So, school started and a big you know what to three AP classes. But, OH! Before that, my computer CRASHED. Seriously, ask anybody. It crashed and I was like in tears trying to get my brother to fix it. And he's like, "What can POSSIBLY be some important on that hard drive." And I like cried, "You don't understand!" So I made him fix this damn thing. And…after some twenty bucks…he did.
So, yeah, It sucks because I never get a chance to write anymore. I work 22 hours on the weekend still at my summer-job. (Boo for Renaissance Festival.) And I still have my REAL job. And school, and dance. My plate is full. But not too full for you, my beloved readers. But, it's my birthday today. (yay me) So I threw my copy of The Scarlet Letter down, and went back to my fanfiction.
Issue number tres. So, we all know I have mucho chapters finished right. Number 42 right now. But one thing goes along with that, I skipped a lot of chapter fifteen. Not that it's very boring or anything, but I had so much good stuff ahead of me. So, sorry. I'm going to try and work on that! So, if I'm late….I'm sorry and will update twice in a week to make it up.
Woo..okay. I wrote this chapter like a year or so ago, but going back and rereading it, and this is muy importante. Like so many things in this chapter come back.
Sorry about the wait, you have NO idea how much I love you for reading this.
A/N: Ok, Lucy's mom is named Barbra and so is Carter's sister…coincidence? Well anywho, I changed the spelling so you won't get confused for the wedding…or other things.
Carter's sister is spelled BarbAra
And Lucy's mother is spelled Barbra
So yeah that's over with, oh well, happy reading!
A/N #2: I guess you can call this a songfic… sure why not? Well the song is Keane 'Sunshine'
-Disclaimer in first chapter-
Ch 12. Trying
Tick, Tick, Tick
The seconds slowly passed by as I stared at my watch. Lucy began to pace, with each tick from my watch; she'd take another step. I watched her, and then I watched my watch and became totally dizzy.
"Luce, sit down, please."
"How much longer?" She asked fast and stopped pacing.
"Thirty-five seconds," I sighed out. My stomach felt twisted inside as I said those words…in seconds, I would find out if we were going to be parents.
She took a seat next to me, and looked at my watch and she whispered to herself. "26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21…"
Her eyes met mine, and we gazed at each other.
14, 13, 12, 11, 10,
I felt sweat beads fall from my forehead, and watched as Lucy nervously chewed her lip.
5, 4, 3, 2…1
A little out of breath, Lucy said, "I waited all day to see that test, and now I don't think I can," She said as she stared at it into the kitchen.
I shook my head, "Me neither…"
She looked at me for a few more seconds, then stood up and walked into the kitchen and stood in front of the test. I followed her and stood in the doorway. She picked it up and slowly said, "Oh."
"Oh what?" I asked as the knot in my stomach tightened itself.
"It's um, negative," She turned around to look at me. The news hit me like a truck.
I sat down on a stool and repeated, "Oh."
She threw the test in the trash and rubbed her hands together, "I guess, I just blew the whole thing over."
I rested my chin on my hand, which was on the counter and stared at Lucy, "Yeah, well, it's good we know."
"Right…. Right." She said slowly and ran a hand through her hair while closing her eyes, only to reveal two tears streaming down from them.
"Oh, Luce." I stood up and enclosed my arms around her, rubbing her back and smoothing her hair, saying over and over again, "Shhh…"
"No, this is stupid," She said as she wrapped her arms around my waist as she rested her head below my shoulder, "I never even had this, and now I'm crying over it. I don't even know why I thought I was, just with Susan and everything…"
"Yeah, I know, they seem so happy," I held her closer and rested my chin on her head.
She backed away from the embrace and wiped her eyes, "So, what now?"
"Whatever you want, Lucy."
"No, this is something both of us have to decide," She said still drying her eyes.
I watched her and shrugged.
"Carter! This isn't something I'm going to let us just let go and not talk about it for a year. What do you want!" She demanded as her voice slightly raised and her face flushed.
"Ok fine, here's honesty. I want kids; I've always wanted kids. You know that. But if you're not-"
She cut me off, "No I am… I am. I know I was crazy this morning, but thinking about it all day. You know, bottles, cribs, toys, just babies, I want to be parents together, both of us."
I nodded and smiled.
"When?"
"Well, I'm ready now," I lost myself in my thoughts and grinned, "I've been thinking about it all day too. Packing lunches, having a real Christmas, tucking them in, having them climb in our bed when they have a bad dream," I stopped myself and shrugged, while she listened to every word I said.
"Like I said before, you're going to be such a great father," After she said that she sat on the stool next to her.
"Only if you're the mother, with me. I'd be lost without you."
"I'm never leaving you Carter."
I put my arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek, "And that's what's going to make us the best parenting team."
She bit her lip as she thought aloud, "I don't think I can wait for a baby after today. But, I really want to be able to fit into my wedding dress."
"That could be a problem," I said as I massaged her shoulder
She nodded and leaned her head on my hand.
"Wait!" I said as I jumped up and ran over to the calendar, "Oh Lucy, you're going to love this!"
Asking she walked behind me, "Love what?"
"Let's change the wedding date!"
"What! Carter we can't-"
"No just listen, we call Monica, change everything around, cancel all the plans and get new ones! We'll have a small wedding, with just our family and the people from work, we can have it," I looked at the calendar, "Like mid June or something, what do you say?"
She looked at me while she took in what I said. "John…" She said unsure.
"Come on! For once be spontaneous!"
She rolled her eyes and started to laugh. "Okay, let's do it."
"Really!" I asked laughing.
"Yeah, really," She grinned, hugged me and kissed me tenderly.
Once we backed away from the kiss I said, "So, we're trying for a baby."
She nodded and brushed her hand through my hair, "Mm hmm."
"When?"
She held me tighter and seductively whispered, "You busy?"
I could feel her face smile, for it was right next to mine, and then her hands cupped my face and held it close, right in front of her eyes. "I love you, Carter," She said as she ran one of her hands through my hair and I felt her nails as the lightly scratched my scalp.
"Lucy, I love you too," I said back as I pulled her arm behind me, into our bedroom, and for the first time, we didn't worry about the thing we worried about all the other times. This time, we hoped that everything we were worried about going wrong, would go right. For us to get pregnant.
.:About Two Weeks Later:.
"Lucy, your hands are shaking," I said as I put both of mine on hers and she smiled nervously.
She flipped her free hand through her hair, "I am just, uh, nervous."
"Don't worry, they are going to love you like I love you." I knocked on the door and looked at Lucy's doubtful face. "What's wrong?"
"You know you're lying," She said as she straightened her shirt, "Your family hates every girl whom you've ever gone out with.
"Like who!" I demanded as I knocked on the door again.
"I don't know…people…Something about an Anna?"
"Oh yeah, I remember her, she was good," I teased Lucy.
Laughing, she elbowed me on the side, "Shut up!"
The butler opened the door and Lucy and I entered the enormous castle.
"Wow," Said Lucy under her breath right before Gamma walked over to greet us.
"Ah, John, how are you?"
"'I'm great Gamma," I kissed her cheek, "You look well yourself, you remember Lucy."
"It's such a pleasure to see you again," Lucy said shyly.
My grandmother smiled, "I'm sure the pleasure is mine. Now, why don't we go in and meet your parents, they've been expecting you, oh and a little surprise," She led us into the dining room. And there sat my mother, father, and oh my god, my sister.
"Johnny!" She exclaimed as she ran up and hugged me. I was so utterly shocked to see her; I hadn't the slightest idea what to do.
"Barbara, what are you doing here!" I asked while she backed away from the hug.
"Well, I got offered this shoot and…" Her voice trailed off looking at Lucy, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't introduce myself, I'm Barbara, Johnny's sister, and you must be his fiancé."
Lucy looked around the room with a small twinge of a smile and nodded, "Yes I'm Lucy. Nice to meet you."
My mother walked over to introduce herself, and my father for that matter to Lucy, "I'm Eleanor Carter, and my ex husband, John Carter."
Lucy smiled her friendly smile, and said, "I'm so glad we finally had the chance to meet."
Sensing Lucy's uncomfortable voice, I put my hand on her back and pulled a chair out for her so we can all get started on brunch.
"So," started Barbara, "Where did you grow up Lucy?"
"A small suburb outside of Pittsburgh."
The butler then interrupted, "Would you like anything to drink madam?"
Lucy looked at me, biting her lip, "Ah yes she'll have an orange juice and myself also thank you." I said.
"No wine?" My mother questioned with that tone in her voice.
She pulled up her chair and placed her hands in her lap, "Oh, no thank you."
This was so not Lucy, being in a place like this. It used to be me, until I met Lucy, and she changed me…maybe not so much changed as made me want to be with her so much, that I changed. I still didn't know… how and why we fell in love. What exactly made a poor girl from the country and a rich little boy from the city, who came from such different families, and with those families, different values, fall in love, and have it last. I knew Lucy and I haven't been together for a long time, but it was still hard for me to imagine how I lived for so long without waking up next to her… impossible.
"And the wedding," My father started, "That's in a few months isn't it?"
"Obviously you didn't check your mail, Dad," I cleared my throat as our brunch was set upon the table.
"Has something changed?" My mother questioned with a cynical voice while she sipped her wine.
Barbara almost spit her fruit salad up, "Oh come on, I live in Paris and I know they changed their wedding date!"
"You what!" My mother yelled towards us.
Chuckles came from my sister's laugh, across the table.
Her blue eyes widened, her grip on my hand tightened all throughout this yelling, and, well, of course laughing.
"Yes, John, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," Gamma said in her soft voice as she reentered the room.
"Well, Lucy and I just wanted to get married sooner, a small wedding, it just suits us better. Well it's June 16th." I looked at Lucy and stroked her back.
"Oh…well then." My mother said under her breath.
All of our heads turned toward my mother, near the head of the table.
I put my fork down. I was ready for it. "What, Mom? This isn't your business."
"You're my son! Everything is my business."
"Eleanor, please just calm down." Tried my father.
"No, John!"
"Oh please! Everything stopped being your business after-" Barbara cut me off.
"Oookayy," said my sister slowly, "Lucy, I know we haven't met before but I'm a photographer and would love to do your wedding, so come with me. Come on." Barbara stood up and took Lucy's hand, "I brought my photo book from the last wedding I did, and I think you'll love it."
Lucy looked over her shoulder one last time at me before walking out of the room.
The room set in silence for a period of time, before I spoke under my breath, "Sure, can't imagine why Lucy wants to marry into this family."
My mother stood up and started to tread across the room, "Oh, John, we're never good enough for you."
"Jonathon, don't talk that way about us," My father said in his mellow voice.
"Not good enough!" I yelled and stood up, "This is the first time you met Lucy in the three years we've been together."
"Yeah, maybe there's a reason for that." My mother said as she again, sipped her wine.
"Oh god, here we go. I know just what you're going to say. She's not a 'Carter', she's not rich enough, and god-forbid she works."
She finally sat back in her chair and continued, "I just don't think she's for you, John, call it mother's intuition."
"Oh please! You'd have to be a mother to have that," I said in a soft voice as I stood up and started to walk out of the room, with one call back, "Don't even bother coming, Eleanor." I stormed out and slammed the door, mad as hell and ran around the house to find Lucy. Minutes later I entered the study and saw her and my sister, sitting on a couch looking at a photo album.
"Is everything okay?" Lucy asked, standing up. She could tell from the look on my face I was not ok.
"We have to go, where is your purse?"
"Um, right here," She picked it up and took my hand, "The photos are lovely, if it's okay with John, I would love for you to picture our wedding."
"Thanks, Lucy. John what happened?" Barbara inquired.
"The usual. Ready Luce?"
She nodded, "Call us Barbara, Maybe we can have lunch before you have to go back to Paris."
Once Barbara said she would, Lucy and I walked out of the house and into the Jeep.
When we were in the Jeep, I started getting questioned, "John, what happened in there?"
I couldn't even answer I was so upset; I had not a single clue how to explain it to her.
"John!"
"What Lucy?"
"What happened? Are you okay?"
"Nothing, I'm fine.
"Carter!" I could tell by the tone of her voice she was getting upset, and my anger was rising also.
"Lucy, I said nothing happened! Drop it ok?"
She sighed, rolling her eyes and looked out the window, "You can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?"
"Cutting me out! I'm going to be your wife!"
I sighed and looked over at her, "I'm not your patient, Luce."
She rolled her eyes, pissed off, and again looked out the window.
.:Later That Evening:.
After a boring day of doing nothing, and being alone since Lucy got sick of me and went into work for a half of a shift, I was pretty happy to hear buzzing over the intercom, I went over and said over it. "Yes?"
"Hey, can I come in?" Asked my sister.
"Uh, sure, Barbara, come on up." I buzzed her in; she just probably wanted to make peace between the family and I. But to my surprise whenever I opened the door, she was holding suitcases and bags.
"You have an extra bedroom?" She asked slightly laughing.
I took some bags off of her and set them in the living room, "Uh, yeah."
"Or the couch doesn't look so bad," She said as she took off her coat and sat upon it.
Sitting next to her I asked, "Get into a fight?"
"Yeah, you can say that again."
"So bad they kicked you out?"
She shook her head, "No, I left myself. I hope it's okay that I'm here. Where's Lucy?"
"Oh, she got called into work for a little. She wasn't so happy with me anyways." I stood up and got myself and Barbara a soda from the refrigerator.
Taking the soda from me, and opening it she responded as if she's known Lucy's and my whole history, "You're not talking to her about this are you?"
"She's a psychiatrist, she wants to know I feel about every little thing."
"John, this thing with mom and dad and you isn't so little," She took her coat off and rested her feet on the couch.
I shrugged and took a gulp of my soda, and then asking Barbara, "So what was your fight with them about?"
"I kinda defended you, by saying how mom doesn't even want to get close to us anymore. Then she got mad, cried, and I couldn't be around to see that again." She looked at her soda can with her usual bright face filling in guilt.
"Well, you're right," I stood up and stretched my arms out.
"No. I was wrong. Why are you so mad at them? Especially mom."
"Barbara, she left us! Right after our brother died, she left us…."
"Well, her son died, John! She couldn't just hang around the house forever, it was too much!"
"Well what about me? I was just a kid-" Then, I was cut off.
"Yeah, you were just a little boy who watched his big brother die. You would act the exact same way."
"No, I wouldn't…"
She argued back, "Yeah, you would! Suppose you and Lucy have a kid, or I don't know, a lot of kids, and you slowly watch one die…imagine that for a few seconds."
I closed my eyes. Lucy and I were trying for a kid, and she was talking about it dying… "I wouldn't live in a bubble forever. I mean it would be hard, but how hard would it be to love again!"
"Why aren't you mad at me instead, Johnny?" She asked with her head bowed down at her eyes welling.
"What?"
She opened her mouth to answer, but the door opened interrupted her. Lucy walked through, and saw us, "Hey, Carter, oh and um, Barbara. Hi."
She quickly dried her eyes and put on a fake smile, "Hi Lucy, how are you?"
"Good."
I stood up and kissed Lucy on the cheek, "Is it okay if Barbara stays here for a while?"
She nodded, "Yeah it's ok." Her blue eyes looked deep into mine, as if trying to figure out what I've been thinking about. Then, she looked around the room and back at me, "I'll just be doing some laundry, if you need me." She patted me on the shoulder and walked into another room and shut the door.
I sat down next to Barbara, while watching the direction Lucy went off into.
"She really loves you."
I laughed slightly and ran a hand through my hair, "She's the only one, you know, that ever stayed around long enough to figure me out. Well, except for Gamma."
My sister smiled slightly and sniffled, "Do you remember what I promised you at Bobby's funeral?"
I shook my head.
"We were sitting outside, you know just to get out of the room for a while. You must have been like eight or something. And you were crying. So I hugged you, and I told you, I would never leave you."
Whenever she said that, I slowly remembered that night. It was cold outside and we both shared our Dad's jacket. We were sitting on the concrete stairs…and I remember her crying too. "I remember now."
"And then, like two months later, I got accepted to this photography school in Paris, and I gave not a second thought about accepting."
I nodded; slowly memories from that painful first year without Bobby were shooting back at me.
She shrugged, "I left my baby brother. And I saw you, once every other Christmas until you went to college, your med school graduation, Grandpa's funeral, and now. Mom and Dad were always going on trips so you were stuck with Gamma. Which is probably why you two are so close. But still, I couldn't handle Mom and Dad crying, and the pain, and memories of Bobby, it was too much for me. And I didn't even think about how harder it would be for you."
I sighed, watching her spill her soul out to me, "Barbara, it wasn't your job to be there for me."
She dried her eyes on her shirtsleeve, "But I should have. I'm sorry."
"I never held anything against you, Barb. I just wished I could go with you."
She laughed slightly, "Now you're this doctor, who's engaged, and still damaged…because of me."
"Don't be so hard on yourself," I took her hand, "I'm not so damaged."
"I'm sorry, John."
"Barbara, I forgive you. But don't worry about it. You're here now aren't you?"
She nodded and smiled.
"And you're going to be photographing my wedding for free?"
Laughing, she nodded again.
"Then, we're even." I stood up and picked up a few of her bags, "The guest room is right there, just help yourself to anything. I have to go make up with Lucy."
She wiped away the last of her tears, and with that, the remainder of her guilt. "Or make-out ."
"Ha ha!" As I walked down the hall and into our room, I could hear the soft mellow sounds of Lucy's new favorite CD playing, Keane. I walked into the bedroom to see Lucy folding clothes and putting them away neatly.
"Everything okay with Barbara?"
I nodded and sat on the bed, "Yeah, she just got into a fight with my parents."
"Oh," she said simply, folding and putting more clothes away.
I watched her for a little, "Come here." I pulled her hand towards me and sat her on the bed next to me. "I think I owe you an apology," I sighed deeply and looked at my to-be-wife. She rubbed my shoulder and could tell something was bothering me, "When it comes to my family… especially things dealing with Bobby… I… I don't know how to talk about it." Although, I wasn't very good at it, I loved talking to her. Just the way she listened. She wouldn't blink or concentrate her attention on anything else but taking in every word I'm saying. I rubbed her knee while she lightly scratched the back of my neck; this was how she got me to talk. "My parents were gone a lot after Bobby died. And then Barbara moved to Paris, it got lonely a lot. So my mother wasn't there for me then, and I resent when she tries to bud into my life now when I don't need her." I stroked a small piece of her sun blonde hair, finishing what I was saying.
"I didn't even know about your brother until like our first January together…he was a big part of you."
I lost myself in a trance and thought. "He still is a big part of me…I'd be so different if he were still…" Twenty-some years later, and I was still wishing he never got sick.
"Carter, I don't want to force you to talk about Bobby if you don't want to. Just don't pretend like I'm not here. I just hate when you try to hide things from me, you know you're not very good at it."
I lightly laughed, "So I've been told."
Lucy smiled looking at me. I leaned in and kissed her tenderly, running my hands over her back as the track on the CD player changed to "Sunshine".
Lucy backed away and laughed, and then I laughed, "What's so funny?"
I
hold you in my hands
A little animal
And only some dumb
idiot
Would let you go
"This," she said, still laughing.
I stood up and shut the door, and then got back on the bed.
"Your sister's here," She started as I began to kiss her neck.
But
if I'm one thing
Then that's the one thing
I should know
Can
anybody find their home
Out of everyone
Can anybody find their
home
"She's a photographer, I think she knows people have sex," I reached my hands under her shirt and rubbed her sides. I cleared my throat and whispered in her ear, "I hold you in cupped hands, and shield you from a storm."
She sighed happily and couldn't fight it anymore.
Where only some dumb idiot
Would let you go
"Practice doesn't hurt." I kept smiling at her.
But if I'm one thing
Then that's the one
thing
I should know
Can anybody find their home
Out of
everyone
Can anybody find their home
Lost in the sun
Can
anybody find their home
Come on, come on, come on
Can anybody
find their home
Her lips met mine and we kissed, while she slowly unbuttoned my shirt.
Oh oh-oh-oh-oh
Can anybody find their
home
Out of everyone
Can anybody find their home
Lost in the
sun
Can anybody find their home
Come on, come on, come on
Can
anybody find their home
While we made out, I reached over Lucy, to the stereo and pressed the repeat button.
Oooooh
Can anybody find their home