Chapter 3; The author is GOD!

Golden Dawn: (Sorry, your review didn't show up before I updated!) Well… err, you know what, I'm a girl. Maybe I'm misleading people with my penname but I assure you, I'm a girl. The MP3 thing… Well, it's a joke between me and my brother. I know I shouldn't have joked about it, but I did so… deal with it? Haha! I'm happy you think my story is funny!

Golden Dawn (again): It seems Yuki had his own little Kagura… You, that is…. Stop wrecking my review page! I need it to be happy! (Cries)

Hatori Obsesser: Hmm… you sweat drop a lot… maybe you should consider taking a shower? (Joking!) Well, yeah, Shigure gave them those names. Why? He found them amusing! I gave them those names because Yuki always wins and Kyo always lose.

The New Shinigami Hikari: yeah, me too… well no, I don't have a phobia, but it hurts like hell.

Artistic: I'm happy you feel that way,

Kari2500: Really? I have a nice sense of humor? I think you're the first person, ever, to tell me that. I hope you liked this chapter as much as the last two chapters! In fact, I hope you like it more!

CaptainLidya: Err… No, I own 3 fruits basket books, and that's it, though I've read to chapter 91 and I've seen all 26 episodes. And… I don't know how I know the characters… I guess I just do.

--.--

"Kazuma-san?" A mysterious, hoarse voice said in the phone.

"Yes?" Kazuma replied, wondering who this mysteriously hoarse person could possibly be.

The mysterious cleared his throat. "It is me, Shigure-sama. Sorry, something got stuck in my throat!" He said with a funny laugh.

""Shigure-sama."" Kazuma said sceptically. "Why did you call?"

"Ho, ho, ho!" Shigure exclaimed with an evil grin in his face. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over for tea later?"

Kazuma smiled. He liked tea. "Sure" He replied "what time?"

"Oh, I don't know… how about 3 pm?"

"Okay! Then I'll be able to see Kyo-kun, too!" Kazuma said enthusiastically.

Shigure laughed loudly. "Ku, ku, ku, ku!" He laughed. "You sure will!"

Sohma Kyo, now known as Sohma Haisha, because that stupid cousin of his had snatched the good name before he had the chance to, tapped his fingers against the table while he spaced out, looking through the window. The teacher was talking about something he didn't care about, so he didn't listen. Something about how the author of this fic is God, and should therefore be worshipped with chocolate. Lots of chocolate, and coke to wash it down! Don't worry, the author is very athletic, so she won't get fat!

It was still first period, Kyo noticed when he glanced at the clock over the door. He sighed loudly, forgetting that the teacher was actually teaching the rest of the class something.

"Am I boring you, Haisha-san?" The teach asked and walked up to his desk. "Because if I am…" She cracked her knuckles in a threatening way that didn't scare Kyo at all.

"Yeah," He replied dully, with his normal voice, but a loud cough from Yuki caused him to look over at him. Yuki signalled that Kyo would be regretting not using a girly voice for the rest of his high school life and as Kyo's life as a free man only would remain free until he graduated, it was actually his whole life.

Clearing his throat, he quickly made his voice more feminine. "I mean, of course you are, sensei! I don't think you've ever amused me!" He said politely with a bright smile that was very unlike anger management boy.

"Good." The teacher said and turned around, satisfied until she thought through what he had actually said.

Slowly, she turned around and faced this Haisha girl who resembled Kyo so very much, boiling of anger. "What did you say?" She hissed.

A vein popped up in Kyo's forehead, mostly because of annoyance, and he jerked his head up and looked straight into her eyes. "I said you've never amused me, sensei!" Now if Kyo was smart, which we know he's not, he would've thought about the fact that this was supposed to be his first, ever, day in this school. But no, he didn't think about that. However, the teacher was too angry to notice.

She slammed her fists on Kyo's desk, forgetting who she was talking to. "Sohma Kyo, How dare you say such things in class? For your punishment you will have to buy everybody in this classroom bread for lunch!"

"What? Isn't that Haisha-san?" A few students asked themselves, looking confused. However, they didn't have time to think more about that because a verbal war arose between the teacher and Kyo.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THAT!" Kyo roared loudly, glaring at his unfair teacher.

"YES I CAN!" The teacher roared back. "IN SCHOOL, I AM YOU GOD!"

The author coughed as in saying 'No you're not, I am', but didn't say anything because only Yuki would be able to hear her anyways.

And so it continued for pretty much the rest of the hour.

Later, at lunch, Kyo made his way to wherever you buy bread, accompanied by Yuki, Tohru and her two best friends, Hanajima Saki and Uotani Arisa.

Uo was still laughing loudly, while she recalled the fight with Tohru and Hana.

"Haha! And when sensei called Haisha 'Sohma Kyo'! Haha! I don't think I've ever laughed that much!" She said, after she calmed down a bit.

Kyo froze. "She called me Sohma Kyo?" He asked and looked at Yuki.

"She sure did!" Uo dashed Kyo in the back, laughing again. "But who can blame her? I never thought I would ever meet anyone like that carrot top… other that himself!"

"Yes," Hanajimas stern voice said, black orbs fixating on Kyo. "Even your vibes are exactly the same."

At her statement, both Kyo and Yuki froze. Oh no, they thought, what if she's found us out? They had totally forgotten that she was a wave-reader!

"Kyooo-kun, Yuuki-kun!" A high pitched voice sang happily. "Ara? You're not Yuki and Kyo?"

Momiji, followed by Haru, stood before the two cross dressing boys, grinning widely.

Yuki was the first to reply. "Ah, Momiji-kun, long time no see!" He said and held out a hand. Momji shook it.

"Who are you?" He asked straight forwardly.

Yuki scratched the back of his head, thinking like he'd never thought before. "Err, well, we're your cousins, Haisha," Yuki pointed at Kyo, "And myself, Shousha. I don't blame you for not remembering us though, as we've only met a few times when we were small!"

Confused, Momiji looked at Haru, who shrugged, looking bored. "You look an awful lot like Kyo and Yuki, you know." Haru pointed out dully. "But that's okay, because then I can hook up with you." He said just as dully, turned to Yuki, who looked kind of disgusted.

"Shut up, you bastard!" Kyo muttered, because he was still annoyed with the teacher, and didn't really want to see Yuki being weird with Haru.

"Aww, you don't have to be so mean, Haisha-san." Momiji said, crossing his arms over his chest, looking disappointed. "You even act like Kyo!"

"What's wrong with that?" Kyo asked and looked out the window. A big, black cloud, shaped after the beautiful and slim silhouette of the author, told him he was going to take a shower out in the open on his way home.

"You are going to take a shower out in the open on your ay home, Kyon-chan!" The author's voice boomed from the cloud. Kyo shook his head furiously and looked out the window again. The cloud was now the shape of a pig running after a cat. "Why are the clouds always shaped after things I dislike?" Kyo muttered to himself.

"Well, first off all," Haru said, because he obviously hadn't heard Kyo's muttering. "Sohma Kyo is a violent bastard with a huge crush on Tohru," He stated, having turned black without anybody noticing. He glanced at Tohru, who was oblivious to what he just said.

"Second," He continued, looking back at Kyo, who was currently fighting the urge, and losing, to beat the cow to a purple pulp, with an evil, yet sexy (and precious) smirk. "Kyo has ugly bright orange hair."

The vein appeared on Kyo's forehead again, pulsating like never before. He clenched his fist while taking deep breaths, counting to ten slowly.

Why is he being such an asshole? He thought furiously. Who triggered him to become black? Wait… it was me, wasn't it? When I said shut up you bastard… BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! He's forgetting the time he got lost on his way home, and I helped him! He was crying like a baby! Fucking cow!

"Third," Haru leaned closer to Kyo's face and whispered "he's still a virgin!"

The vein exploded, and so did Kyo's head and upper body. But not really.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Kyo hollered, forgetting all about being a girl. He flung himself at the smirkingly sexilicious black Haru with both legs and fists. Haru, for some reason liking the idea of fighting a girl, blocked the attacks before he himself threw a couple of fists at Kyo's face. Kyo, being the excellent martial artist he is, easily countered with a kick.

But then it happened. And with it, I mean it! Kyo was wearing a long wig and Kyo isn't used to having long hair, so when he dodged a kick, he accidentally stepped on the wig, causing him to fall backwards and tumble right into Tohru.

In the confusion and pink smoke, Yuki was quick to take action.

"Look at that!" He pointed at an oddly shaped cloud, strategically placed there by the author to save Kyo the utter embarrassment of Hanajima and Uo not only finding out about his true identity, but also the fact that he turns into a cat when hugged by someone of the opposite sex. At the same time Yuki signalled for Tohru to take Kyo, his clothes and wig and get the fuck out of there!

And so she did! Followed by a roar of laughter coming from Black Haru and a girlish giggle coming from Momiji (because they figured out who Sohma Haisha really is), she picked up Kyo and his belongings, clutching everything tightly against her chest and ran like hell. Being a hormonal teenage boy, with a crush on Tohru, Kyo was very happy cats don't blush.

"Hey, Shousha, what're we looking at?" Uo asked as she looked through the window with her arms crossed, not being very interested in clouds.

Looking after Tohru, Yuki replied absent-mindedly "Ah, just look a little while longer, and I'm sure you'll see it, Uotani-san!"

Hanajima, who was also looking through the window, sighed dreamily. "That dark cloud is so electrical." She stated dully and stared at the big, black cloud on the horizon.

"Hana-chan, you are so strange!" Uo said to her dear friend in black. "You even sense electrical waves from clouds?"

"Clouds are where electrical waves usually come from. Some people call it 'lightening'." Hanajima stated again without taking her eyes off the cloud. "When they are that big and electrical, my senses are useless, because all I can sense is the cloud…"

A loud sigh of relief came from Yuki, and he silently begged the author, also known as GOD OF THIS FIC, to keep the cloud over Kaibara High for a week. "Maybe!" The authors booming voice replied and chuckled warmly.

As Tohru disappeared around a corner, Yuki gave up another, but not as loud, sigh of relief before he turned to Hanajima and Uo again.

"Hanajima-san, Uotani-san, shall we go?" He asked. In response he got loud laughter.

"Only Sohma "Prince Charming" Yuki calls us that!" Uotani chuckled and gave Yuki a friendly pat on the back, earning herself a few glares from some random Yuki-fanclub members. "Call us Uo-chan and Hana-chan, like Tohru does! And we'll call you Shou-chan, because there are too many Sohmas in this school!"

Giving her an awkward smile, he replied "Okay. But what about Haisha?"

Uotani shrugged. "Carrot top is fine with me," She snorted. "But if she's anything like anger management boy, I guess she would be pissed off if I call her that…"

"Let's call her Hai-chan." Hanajima's dull voice said with a creepy smile, still watching the dark, author shaped cloud.

Meanwhile, Haru and Momiji had disappeared right after the pink cloud incident without anybody noticing. But then again, nobody noticed when they arrived either, so I guess they're good at not being noticed.

Momiji was still giggling like a girl, and he looked like one too, but not as much as Yuki always looks like a girl. "Hi, hi, hi, I can't believe they tried to lie to us!" He said, quite loudly. Haru looked at him with bored eyes that said 'what are you talking about?'

Momiji looked back at him with wide eyes that said 'have you forgotten?'

Haru nodded with an expression that said 'I always forget things black Haru does.'

Momiji gave Haru an unexplainable expression that said 'Really? Anyways, you know Haisha and Shousha? They are actually Kyo and Yuki!'

Haru narrowed his eyebrows in a confused expression. 'How is your face able to express all that?'

Momiji shrugged and with a grin his face he expressed 'I'm amazed we can actually understand each other!'

Haru nodded. 'Me too." He expressed.

Various passer-bys stared oddly at the two boys with expressive faces. But who could blame them?

Meanwhile in the girls room.

Breathing heavily, Tohru leaned against the door of a bathroom stall.

"Kyo-kun," She panted. "I think we're safe now!" She put the orange cat down on the toilet and turned around so she faced the door. "You can turn back now!"

"It's not like I can choose when to turn back!" Kyo snarled. However, he turned back the second after he snarled it, making him look like an idiot. But Tohru didn't think he was an idiot anyway, because she would never think anyone was an idiot, no matter how idiotic they were. It always makes the author chuckle warmly at her.

Pink smoke filled the small stall they were currently locked in together, as Tohru didn't think about waiting for Kyo outside it.

I wonder why the smoke is always pink, Tohru wondered, coughing when the smoke filled her lungs, making them pink, unlike the smoke from cigarettes.

About 15 minutes later, Kyo and Tohru were back in class, frolicking about, having totally forgotten about the bread Kyo was supposed to buy.

"Hey, Haisha-san, where's our bread?" Some random guy asked playfully, holding out his hand. Kyo slapped it away.

"There's no way in hell I would ever use my money to buy bread for the likes of you!" Kyo hissed, disgusted by this person he barely knew. He cracked his knuckles, mostly so the guy would be scared and not talk to him anymore. It didn't really work, though.

"Sensei, Haisha-san didn't buy the bread you told her to buy!"

It seems all OCs in this story is either annoying perverts or irritating squealers. Or squirrels. Not that any OC has been a squirrel so far, but I assure you, as the GOD OF THIS FIC, that a squirrel called Daz SqurrelzZzZz will appear every now and then, so don't forget that name.

Daz SquirrlezZzZz. You may not forget.

Anyways, the little squealer squealed to the teacher, and the teacher exploded. Literally. Her guts, blood and ripped flesh was scattered everywhere. Some girls shrieked. Some guys did the same. Tohru fainted.

And Kyo? Kyo shrugged and decided he might as well go home now, seeing as their teacher was dead. So he did, dragging Tohru behind him. On his way he met Yuki, Uo and Hanajima and told them what happened.

They all shrugged and went home, aware of the fact that this is a fic, and nothing in fics are real.

After a 10 minute walk, in the rain, Yuki and Kyo, with Tohru carried between them so they wouldn't transform, arrived at their big and beautiful house, which always makes the author drool and wish she was Japanese. Which she's not. Damn.

"Ah! Shousha, Haisha, Tohru! My three favourite flowers have come back to me!" Shigure shrieked happily as soon as they entered the room he was currently sitting in. But he wasn't alone, to Kyo's horror.

With him, sipping some green tea, was Sohma Kazuma, also known to Kyo as shishou. Yes, the shishou.

Damn, Kyo thought before he fainted.

--.--

There was something about the last chapter that I forgot to add, and it was that I don't know, or care for that matter, which class Kyo, Yuki and Tohru are in. (2-B, is it?) Anyways, I decided to give them a class anyway, so they got the name of my class; 9E. So now you know and won't be confused about that anymore. Though I doubt you were confused in the first place.

Lastly, conversation with the author! This chapter it's TOHRU-KUN!

Lurelee: I changed my nick!

Tohru: I noticed! It's beautiful, Lurelee-san!

Lurelee: Thank you, thank you! Anyways, how was it, being alone with Kyo, who was naked, in that tiny, tiny bathroom stall?

Tohru: (flustered) what do you mean, Lurelee-san?

Lurelee: (winks) you know what I mean!

Tohru: Yes… Err well, it felt…

AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAD THIS WEEK! BE SURE TO TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE GOODIES AND HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER IN 'THE DARE'!

(The Dare is a licensed product owned by Lurelee-sama and her fans. If you are not a fan of this author or if you are copying this plot, you should either become a fan or stop copying. Discovered copies will result in flame after flame, because the author of this fic is a real bitch when it comes to unoriginal work. Make sure you review like a good little reader, or the author will be sad and feel unloved and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.)