Here is the MSTing i was telling everyone about. Keep in mind i did do a part of this. Cujo, Pokey, Dippy, and Kate Scissorhands, Did the rest of what you are about to read. please dont be mad at me for wishing to share this with everyone. I just thought it would give everyone something new to read.
A Nightmare Before Christmas MSTing by Cujo
(6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…)
(Cujo, Pokey, Dippy, and Kate Scissorhands file into the theatre and sit down.)
Jacks lost love
Dippy: Besides Jack's love, the author also seems to have also lost the ability to capitalize the title of their story correctly. Grrrrr!
Pokey (sigh): Grammar Nazi.
By: Shyla-Omegamire
Dippy: She must be Jewish.
Cujo: Quiet you stupid goy.
Mrs. S (singing): Let's hear it for the goy. Oh, let's give the goy a haaaanddd…
The autumn air was cold and chill. Just like any other cold fall day. Faith, a girl of eighteen, had just opened her eyes to the cold chill morning.
Cujo (sarcastically): Gee I wonder if the author wants us to know that it's cold out? Hmmm?
Her window was open about an inch or two. In addition, that was how she liked it.
Pokey: In addition to what?
Mrs. S: In addition to the fact that she's an idiot who sleeps with her window open when it's 10 below freezing.
She made her bright blue eyes focus on the distant numbers on her alarm clock. If she put it at arms reach, she would never get out of bead.
Dippy: Bead? Oh my god, this author can't spell!
Mrs. S: It's okay Dippy. Breath with me. In and out, in and out.
Pokey: What is this Lamaze class?
Cujo: Is she dialated?
8:00 it was early but not to early for Faith. Her parents always told her she was there miracle baby.
Mrs. S: They always talk about the day they found her floating amongst the reeds in her wicker basket. Sorry, wrong baby. I was thinking of Moses.
Faith was born with a skin disorder and a bad heart. The doctors told her parents that she wouldn't live past a year. However, eighteen years later here she is bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Cujo: Her skin disorder caused her to grow a tail, that's horrible. And unfair. Why can't I have a tail?
Dippy: You do. Your tail bone is like a really short tail. Did you even listen in Biology?
Cujo: Yes, the nematode invented the anus.
Mrs. S: And snails are hermaphroditic.
Because of her skin disorder, she wasn't aloud in full sunlight. However, she could sit under the porch and watch life go on around her.
Pokey: Awww. Just like how Erik had to watch Christine continue her life while he lived in his subterranean basement.
Dippy: Until he kidnapped her. (sarcastically) How romantic.
Pokey (defensively): What? He let her go!
She had her first heart attack when she was twelve and she wouldn't ever forget it. The pain was so great she wished she was dead. But it passed and she came out fine. There was nothing wrong with her heart. She could get a transplant but the problems would still be the same.
Cujo (as doctor): Faith there is nothing wrong with your heart. Except that it's bad and you will need a transplant that won't solve any of your problems. But, we're fresh out of pig hearts. Are you opposed to gorilla?
Mrs. S: Save the gorillas! Don't waste paper, wipe your ass with an owl! Save the gay baby whales!
The doctors told her that her condition was one in 9 million. Her heart for no apparent reason would just stop beating. Not because of a clogged artery or of any such thing. But like a sudden freeze in time.
Pokey (as Faith): Why thank you doctor, I feel much better now. I mean, I've lived 12 long years what's a little freezing of the heart. Besides, when I die I shall go and bathe with Jesus.
Faith shook the memories out of her mind and smiled.
Mrs. S (Faith's mother): Young lady, clean those memories up before someone trips on them!
No need in thinking about the bad times. She looked through her dresser drawers and pulled out a black sweatshirt. She then went to her closet and found her black bell bottom's. And to finalize her out fit she got her black commando boots. Her hair was natural red but she dyed it black. As you could tell black was faiths favorite color. Not that she was Goth or anything. However, black was one of the only colors that she can hide her pale skin. It seamed to blend in with her looks so well even her parents had no complaints about it.
Dippy (Faith): No one will notice my extremely white skin if I wear this really dark color. Sometimes my superior intelligence frightens me.
Faith then headed out to the kitchen and had to duck to keep from hitting her head on the doorway. That was another thing. She was almost too tall for her own good. The last time her father measured her, she was about seven feet tall. In addition, was just as wiry as a spider.
Cujo (takes out dictionary and magically turns to the page she was looking for): Wiry 1. of wire 2. like wire; stiff 3. lean and strong.
Dippy: Children, I think the author is trying to show us that Faith is very similar in appearance to Jack Skellington. And this could possibly be foreshadowing. (as person from The Tolkien Sarcasm Page) Also, the fundamental dichotomies of line and form seek to transcend the limitations of the medium, bridging the gap between the expressed and the real into a real fundamental expression of the dichotomy of form and the expression of the real with the medium of the fundamental theme. Thus the fundamental form of the real dichotomy is subtly expressed as a transcendent fundamental in a dichotomy of the medium with the subtlety of the limitations of the natural artistic nature of the transcendent fundamental theme.
All except Dippy: … OO
Pokey: You said fundamental six times. I counted. Jack is made of wires. Maybe that's what Dippy meant. He is a puppet. (singing) I've got no strings to hold me down…
When she was in high school. She had no friends or any teacher friends. They all feared her as if she was some dead being walking the hallways. Her nicknames were just as cruel. Thou she did have two favorite ones. Black widow and Draculas wife. Why she even bought a black sweater with a red hourglass. It was her way of mocking back at them.
Mrs. S (Faith as a robot): Haha! I mock back at you with my red hour glass shirt. Haha! Ha! (normal) I'M SO PUNK!
For Halloween she would always dress up as the main character from her favorite movie. Jack Skellington. It was somewhat funny really, Seeing jack with tits and all. Other then that she could pass as an exact look alike for him.
Dippy: See! I was right, they are similar in appearance. Which means that the fundamental form of the real dichotomy…
Cujo: Quiet you!
Pokey: Seven times!
It was summer now and school was out. Summer was faiths worst time of the year. She hated the fact that every one ells got to go out side and enjoy the sun light. Faith often wondered what might happen if she would just let her skin feel sun light for just a few seconds. What does sunlight feel like she would often ask her mother.
Mrs. S (Faith's mother): Well dear, it's feels like warm apple pie. I mean, why don't you just go outside and see for yourself. Maybe you're cured. (laughs evilly)
Her mother would sigh, just like the hundred times before, and give faith the same answer. "Its warm, and when it starts burning it doesn't feel to good, now go play I'm busy."
Dippy (Faith's mother as Ralph): The sun feels like burning. (normal) Now go outside and play in the street. Mommy has to finish mailing the rest of this anthrax to President Bush.
Pokey (Faith): Mom, I'm 18 years old. I don't "play" anymore.
Dippy (Faith's mother): That's nice. Could you hand me that vial of blood and my feather quill. (dips quill in blood and starts writing) Dear scum, if you are reading this letter you have (as Samara) seven days.
It was as if her mother was trying to keep the sun away from her.
Mrs. S (Faith's mother): Look sun, I don't want any trouble. Just stay away from my daughter. Here's twenty bucks. Go buy yourself something pretty.
Cujo (singing): Mrs. Sun, Sun, Mrs. Golden Sun, please shine down on me.
Pokey: No, you're ugly.
Cujo: Oh! I see how it is. Proceed.
Faith didn't hate her mother nor did she like her.
Dippy: And she didn't dislike her. And she definitely didn't not like her. So, therefore, it must have been Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the rope.
She was another person who could go out side and enjoy the forbidden sun. Faiths father couldn't bare the thought of having a ghost for a daughter and slowly he lost any love he had for her and her mother. When faith was twelve they divorced and she never heard from him again.
Pokey: The last time her father measured her she was seven feet tall. But, he left when she was 12. Either she was a huge 12 year old or I found a… PLOT HOLE!
Faith couldn't blame him. She would run away too if she had the chance. Faith let out a sight as she looked out the window.
Cujo: I let out a sight everyday. It's rather refreshing once you get used to it.
She then remembered the one thing that always made her happy. It was a movie she had gotten for her thirteenth birthday not to long ago it seamed. At first she thought it would just be another boring movie but when she saw it she immediately loved it. It was called "nightmare before Christmas." Faith smiled and ran to the movie shelf and took out the movie.
Mrs. S: Movies? On a movie shelf? What a noble concept. Why if I had thought of that I would have made… millions. (puts pinky to lips ala Dr. Evil)
Dippy: Movie shelf? Who calls it that?
Pokey: Faith does. She's just your average seven foot tall, lanky, pale teenager who's allergic to the sun and whose heart may stop any day now, and I quote, "like a sudden freeze in time."
She put it in the VCR and hit play. As she sat down, she remembered asking her mother for the DvD version of it, only to get another sigh from her. Faith fast-forwarded it throe all the previews and hit play just as the familiar words hit he screen. Faith loved the movie so much in fact she went out one night with her mother and bought the music CD. Danny Elfman slowly replaced all of her rap CD's and her favorite radio stations.
Cujo (Danny Elfman): Faith will be so pissed once I replace all her rap CD's with these individually wrapped packages of American Cheese.
Mrs. S: Where does cheese come from?
Pokey: Why the Dairy Fairy of course!
(A cow with wings and a tiara very similar to Hugo Weaving's flies past the audience.)
Faith didn't notice it at first but something was different and wrong. The sun light out side begun to dim like it was a solar eclipse or something.
Dippy: There was this (singing) total eclipse of the sun.
Pokey (singing): Christine Daae has returned to you, and I am anxious her career should progress.
Cujo: Why are you singing that. It doesn't relate to the story at all?
(Pokey shrugs)
Mrs. S (singing): Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred moments so dear…
Cujo: I guess I can burst into a random song now too. (singing) Don't cry for me Argentina, the truth is I never left you. All through my wild days my mad existence…
Pokey: oO (twitch)
Then a gentle breeze started picking up loose papers in the house and flinging them into the
Dippy: Peanut Butter.
air. It started quietly at first but got faster and louder. Then a sudden blast of air pushed Faith out of her chair and she let out a scream as it slowly pulled her into the TV. With a last scream of help and a last puff of
Cujo: The Magic Dragon.
air she was sucked up into the TV and was never seen on earth again.
Pokey: And there was much rejoicing.
All (monotone): Yay.
Faith screamed and tried to see where she was going but couldn't see because it was so dark. She knew she was falling but couldn't tell how she knew it.
Dippy (Faith as Alice): Goodbye Dinah, Gooooddbyyye! (Dinah waves goodbye as Faith falls down the rabbit hole/tunnel.)
Mrs. S: How could you be falling and not know it?
Suddenly a bright flash of light engulfed Faith and she closed her eyes. Then she felt the ground beneath her as she was dropped to the ground. When she opened her eyes, again she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
Cujo: The White Wizard approaches. (as Gandalf) You are tracking the footsteps of two young Hobbits?
Dippy (Faith as Treebeard): Hobbit, never heard of a Hobbit before. Hooooom! (as Faith) No, actually I'm not. I got sucked into my television set and ended up here.
Cujo (Gandalf): Sorry wrong fanfic. I was looking for the one with that nancing Elf and the young child named Haleth. Or was it Meghan? Oh well. Taxi!
She was sitting on the ground by some bare trees looking at a town. To her left, she saw the familiar hill where sally and jack kissed for the first time and she saw to her right the tree where Oogie Boogie used to live.
Mrs. S: Actually, Lock, Shock, and Barrel-
Pokey: -Barrels!... Barrels!... Any barrels to sell?... I am the Great Barrel Rider!
Mrs. S: -lived in the treehouse and Oogie Boogie lived underneath it in the tree's umm-
Pokey: Subterranean K-Mart. Airplane. I mean, basement.
It was all so real she knew she had to be dreaming. There was no way on hell she was in Halloween town. Jack the pumpkin king was sitting on his favorite chair when he heard the loud boom. At first, he thought it was another thunderstorm. However, when he looked out side he saw something was falling from the sky. He wondered if it was an animal or something.
Dippy (Jack): Look Zero animals are falling from the sky again.
Cujo (Zero): Woof! Woof! (pant, pant, pant)
Suddenly the doorbell screamed and jack turned his attention to who ever was at his door. "Coming!" Like a spider jack walked down the stairs and opened the door to see the Mayer with the worried looked on his face. "
Dippy (angrily): Jack doesn't walk on all fours, or eights, like a spider. Grrrr… Anyway, I hope the Mayer isn't John Mayer.
(collective John Mayer shudder/twitch)
Jack, its terrible, something has fallen out of the sky and all the towns people are too afraid to go out side now. Jack will you go and check it out. You're our best hope against anything wanting to kill us."
Mrs. S (Redneck): Quick Billy Bob hide all them women folk. We gots us a monster to catch. (loads shotgun)
Jack let out a sigh and grabbed his door as he walked out of his house. " I'll go and check it out for you." Jack answered the Mayer in a sorrowful tone. "Jack, don't let sally's death get to you. You know it was just an accident."
Pokey (Jack): She was a rag doll. Unless she accidentally fell into a wood chipper her death couldn't possibly be an accident.
Cujo: Oh well she was a slut anyway.
Sally (magically coming back from the dead and appearing in the theatre): I am not a slut! So you can suck my culo chica! Aye Aye Aye Senor Dingdong. Arriba Arriba! (she spontaneously combusts)
All: … OO Right.
"No mayor, it was my fault I should of opened the door not her." Jack turned his back to the Mayer and walked off to where he saw the thing land. He walked fast but with a heavy heart. When sally died a part of him died with her as well. Her death was still fresh in his mind as he made his way to the iron gates leading out of town.
Dippy: Sally was only killed off so Jack could fall in love with Faith.
Pokey: Ewwwww! I wonder what it would be like to fall in love with a walking skeleton? We should go ask Anna Nicole Smith.
They had just gotten married and were at his home getting ready for their honeymoon. They were to spend a few weeks in Christmas town enjoying the holidays as a guest of honor with Santa clause. Ever since the Christmas incident, Santa and jack had become good friends.
Mrs. S (sarcastically): I could totally become best friends with someone who kidnapped me, stole my holiday, and almost got me killed by a huge iridescent burlap sack.
Jack was telling sally about all of the wonderful things they were going to see when the door bell screamed.
Cujo (doorbell screaming): Help me, my monkey butler is trying to kill me!
Sally smiled and gave jack the last kiss he would ever get from her as she left to answer the door. A few minutes had gone by and there was no sign of sally. Suddenly jack smelt something burning. He then heard sally let out a scream. However, when jack got to her she was already burn to bad and had died on his doorstep.
Dippy: She was already burn to the bad? I hate when that happens.
Mrs. S (singing): Bad to the bone. B-B-B-B-Bad, bad to the bone…
What happened he would never know. No one saw anything unusual that night. When sally was buried jack locked his self up in his home for a month. It was Santa who finally got him to come out and start living.
Pokey (Santa): Jack I know it was hard when you found Sally's flaming corpse on your porch, but you're dead. It's time to start living again. Besides, Sally was a fire hazard, she was bound to burst into flames sooner or later.
Cujo (Santa): You know it may help if you knew that the flying monkeys set the scarecrow on fire too.
(Pokey runs into the corner and starts rocking back and forth in the fetal position.)
Mrs. S: And now, back to reality. (as Wayne and Garth) Diddly dee diddly dee.
Suddenly jack stopped walking. He found what had fallen from the sky and couldn't believe his eyes. It looked like a living sally with black hair. Her clothes were black and her skin was so white it looked as though some one dipped her in bleach. Jack hid behind a tree and watched her from the edge.
Pokey (returning to her seat): I didn't know trees had edges. Aren't they round?
Dippy: One would hope so.
She was beautiful for a living human.
Cujo: As opposed to a dead one.
Jack knew he too had to have been human at once but he couldn't for the life of him remember anything about his living life.
Mrs. S: Wow! That made no sense whatsoever. And neither does this… I'M SO PUNK!
She looked around and shook her head. She then got up and started walking to the town. Jack then noticed how tall the girl was. She had to be as tall as he was. If not taller. Faith had the weird feeling some one was watching her but she couldn't figure out where they were. She finally decided it would be best if she found someone and asked if they could help her. Faith knew the people in the town would try to scare her so she readied her self if they did try to scare her. Fear was her greatest weakness. Though she dressed as the queen of the night, she hated the darkness. She feared what might be living in it waiting to catch her and eat the flesh from her bones and use her bones for a tooth pick.
Pokey (Giant): Phe Phi Pho Phum, I smell (sniff)… man flesh… and (sniff)… Vicks vapor rub. Now I will grind you bones to make my bread and then use them as toothpicks. (normal) If she watched the movie she would know that it was made by Disney and therefore had no flesh eating zombies. And what kind of bone could you use as a toothpick anyway?
Dippy (singing): The head bone's connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone's connected to the trombone, the trombone's connected to the knee bone, so ride Sally ride.
Cujo (Ralph): Now I'm going to take out your liver bone... Oops, you're dead
She knew it might be best if she looked for jack first but she didn't know if he even existed in this nightmare of a world. She finally got to the gates when something grabbed her shoulder and a she heard a soft voice behind her. "Don't go in there, the village people might try to hurt you."
Mrs. S (Jack): Especially the construction worker. Better watch out for that Indian too.
Dippy (Indian): Pony walked into bar. Bear said to Pony, "Why the long face?" Pony said to Bear, "I am a little hoarse."
All the courage faith had built suddenly left her and was replaced with cold fear and horror.
Pokey (Frank N' Furter): Come back here courage. I made you and I can break you just as easily. Or better yet, replace you with cold fear and horror. It only took them three days to become real men, not seven like you.
She turned around and saw a skull looking at her. Its hand was still on her shoulder. She let out a sudden scream and bolted past the thing knocking it down. She never ran before so she was a little unstable.
Mrs. S (Faith as a valley girl): Oh my god, I like should have practiced running like before I was sucked into the television.
The doctors told her if she forced her heart it would more then likely cause another heart attack. Faith didn't care all she cared about was getting away as fast as possible. Suddenly her chest felt as if it was hit with
Cujo: A HERRING!
a sledgehammer and her arms went numb.
Mrs. S (singing): I want to be your sledgehammer. Why don't you call my name. Oh let me be your sledgehammer. This will be my testimony. Show me round your fruitcage…
Pokey: Birdcage?
She let out a gasp of pain as her feet failed to work and she fell to the ground with a sickening thud.
Pokey (Faith): Oh no, my feet have stopped working. I knew I should have used Energizer.
Now she felt a new pain much worse then before. Faith felt behind her back and realized as the darkness engulfed her mind.
Cujo (Darkness): I will now engulf you, using a process known as symbiosis. (normal) See Dippy, I did pay attention in Bio.
An old metal spike forgotten over the years was sticking out of her
Dippy: Forehead.
back. It went straight through her heart. She knew right away she was dying. The last memories she had were of the skeleton man grabbing her hand and asking her if she was ok. "Never been better."
Dippy (Faith): I've never been better. Except for that time I wasn't dying. (Faith singing as the Mole) Now the light she fades and darkness settles in. But, I will find strength, I will find pride within. Because although I die our freedom will be won. Though I die La Resistance... lives... on. (dies) xx
Then the darkness fell in and Faith knew no more.
Pokey: Is that it? There aren't more chapters are there?
Cujo: No, she decided to end the story there because she got writer's block.
All: YAY!
Writer's Block: You can buy me at Wal-Mart for only 19.95. (speaking quicker) Batteries not included, one year lifetime warrantee. Sale ends now.
(Everyone backs away slowly. Writer's Block runs away.)
Dippy: Shall we go now children?
Mrs. S: Yes, we shall.
(They exit the theater Jack Sparrow style.)
Credits:
"Jacks lost love" written by Shyla-Omegamire
MSTed by Cujo
MSTing concept belongs to Best Brains Inc.
Thanks to Shyla-Omegamire for allowing me to use her story, even if she doesn't know what an MST is
and to Kate, Stephanie, and Kelly for being themselves.
She feared what might be living in it waiting to catch her and eat the flesh from her bones and use her bones for a tooth pick.