-Disclaimer in first chapter-

A/N: Sorry about the day-delay. I conformed and got a job. I just wanted to thank you guys for all the awesome reviews. I wrote this chapter so long ago, and honestly, I'm not a huge fan of it anymore. But, I guess you'll see the importance of this chapter in later chapters.

Ch 9. Soon To Be

.:About A Month Later:.

So there we sat, soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Carter, (or would that be Dr. and Dr. Carter?) in an office, which was said to be our wedding planner's. Now, I didn't want a huge gigantic wedding, it really didn't matter to me, and as corny as it sounds, as long as I got to marry the girl, I was set for life. But, Lucy on the other hand was the complete opposite, wanted everything just as she dreamed as a little girl whenever she ran around the house wearing tissues over her head.

So my fiancé' was flipping through a book of wedding cakes, "Carter, which kind of cake do you want, chocolate or white?" She asked not even looking at me, chewing on her thumbnail as she decided.

"Umm," I started and laughed, "I don't care, what do you like?"

She licked her lips looking at a tall towering cake, "What about this one? Chocolate cake and white icing?"

I took the binder off of her and looked at the cake, "Awe, we're going to have to get some of those little people for our cake huh?"

She nodded and smiled, "So cake number 335 good for you?"

"Yes, chocolate and white it is! Isn't that wedding planner supposed to be in here soon?" And just as those words left my mouth, she came in. She was famous around Chicago and made these weddings like a fairy tale… or so my to-be wife said. A Ms. Monica Bouder.

She walked in, gave us a small smile and sat in her office chair, "So, you guys want to be married?"

Lucy laughed and nodded, "Yeah, I was looking through the cakes and-"

Ms. Bouder then cut her off. "Woo, hang on there a second, Mrs. Carter. First, what month were you two thinking?"

Lucy looked at me, as if I had any idea what to say or do, "Umm, maybe like late summer, August, September…?"

"Wow, that does not give us a lot of time, but, I think I can squeeze you in," She flipped through her business planner and pointed out a date, "Last day in September I'm free."

I nodded, "Yeah, us too."

Ms. Bouder smiled. She was a young woman, maybe 29, with short dark hair, and stunning green eyes. She was professional and gave her opinion… honestly. And through the day, Lucy and I discovered how useful that was.

Ms. Bouder marked her planner and smiled, "Ok colors, late summer is a hard time to match colors, is there anything you were thinking?"

Lucy looked at me, suddenly frustrated and confused, "Umm I wanted to wear white…"

The business women laughed, "No, I mean for your bride dresses, flowers…"

And again Lucy looked at me when I held my hands up in a sign of helplessness, "Dresses, flowers, sorry, Lucy, that's your part."

"How about purple," She asked pressing her lips together, almost afraid of the answer from our wedding planner.

"Purple is gorgeous," She started and then pulled out books and books of purples. And once she picked the shade of purple, books and books of flowers were also picked, Lucy also picked some purple and light green ones, and I had no idea what they were called.

Then, somewhere in the middle of the china dishes, she looked at me, "Oh my god, Carter, what is our budget?"

I shook my head, "No budget…"

"Carter, I don't have a lot, you know that, you're not too rich there either." Her blue eyes again filled with concern.

"Yeah, but Gamma does. She really wants to help. Lucy, don't worry ok?"

She sighed and nodded, took my hand and made me pick out the china.

After a long day of picking, and still having a lot more to do, we went home.

.:Later That Night:.

She sat on the counter in our kitchen, stirring something on the stove whenever I walked into the kitchen also.

"Hey what's cooking, good lookin'?"

Her soft face turned towards me and smiled, "Pasta."

I stood in front of her and put my hands on her knees and slowly rubbed it, "You've been quiet tonight."

"I think, I'm just a little afraid," She said as she jumped off the counter and drained the pasta into the sink.

I watched her before responding, noting how the steam from the water made the ends of her hair slightly curl, how sexy she looked just doing a simple home task like draining noodles, and I said, "Afraid of what?"

Without looking at me she replied, "Umm… nothing, never mind." She poured the pasta back into the pot and began stirring tomato sauce within it.

"Lucy…"

"I don't know if we can do this, Carter." She said barely above a whisper as she finally faced me and dug her hands into her jean pockets.

"Do what? What are we doing?" I was completely confused and she was worrying me.

"Get married, Carter, I'm afraid this won't work out… and I want it to," Her eyes glistened and her face was directed towards the floor.

I stared at her for a while, trying to take in what she's saying. She couldn't be saying this… no. "Are you calling this off, Lucy!"

"No! Well I don't know," She walked away from me and sat on the couch in the living room.

I followed her, filled with hurt and confusion, "Lucy, what are you afraid of! Me? Do you not love me?"

"How can you even ask me that? You know how much I love you!" She stood up and looked at me hard.

"You're the one who is talking about calling off the engagement, not me!"

"I just keep thinking about where we were like two years ago," She was hurting also; I could see it in her face. Or maybe she just didn't want to hurt me…I don't know.

"Lucy! Two years ago was a long time ago! A lot has changed!"

"Not that long, John," She sighed and walked away from me as her hands began to quiver. "I just don't want to married and us still fighting about how stubborn you are-"

"You're pretty stubborn. too," I said under my breath.

"See this!" She yelled, "This is what I mean! We're in love and have been living together for months and we are still having these same fights that we had when I was your med student! Why do I keep flashing back to that day when-"

"Lucy stop! What are you trying to tell me? I need you to break it down and tell me what exactly is going through your mind. Because if you aren't ready for this, or you don't want to be with me… I need to know, you at least owe me that much, don't you think?"

She bit her lip and looked at me scared, "John, I don't know."

"Or is it something I'm too 'emotionally withdrawn' from my feelings to understand?" I didn't know what I said; being so hurt and mad and I just wanted it all to end. I just wanted to hold her again.

"Carter, don't act like that! I'm just trying to talk to you and you're getting so angry with me! I just feel like we don't know each other enough to be husband and wife." She rubbed her temples, upset.

"That's what the marriage is for. Lucy, your sitting here telling me you may not want to be with me… how am I supposed to respond?" I sat next to her for a desperate chance to hold her again. I took her hand in mine.

"I'm sorry," She started as I saw tears fall down her cheek, "I just need to think." She stood up, letting go of my hand, she kissed my forehead and simply said, "Good night." From there she walked into our bedroom, crying.

And I sat there on the couch alone. This had been the first night in forever that she didn't tell me she loved me. Feeling defeated and lost in my life, I walked to the kitchen, put the untouched pasta into the fridge and cleaned up the counters. That's when a feeling of nausea swept over me before I lost my lunch and breakfast into the sink, twice before I went into the bathroom, washed my face. Walking to our bedroom, like every night but I discovered that our bedroom door it was locked; a clear sign that Lucy didn't want to be with me… not tonight anyways. Then I fell asleep restlessly on the cold uncomfortable couch alone, feeling more alone then I ever had.

.: The Next Morning:.

I woke up to the sound of my watch alarm ringing in my ear. I groaned and rolled over, but the alarm still wouldn't stop ringing. I threw my hand over my wrist and pressed the buttons until It finally shut up. I stood up and took the blanket off myself before folding it. (Which is weird because I don't remember having a blanket when I went to sleep.) I stretched before walking into the kitchen. There I checked our calendar and lucky for her, Lucy wasn't working today. I prayed that this day would give her enough time to figure things out, how much I needed to be with her. After getting a shower I tried one more time to open our door… it was unlocked. Lucy must have been awake during the night. And that's when she must have covered me. I smiled slightly as I slowly opened the door. She was silently asleep; standing in the doorway I watched her breath in and out. I grabbed some clothes, but before I left for work, I kissed her cheek softly and whispered into her ear, "I love you, Lucy." I kissed her again, shut her door, locked the main door and headed to work.

.:That Afternoon:.

After the longest day of work I probably ever had at work, my shift finally ended. Abby said I should just talk to Lucy and everything would work out. With that being my plan, I signed out my patients, got into the jeep and drove home. On the way I picked up some roses, maybe she just needed some reassurance that I loved her… I really don't know and I was almost afraid to find out. I ran up the stairs of our apartment building and to ours, 4B. Taking a deep breath then opening the door, I saw the apartment a mess, with clothes everywhere.

"Uh, Lucy…" I started as I set the flowers in the kitchen and walked down the hallway, "Everything o-" I stopped suddenly as I walked into the bedroom and saw luggage on the bed with her running around trying to pack her things, "Lucy, what the hell are you doing?"

She hardly looked at me and just bit her lip as she looked in her suitcase, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? Lucy what are you doing?" I opened one of her suitcases and began to remove stuff.

"I have to go," She said taking her things out of my hands and back in her bags.

"Go where! Why? Lucy!" I yelled at her even more hurt then last night; I really messed things up.

"I'm sorry, you were right, you don't deserve this," She zippered one of her bags and walked into the kitchen, dragging it behind her.

"Lucy! No, you're not going anywhere until you tell me what I did wrong!" I pulled her suitcase from her hands and threw them on the ground. I grabbed Lucy by the shoulders and held her hard, "What the hell is going on!"

"I need to figure things out, I'm sorry I have to do it like this, but you don't need my hanging around hurting you any longer." Tears fell from her eyes and she pushed my hands off of her, "This is something I can't do with you." She was sobbing by now and was wiping away her tears fast.

"Lucy…no," I started as I took her hands, "I need you here with me all the time. I can figure this out with you, whatever it is," I begged

She let go of my hands; "I'll call you in a few days or something…" She stood on her tippy-toes and kissed my cheek and whispered, "I love you." She opened the door, took her bags and walked out.

I stood there, for a few seconds, too shocked to have any idea what was going to happen. Did she just leave? I looked around the empty apartment and realized how alone it felt. I grabbed my coat and ran outside in a desperate attempt to catch Lucy. When I saw a taxi down the road, with a beautiful blonde inside crying… I knew I couldn't catch her… and it's not like she wanted me to.