2

It was very early in the morning, Kate could tell just by opening her eyes to the tarp of her cieling. The air was still a bit cooler, and the sun still had a bit of a golden orange hue.

Her body still lagged from sleep, and she wavered on her feet as she stepped outside. But she grabbed some fruit she'd picked yesterday and took a bite as she walked down to the water.

Rolling up her pant legs, Kate stood ankle deep as she felt the sand around her feet move with the water and begin to swallow her toes. She smiled. If she closed her eyes, she could almost pretend that her mother was with her. They were vacationing togetheron a beautiful island that only seemed secluded when you didn't want the waiter to bring you another Mai Tai.

Vincent barked in the distance, and Kate opened her eyes lazily. Regretfully.

"Hiya Kate." She heard Charlie quip. The man was endearing in a dorky sort of way, and Kate had decided a long time ago that she liked him.

"Morning Charlie." He stood next to her. There was a pause, and Kate looked to him, mildly suspicious.

"What is it?" She asked. He tried to look confused.

"What makes you think anything's up?"

"You were quiet for two seconds, now what is it?"

"Nothin. Okay, there is one thing. You're a woman, right?" She just raised a brow. "Stupid. Anyway, Claire's been acting really strange lately. She stares off into space for hours at a time, and whenever she smiles at me she always looks so sad."

"She's probably just daydreaming of being back at home with her family. Ask her what she thinks about when she stares off."

"I have, she just brushes me off."

"Well, then tell her something about yourself first. Maybe that'll help."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I'm a woman, right?"

He grinned sheepishly and thanked her before making his way over to Claire and Aaron. Kate watched him for a while as he talked with her. She would laugh at something he said and he'd lean closer to her. Kate turned her head away, squeezing her eyes shut tight. She was happy for them, she really was, but it hurt to see him so in love.

She hated the jealous bitterness that underlined her sadness, so she marched herself into the jungle before fully rationalizing her actions. Kate stopped herself from thinking as she walked determinedly to the caves, knowing full well what she was looking for. She deserved to fall off the wagon once in a while. This island life was hard on her, after all. Why shouldn't she be happy once in a while, if only for a fleeting moment?

Kate took a deep breath to calm herself before walking nonchalantly through the caves, eyes subtly glancing around, seeking someone.

But Jack was nowhere in sight. Kate frowned slightly, and pretended to fill up her water bottle at the waterfall. She felt stupid and immature, and a flush of anger rose to her cheeks as she realized that her mood completely depended on him. He made her happy, hopeful, sad, dejected, or angry with just a glance. She shouldn't have come looking for him.

"It's full, Kate."

Kate glanced behind her to see Sun glide up next to her. She looked down to her water bottle, submerged in the pool. In truth, it had been full when she got there.

"Oh, yeah. I was just…" Kate trailed off as she stood.

"He went that way." Sun nearly whispered, pointing to the jungle to the right of the dwellings. Kate gave her a curious look, but the Korean responded with a warm smile and a look of understanding. Kate would have been embarrassed if not for the amazement at the depth of her friend's eyes. It seemed no one had ever known her as well as Sun had gotten to in just a few short months. So, Kate just nodded and watched her walk away.

She looked in the direction Sun had indicated. Along the stream that drained the pool from the waterfall. Kate swallowed hard and started along it. The stream ran into the jungle as a trickle, and Kate followed it. It branched off here and there to form small pools, and the stream widened as she went on. Faintly she began to hear the soothing sound of crashing water, and it increased in volume as she walked. Finally, she came to a small waterfall, probably six feet from the drop to the face of the water. It was amazingly picturesque, straight out of the garden of Eden, and Kate smiled wistfully at its beauty.

Suddenly, ahead broke the rippledsurface and gasped for air, running his hands over his face. Kate's eyes widened and she stepped quickly behind a tree. She peeked around the side to see Jack's bare chest above the water as he scrubbed shampoo in his hair determinedly.

Kate sucked in her breath and leaned her back against the tree, wondering what to do. Of course, the answer should've been obvious. She should walk away quietly. But deep in her, she knew she couldn't tear herself away. She'd always thought his bodylooked so powerful under his clothes, and with a smirk she acknowledged curiosity.

So, she peeked around the tree, and held its bark with her hands tightly as if her legs would give out on her. And she wasn't entirely sure they wouldn't. He let the waterfall run down over him, and let out a groan of pleasure. Kate's heart skittered, and her body clenched. She felt twelve years old again, sneaking out of her house at night to meet up with a boy.

She began feeling lightheaded and realized she had not been breathing. Jack had climbed from the pool, exposing more and more of his body until he stepped out of the water. Kate diverted her eyes for a moment, but smiled wickedly to herself and looked back up. But Jack had his towel wrapped around himself already. Kate frowned, then pressed her back against the tree again.

What was she doing? This was invasion of privacy and a downright despicable thing to do. One would expect this sort of behavior from a scoundrel like Sawyer, but Kate liked to think of herself as a person with a kind of moral standing, even with all she'd done. She berated herself, but smiled wickedly again despite her mental scolding. Until she heard Jack sigh – in what was that, longing? – and twigs crunch closer to her. She sucked herself close to the tree and slid around it as Jack passed by. Kate peeked out the other side to watch his back retreat into the foliage. His T-shirt was dotted with wet marks from his body not being entirely dry when he dressed, and he walked like a man regretting where he was going. Kate then haphazardly sprawled down on the jungle floor, staring at the pure blue sky through the apertures in the canopy.

She felt as if she'd just run a mile. Her heart pounded and her breathing came in quick gasps. She knew this crush had gotten ridiculously out of control. It was just that she'd been alone for so long, and every time Jack looked at her, she thought she saw him trying to see into her soul, figure out the mystery of her past. Every time she saw him, she wanted to run into his arms and tell him everything he wanted so desperately to know. But deep in her, she knew it was out of the question. She'd scare him away; he'd avoid her and stay out of her reach forever. She knew she should back off, not let this feeling get any more intense than it was.

But still she closed her eyes and saw him again. She wasn't entirely prepared for the effect the sight would have on her. She lay there for a long while, with her eyes closed, seeing it again and again. The look of relief and contentment on his face as he washed away the dirt and sweat and worries of the island. The chiseled muscles moving gracefully under the tanned skin of his back.

Kate jumped up and ran quietly back to the beach.

"What're you smiling for?" Sawyer asked in his Southern drawl as he approached her. She'd been sitting in the sand, drawing doodles with her fingers and watching the tide ebb and flow. Not realizing she'd been grinning like a fool all the while. Kate attempted to play stupid.

"What are you talking about?"

He stood above her. "You been happy about something since you sat down. What're you thinking about?"

Kate grinned, "Wouldn't you like to know?" The thought of telling Sawyer just what she'd done made her nearly laugh. He'd be appalled. And she'd love it.

He just scoffed and walked away. Kate briefly lifted her gaze to his back then glanced around camp. To her surprise, she saw Jack talking lightly to Charlie. The Brit said something that made Jack laugh, and Kate marveled at the sight. He looked so young and handsome with the little crinkles of humor by his eyes, and the way his lips curved into a smile that exposed his straight white teeth.

Jack replied to Charlie, causing the other man to laugh in turn, and Jack then looked around the beach. No doubt trying to place the feeling of being watched. Kate knew she should tear her eyes away so he wouldn't know she'd been staring, but found she was unable. Jack just had one of those faces that you never want to stop looking at. His eyes landed on her, and she nearly gasped. He looked at her for a moment before smiling and returning his attention to Charlie. Kate found, with mild horror, a stupid grin on her lips once again. She turned her gaze back on the sand by her seat and tried to quell the giddiness that rose in her.

Kate wasn't supposed to feel this way. Not the tough, strong, independent Kate. This was why she was avoiding Jack in the first place. To escape the feeling of helplessness when he was around. She was drowning. No matter how many times she reassured herself she didn't have feelings for him, she always ended up grinning when he was around, or finding excuses to go to the caves.

She was helpless to stop this feeling, and it scared her. It made her angry to know she couldn't control her own body, her own mind. Her own heart.

You can't imagine how excited I am for Lost to start again! Well, maybe you can, because you all are probably just as excited, if not more. I wish my friends liked Lost. We could have Lost sleepovers on Wednesday, where we'd all wear our Lost T shirts and gush about how much we just loooove Jack and how sexy Sawyer is. –sigh- why can't you guys live in my town?

School starts tomorrow for me! I'm a big senior now. I can push all the freshies and cut in the lunch line. Okay, maybe I won't take it to that extreme, but I definitely feel like the big fish already. And I love it.

Hekate-Trivia – well, I sure am glad you decided to stick with me. Even though it IS jack/kate.

Saoirse, Kat, elvenlady, PITAchic, rain1657, anon, OrlandoCrazy, Antatobo, HappilyLostGirl, Lostrayne, lostsugarpoof, Katrina, FanofLost

Eclypse – you better have missed me!

As always, with love,
-Austin B.