Lost Episode! A Sailor Moon Parody
The sun sinks low as Tsukino Usagi slowly walks home, Chibi Chibi at her heels.
"Don't you have something better to do, Chibi Chibi?"
"Chibi chibi!"
"Go bother Seiya--"
"Chibi!"
"--Or Taiki--"
"Chibi..."
"--Yaten..." Hearing no response, Usagi turns around to find a mortified Chibi Chibi. "Chibi Chibi? What's wrong?"
"...Wrong..." Chibi repeats solemnly, shaking her head.
The next day the five girls sit at their usual table at their usual hangout, with their usual drinks and in their usual seats. The same stalker walks past the window, taking the same pictures he has before, and with the same lecherous grin as he runs home.
"Ano, I'm bored," Minako whines.
"Well, let's talk about something," Rei suggests.
"Okay! What about?" Usagi asks. Silence answers her. The girls look at each other, blinking.
"Three Lights?"
"Did that."
"Sailor Starlights?"
"Same people."
"Mako-chan, we don't know that yet..."
Makoto blushes, grinning in embarrassment. "Oh! Sorry. How about...the new enemy?"
"They haven't switched minions yet."
"Chibi?" asks the tiny redhead from Usagi's lap.
"No...hey, when did she get here?"
The girls look at each other, then at Chibi Chibi. They look at each other again, and when they go to look at Chibi find she's gone. They all shrug.
"Hey! Odango!" Minako sighs and stands up.
"No dates, no sports, no transforming into Fighter, no sexual innuendo, no--"
"How'd you know?" he asks, surprised. Minako laughs slyly.
"I know everything!"
"She read the script," Makoto says, glaring at Minako.
"There's a script?" The girls all nod.
"You mean I've had the chance to know ahead of time every little thing that's happened? And I could have looked up Usagi's past with Mamoru and why she acts so weird when I mention Chibi Chibi--"
"Chibi! Chibi?"
"--as her daughter?" The girls nod once more.
"Damn! This is sh--"
"Sh--" Chibi starts to repeat as Seiya starts to say the word, and the girls panic and smack Seiya.
Later, Sailor Aluminum Siren attacks a homeless man on the street. "Are you Itsugi Kanashimi, star of the homeless?"
"Huh?"
"I knew it! Show me your star seed!" she says, locking her bracelets together and shooting out two lights that spin around for a while, then hit the homeless man in the front and back simultaneously. A cannabis leaf forms on his forehead...
"He must have a true star seed! I can tell!"
...And in a puff of smoke forms a diamond-shaped crystal with a tiny light in it. The light immediately blacks out, and Siren curses.
"No! Not again!" She pouts, stands there awkwardly for a minute, then looks around. She looks over at a nearby clock, then looks around, frowning. "Why are they so late? I said, 'No! Not again!'" She groans and stomps her foot. "Sailor Senshi! You're supposed to transform, strike a pose and give me the same damn line you gave me last episode! I'm waiting!"
Deciding the Senshi won't show up for a time, she walsk over to the unconscious homeless man and looks all over for that leaf of cannabis.
"Hold it right there! Moon Eternal Power..."
"Mars Star Power..."
"Mercury Star Power..."
"Venus Star Power..."
"Jupiter Star Power..."
"Uranus Planet Power..."
"Neptune Planet Power..."
"Pluto Planet Power..."
"Saturn Planet Power..."
"Fighter Star Power..."
"Healer Star Power..."
"Maker Star Power..."
"Tuxedo Kamen Power..."
"MAKE-UP!"
Several simultaneous transformations take place, minus Tuxedo Kamen who is abruptly removed by rabid Three Lights fans and ripped to shreds, and Sailor Saturn, whose transformation has never before been seen--and which would kill any spectators, and so for the safety of the readers will not be portrayed in any fashion in this fanfic. Meanwhile, Siren is oblivious to the several henshins as she searches for her cannabis plant, and all the Senshi are unaware of each other as their background colors struggle for dominance and somehow block all of the others. The clashing of the background music is deafening, bursting several eardrums nearby. The owners of those eardrums begin to sneeze and howl in pain as they are covered in feathers, electric shocks, paper heart cut-outs, paper star cut-outs, fire, water, and other stray objects from the transformation. Finally, as the--women--do their poses they bump into each other, and manage to knock each other down. Sailor Star Fighter conveniently lands on Sailor Moon, and Sailor Uranus and Neptune are conveniently thrown into a back alley where they immediately seize the opportunity to "make up."
Siren turns around, smiling coughing. "It's about time, fellow Senshi! Sailor Homo--gah! Hobo, gomen nasai! Sailor Hobo..." Before she can finish her phrase, she breaks into uncontrollable laughter. While she laughs the Senshi take the opportunity to say their speeches.
"You steal a homeless man's weed--"
"--And that's wrong!"
"Not to mention..."
"...Your costume sucks..."
"...Your general identity makes no sense..."
"...Your hair is long enough you should trip over it..."
"...And, uh...what's my line?"
"We cannot forgive you for such atrocities!"
"In the name of the Moon--"
"--Mars--"
"--Mercury--"
"--Jupiter--"
"--Uranus--"
"--Neptune--"
"--Pluto--"
"--Saturn--" Hotaru says, out of breath after her mad dash to arrive at the scene after having safely transformed far away from prying eyes.
"--Kinmokusei--"
"--Kinmokusei--"
"--Kinmokusei--"
"--Ugh..." says Tuxedo mask in his death throes. Nehelenia shows up, steals his injured body, and disappears back to the Dark Side of the Moon, this time never to be seen again--we promise--with her new King!
"WE SHALL PUNISH YOU!"
--Eye Catcher--"Eternal Sailor Moon!"--
"Okay! Sailor Hobo, enjoy yourself! Bye!" Siren says, stumbling into a telephone booth and waiting to disappear. After a few moments she steps back out, noticing the phone booth was actually one of Earth's, and stepping into the right phone booth. She disappears.
"Gimme money!" Sailor Hobo says, coughing and throwing a pebble at Sailor Mars. Mars gasps and falls to the ground, screaming in pain.
"No!"
"Sailor Mars!" a chorus of females scream. Sailor Hobo laughs maniacally and continues his rock assault, knocking down the rest of the inners and somehow managing to revert Saturn to her infant state. Pluto abandons the Senshi, making excuses about guarding time and other responsibilities. Moon and the Starlights run off into the same alleyway Neptune and Uranus had previously occupied, in hopes of regrouping.
"No! My friends..." Moon cries.
"Sailor Moon, snap out of it! I think we've figured out a way to solve this problem," Fighter announces.
"We went about this all wrong," Healer continues.
"If we had only found a high place to stand on, to pose on, the enemy would have been so confused by our usual high-up position that the others would have been able to fight him," Maker informs them.
"...And my friends," Moon says between sniffles, "would still be...alive..." The four bow their heads solemnly, then look up in determination. The Starlights transformation song strikes up somewhere off in the bushes, and the Starlights nod at each other. They jump up onto a fire escape and run up to the top of a building. There they assume their usual poses, looking down at Sailor Hobo gravely.
"This time we shall defeat you! Penetrating the darkness of night--"
"Huh? It's daytime..."
"The air of freedom breaks through..."
"We are the three sacred shooting stars!"
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Sailor Star HEALER!"
"CHIBI CHIBI!" the young redhead screams, running at Sailor Hobo at full speed.
"Chibi Chibi! No!" Sailor Moon screams. The red-haired tot jumps on Sailor Hobo, who screams at the top of his lungs. Chibi Chibi pulls at his hair, then jumps down and punches him in the shin. Sailor Hobo screams and falls to the ground, whimpering.
"Now, Sailor Moon!" Fighter yells.
"Right! Rainbow Moon..."
"What? Wrong attack, Sailor Moon!"
"Oh, sorry! I just get them so confused! Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!"
"BEAUTIFUL!" Sailor Hobo screams, as the pink light transforms him back into a regular bum. He falls down, his star seed returning to its cannabis home. Sailor Moon sighs in relief, but her eyes tear up when she sees her fallen comrades.
"No...my friends..."
"Chibi chibi," Chibi Chibi says softly, and emits a pink glow. The Sailor Senshi are returned to life, and the glow stops. Then Chibi Chibi uses her limitless powers from an unknown-as-of-yet source to erase peoples' memories of recent events, and change them to...
"All hail Chibi Chibi!"
The end. Yeah, I'm starting to wonder if the cannabis was in my head and not theirs. Anyways, don't know why I wrote this, just did. Love it, hate it...just review it!