Disclaimer: JKR's stuff, not mine. 'Nuff said. ;-)
Author's Notes: Thank you so much to Nicky15 for her incredibly fast turnaround despite a busy schedule (still sending the vibes! g), to apassov for a few blushes additional catches and to Wishweaver's continued support. On a personal note, I've started to more aggressively write these chapters in the insane hope that perhaps I might actually finish it in time for book 6. I haven't written this much since National November Writing Month. Wish me luck in this harebrained endeavor and do keep in mind that feedback feeds the fanfiction writer's soul. g Enjoy!
All That's Left Behind
Chapter 5 - The Difference Between Actions and Words
It had been over a week since they'd taken him from the Dursleys. Tonks and Moody eventually had to return to the Ministry, leaving Remus behind to try to decipher how best to approach Harry. As predicted, Mrs. Weasley had been horrified the moment she laid eyes on the boy, and had raised enough fuss that Dumbledore sent Dobby the house-elf, whom Harry evidently knew, to watch over both of Grimmauld Place's full-time residents, as well as the other occasional Order members. And goodness doesn't Dobby take his job seriously.
Remus hadn't known the full story of Dobby and Harry's pre-existing relationship until a few days ago, but it certainly explained a lot. Thankfully they'd already taken down all the house-elf plaques from the wall. However, considering Dobby had belonged to Lucius Malfoy, Remus suspected the house-elf would have been unfazed by the grisly trophies. Whatever Dobby's previous relationships had been, it was clear to Remus that the little house-elf worshipped the ground Harry walked on, and that Harry was equally fond, if also a little exasperated by, him.
In the span of a week, he'd been introduced to the entire range of Harry's favorite meals – over and over again, until Harry finally noticed and instructed Dobby to cook Remus' favorites as well. But while Dobby was a welcome, albeit occasionally annoying addition to the Black residence, it pained Remus that none of Harry's other friends, in particular the younger Weasleys, had yet been brought by to visit.
Especially considering that Molly came by once a day to spend time with Harry, bearing letters and treats (much to Dobby's chagrin). She never brought Ron or the others, and Remus couldn't decide if it was circumstance or something else that kept them away. Remus felt Harry certainly could use some company of his own age, especially now as it drew nearer to the full moon, but Harry never asked when she'd bring them by, and Molly never volunteered the information.
While it was nice of her to spend a couple of hours daily with Harry, time passed slowly at Grimmauld Place, and soon Remus wouldn't be able to properly keep an eye on the boy. This was something he felt to be essential, especially since when left to his own devices, Harry spent his free time reading books on the floor in the Entrance Hall in front of Mrs. Black's portrait.
He'd once tried cajoling Harry into studying elsewhere, especially considering that the (admittedly now cleaned) gas lamps provided poor reading light, but Harry had been staring at the serpent shaped candelabra at the time and replied in Parseltongue (something he suspected Harry himself hadn't realized he'd done), disconcerting Remus to the point he hadn't broached it again.
He and Poppy both recognized the signs and knew that this month's full moon would be another bad one. In fact, just as he finished last month's round of potions, Poppy had already begun dosing him up with fortifiers in preparation for the upcoming one. This made him increasingly nervous as the tension between Harry and Molly continued to mount.
Since bringing Harry to Sirius' old home, Remus spent a lot of time discreetly watching him. Of late, he'd paid special attention to how Harry and Molly interacted. There was something off between those two, and he couldn't quite put a finger on what it was. Harry always seemed grateful for her company, but reluctant. He seemed to collapse in on himself whenever she got particularly motherly (she and Remus had just had a discussion the other day about the possibility of having Dobby slip appetite stimulants into Harry's food to try to increase his intake), but Ron's friend still gave a gentle smile each time she patted his arm or ruffled his hair as if nothing were amiss.
He certainly was light years away from the boy the Order had rescued last year. Remus recalled how he'd been dismayed by the abundance of anger Harry projected at the time, but he dearly missed that more vocal boy now, and wished to have him back. After Cedric's murder, Harry had been hurt and lonely – he'd hated being left out of things and had lashed out in frustration. That kind of behavior made sense to Remus. Unfortunately, that side of Harry appeared to have been burned away.
The teenager they'd brought from the Dursleys last week was soft-spoken and remained in rigid control of his emotions. This Harry was quiet and reluctant to speak. He didn't initiate conversation, although still polite enough when responding to others, and his eyes betrayed an abundance of thoughts that Remus would have given his left foot to hear.
Unfortunately, Harry also appeared to have realized how readable his eyes were, because he seemed to be actively avoiding eye contact. Dumbldore told me that's what he'd done to you. Is this yet another lesson you took to heart? There was a lot going on in the teenager's mind, he just no longer shared it with anyone. Not even your friends, he thought sadly.
This morning Molly had brought crumpets, scones, lemon bars and some homemade jam with her, and was currently sitting in the kitchen with them as both Harry and Remus politely nibbled on her treats (even though they'd already had breakfast).
She danced around the topic of Ron's ongoing recovery, events at the Ministry, and daily news, which truthfully didn't leave much else to talk about, and while Harry didn't start conversations, he was still a very attentive listener. To give her credit, Molly made the most of what she did have left to talk about, which mainly consisted of the twins' latest antics, Charlie's dragon stories, and day to day happenings at the Burrow.
Remus found himself wishing yet again for time to speed up so Hermione Granger could return from traveling abroad. After being injured at the Ministry, her family was feeling understandably reluctant to let her out of sight, but she'd sent an owl a few days ago saying that by next Wednesday, she should be back home, and wanted to make arrangements to stay at Grimmauld Place beginning next Friday.
What do you tell your Muggle parents about all of this, I wonder? If I were a Muggle, and learned a madman would love nothing better than to hang my child's head on a pike, I'd seriously consider leaving the country, Remus pondered and froze. His eyes widened as he took in Harry's general responses and how Molly was behaving, and suddenly it became clear.
Oh, Merlin, Molly, I know you're trying to help, but… Remus abruptly stood and headed towards the door.
"Remus? Is everything all right?" Molly called after him. He realized he'd startled Harry by standing so quickly and smiled apologetically.
"I'd almost forgotten, Molly," Remus said, thinking quickly on his feet, "Could I have a moment of your time? I've got a robe I've been trying to patch up, and I'm afraid I've reached the end of my darning skills."
"I'd be happy to," she said, her face brightening as she stood as well, and patted Harry's arm affectionately as she followed Remus upstairs, then down the hall towards his room. Remus gently but firmly closed the door behind them, causing Molly to frown.
"What is it?" Molly asked at the look on his face. She went to approach him, consternation evident upon her own face, but froze at what she must have seen in his expression.
"He knows," Remus said without preamble.
"What?" Molly asked.
"He knows why you haven't brought your children by."
"What are you talking about?" Molly asked, the slight lift of her voice giving her away. He'd guessed right.
Poor Harry. My dear girl, until you get your own feelings straightened out, you might be doing more harm than good, Remus thought to himself but dared not say aloud.
"You're frightened, and rightfully so, for your own children. In your heart you place the responsibility on Harry for taking them to the Ministry, which is why you're so reluctant to bring them here," Remus said, and waited for the explosion.
He knew he was right on this one. Instead of losing her temper, though, Molly paled to the point where Remus stepped forward and gently touched her elbow.
"Molly?" he asked in concern, and led her to sit on the edge of his bed. Big tears welled in her eyes and her chin quivered, but still she struggled not to cry.
"Is that so wrong?" she whispered, clearly ashamed, turning her head away.
"No, it isn't. There's nothing wrong with feeling like that," Remus answered honestly as he sat next to her. It was dangerous being Harry Potter's friend. His mere presence seemed to be a lightening rod for trouble, let alone what he took upon himself to seek out.
"He's a good boy," she said, and her voice was thick with regret. "He's a good influence on Ron in a lot of ways."
"They're your children," Remus replied, finishing her explanation for her. He raised his hand, unsure where to put it, then settled for patting her shoulder.
"I know how hard it is to lose family," Molly said, turning haunted eyes towards him. Remus flinched at the look, for he knew it all too well. That's right. You lost two of your brothers, didn't you? Remus recalled, and felt ashamed himself for forgetting.
"I like large families," Molly continued. "They fill up the empty spaces." Remus understood what she wasn't saying. Part of him wished he could have done the same.
"He doesn't talk about that day, but it's clear in every gesture he makes that he feels responsible," Remus supplied.
"But Harry isn't! It's not his fault You Know Who's been after him all his life," Molly said, defending Harry even as the truth of her own fears were laid bare.
"It was his decision to try to save Sirius."
"He saved Arthur's life because of his visions. Of course he feared his dreams might come true again," Molly said, and Remus was surprised at her candor. It seemed that he wasn't alone in criticizing Dumbledore's decision to keep Harry at arm's length.
"Until you decide if you want to try to discourage Ron and Ginny from being his friend, you're sending Harry mixed signals," Remus said, and Molly hung her head to hide her face.
"He breaks my heart, Remus. I'd do anything to change what he's had to go through."
"No you wouldn't. Which is why you haven't brought Ron by yet," Remus said firmly, unhappy with being unkind but feeling it was necessary.
"You think Harry knows?" Molly asked in a trembling voice without looking up.
"I'm certain of it."
"Does he hate me for it?" she asked in a tiny voice.
"Of course not. He hates himself for it," Remus said. Molly nodded, wiping at her face surreptitiously, and stood. She straightened the hair around her face that had fallen out of the loose bun she'd tied it in, and squared her shoulders. She took a deep breath, and Remus watched as she took a moment to regain her composure.
"I never meant to hurt him," she said solemnly after a moment's pause. Remus smiled in sympathy but thought, No one ever does. Well, except perhaps for Snape.
Molly left shortly thereafter. Harry still sat at the kitchen table, but had given up snacking in favor of staring into his tea cup when Remus returned, pulling out the chair to sit beside him. The longer he kept Harry in conversation the less time the boy spent in front of Sirius' mother's portrait, after all.
"Was there a darning emergency?" Harry asked mildly. Remus felt his face flush but gamely plowed ahead.
"She'd forgotten about Arthur bringing over some Ministry friends of his for lunch, and wanted to start getting the Burrow in order."
"You're awfully good at coming up with excuses, Remus, but whenever you're lying, your eyelid twitches," Harry replied.
"You're joking?" Remus asked, horrified. Harry smiled dryly.
"You're right. I am joking," he replied, and Remus felt his stomach plummet.
"You are a bit frightening at times, you know that?" Remus half-heartedly teased.
"I know," Harry replied, and while his tone was light, his eyes were serious.
Remus poured himself a cup of tea to fill the silence and waited for Harry to speak. So far he seemed to be bollixing everything up, and figured it was time for Harry to make the next move.
"Will she be coming tomorrow?" he asked.
"I don't know."
"I feel awful for her. Sometimes I think I should do something really mean to hurt her feelings just to make it easier for her," Harry said thoughtfully, and Remus held his breath.
"You don't mean that," he said softly.
"Of course I do. She's got a lot of family to lose."
"Has anyone taken the time to tell you it's not your fault?" Remus asked, thinking now would be a good time to put his hand on Harry's, but second guessed himself and cupped them around his tea instead.
"Sure," Harry dismissed with a shrug.
"I don't blame you for what happened to Sirius," Remus said, looking hard into Harry's eyes to will him to see the truth of his words. Harry'd been trying to save Sirius. It was the rest of them that hadn't done right by the Azkaban escapee.
I blame Bellatrix for his death, and myself, Albus, Severus, and the Ministry for getting him there, Remus amended silently.
"You should," Harry disagreed. Remus shook his head.
"I can't tell you how to feel, Harry, but neither can you tell me." Harry actually smiled at Remus' words. It was fragile, but it was a start.
"Dobby will feel better if she stops bringing treats anyway. He feels threatened by Mrs. Weasley's cooking," Harry said, effectively changing the subject.
"He shouldn't," Remus joked, and although he wasn't serious, as Molly was a fine cook, Harry's eyes grew big and his mouth opened.
"Remus!" Harry breathed, scandalized. Remus' own lip curled in amusement at his expression.
"What?" Remus asked innocently, pleased to see genuine, unguarded emotion on his face. Harry's jaw snapped shut and he shook his head ruefully.
"You're having me on," he said with a wry smile. Remus sipped at his tea with a smug expression.
"Ah, but see if we don't dine like kings tonight because of it," he said, shocking Harry all over again as he tapped his ear, hinting that Dobby had likely heard his comments.
It turned out Dobby had indeed heard what Remus had said, and the four course meal they were served was certainly testimony to the culinary gifts of house-elves.
"What brought this on?" Moody asked as he stared at the meal laid out before them, having stopped by just a few minutes beforehand. He refused to dine with them, preferring only things made by his own hand, but sat with them at the dining table nonetheless. His fried peanut butter and banana sandwich was in stark contrast to their banquet.
"Remus insulted Molly's cooking, and Dobby heard him," Harry supplied, and Remus felt like throwing his napkin at the boy.
"That was foolish of you," Moody observed, turning to look at Remus. His magical eye, however, remained on Harry, as it nearly always was since picking him up at the Dursleys.
"Have you ever been pranked by the Weasley twins?" Remus hinted threateningly.
Harry's lip quirked, but even as he mock-threatened him, Remus realized Harry wouldn't repeat his joke to anyone who actually might pass it on to Molly. He'd never hurt Molly's feelings that way. Still, it was fun to remind the boy that he had once been a Marauder, and to bear that in mind if he decided to give Remus a hard time.
"Speaking of which, I caught the twins trying to sneak on to Privet Drive the other day," Moody said. Harry stilled, and Remus stifled a groan.
"I'd forgotten they know where he lives," Remus said.
"They heard Molly railing against the Dursleys when we first brought him back," Moody said, tilting his head at Harry but speaking to Remus.
"I think that's my cue to leave," Harry said dryly, and stood.
"Don't leave on my account," Moody protested, and Remus flinched at his lack of subtlety.
"Not at all. I've some studying to do," Harry replied, and Remus glared at Moody as he left the room, leaving a half-finished plate behind.
There were things Harry was willing to talk about, and things one did not broach at all. The Dursleys was one of the latter. He shrugged off all of Remus' attempts to get him to discuss what Petunia had said. All he would say was that he wasn't surprised and that it was a relief anyway. Even Molly, who had more history with Harry than he did, hadn't been able to draw him out about what his aunt had said.
"I wish you wouldn't have done that," Remus said softly after Harry had gone upstairs. They both breathed a sigh of relief that Mrs. Black hadn't heard the teenager as he climbed the stairs.
Mrs. Black had finally noticed Kreacher's absence, and was now especially sensitive to sound, as if constantly waiting to hear from him. It had made the last week extremely difficult. Harry was always there to help, thankfully, as Remus frantically tried to silence the woman and struggled with the curtains, but no matter how he tried to control it, rage rose up within him that was nearly overwhelming in its intensity.
The wolf wanted Remus to hurl every curse known to Merlin and man at the painting until it was nothing but cinder and ash, yet he knew he couldn't. For Harry's sake, he couldn't lose control like that. For a werewolf in a heightened emotional state, there was no guarantee he'd be able to get it back. Besides, it wouldn't do any good. He and Sirius had tried both of their curse repertoires and even some they unearthed from old Black tomes in the hopes of countering dark for dark.
"It's for the best. I've things to discuss with you anyway."
Remus had to bite his tongue from saying anything sharp. After all, Moody liked Harry in his own way. It was that their relationship dynamic was… odd. After all, Harry had thought he'd known the Auror for nearly a year, but instead had been interacting with Barty Crouch Jr.
In old Alastor Moody's lifetime, few, if any people, had ever seen the Auror as vulnerable as Harry had, and each time the boy accidentally slipped up by mentioning something that had occurred the year Moody was imprisoned, the grizzled Auror was reminded all over again of the task he'd failed.
"Harry hasn't been eating well," Remus said in lieu of explanation.
"I can see that. Is the boy still spending his time out in front of the banshee's portrait?" Moody asked, directing them both towards the business at hand. Remus nodded.
"I'll be here for the next few days. When do you plan to leave?"
"Tomorrow," Remus replied, absently pushing his own plate away. Suddenly he'd lost his appetite as well.
"Poppy says you're in for a rough time of it again," Moody observed, and Remus wondered if the man even knew how what the word 'subtlety' meant.
"It appears so."
"How long do you think you'll be at Hogwarts?"
"I'm not sure. Not more than a few days, I should hope," Remus replied, attempting optimism. Moody snorted.
"Of course," Alastor drawled.
"What did you wish to speak with me about?" Remus prompted.
"Molly spoke with me about checking up on Harry more often. She mentioned that you'd had a conversation, and that she wouldn't be by for a while. Are there any problems I should be aware of?"
"She spoke to you?" Remus asked in surprise. Moody snorted.
"Actually, she was hinting that I should send Kingsly and Nymphadora by more often, but I chose to decide for myself who the boy was most comfortable with," Moody replied.
"I see."
"So? Arthur's been clucking about the house like a mother hen since your conversation with Molly, so I assume it wasn't about next year's Hogwarts curriculum."
"I told her she had no business trying to mother Harry when she wouldn't let her own children anywhere near him," Remus said plainly.
"Goodness. That was forthright of you," Moody said, almost mockingly. Remus frowned. He wasn't that prissy about decorum, was he?
"Yes, well, Harry's got enough on his mind without being reminded that his trip to the Ministry was a total disaster," Remus replied darkly.
"Good on you. It's about time someone talked to her," Moody agreed and stood up.
"Wait. That's what you wanted to talk to me about?" Remus asked, bewildered.
"That's it," Moody said, and quirked his head as Mrs. Black's portrait came to life once more, shrieking loud enough to make him flinch, even though she was several rooms away.
"Spawn of filth and pond-scum! Half-breeds, craven despoilers of my home! Be gone! Abominations, you soil this home with your polluted blood!"
"Ah, it sounds as if Tonks has arrived," Moody observed calmly and headed upstairs towards the Entrance Hall. Harry was already there with Tonks, trying to close the moth- eaten curtains. Remus jumped in to help as well, and they thankfully were closed relatively swiftly.
"Sorry about that…." Tonks was apologizing to the room in general, but Remus tuned her out as he took in Harry's expression. They both still had their hands on the curtains, pinning them closed. Harry's face was pinched with pain, but his eyes glittered in a way Remus had never seen before.
"Harry?" he asked softly. Tonks was talking to Moody, whose magical eye was still on Harry even as he focused his attention away from him.
"She's dead, right? How can someone dead continue to cause so much pain?" Harry asked quietly.
"It happens all the time," Remus replied sadly. There were many ways the dead still continued to haunt the living, especially in the magical world.
"She made it a nightmare for him. He was doing okay until he had to stay here," Harry said with raw emotion.
"I know she did," Remus said. On that, they both agreed.
"Right, then," Harry said, and seemed to come to some sort of decision.
"Harry? What is it?" Remus asked as Harry stepped away from the portrait and began heading up the stairs towards his room.
"Nothing. I've got some studying to do. Good night, Remus," Harry replied softly.
"Good night, Harry! Don't let the bed bugs bite!" Tonks called after him, and Remus had to hold firmly onto the curtains to keep them from flying open again.
"Your indoor voice, if you please, Nymphadora," Remus scolded gently. Tonks blushed, but smiled cheekily when Harry turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised in puzzlement. Goodness. Have you never heard of that expression? Remus wondered.
"Well, if you used the right charms you wouldn't have to worry about it anyway, would you?" Moody growled.
Evidently Alastor hasn't either.
"Night, Tonks, Moody," Harry said quietly as he disappeared up the stairs.