The Savage Perils of Teen Romance
Capitolo Uno- Dudley is actually Demented/ A New Hope
A/N: This is our first fanfic……. So please review!
Harry sat on his lumpy mattress in his room at number 4 Privet drive. He was depressed. He had rung the psychic hotline as a bit of a joke. The stupid crackpot on the other end had told him that he was going to die. "Why does everyone want me to die?" Harry mumbled into his chest sorrowfully, as a few silent tears dropped from his eyes which looked so like his mothers, and so unlike his mother's sister's, Aunt Petunia, Who had eyes that looked so unlike his mothers. Harry was stewing in his sorrow and wallowing in his self pity because unky Vernon was going to be using his thick sausagey hands to spank Harry's tight firm ass, Harry had let Hedwig out of her cage. Suddenly in the dark depth of Harry's despair glimmered a new hope in the shape of a solitary owl flying through into his cell of doom. "The mail has arrived" Harry yelped blissfully as he snapped out of his depressed reverie. He picked up the letter, it read.
Dearest Harry,
Ron and I are missing you lots and lots. Ginny has mysteriously disappeared. Make sure you are having fun with Dudders. We hope that unky Vernon isn't using his hands too much.
Ciao Ciao X X
H.
Harry Jumped onto his bed and screeched at the top of his manly broken voice "SHE LOVES ME, IT'S MY FIRST LETTER ALL SUMMER. She finally returns the burning desire that I feel for her." It was the happiest Harry had felt for a long time.
Dudley was strolling through the local park with his beloved friend Bhoofie. They were arguing over whether or not Physical
Pronounced Boof
Education is a performing art. Bhouffie insisted that it was not but Dudley stood his ground. The boys were so adamant that they had started screaming at each other. As the argument reached its pinnacle Dudley tossed his head dramatically to one side and slapped bhouffie quite girlishly on his thick sausagey arm. Dudley let out a gasp of horror and whispered dramatically "slap me back" as he stared at bhouffie with fiery passion. Bhouffie broke the silence "eeerrrr I gotta go now D man cyaz tomorrow". "Goodbye Bhouffie" Dudley sobbed into his anorak "we shall meet again". "Whatever mate" Bhouffie yelled back over his shoulder in Dudley's general direction.
Dudley sat crying in the playground, it was starting to rain. "Damn my hair is gonna go curly now" Dudley screamed at the bark chips under his fat feet. Through the watery haze he saw a lone figure approaching from the misty east. "What are you doing, MUGGLE?"The figure drooled sarcastically. "Wwwwhat did you call me" Dudley asked reproachfully. "I called you a muggle because that's what you are a filthy no-good muggle." "If I'm a muggle that means you're a..." "Yes a wizard" the figure sneered. "Like Potter" Dudley screwed his nose up in disgust. "Potter doesn't deserve to be a wizard" Draco scoffed. "What are you doing here, How do you know Potter" Dudley questioned nervously". "Never you mind." the figure whispered mysteriously.
"By the way I'm Draco, Draco Malfoy My father is the richest man in the wizarding business, knows who's who and what's what. Anything I want I get" Draco added suggestively. "I saw you crying, what's wrong, you fat filthy Muggle" Draco asked abruptly. Draco looked into Dudley's fat bulging eyes, he flashed a flirty smile. Dudley was taken aback, this boy was HOT. Not just Michael Jackson hot, NO he was more than that. It was the evil glint in his eyes, the slick blond of his hair and the suppleness of his round lips. Dudley was in love. "Here sit beside me, you must be cold" Dudley whispered nervously. Draco sat and the boys stared at each other longingly. Draco smiled. "I've changed my opinion of muggles" He mumbled contentedly as the boys reached their arms towards each other.
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