I walked into the ICU, I had to say Goodbye. I knew that if I didn't I would carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life.
"How is he doing?" I asked the on-duty nurse. She gave me a smile. "He's stable. That's a blessing."
I obviously couldn't argue with that. But the fact that he still wasn't awake was something else.
I walked up to his bed side and took his hand in mine. I didn't know what to say to him, not knowing whether or not he could even hear me. Finally I leaned down and softly kissed his cheek. "Goodbye, Nicky." I whispered softy. Turning I left the room.
When I walked out into the parking lot, I found the gang standing by my SUV.
"So you're really gonna go, Tessa?"
"I really am I replied. I quickly hugged each of them, and after promising to keep in touch I climbed into the driver's seat. "Sar, I'll call ya when I get to Haylee's." I told her (Haylee was my cousin, who I would stay with until I found an apartment).
"Tessa." Catherine's voice cut over the sound of the engine. I turned the car off as sh walked over to the window. "What am I going to tell Nick?" she asked me.
"Tell him whatever you want Cath. It doesn't matter to me."
With out waiting to hear what she had to say, I started the car, and pulled the car out of the parking lot and pointed it toward Massachusetts.
2 months later...
Boston Crime Lab 10:30AM
Monday January 10, 2002
Shift had been over for almost three hours but since I had not finished doing my paper work, I figured that I would stay until I did.
I glanced at the calendar and sighed inwardly. It was only 10 days into the New Year. which meant that I had been in Boston Exactly two months. in those two months I had kept in touch with everyone back home by email; except for Sara who I talked to on the phone every other day. Nick, had emailed me a few times, but never had much to say. I honestly could not blame him if he had nothing to say to me.
After all ha di stayed around long enough to make sure he would be alright? No I had just taken off. And I had known since long before the shooting that I was leaving and ahd not told him.
The radio was playing softly:
Empty
spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to
go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going
is anybody's guess
I
try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half
asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all
I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices
tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all
alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder
if we made a big mistake
try
to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half
asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all
I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices
tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all
alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder
if we made a big mistake
I
don't mean to drag it on,
But I can't seem to let you go
I
don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go
(alone)
I
try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake
but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be
unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices
tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all
alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder
if we made a big mistake
...Incomplete
For some reason, my eyes began to fill with tears. Was that how I was feeling? Was I feeling incomplete? What was it that was missing in my life? I knew of course what it was or rather who it was. But I knew that what was done was done. Maybe the whole "Lets just be friends" thing had been a good idea. Maybe it was good that we had decided not to get involved too seriously.
Ok who was I trying to kid? I wasn't happy. Any fool could see that. I had never wanted to be "Just Friends" I had only agreed to what Nick had said because I knew that it had been the right thing to say at the time.
But I also knew now that I had never really loved Jason, and that leaving Vegas had been a big mistake. I buried my face in my hands and silently sobbed. Why did I have to be so so.. Stupid? I loved Nick, I couldn't deny that, even though I had for almost a year now.
I didn't even notice that anyone had come into the room until I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned around, and I couldn't believe my eyes…….