No... reviews... for... the... last... chapter... either... I'm going to burst out crying! I have no one to thank for this chapter... and for that reason... I made Sakura's story extra sucky, figuring no one would want to read it anyway. Aw shucks, couldn't help but to make Tomoyo's better. SO, if anyone happened to ACTUALLY even read this, skimp out on Sakura's so you can skip my suckiness:P ha ha very funny.

Chapter 9: Memories and Suicide

There are times when people can have joy and happiness, brimmed with bliss and bubbling with everlasting laughter. But there are other times when people could be depressed, sadder than gray clouds and rainy days, gloomier than foggy days, and their eyes brimmed with tears instead of bliss, bubbling with sobs instead of laughter. I had my days of joy and happiness, and those days are long over. Now, I'm filled with the depressed, sad, and gloomy days, crying my days through. Where were my days of happiness? Had they gone down the drain? Why don't I sing in the shower? Nor do I hum and skip. Are those days gonna stay away forever? Could I just never whistle a day again? Where are my days of happiness? Are they drained away… forever?

"Sakura-chan!" I remember hearing Yukito call out my name.

"Monster Sakura." I remember hearing Touya call out my name.

"Sakura-san!" I remember hearing my father call out my name.

"Baby Sakura!" I remember hearing my mother call out my name.

"Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!" I remember hearing Tomoyo call out my name.

But… I never hear them again, the words have disappeared through their lips, and they are fading away in my memory. One day they will have gone forever, and I will have faded away myself. My mother is already fading away, those good days that seemed to last forever. The days where my father would bake pancakes, the days my mother would joke. The days my brother would call me names, and talk about ghosts under my bed. The days Tomoyo cheered me on in races, and filmed me in frilly dresses. But those days… they are fading away… they are fading into memories… and soon into air. We will all forget each other, lost in our own world. We will have lost our word called 'family and friends'… because now they have all vanished into air. Where is everybody? Where am I? Am I already drifting off into darkness? Has the earth stopped turning? Has the sun stopped shining? Has the universe… stopped breathing with love? Is there no more happiness? Or is it just me? No… its gotta be everyone! It can't be just me! Brother is losing his smile and laugh, and he never calls me a monster! My dad, he spends all his time out with 'Janet' and he's dumped all the pictures of mom in the trash! They're probably up in the attic… and now moths are eating mom's memories! Vanishing into air! It doesn't matter if she's preserved, but it matters if her memories are… where is this world going? Where is this family going? I'll tell you, its going down the drain into a world of unhappiness! I'll tell you where I'm going! I'm being sucked into darkness with no family! I don't want that to happen… I want us to stick together forever and ever… I'll be the glue if I can. I'll be the one to make up the jokes and keep us all happy… but I know… its impossible… there's only one original mom who can do that… no one to replace… no one take her place… because my mom is the only greatness… there's no one better… there's no one like a mom than her to us. So why is father going out with Janet… has he really forgotten mom? So why is big brother secluding himself, locking himself up in his room? Where am I too? Where am I? Am I becoming dark and cramped with hard thoughts? Am I slowly turning into air myself? Am I letting moths eat me up too? Where's Tomoyo? Where is her advice? Where's her calm and helpful voice? Is there even a family or friend here? I think I'm sleeping… I think it's all a nightmare… but no… I've seen it all happen with eyes wide awake… and I've pinched myself but I'm not waking up. Now I'm sobbing hard on my bed, and I'm crying my eyes out, harder than ever. I've lost everything I once had, I lost my family and my best friend… I lost my happiness and my laughter and smiles… I lost my cheeriness and sunny face… my mother… my father… my brother… my friend… and now I'm slowly losing myself… what else can I do? I know mother is happy up in heaven, but I'm not happy down here. I know that my brother is sad too… and perhaps my father is lonely. But I'm sad too… and I'm still here for my father! What about Tomoyo? Was I a bad friend? What am I going to do?

My head shot up… an idea came up to my head… no… it wasn't an idea… it was more than an idea… it was real… it was true… it was… suicide.

-

Mothers can be overprotective if something abrupt happened to them. Maybe a divorce, maybe death of someone, or even just because of their nature. Some mothers are overprotective over memories, because many memories can hurt you. Many memories have hurt me. My mother once brought me to a doctor, I forgot why, but when I heard her story, I remembered it all. I was scared to death by those hurtful memories, so she brought me to a doctor so I could forget it all. And I did. They told her that until I am old enough remember again, she should never talk about my father. And so she never did, and I never remembered. I remember now. I remember so clearly, it was like yesterday. It's a horrible memory, a memory my mother never wanted me to remember. And that's why she took me to that doctor.

There was a shatter of glass.

It made me shiver, it made my ears burn, and I wanted to cry.

But I was too scared to cry.

I hid behind the fridge, watching tremulously as my father came home.

His silver hair was tangled and messy. His eyes gray like mucky mist in a swampland. His shirt rumpled and the buttons put in the wrong way. He had dropped his bottle, splattering glass and alcohol all over the wooden floor.

Maids fearfully fled the room.

"Someone clean this up!" he demanded, swerving back and forth, drunk he was.

I shivered, hoping he wouldn't see me.

Too late. He looked my way.

"Honey. Don't hide from me!" he gave out a dumb laugh that made me crawl deeper into the back of the fridge.

He swung his hand for me. I gave a cry. He missed.

Tears were coming out of my eyes. I was scared to death.

"Come here…" he gave a nasty snarl.

He came in closer, I could smell the horrible stink of beer, cigarettes, and kisses laid on him by some woman, who was not my mother.

I screamed as he got a grip of my arm. He yanked it, making me scream louder.

He pulled me out of the small corner and whacked me on the head.

I collapsed on the floor, crying harder.

"You horrible girl. You're nothing. I could adopt a better one than you. A prettier one." He hissed.

I cried and cried.

Someone burst in.

"You!"

It was my mother. Come to save me.

I looked at her.

Her strong eyes, her strong face, her strong arms, all angry, furious.

"How could you! How could you do this to your own daughter? Look! Look at what you've done! She's scared to her wits!" My mother yelled.

I wiggled closer to the stairs.

He hollered, "Don't you order me around you ugly lady!"

I heard a loud slap, and then a series of screams and hollers. I retreated into mother's room, crawled into my mother's bed and cried until I fell asleep.

Some time later, I felt my mother crawling into the bed and hugging me close. She was so warm. I hugged her back. I felt something wet on her cheek; I wiped it away.

"Tomoyo. Your father's not coming back anymore. He's gone. He's not coming back."

And she cried. And I wondered. Was she crying for me? For herself? Or for my father?

If only my father stayed the way he was before. Before he was a wonderful, kind man. My mother had learned to love him. And I thought my life was perfect with a mother, father, and a mansion.

"Papa! Hurry up! Papa! Over here!" I waved to my father.

He smiled, "Coming!"
He ran over to me, stooped me up and, ignoring my shrieks and giggles, flung me onto his back.

"Go horsy! Go!" I flailed my legs around.

He made funny neighs and rocked about the field.

"Tomoyo." A lady strode over.

"Mom!" I leaped off his back and ran over to hug mom, stumbling along the way.

"Tomoyo." She went down on her knees to let me hug her.

Daddy walked over to us with a bright smile, "How was work honey?"

"Great." They gave each other a small peck on each others cheek.

"Mommy, mommy!" I cried, "Guess what daddy did! Guess! Guess!"
"He…" She pretended to think.

"Ate all your waffles?"

"Nope!" I beamed.

"Pretended to be a hippo?"

I shook my head and giggled.

Daddy bent down to pick me up. I squealed. He hauled me back onto his back again.

"A horse!" She exclaimed.

"Right!"

He ran about, pretending to be a horse again while mother laughed, watching us.

And as he went around the park again, I thought in my mind, "I have the best father, the best mother, and the best life! I'm the luckiest girl alive!"

Hot tears rolled down my face, I squeezed my eyes tight.

"Why?"
I thought.

"Why did he have to go? Why did he have to become an alcoholic? My life could have been so perfect. And why did we have to lose our mansion? Why?"

I felt warm, strong arms hold me tight while I cried.

Mother whispered, "I'm so sorry Tomoyo. I'm so sorry."

Why was she so sorry? But I didn't ask. I just kept crying. Until I fell asleep and thought I could no longer cry anymore.

nope, i'm not going ANY further. Nope. I can't think of what to do for the next chapter anway. So nope. Not continuing 'till i get some nice people to cheer me up. I've got other stories ya know. so nope. Not continuing till i actually get a REVIEW again. Hm, I don't even like this story anways, might as well delete it anyway, I was nearly to completing it. Hm, nope, not continuing. :P Final. (ha ha... today i got up two new stories... and updated two stories... and all in one day... ha ha...)