-Disclaimer in first chapter-

A/N: No reviews last time. Psh! That's the last time I thank you. (Kidding)

Ch 10. Finding You

I walked back into our apartment and began to clean up the mess Lucy left. I slowly folded her shirts and placed them back in the drawer, hung up the dresses she didn't take in the closet, there I could smell Lucy. Then I tried the impossible task of trying to distract myself, but of course, could only think of Lucy. I sat on the couch and twirled my engagement ring around my finger, I thought of her. Of all the moments we spent together… and a lot of last night. I sighed and leaned back recounting the moments of the last year in my head, the Christmas', the dates, the times we spent together late at night in each other's arms, the times we spent fighting; and hating the feeling of my arms being so empty so lonely… until I fell into a lonesome sleep.

.:The Next Morning:.

The buzzing of my intercom woke me up. Yawning I stood up and thought of it might have been Lucy, I ran to the intercom.

"Hello?"

"Carter?" Asked a familiar voice, "Finally, I've been buzzing for like an hour."

I sighed and buzzed her in. It was Abby. She was probably coming for Lucy or something. I heard her knock at the door and I opened it for her.

"Hey," she said tilting her head as she let herself in, "How are you?"

I shrugged, I didn't want her to know, "Ok…"

She took off her coat, "Lucy called me."

I stared at Abby as the words left her mouth and traveled into my ear, all in slow motion. "Wait wait wait, you talked to her!"

She took off her gloves and nodded.

I ran my hand across my face and asked, "Well is she ok?"

"She's fine, she just… Carter, she needs to figure some things out. And that doesn't mean she doesn't love you."

I sighed and leaned against the arm of the chair and held my face in my hands, "How did I mess this up so bad?"

"You didn't," she sat next to me and rubbed my shoulder, "Lucy is fine, and will be back soon."

I looked at Abby and stood up, "So what? When she does go home we act like this never happened? She shouldn't have to do this alone." I ran to the phone and started punching in numbers to my travel agent.

"Carter…?" she asked as she followed me.

"When I asked her to marry me, I told her I'd be there for her through it all, and I'm keeping that promise," I sighed and checked the time, then I went to my bedroom and started packing clothes.

"You don't even know where she is, John," She chased me into my bedroom and watched me.

"She's in Pittsburgh with her mother… I know Lucy and that's where she'd go. Am I right?"

She stared at me, bewildered and shocked, "John, are you sure?"

"Yes," I then ordered a one-way ticket to Pittsburgh, which was taking off in a few hours and finished packing. "I should be at the airport like now, can you tell Kerry?"

She nodded and put some of Lucy's things in my bag, "Yeah… just incase she needs some things."

I smiled at Abby, "Thanks, for helping."

She shrugged and hugged me, "I only want good things for you and Lucy, and you seem to know what those are. So, I'm not going to argue with you."

I locked the door behind Abby and myself as I headed off to the airport, and she headed home.

After about an hour on a crowded plane, and then a crowded airport, and trying to find a taxi, and remember where Barbra's house was, I finally was dropped off in front of a small country house, which I think was Barbra's. (we spent last Easter here.)

"Hey, this your stop finally?" He asked in a rough raspy voice, I paid the cab driver his money and walked up to the house. The next thing I knew, I was on the doorstep, holding luggage and ringing the doorbell before a women answered.

"John?" She asked surprised and yet shocked.

I shrugged and hugged my to be mother-in-law, "Hi."

She smiled and took my bag, "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Me too…Lucy's here isn't she?" I asked as I walked around into the house and into the kitchen, so desperately looking for Lucy.

"Yeah she's here… she's just out shopping with her cousin right now."

I sighed and sat in a chair.

"Can I get you some tea?" Barbra asked.

I smiled at her; she was a great mother to Lucy… and well to even me. My parents hadn't even made the time to meet Lucy, while Barbra already adopted me. "Some tea would be great. Thank you."

She got up and turned on the kettle, "I got you're picture," She pointed over on her coffee table.

I stood up and walked over to it and saw an amazing picture of Lucy and I, our engagement picture. I smiled, picked it up and looked at it hard. Noticing the small details about her it seemed I never noticed before.

"You two make such a handsome couple," She placed tea bags into teacups.

I nodded and set the picture back down. While walking into the kitchen I responded, "Thank you… umm Lucy is ok right?"

She placed two teacups onto the table with a plate of cookies, "I think so, yes. But John, there's a lot about Lucy you don't know."

I looked at her in confusion and interest. Just when I opened my mouth to ask about what, I heard a door slam and footsteps. I turned around to where those footsteps were sounded.

"Ah, sorry I'm late, I don't know what happened to Jenny but she became like even more shopping crazy then I remember." She set her bags down on the couch before even noticing me. But when she did, her eyes were the best things I've seen all day. She looked at me surprised and then gulped. She said under her breath, "Carter…"

I stood up and walked closer to her, "I know I'm not supposed to be here."

She smiled slightly and stared at me as her eyes began filling with tears, "I'm glad you're here." Lucy wiped her eyes and looked at her mother, and then at me, "Let's go for a walk ok?"

I nodded at her, and she grabbed her coat while walking out the door, and staying close to me.

"So, how did you know where I was?"

I looked at her, "Uh Abby came by early today and, well she didn't say anything but it was pretty obvious."

With her coat zipped to the top, "Yeah, I was planning on calling you tonight. But, I'm so much happier that you came."

"Lucy, I don't know what you are or aren't ready for anymore. I mean, I thought you were ready for me. For us. And if you're not that's ok… I just need to know. But I'm not about to let you go. We've…we've worked too hard to be here now," I told her honestly. It took us forever to get to the point where we could admit our true feelings to one another, and I couldn't do it again. I really didn't want to. I just wanted to be with Lucy.

She just smiled at me and took my hand, I felt a sigh of relief fall over me; maybe we were going to be ok.

"I'm sorry I did things the way I did, I mean there is just something-"

I cut her off, "It's okay, Luce. I mean, I never thought I'd be marrying that Lucy Knight girl."

She laughed, "Yeah."

I continued, "So, this isn't the way either of us thought we'd end up, but I'm glad it is…"

"I was raped, John."

I stopped walking and just looked ahead of me where Lucy was. "What?" I asked, she couldn't have said…

"I was thirteen and my friends and I thought we were bad-asses and went to this senior party. And, I was actually dumb enough to take a drink from a guy."

I looked at her saying these words, but they just all buzzed around me. She couldn't be serious.

She shrugged, digging her hands into her pocket, "I didn't mean to drop it all on you like this but I knew I couldn't marry somebody who knows everything I used to be."

I ran my hand through my hair, "Lucy…"

She stood there in the cold. And with each breath she took and each time she spoke, a cloud of smoke traveled from her mouth. Her nose was flushed and her cheeks also, she waited for my reaction. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. And it's not a big deal, anymore. But…what happened has a lot to deal with who I am today."

"Oh my god," I walked closer to her, and held my hands around her waist. I somehow wanted to protect whatever pain he caused.

"I'm ok. It's been a long time. I didn't even remember it until a few years ago." She picked her hands out of her pocket and placed them on my arms.

"I can't believe you never told me that."

She joked, "It's not all that bad, I mean I lost my second virginity to you."

I laughed slightly, and then hugged her. I felt as her grip tightened around my back and her head lay comfortably on my chest. I rubbed her back while smelling her hair and whispering in her ear, "I love you, Lucy."

"I love you, too, Carter," She backed away from our embrace and I took both of her hands.

"So you're okay?" I asked, squeezing her hands.

"I'm okay, Carter." She started to rant. "I just know everything about you and I want you to know everything about me so you know what you're really getting yourself into. I want this to last; I don't ever want to divorce. I don't want us to find out in five years that we're not for each other. I want this to last." She sniffled and grinned.

I took her face in my hands and kissed her softly, "Lucy, this going to last.

After more smiling and hugging, her hands traveled around my waist. "Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?"

I nodded while picking a fallen eyelash off her cheek, "Here or in Chicago?"

"Can we stay here for an extra day or so? My mom wants to talk wedding talk."

"Sure. Let's get back inside before we both die of hypothermia," I said, pulling her hands toward her mother's house. I heard her teeth clatter.

"Sure," she said in-between shivers.

We walked together, inside Barbra's house.

.: Inside:.

We both changed into sweat clothes and were drinking hot chocolate, in the living room, while I tried to set a fire up in the fireplace.

"Ok I need a match," I looked over at Lucy, just sitting on the couch, "What aren't you going to help?"

She rolled her eyes and stood up, handing me a match, "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"It's a fireplace, what's there to know?" I lit a match and threw it into the fire where the logs caught on fire all in a flash.

She laughed, "Well, I guess that's good."

The fire grew fast and now was becoming higher and bigger by the second.

I shrugged and sat back on the couch with Lucy, while Barbra sat in the armchair.

"Wow! Nice fire, John!" She exclaimed pulling out some Bridal Magazines.

I shrugged, "So, have you thought of a dress yet, Luce?"

"Even if I've gotten one, you still couldn't see it."

"You got one!" I asked shocked as I peeked over her shoulder to look at the magazines.

"There's a Bridal store around here where I may get mine at tomorrow," She shut the magazine in my face.

Barbra smiled, "Well, what time is your flight tomorrow?"

I looked at a pad where everything was written on, "Uh, late fight, not until 10 pm."

The mother stood up and grabbed the phone, "I'll make you an appointment, Lucy."

I looked around the room and then at Lucy, "So um, second virginity eh?"

Lucy smiled slightly and gave me an odd look, "Uh huh…"

"So you and Dale never…?

She shook head fast and swallowed a sip of hot chocolate, "Did he say that! No! Never!."

I winked at her and looked around the room, taking it all in. It was so warm, with flowers everywhere and thousands of pictures. Don't get me wrong, the house I grew up in was nice… but it always felt cold. More like a museum. I stood up and walked around the small room, that's when I noticed a picture on the coffee table I did not see before.

"Oh my god, Lucy." I laughed while picking it up. A baby picture of Lucy, she must have only been six months with oatmeal all over her face.

Lucy grabbed the picture off of me and blushed.

"These are great," I stood up and walked around the living room noticing even more and more pictures of Lucy.

"Ok, ok, you can stop now."

"Why? This is fun!"

She blushed more and looked at me, "You know there better be a lot of pictures at Gamma's house whenever I meet your parents."

"There are. Believe me." I pointed to a picture that was taken when she was just born.

She rolled her blue eyes.

"You were a little thing."

"Uh…five pounds, nine ounces. I was a little premature." She starred at me while she spoke.

I looked over at her, over my shoulder, "What?"

She raised her eyebrows and set the pictures back down on the table.

"Uh…what?" I shook my head at her.

"We never talked about kids," She said looking in her coffee cup.

I couldn't believe she actually brought it up. Here. Now. "We didn't…" My voice trailed off.

"Well do you?" She asked plopping back down onto the couch.

I nodded and sat next to her, "You know I always have. But if you don't-"

She smiled and cut me off, "No! I do."

"Good."

"Good," She said smiling back at me, "But not now."

"Right, we have to at least get you down the aisle first."

Laughing she agreed, "Right."

.:Dinner:.

"So, honeymoon…" She winked at me from across the table while she slid her fork in her mouth and chewed her shrimp.

"Well, where do you want to go?" I smiled at her.

She shrugged, "Well we can go to Europe, or like Hawaii, or Florida, or um… I don't know," She sipped her wine.

"I really don't know, Luce. Wherever you want to go, I want to go."

She bit her lip and thought, "The beach is so cliché."

"Alright, that knocks out Hawaii and Florida. That is unless you want to go to Disney."

Laughing, she responded, "No, not really… but, Europe is so far away."

"We can stay in Chicago then if you want to. But I though the whole point of honeymooning was to get out," I said in between eating my chicken and then continued, "How about we wait until we meet with Monica again, then we'll talk with her and get the expert's opinion?"

She nodded and finished her glass of wine, "Sounds good to me…I'm just excited."

I took her hand from across the table and gave it a light squeeze, "I really am too." Looking at her, then my plate and back at her, I asked, "How about your father?" The question has been on my mind since we first started seeing each other.

Lucy looked at me before answering, "Umm…what about him?"

"You know who he is right?"

"I know his name…" Her voice trailed off and she swirled the wine around the glass.

"Do you want to invite him?" I asked while I ran my fingers across hers.

"Whenever I was little," She started and pulled her hand back from mine to fiddle with her hair, "And I dreamed of my wedding, he was supposed to be there, to give me away. I mean I always thought…one day…someday, he'd wonder who I was. But, here I am, twenty-eight years later." She cleared her throat. "I don't really want to talk about him, though."

"It's his loss." I smiled at her and waited for her expression.

"We don't need to invite him, your family will keep us busy enough," She said with a grin.

I smiled back, and then ordered another glass of wine to finish our dinner with.

.:Later that night:.

I held her tight, holding her up from falling as we walked into Barbra's house.

She started laughing again and buried her head into my shoulder. "I'm so buzzed!"

"You're a little more then buzzed," I whispered loudly, Barbra was asleep and I didn't want to wake her up.

She took a few steps, and again, starting laughing.

"And what is that funny?" I asked watching her.

Then, I saw the hallway light turn on in the upstairs hallway as Lucy tripped over her own feet, and fell back into my arms.

"What's all the noise about?" Whispered Barbra as she came down the stairs to check on us.

Lucy rolled her eyes and looked at me, then laughed again. "Nothing." She shook her head fast and closed her eyes.

"My god, John! What did you let her drink!"

"Not a whole lot. Just some wine and some mixed drinks." I cursed myself for letting her drink all that.

Lucy snickered once more, let go of my grasp, and once again slumped back into my arms. "It must be these shoes." She looked at me and nodded.

"Yeah that must be it, Luce," I rolled my eyes at Barbra, kept from laughing by biting her lip.

"Do you need any help getting her upstairs?" She asked amused.

I shook my head, "No, I got it. Sorry for waking you up."

"No problem, good night, Lucy, John." She walked back up the stairs, looking behind her back every so often.

"She's acting weird," Lucy said weird Lucy said putting extra stress on 'weird'.

"Well, you're less drunk then you were last time I saw you 'buzzed'."

"Ohh! That…was bad!"

"Yeah it was. You okay?"

She sighed, "I'm just a little sleepy."

"Can you walk?" I questioned as I held her shoulders in my arms.

"Uh, yeah, I can," She said…but never moved, "Ok, maybe I'll need a little help."

"Ok, ok, come on, my fair lady," I swung her legs into my arms and walked up the stairs slowly, while she still laughed. "What's funny now?"

"Not one thing," She said as her eyes closed.

I walked into her bedroom and set her carefully on the bed. "Can you change your own clothes?"

She nodded, I handed her a pair sweat pants and watched her closely to make sure she was ok. Once we were both changed, I brought a glass of water to my fiancé.

"What's this thing for?" She asked, holding the glass up in wonder.

"I don't want you to be dehydrated, drink up then we can sleep."

She sighed and took a few sips before handing the water back to me.

I turned off the lights and helped her get under the covers, "I'm never going to let you drink again." I said, watching her drift away.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

I cleared my throat and got comfortable.

I felt her hair fall in my face and I opened my eyes and saw her glazed ones looking right back at me. I picked my head up and kissed her softly. "I love you. Even when you're drunk off your ass," I laughed.

"Thank you for coming. For being here, for caring. For caring about the crazy side of me."

"That's not going to change."

We laid back down, closed our eyes, and blissfully fell asleep.