To Protect

Chapter 14

Brother to Brother

"She said that I would find you here," Ethan said as he entered the study, "I would like to talk with you if it is alright?"

"Are you sure that Jarod is not going to have a fit that you are talking to me?" Lyle said as he sat down the report that he was working on.

"She said that you needed to talk and that you usually talk with Parker," Ethan said as he sat down in the chair in front of Lyle's desk, "so do you want to tell me what is wrong?"

"I see that I am going to have to find a new hobby for my wife," Lyle muttered shaking his head.

"Our mother sent me to find you," Ethan said quietly not sure how he will react, "she is worried about you and she said that it is not your fault."

Lyle stood up and walked over to the windows, as he stared out at the ocean before saying, "She is wrong, this is all my fault."

"How?" Ethan questioned not really understanding what Lyle was trying to tell him.

"Do you know how I found Parker?" Lyle asked still staring out into the ocean.

"She said that she found you at the Centre, but Raines threatened to kill Mom if she said anything to anybody." Ethan said telling him everything that Parker had told them.

"You know first hand what Raines is like and what he is capable of," Lyle said turning around and looking towards Ethan, "I remember Raines beating me for some reason, I closed my eyes and wanted it all to be a nightmare, then I suddenly felt this warmth inside me. When I opened my eyes she was there looking down at me."

"Parker." Ethan said as Lyle slowly moved to sit down behind his desk.

"She was more worried about me than what Raines would do to her," Lyle said lost in his memories, "Raines walked in and caught her. He was livid, the sweepers started to beat me again and the only thing I remember is her screaming for them to leave me alone. Raines told me that if he ever caught Parker visiting me again, that it would take them a month to identify her body."

"I still don't see how this is your fault." Ethan queried, seeing the look of sadness in Lyle's eyes.

"Jarod is wrong. She doesn't stay with the Centre because of Dad, she stayed at first because of me and then we found out about the children." Lyle said, turning towards the windows and looked out at the ocean, folding his arms across his chest trying to block out the feeling of helplessness and despair from his soul. How can Ethan sit there so easily and say that is wasn't his fault when it obviously is, she would have left long ago if not for him.

"You can't keep blaming yourself, Lyle."

"Why not? Give me one good reason why not?" Lyle snapped as he suddenly went to the window and started to pace.

"You can't continue to blaming yourself for what has happened. You had no control over what was done, how you were forced to grow up. You make the best of the situation after you path was dictated to you." Ethan said watching his brother sadly.

He now knew why his mother sent him to talk with Lyle. It was plain to see that Lyle was getting depressed and starting to withdraw with Parker not here with them. Lyle obvious needed his sister there with him to stop his world from spiraling out of control with guilt that constantly plagued him.

"Parker is my sister, I should have protected her. I failed her."

"She is alive, isn't she?" Ethan asked, trying to get Lyle to focus on something other that the despair that was dragging him down. Ethan could hear quite clearly in Lyle's voice that each time he said he failed or it was all his fault, he was cementing these thoughts deep his mind that would be hard to break once made.

"But at what cost? The amount of pain that she has had to endure is too high a price." Lyle agued dismally as he lowered his head, wincing as his shoulder began to ache and throb making him feel light-headed. He carefully sat down in his chair, having his back to Ethan.

Granted, his mother told him to see Lyle, to help him but from the looks of Lyle, this was beyond anything Ethan could help with. Without knowing what Parker say to Lyle to bring him back to reality, back from the depression, anything Ethan said would be totally meaningless or even make Lyle worse. He had to try though, his mother had sent him because she thought Ethan could help and his sister was going to needed all them working together.

'This is just too confusing,' Ethan thought as he watched his brother pace around the room, 'and without knowing all the details as to why all this is happening, why all the lies and deception. I can't really help anyone without sounding like a blubbering idiot, repeating the same thing over and over again.

"Everybody thinks that I have done all those things on my resume. They don't understand that they were lies, and then they might make them have to rethink their great truth. They have to hate me; it is the only way that they can accept me." Lyle said rubbing his forehead beginning to feel the weight of tiredness leaning heavily against him, "When they look at me, I know what they think, and I can see it in their faces. They can't believe that Parker and I are related. When Parker and I would "argue" at the Centre. I watched them as we fought and I could tell that they were taking their led from Parker. She hated me so they would do the same."

"But it won't be like that now. Once everything is explained, things will change. We have only just found out that everything you did at the Centre was a lie. Sydney and the others need time to deal that before they can accept you." Ethan said slowly, still not knowing what Lyle needed to hear but be had to try something before he slipped too far away from them.

Ethan didn't want to face the rage of Parker when she came back to see Lyle depressed and withdrawn from everyone. If what had happened so far, after Lyle had been shot was anything to go by, Ethan didn't want to have a formal introduction to that side of his sister.

"If they ever do." Lyle said to himself, "When they look at me, all I see is revulsion and hatred which makes everything harder! If the truth was known no one wants to forgive me for the things I have "done". If they accept that my dark past is a lie that will destroy everything they know or trusted in. Heaven forbid Jarod admits that he was wrong. He can't deal with that, his entire world would come crashing down when he sees that he swallowed what was a lie like a fish to a worm on a hook. Jarod couldn't deal with seeing someone was smarter then him, he would rather hare me to the grave for no reason than to admit he was wrong."

"Jarod wouldn't do that."

"I got news for you, shortie. He would, you haven't known Jarod for as long as I have and when you have then you'll know that Jarod doesn't like to admit that he is wrong. He won't even apologize, it means that same thing. Apologizing requires you to be wrong about something. He won't be doing that either." Lyle snarled as he rubbed his temple, "With my history, I don't exactly invoke confidence or trust, everybody feels safer in themselves with not trusting me."

"But surely it hasn't always been like that?" Ethan asked deeply upset by the way his brothers have been treating each other.

"Before I met Shay Ling, Parker was the only person to show me love and affection. Unconditionally, she's the only person that truly knows me and trusts me completely and I don't want to lose her. You and I never got to be with mother, but that is where the similarities between us end. You can hear her, I can't. Mom is always with you, yet I couldn't even meet her because it would mean her death. Do you have any idea what that feels like to live with? You can never see your mother because the moment that you do, is the some moment that her death warrant is signed!"

As Lyle said that, Ethan felt a small pang of pain, getting a small insight of what it was like for Lyle day after day with the guilt and remorse that he constantly has held inside him. 'I'm not the one he needs.' Ethan thought to himself as he lowered his head from looking at back of Lyle's chair. 'He needs Parker.' He thought, worrying about his sister, where she could have gone after drugging them all, including her twin just to keep him safe and out of harms way.