Disclaimer: I own the Breez Inn and Smoothee King. I don't own anything LOTR or YYH. I also don't own any of the songs that Legolas sings. Any lyrics are reprinted without permission without any intent of a cash profit. They have been reprinted to make a joke.

Author's Note: What happens here with the Elven tears really would happen if you found yourself in the company of a singing Elf who was depressed. Emotions and sometimes images are imprinted and projected by the beautiful lift of a song sung in Quenya or even in English, so long as it is one of the Mysterious Immortals who sings it.

Chapter Ten

Jake's Strawberry-flavored Bane

THE BREEZ INN

The place was seedy. The carpets were dark in places they shouldn't have been, long ago stained with Lord knows what. The television got five channels. The lights flickered, the mirrors were grimy and the tub was dirty. They'd only been able to get two rooms, though-because that' all they had available on "short notice." So Kurama, Sara and Hiei were in one room with two double beds (Kurama in one, Sara and Hiei in the other) and the other four shared a room (Aragorn/Faythe, Jake/Legolas). At least they were adjoining.

"Well, at least they're adjoining," Sara said, trying to be cheerful.

"Yeah, and the beds are made," Faythe said. Aragorn peeled back the coverlet. The sheets were disgustingly dirty and the mattress was spotted.

"Do you want to sleep on that?"

"Not really."

Legolas looked at the others. "Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"No!" Everyone looked at Sara. "I refuse to leave. We found somewhere to stay and we're staying." She flopped down in a chair. A cockroach crawled in front of her and she squashed it.

Kurama's lip curled involuntarily. "Ew."

Faythe burst in from the bathroom door. "Do y'all have cockroaches, too?"

Sara raised an eyebrow and glared at Faythe. "'Y'all'?"

Faythe blushed. "Oops. Sorry. Do you guys have cockroaches, too?"

Sara nodded. "That's better. And yes-" A cockroach scurried past her feet. "-we do have cockroaches."

Aragorn sighed and flopped down on the bed. "This sucks royally."

The others murmured agreement. "Who wants to grab a smoothie before we have to sleep in this hellhole?" They murmured agreement again and left to catch the bus.

SMOOTHEE KING

"What's a smoothie?" Kurama asked as he looked around the Smoothee King.

Faythe looked at him. "You've never had a smoothie before? You poor depraved kid." She turned to Hiei. "Have you?"

He looked at the floor. "No…"

Sara glared at Faythe. "Neither have I. Is that a problem?"

"First funnel cakes, now smoothies!" Faythe exclaimed. "Did you guys have a childhood?" She ordered eight strawberry banana smoothies.

"What's the eighth one for?" Aragorn asked.

"I'm gonna want two," Faythe said seriously. They sat down at a weather-beaten picnic table on the patio outside.

Jake took a sip of smoothie. He had ordered for the fruit to be left in large chunks in his glass.

Legolas hit him on the back, by way of friendly greeting. "That's pretty good, huh?"

Jake's face was blue and he was making gagging noises.

Faythe panicked. "Oh my God! Somebody call 911!"

Aragorn dialed on his cell phone and got through to an operator. "I have a man here who seems to be suffocating. No, we're not related. Can we please have an ambulance over here?" He gave her the address to the Smoothee King and hung up. "They're on their way."

Legolas was crying and as to hyperventilate. Faythe hugged him. "You'll be all right. He's gonna be fine. Don't worry," she said soothingly.

The ambulance screeched to a halt at the curb. The paramedic looked at Jake, then turned to Sara. "This the guy?" Sara nodded. "Take him away, boys!" the paramedic shouted to co-workers. He turned to the group. "I'll need his personal information."

They gave him his name andother things he asked for. The paramedic, who called himself Tom, told them not to worry. "He'll be fine. You folks can go on home. We'll call you when he can have visitors."

Legolas sniffed. "Can we go home now? To the Breez Inn, I mean. Please?"

Kurama sighed. "We might as well. There's nothing else we can do here."

THE BREEZ INN

"Got any twos?"

"Go fish."

Sara sighed and drew a card from the pile. "Hey! A two!"

Kurama sighed. "Did you rig the deck?"

"Of course not. That would be dishonest."

He shrugged. "Fours?"

"Go fish."

Kurama drew from the pile. "Your turn."

"Threes." Kurama handed her his cards. Sara put the last of her cards on the floor. "I win." Hiei walked over to them and handed them drinks. "Hiei, we're underage."

"So? What are they going to do about it?"

Sara and Kurama thought about it. "Nothing."

Hiei sat down next to Sara. "Alright then."

"Besides," Kurama added, "I don't think you're underage in Australia."

Sara raised an eyebrow. "Really? What's the legal limit in Australia?"

"Seventeen."

"Really? I'm two years over! Cool," Sara said, drinking her beer.

Faythe came through the adjoining room. "Uh, guys? You might want to look at this."

Sara was annoyed. "We're in the middle of a game! What do you want?"

"It's Legolas. He's…um…singing."

"Yeah? So?" Hiei said, agitated. "Go fish, Sara."

"When an Elf sings in a depressed mood…well, um, just make him stop."

Kurama looked closely at Faythe's face. "Have you been crying?"

"Mm-hm. Look at him."

IN FAYTHE'S ROOM

Legolas was lying on the bed, singing a song in Quenya. His voice was so mournful that everybody, even Hiei, cried when they heard it. Aragorn had been subject to it for so long that he was sobbing loudly.

"How do we make him stop?" Hiei said, sniffling.

Faythe shrugged. "I don't know. Help me!"

Sara walked over and made him look at her. "Legolas, stop." She hit him across the face.

"Sara!" Faythe glared at her and hugged Legolas. "She didn't mean it."

"Yes I did."

Kurama wiped his eyes. Hiei looked at Kurama and Sara. "Come on. We have a game to finish."

"Right." They left.

Faythe looked at Aragorn. "Now what?"

Aragorn bawled loudly. "I don't know!"

Legolas continued to sing.

A light bulb flickered over Faythe's head. "Why don't we tell him to sing in English? Would we still cry?"

Aragorn sobbed and didn't respond.

Faythe rolled her eyes. "Thanks for your help, dearest." She turned to Legolas. "Legolas? Would you please sing in English? Please? Pretty please?"

He stopped singing and switched to an Elvis song, "Are You Lonesome Tonight?"

Faythe smiled. "That's better." She looked at Aragorn. "Why are you still crying?"

Aragorn sniffled. "I love this song!"

MEANWHILE

Sara had turned the radio on in hopes to drown out Legolas. It seemed to work. Kurama finished his second beer and was reaching for a third. "Are you sure this is safe?"

"No. Got any sevens?"

He looked at Hiei. "You just asked for sevens."

Hiei hiccupped and smiled. "Oh yeah. Aces?"

Kurama handed him some cards. "Sara, do you have any…"

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Sara got up to get it, but Hiei stopped her. "No. You remember last time." He opened the door. "Yes?"

"Pizza, sir. Already paid for." The man shoved the pizza at Hiei and slammed the door.

"Before we eat this, we should remember that someone just gave us a free pizza." They thought about that for a moment.

"Oh, well." They dug into the cheese pizza.

"It's not bad," Sara said, chewing. "Kurama, do you have any sevens?"

"Fish."

"Damn!" Sara was losing by a long shot. She looked at her hand-twelve cards. She looked at Hiei's hand-three cards. Kurama had a reasonable five. "Hiei, you rigged the deck!"

"I did not! I already told you that!"

"Yes, you did! Deck rigger!" Sara shouted.

"Was that an attempt to insult me?" Hiei said, somewhat calmly. His words had a very faint slur to them.

"Yes, it was!" Sara yelled. The argument continued for a while.

"I'm going to need another beer to stand this one," Kurama said to himself as he reached for a fourth beer. "This could take a while."

IN FAYTHE'S ROOM

Legolas was now singing "Fever," a cool jazz chart. He was on the end of the song, where Pocahontas' daddy tried to kill John Smith.

"When her daddy tried to kill him

She said, 'daddy, no, don't you dare'

He gives me fever"

Aragorn snorted. "All the more reason to kill him."

Faythe hit him. "I like that song."

Aragorn sighed. "I wasn't making fun of the song. I was making a point!"

"Well, stop it."

By this time, Legolas had calmed down a bit. "I think I'm going to take a nap."

Faythe and Aragorn looked at each other. "Let's go for a walk."

"Alright." Aragorn thought for a moment. "Where?"

Faythe thought about it. "On the beach."

"Sure."