-Disclaimer in first chapter-

A/N: Susan is roughly 8 weeks pregnant. And yes, Luka IS the father. You'll see this story of Luka and Susan played out as a side note in this fiction. But, after this, I'm going to write a Luka and Susan fiction…so enjoy!

Ch 8. Needing You

.: The Next Christmas:.

It was the first time we could spend all Christmas together-and in our new apartment. A two bedroom, one bathroom, huge kitchen, big windows and a beautiful living room apartment; neither of us commented on the other bedroom, but it was there, for whatever be the reason. It was incredible. She loved Christmas, the music, the lights, the gifts, just the spirit. So we were sitting on the couch stringing popcorn.

"You know, Luce, they do make real garland for trees," I said pricking my finger with the needle.

She rolled her eyes and argued, "Oh come on, this is fun!"

I laughed, looking at her huge string of popcorn and my little one, "So, this is what you and your mother did growing up?"

She nodded and popped a piece of popcorn in her mouth, "Yeah, we couldn't afford… well, a lot of things so we saved wherever we could."

I smiled and looked at her, "You know, my Christmases basically consisted of a mansion full of hundreds of family and friends, and getting too many gifts to not even know what to do with," I shrugged, "And after Bobby left, things became worse. My parents went away, then my sister moved away as fast as she could… so it was me and my Gamma."

I heard her stop stringing and felt her stare on me.

I looked at her then back at my string of popcorn, "So, maybe you did really have it better growing up."

She scooted closer to me and asked, "Are you okay?"

Looking over at her I gave a small smile and kissed her, "Yeah, I'm okay."

Lucy smiled and stood up and wrapped the tree in her popcorn string, "Now that looks good, come on."

I stood up and put my hands on her hips and admired the Christmas tree, "Yeah, it looks great."

She took my hand and asked bluntly, "So, what should I get you for Christmas this year?"

I laughed and kissed her head, "Nothing."

"No, I owe you a gift and well I need some ideas."

I sat back down on the couch and watched her watching me, "I have an idea."

"Good, tell me!" She ordered while putting a few ordainments on the tree.

"How about, next week, Christmas Eve, we go out for a fancy dinner?"

She stopped decorating and looked at me, "How fancy?"

I nodded and winked; she knew what I was thinking.

"Carter! That's not a gift for you unless I'm paying."

I took her soft hands and pulled her towards me, "Okay, you pay for dinner, and I'll handle the rest."

Holding my face in her hands she asked, "What rest?"

"It's a surprise," Wait wait wait. What was I saying? I was really going to do this, wasn't I? Oh my god.

She bit her lip and kissed mine, "Ok, what time?"

My hands began to sweat as I pulled them away from her waist, "Umm eight, I made the reservations a while ago. It's that new French place you've been wanting to go to, so dress nice ok?"

She smiled and nodded, "Ok! I'm going go see what I need to buy!" She ran to our bedroom laughing and excited. And I sat on the couch; nervous and not believing I was actually going to do this. I sighed and continued to string the popcorn.

.:Christmas Eve, during the day:.

I sat in the lounge, twirling her soon to be ring around my fingers. Sighing and staring at it, I had no idea what I was doing, what was I going to say. The only thing I knew was that I loved her and didn't want to spend my life with anyone other then her. Just then Susan barged into the lounge mad about something.

"Damn that Weaver!" She said pouring coffee, "I'm the pregnant one and she's telling me to stay all night! Not even asking! No, Kerry, I'm not staying! Jeez, that bitch!" She stopped and looked at her coffee cup, "And I can't even drink this!" She dumped it down the sink, took a deep breath and calmed down. Then noticed me in the corner, "Hey Carter, what's that?"

I looked at the ring in my hand and put it in my pocket, "Nothing."

Her eyes widened and she walked closer to me, "Carter! Oh my god, is that a ring!"

I looked at her staring at me with her mouth open and her eyes widened, then I pulled the ring out of my pocket and handed it to her.

She sat next to me and gasped, "Wow Carter, it's gorgeous."

I shrugged and took it back. It sparkled and gleamed from a diamond, and the diamond was held on by a white gold band… to match the necklace I gave her last Christmas. Gamma gave it to me; it was my great-grandmother's, and she had it resized to fit Lucy, which was a whole other task. She said she owed it to Lucy. I traced my finger over the diamond, "Think it's too soon?"

"Well, let me see,"Sstarted Susan as she poured herself juice, "You've been dating for a year plus, you've been in love with her since she was like a med student, she's crazy about 'her Carter' and you've been living together for like what? Six months? No I think you're out of that range," She said smiling.

"Then, do you think she'll say yes?"

Susan nodded and smiled, "You guys are great together, Carter."

"We've been taking things kind of slow… that's how she wants it. But, this just feels right, for me anyways." I stood up and poured myself a cup of coffee.

"So when are you doing it?" She asked delighted.

"Tonight, we're going out for dinner then I'm taking her for a walk around the lake."

She sighed, "I wouldn't even say no to that."

I carefully placed the ring back in its case, "I'm so nervous Susan, it's not even funny."

She laughed, "It's cute."

"Yeah for you maybe," I wiped my sweating palms onto my lab coat, "I don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Just be honest," She shrugged and looked at me, "Tell her how you feel."

I looked at her, "Yeah, and with your current situation with Luka, and not to mention the hormones, your opinion isn't ranking high on my list."

She laughed before swatting her hand across my shoulder, "Well, not everybody can be so perfect for each other like you and Lucy," She rubbed her stomach and raised her eyebrows at me, "I would say good luck, but you won't need it."

I sighed, "Thanks, I think…"

"Oh god, this is so exciting! Hey, speaking of Lucy, I haven't seen her today."

"Oh, she's shopping," I shrugged, "Well, I better get home."

"Oh, don't forget to wash behind the ears!" She winked at me.

I winked back and signed my patients out, and walked into the cold Christmas weather.

.: Dinner:.

I walked around to the opposite side of my Jeep and opened it for her. She smiled and took my hand as she jumped down.

"Jeez, Carter, this is gorgeous!" She took my hand tightly and I walked her into the restaurant.

"Yeah and your paying," I whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek.

"Well, I don't mind for this kind of place," I opened the door and she walked in front of me. She looked beautiful tonight; she was wearing a knee length green velvet dress. Her blonde hair, which was again long, curled all the way around her face and framed it so well, once we got our seats, we ordered each a glass of wine. She looked at me and smiled.

I took her hand across the table, "Happy?"

Squeezing my hand she looked around, "It's beautiful, but what is this about?"

"What is what about?" I asked, skimming the menu.

"This dinner, I don't know it's random." She nodded a thank you to the waiter as he poured the wine.

I shrugged and looked at her, "Call it cabin fever."

She tilted her head and again, saw right threw me.

"I just wanted to be a beautiful place, with you," I tried.

She blushed and nodded, "If you say so."

As we ate dinner, my palms began to sweat even more. And Lucy became even more beautiful with each passing second. Imaging her as my wife, felt incredible,

But, everything about Lucy was that way. The way she her eyes twinkled when she was happy, her way of slowly waking me up in the morning when I slept through the alarm, her way of loving me… all of it was past grasping. I never knew I could feel like this. And I didn't think I loved her in such a way that she loved me. I was unworthy of her.

As I gathered those thoughts and she paid the check, I knew what I was just going to say.

.:A little Later:.

My hands were on her waist as we walked along the streets of Chicago. It was cold, and snowing but romantic (if I do say so myself), like it was out of a Christmas card. We both were licking our ice cream cones as we approached the lake and I could hear her teeth clink as she shivered.

"You know," She started, "You're probably the only guy that takes a girl out for like a dollar ice cream, in December, after she bought you a dinner at a fancy French place."

I smiled slightly, nervous as hell, "Your hands are freezing, babe," I rubbed hers in mine and pulled her in closer to me.

She finished her ice cream and snuggled into me, "Why are we walking around the lake on Christmas Eve?"

I stopped on a small bridge and shrugged, "No idea." She stood in front of me and rested her hands on the handle. My body was behind hers and my hands also latched onto the handle.

She sighed and took one of my hands in hers.

I took a deep breath and started, whispering in her ear, "I love you, Lucy."

She turned around and faced me, our faces close and my arms still around her body, "I love you too, John."

I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out a wrapped box, "This is something to match what I got you last year," I playfully tugged on the necklace she was still wearing around her neck.

"What is it, like a set?" She asked joking, and took the box from my hands and slowly began to up wrap in, tearing off the red wrapping paper inch by inch, "Is this like a brac-" She couldn't finish. The box was open and there, uncovered a sparkling diamond. She looked at it, then at me, with her eyes wider and bluer then I had ever seen them and her face just uttered with surprise.

I took the box from her hands and held it in mine, "Lucy, I've been in a lot of relationships with a lot of women. And I have never felt this way about any of them the way I feel whenever you're in my arms."

She looked at me in utter shock, taking in every word I said.

I took another deep breath and took the dazzling rock out of its box and held it in my two fingers while shutting the box and putting it in my coat pocket, "I will never leave you, Lucy, because if I did, I know I wouldn't live. You are the most amazing women I know. Everything about you takes my breath away."

The tears streaming come her face multiplied to even more and a smile grew along her lips though her face was still surprised; and her hand over her heart.

"Lucy Ana Knight," I got down on one knee and held the ring in front of me, 'Will you complete my life? Will you marry me?"

She took a deep breath and looked at me, then nodded. She couldn't make the words come out because of the crying, but somewhere between the sobs I heard a, "yes."

That's when I reached up, wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her down to me. She wrapped her arms around neck as she sat the rest of her body on my knee.

Both of us smiling and laughing, I pulled one of her hands away from my neck and slid the ring on her finger. She looked at her hand and cried more as I cupped her face in my hands and pulled it towards mine and kissed her like I have never before.

She kissed back with just as much feeling as I had. When we both pulled away to breath she said quietly, "I'm going to be your wife."

I nodded and stood up, pulling her up with me, "My wife."

She put her hands on my back, stood on her tippy-toes and kissed me.

My hands went through her locks of curls of hair as hers rubbed my back.

Then we pulled away and hugged for a long time. Fiancé to Fiancé.

.:Later that Week:.

We sat in a crowded photography shop and still so happy about to explode.

"Oh I have an idea," she started. "Why don't we just send these pictures out with a notice instead of having to meet with your family?"

I laughed, "My parents aren't that bad."

"Carter! They never even met me! And I'm going to be marrying their youngest kid."

To the grace of god, her freaking out was interrupted by a voice, "John and Lucy Carter, you're up."

I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow, "Lucy Knight is changing her name?"

She shrugged and stood up, pulling me behind her, "I just wanted to see how it would sound."

I enveloped my arms around her stomach and rested my head on hers, "I think it sounds sexy, Mrs. Carter."

She giggled and we entered the room.

They talked and positioned us and fiddled with our hair and Lucy's makeup for about twenty minutes before they started to flash the camera.

"Ok, just act natural," Said one lady as she clicked away at her camera.

And of course, my fiancé couldn't follow simple instructions without an argument, "Uh how can we act natural whenever there are like twenty beams of light flashing in our faces?"

I sat in a chair and pulled her in my lap, "There, all the neutrality."

She laughed and looked in my eyes. I smiled and looked back at hers.

--CLICK--

And that was a keeper.

.:Present:.

Bridget laughed, "So, that's when the picture in your room was taken?"

I nodded and smiled, "Yeah, it was."

She yawned and laid her head on my lap, "Tell me more, Daddy."

I picked her up and began to walk upstairs, "Baby, it's late and you have school tomorrow."

"But, I really want to hear it," She yawned again and I walked into her room and set her on her bed.

"How about I tell some more tomorrow over breakfast, then when you get home from school tomorrow I'll tell… well the end ok?"

Once I got an OK from her, I pulled off her clothes and put the big tee shirt on her.

"As long as I hear the whole thing by Friday."

I turned off the lights in Bridget's room. She pushed her lips together and looking at her bed and then at me. I took her hand and asked, "Want to stay with me tonight?"

She nodded again, ran into my room, and got under the blankets, "Do you miss her tonight?" She asked in her high, tired voice.

I also got under the covers and pulled her close to me, "Yes, even more then most nights."

"Why?" She asked and cuddled next to me.

"Because we were talking about her," I kissed her head.

She asked again, having to get every possible painful question before she went to sleep, "Does that make you sad?"

I rubbed her back, "They are happy memories, Bridg. It just makes me sad because I don't get to have any more with your mom."

"I don't have any," she said in a whisper and played with the end of the cover.

"Nothing at all?" No memories of her own mother… I thought of what a life she would grow up to have, never knowing one laugh she shared with her mommy.

"Just her eyes…maybe and maybe her voice," She picked her head up and looked at me.

I smiled and stroked a strand of my daughter's loose hair, "You have your mother's beautiful eyes."

She nodded and yawned, "Good night daddy."

I whispered back, "Good night Bridg, I love you."

She was sound asleep whenever I finally started to do something that I gave up on a long time ago.

"Luce," I whispered, looking out the window next to my bed and tears flowing from my eyes, "I know I haven't done this in forever. But, I need you now. Even more then I ever did." I slowly got out of bed and sat by the window seal, "Lucy, I can't do this… she wants to know everything and I'm not even ready to know everything yet," I started to cry, "Lucy, you said you'd never leave me, now you're gone. You left me with a daughter who was too young to even remember you before you left. She hurts, and I can't help her. I can't stop it," I looked into the stars and begged for a help, "Lucy, please… this isn't fair," I sobbed uncontrollably, "You gave up on me and on her, and none of us can seem to go on with out you." I took off my wedding ring and stared at it, "I love you, Lucy, and now it's becoming even more impossible to live without you. I need you; I need your help. Lucy, please, just come back. I just need to be with you." For the rest of that night I sobbed and cried and begged for my wife. Until around 3 am, whenever I couldn't take it anymore. I went back into bed, leaving my wedding ring on the window seal, and fell asleep. Where Lucy granted me my wish.