go to class 9E."

"Okay then! And thank you so much for letting them in on such short notice." Shigure buttered on with a sweet voice. In fact, the headmaster kind of wondered if he was talking to a woman.

But he didn't have time to ask, or wonder for that matter, before Shigure hung up. He clasped his hands together as a dark shadow… shadowed his face. Then he laughed. He laughed maniacally. "Ku ku ku ku ku ku!" He laughed, because the author is a (very rare) fan of Kururu, the yellow alien-frog in Keroro Gunso.

But let's skip ahead to when they're in school because the author is lazy and just read a parody on fanfics, and want to copy it by being a fanfic writer.

No, the author just joking, she would never skip the preciousness of Kyo being tortured, as she knows how much everybody loves it. She means, everybody obviously loves it, as everyone seems to think Yuki and Kyo make a good couple and wants to see them kiss. Kyo being unhappy is just too damn sexy and precious at the same time.

"Yu-Yuki!" Kyo whispered even tough he used an exclamation mark. Yuki looked down at the poor, yet unbelievably precious and sexy cat. "If I die, I want you to know…" Kyo took a deep breath, while suppressing the tears that threatened to appear any second. "I want you to know…"

Could this be a confession of love? You know you want it!

"I want you to know…"

"Hurry up and say it, baka neko." Yuki snarled, as he was annoyed and pissed off at the stupid author. And because he couldn't in any way get to the author and beat her up, he took his rage out on the poor, precious and sexy orange cat instead.

"Damn you… Kuso nezumi! I won't die yet! You… bastard!" And just about then, when Tohru was done picking his eyebrows, he passed out in her knee.

"Kyo-kun?" She asked and touched his face. His eyes were still open.

"Ara?" Shigure sounded when he walked through the door and found Kyo being unconscious. "Is he dead?"

Yuki and Tohru both nodded, as they realized Kyo wasn't actually breathing. And, no, this is not an extravagation of how it feels to pick eyebrows for the first time. The author would rather be shot than actually have her eyebrows picked again for the first time. Seriously, the picking of eyebrows is, probably, worse than having someone cut off one finger at the time while raping you with a broomstick in the ass.

Tohru started panicking. "Oh, no! Kyo isn't breathing! CPR! CPR!"

"Try mouth to mouth, Tohru-kun!" Shigure said, trying his hardest not to giggle because of the wimpy-ness of Kyo. But Shigure has never had his eyebrows picked, so he's not the one to talk.

And, hold your breath Kyoru fans, 'cause here it comes; Tohru leaned down and mouth-to-mouthed Kyo! Aw mi gawsh! But do not fear, YukixKyo fans, Yuki will probably rape the poor guy sooner or later, seeing as he's jealous right now!

"I am not jealous, you stupid furuba fan who think you can actually write!" Yuki yelled furiously because, apparently, the author had hit a nerve. I told you he was jealous! And don't question my writing skills! I am your GOD now!

Later, when Kyo woke up again, (Shigure made him sniff ammoniac) they realized that even though Kyo had been tortured unconscious, Shigure had lied to the headmaster and Yuki had been jealous of Tohru when she gave Kyo mouth-to-mouth, they weren't late for school yet! It was magic!

"Here," Shigure said and held out two wigs, one orange and one grey. "Put these on, and make sure they don't fall off! Because if they do, everybody will know you two are perverted cross-dressers. It's a win-win situation!"

"HOW IS THAT WIN-WIN?" Kyo yelled furiously, because he was pissed off for various reasons. He's always pissed off about something.

"Now, now, Kyo-kun, you should know by now that that would be highly amusing for me." Shigure said, rather matter-of-factly, as if they should actually try to get caught.

Caught off guard by Shigure's rare display of honesty, all Kyo could do was stammer "Sh-shut up!"

"Now off you go, girls!" Shigure winked and closed the door before Yuki and Kyo had the chance to kill him.

Since nothing interesting happened on their way to school, except that car that almost killed Kyo and that man who tried to rape Yuki in the ass and that big bird fromLegend of Zelda; The Wind Wakerwho tried to kidnap Tohru and take her to the cage in Forsaken Fortress so Ganondorf could think she was Zelda, we're just going to skip that part and jump straight into first period!

"Class," The teacher said when they were done with their morning exercises, or whatever it is they do in the mornings, because she's rude. "We have two transfer students here today, and they are only going to stay for a week. In the mean time, Sohma Yuki and Sohma Kyo are not going to be here… for a week. Is this a coincidence?" The teacher, who the author has forgotten the name of, asked the two tall girls standing next to her, both sweating and looking utterly suspicious.

However, the teacher ignored her own question and jumped straight to "Go on, introduce yourselves!"

"Err…" Yuki stuttered, because he was less easy to discover and therefore didn't have to be as careful as Kyo.

"I heard you two are twins. But that can't be right; you look nothing like each other." The teacher cut in, because she's rude.

"Err… Well, we are born the same year, and I guess we're sisters too…" Yuki thought out loud.

"Doesn't that mean we're twins?" Kyo asked with a high pitched voice.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW?" The teacher yelled without an apparent reason except adding some loud humour.

"O-of course we know, sensei, we just… haven't thought that much about it!" Yuki said and sweat dropped because somehow, the author had left the many sweat drop occasions unsweat dropped. Did that make any sense at all?

"So which one of you is the loser?" Teach asked with a laugh, making both Yuki and Kyo glare at her.

Yuki was the fastest one to speak. "He- SHE is!" He pointed at his supposed twin sister, also known as Kyo, with a smile. "I'm the winner!" He stated this quite proudly, as he gave Kyo the look that said 'loser!'

"Okay then," the teacher panted after about 15 minutes of hysterical laughter. "Haisha, you can sit over there, where Kyo used to sit, and Shousha, you go sit on Yuki's spot!"

"Err… sensei… do you have a particular reason for putting us in our cousins seats?" Yuki asked this mostly because he kind of wondered if they had already been found out.

"EH? You're Sohma's too?" Some random Sohma-fan girl shouted loudly. However, everybody ignored her.

"Haisha has orange hair, just like that loud little brat Kyo, and you have grey hair, just like that stuck up princess Yuki." Teach stated and shrugged.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING, OLD HAG!" Kyo screamed at the top of his lungs, but somehow, the teacher didn't hear him because the class was full of Sohma-fangirls who was screaming. Well, maybe the class wasn't really filled with Sohma-fangirls, but there's a few, and they're all loud.

"Ehh? Sensei, don't say that about Yuki-kun! He is too beautiful for you too even mention!" A particularly high pitched voice yelled.

But the teacher ignored them. "Hmm… Wasn't that Kyo's voice right now?" She asked herself thoughtfully.

"Kyo!" Yuki whispered, pulling his arm, but quickly changed his mind. "Haisha, don't scream like that with your voice! It's too dark! You have to lighten it a bit!"

"Well, Shousha, I can't help it if I don't have a girly little princess voice like you!" hissed Kyo before he walked over to his usual seat, proud he was able to get the last word in.

Yuki sighed. This was going to be a long week.

A/n: I got… 11 reviews for the last chapter… Oh, my! I'm so happy! I've never gotten that many reviews for the first chapter before! I hope it keeps up, 'cause I love getting reviews! However, I haven't read the last two reviews when I post this chapter, because they haven't showed up yet! Sorry! I'll make up for it in the next chapter, I promise!

And now, conversation with the author! This chapter it's KYO-KUN, the molested one!

Kyo: HOW AM I MOLESTED?

MY: Well, you see, in the last chapter Yuki frenched you, and in this chapter Tohru gave you mouth-to-mouth.

Kyo: I'm going to be honest with you, Yamamoto, I didn't really mind Tohru mouth-to-mouthing me. In fact, I was only faking the unconsciousness.

MY: Or so you say…

Kyo: Shut up! And why is my name Haisha, anyways? I know you like me more than that Yuki-bastard!

MY: Aww… Kyo, that's not true, I love making fun of you equally! I can't choose one!

Kyo: Hmph, whatever!