A/N: I'm still looking for a beta for this and any future JOA stuff! I'd be happy to beta your work in return, email me at kea anderson cox. Net
Without the spaces.
Read and enjoy.
Relationships
I haven't spoken to Andy since that night, he hasn't spoken to me either. I
almost feel bad for him, the whole school blames him for what happened. No one thinks it's fair that he walked away from that car without a scratch and Kevin is lying on a hospital bed unable to move. Kevin had potential, Andy was just the tag-along. And yet it's Kevin who's life is ruined.
And yet as ostracized as Andy is from our classmates I am more the outsider. Granted it is mostly by choice, but the fact that I chose this doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I simply can't seem to force myself to care about who is wearing what, or who has broken up with who, or even the gossip about Kevin's condition. They all expect me to know, and no one understands why I haven't been up there to visit him yet. Andy hasn't been up there, either, but they all say that's because he feels so guilty. They can't imagine why I, Kevin's girlfriend, would possibly feel guilty.
Sometimes I see Joan in the hallways. She always walks alone now, her head up and her eyes staring at the tiled floor. She has always looked proud but she used to follow the pack. Now she walks alone, like I do, and the set of her shoulders shows her determination to get through this day. I think maybe I should walk with her, even if she is only a freshman, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know she would ask why I haven't been up to see her brother, just like the rest of the school, and I wouldn't be able to explain it to her any better than I can to any of the rest of my "friends". None of them know the entire story, not even Jenny McKinley. She knows I drove her home, but she doesn't know that I doomed Kevin to ride with Andy that night.
I know my parents are worried. I used to be very popular, out almost every night with a different group of friends. The phone used to ring off the hook, always for me, always with another invite to go somewhere.
For a while after the accident the phone still rang. But I never wanted to talk to anyone so usually I brushed whoever was on the other end of the line off. Eventually they stopped calling.
The school therapist tried to get me to talk to her. My parents agreed that I should talk to someone, but that woman didn't help me. She didn't know me. All she ever said was, "And how does that make you feel?" How does she think I feel?
'Well Mrs. Maraan, my boyfriend isn't ever going to walk again and it's mostly my fault. I don't know how to relate to my peers any more, and I haven't really slept in a month because of nightmares. I'm just peachy, thanks.'
I didn't really say that, I didn't really say much of anything. I answered her questions very politely, giving as little information as possible. Eventually she gave up. I don't think she would really have been able to help anyway.
A/N2: Please review this and let me know how I'm doing!