Disclaimer: I own Sara, Faythe, Jake, Jacques, and the drunken minister. Disney owns Snow White, Tolkien owns Aragorn and Legolas, and I don't know who owns Hiei and Kurama. Sara probably does. I don't know anything.

Author's Note: They had to get married sometime, didn't they?

Chapter Six

For Whom the Wedding Bell Tolls

AT THE CHAPEL

Sara looked around at the chapel. Hiei was next to her. "Hiei."

"What?"

"We're the only ones here."

"And?"

"We're in jeans!"

Hiei shook his head. "You're in jeans."

"It doesn't matter."

Hiei smiled. "You're just saying that."

"Yeah."

Just then, the music started. The doors opened up and Faythe and Legolas walked down the isle. They stopped in front of the minister, who was sort of wobbling. Sara leaned over to Hiei and whispered, "He's drunk! I can smell it!"

Kurama quietly walked in, his nose scrunched up. "Why do I smell alcohol?"

Hiei looked at Kurama. "Why are you wearing a tux?"

Kurama smiled. "This is supposed to be a formal occasion." He turned to Sara. "Why aren't you in a dress?"

Sara put her hand on her hip. "Do I look like I should be in a dress?"

"Not really." He thought for a moment. "Who's got the camera?"

"Crap!" Sara shouted.

"Damn," Hiei said calmly. He seemed bored. "Are they going to start soon?"

"I have zee camera," said another voice behind them.

Sara whirled around saw—Jacques. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here."

"In the chapel?"

"Above zee chapel." He looked sad, more aged and with harder lines on his face than when they had last seen him, even though only a few months had passed. "I lost zee job in America, I moved back home."

"Oh." The music began again and Aragorn and Jake walked in. The minister had a greenish look on his face.

"Holy shit, he's gonna blow!" Sara said—a little too loudly. The entire chapel turned and glared at her. The minister turned the other way and barfed into a potted plant.

"Told you so." She received another glare.

"Ahem. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite…these two groups of people in holy matrimony…" The minister gave the rest of his speech. The couples said their vows and kissed and the minister stumbled off.

Faythe ran over to Sara. "I'm so happy!"

She hugged Sara. "I'd say I was happy for you, but that would be WAY too much emotion for me right now."

Kurama smiled at the four of them. "Congratulations."

Hiei shrugged. "Yeah. Whatever."

Sara was staring blankly, lost in thought. "Where's the reception going to be?"

They all stopped talking and thought about how that posed a problem.

"Will there only be zee seven of you?" Jacques asked.

"Yeah…wait, why?" Faythe replied skeptically.

"We can celebrate in my apartment. It's only right above zee chapel," Jacques replied.

"And you're not going to try and kidnap us again?" Sara asked.

"Of course not! My wife doesn't like to have company for more than a few hours."

Hiei frowned. "Your wife? Who did you marry?"

Jacques grinned. "You'll see."

They all agreed to at least try to let Jacques make up for kidnapping Sara and Faythe. They'd already made Dennis pay, so if Jacques proved himself a worthy host, bygones would be bygones.

"Why not?" Jake said aloud.

"Great! Fantastic! Oh, this will be most exciting!" Jacques exclaimed. He babbled in French as she led them up a staircase at the back of the chapel.

JACQUE'S APARTMENT…AND HIS WIFE

Jacques was still talking in French. Sara turned and yelled something in German. Kurama started laughing. Just then, Jacques' wife came in the room. Blank stares greeted her. It was…

"Snow White?"

Snow White smiled. "In the flesh…so to speak." She turned to Sara. "Lovely to see you, my dear."

"Do I know you?"

"You should! I know you all too well," Snow White replied. She turned to Jacques. A bemused expression seemed to be a constant with her. "Are these old friends, darling?"

Jacques nodded. "We go back."

Aragorn snorted. "All the way to Disney's underground kidnapping adventure."

"Kidnapping?" She took a closer look at Faythe and Sara. "Ah, yes. That's my favorite story."

Faythe took an involuntary step back. Sara looked around for a weapon. "You're just as crazy as he is!"

The guys instantly stepped in front of Faythe and Sara. "Was this a set up?"

Jacques shook his head. "Of course not. Dear, go get refreshments, please."

"Sure sweetie." Snow White went into the kitchen.

Aragorn hung his head. "I thought we'd escaped all of the horrid Disneyworld memories."

Sara sighed. "Yeah, well, apparently not. Do you think they're both crazy?"

Faythe snorted. "Jacques is, we know that for sure. And she married him, so she must be insane."

Kurama was puzzled. "What's the big deal here? What happened in Disneyworld?"

Hiei glared at nothing. "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

"You don't mean that."

"No. I couldn't kill you." Hiei sighed. "It's just frustrating."

"What is?" asked Jake.

"Europe, Kurama's dreams, weddings, the Queen of England…pretty much everything."

"Aw, come on! That doesn't sound like the Hiei I know!" Faythe exclaimed in a falsely cheery voice. "The Hiei I know would kick ass and then complain there wasn't a good enough fight! The Hiei I know would never feel sorry for himself! Put your scowl on, Hiei!"

Sara glared at Faythe. "The Faythe I know is smart enough to keep her mouth shut. No…wait." Hiei smiled at her and she gave him a hug.

"Aw. Look at you two. You guys should get married."

Sara and Hiei looked at each other. At the same time, they shouted, "NO!"

"Besides, Aragorn, we're already married. Well, nothing official. But, it's good enough for us."

"Right."

Jake clapped his hands together. "I think it would be sweet! With flowers and stuff. Nice music…"

"Dude. You're putting more thought into my wedding than you did yours."

"We thought about our wedding!" Jake and Legolas protested in unison.

Faythe placed a hand on Jake's shoulder. "Don't do that again, savvy?"

"Savvy."

Snow White emerged from the kitchen. "Who wants crab cakes?"

The guys took one, but Faythe and Sara looked at each other. "You try one."

Sara shook her head. "There is no way in hell I'm eating one."

Faythe shrugged and popped one in her mouth. "Hey! This is pretty good! Thanks, Snow White!"

Snow White bowed and smiled. "You're most welcome, dearest. Anything else you need let me know."

"Beer!" Aragorn requested.

"Cherry Coke, please," said Kurama.

"2 more beers, please," Legolas said, ordering for both him and Jake.

"Beer for me, too," Hiei requested.

"I'll have a Pepsi," said Sara.

"Me, too!" Faythe bubbled.

"And I'll have wine," Jacques finished.

Snow White smiled again. "Anything else? No? I'll be right back."

"Is she always this helpful?" Faythe asked Jacques.

Jacques smiled. "Yes, she is. She's pregnant, you know."

"Really? Me, too!" Faythe exclaimed.

Sara whacked Faythe upside the head. "How far is she?"

"Six weeks." Jacques ate a crab cake. "These are good, thought I'm sure some among you prefer funnel cakes, non?"

Faythe blushed, but quickly snapped herself out of it. "Are you excited?"

"Very! I'm sure Sara knows why."

Hiei looked puzzled. "Sara? Why would Sara know anything about that?"

Sara looked surprised. "I don't kn- oh, I remember!" She looked at Hiei. "Originally, when Jacques kidnapped me, it was because he wanted to marry me so I could bear his children."

Jacques nodded in agreement. Hiei's puzzled look became a look of anger. "You wanted to marry and screw my wife?"

Jacques nodded again and Hiei punched him. Jacques screamed in agony. "You broke my nose!"

Snow White popped her head out of the kitchen. "What's going on?"

Aragorn grabbed the drinks. "We're going to take these to go." He chugged his beer, handed the others their drinks, and hightailed it out of the chapel with the others close behind.

BACK AT THE HOTEL

"Why didn't you kill him, Aragorn?" Faythe asked.

"Because I didn't want to kill anyone on our wedding day," he explained.

"Where are we going now?" Sara asked.

Kurama picked up a pamphlet off the desk. "There's a tour bus coming here in half an hour to the Eiffel Tower." He looked up from the pamphlet. "Want to go?"

"Yeah!" Legolas exclaimed. "Let's get changed into more comfortable clothes and get out of here."

EIFFEL TOWER

Sara and Faythe stared up at the flag on the Eiffel Tower. Faythe turned to Sara. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Of course!"

They ran over and rode the elevator to the top. Kurama and the others came up behind them. "What are you doing?" They gave the guys a smile and began to climb up the tower.

"Girls!"

"You can't climb that!"

The girls didn't hear them, though. They had already reached the top. "Grab the flag, Faythe!"

Faythe ripped the flag off the top and looked at Sara. "What do we do now?"

Sara took a seed out of her hair and threw it in the air. Instantly, huge leaves sprouted. She grabbed one and handed it to Faythe. "Jump!"

The guys came over, followed by security.

"Maybe we should leave."

"Good idea."