SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!
Disclaimer: HBP! I put all my theories and such with a new fic I'm starting. But this fic is all about the adventures of ARNOLD the purple pygmy puff! Join Arnold on his missions in foreign lands. (Starts off before Harry goes to Hogwarts for his 6th year) I hope no one has done this yet.
Mission One—Su nariz, Es mi nariz (Your nose, Is my nose)
The BurrowToday was a most fortunate day.
I completed my mission and came out of it alive.
Although, it wasn't easy.
Let me tell you about my greatest achievement yet.
It was a lovely evening. I had a grand time nibbling on everyone's hair.
Ginny, my comrade of another species gave me a nice juicy spider, which I was grateful for.
It's not easy catching those little buggers on my own.
But to the point, a spider is not enough to satiate my hunger.
No matter how much I pestered anyone, they just seemed to think I wanted to play.
The human kind is just not as advanced as my own.
I mean have you ever heard of such thing as toilets? Ha! How primitive! An abomination!
But I must forgive them for it…they don't know any better…
But back to my story, Soon enough they were all off to bed.
And I? I was forced into a cage and up half the night.
Its times like these I miss my brothers, sisters, and seven wives.
Don't get me wrong, I tolerate my human companions, but they can be quite dense when it comes to just about everything—from food to scratching that little spot just behind the ear.
Speaking of food, I was starved.
So, with my master skills I escaped my cage.
Muahahaha! So many possibilities! So little time!
With an evil smirk, hidden behind my fluffy fur, I climbed onto Ginny's bed and carefully scurried towards her face.
I looked around the room to make sure no one was there. When I was positive no one was watching, I stuck out my tongue. It inched closer and closer and closer to her nose. With one last bold move it found its way evermore closer to her nostril and—CENSORED (due to stomach-churning content)—her bogies. This was clearly what humans were created for.
Contently, I jumped off her bed and carried on my business throughout the household.
I found my way back into my cage just as the sun began to rise.
Normally, I would set up an offering of my pellets to the Sun god, but I was much too tired.
I curled myself up into the corner of my cage and drifted off into sleep.
"Arnold, Wake up. Time for breakfast." I was unwillingly pulled out of my cage.
Reluctantly I latched myself onto Ginny's shoulder and she bounded downstairs into the kitchen.
"Morning mum." Ginny said as she took a seat next to Harry, who I must say has the most—CENSORED—bogies.
"As I was saying." Ron said directing Harry's attention away from Ginny. "Was it just me or did your nose feel oddly refreshed this morning?"
"You know, that's odd I was thinking the exact same thing as well." Ginny's mum said, piling food onto everyone's plate.
"Me too." Ginny said, clapping at a fly with her hands. "Here you go, Arnold. A nice juicy fly for you." She rudely put the fly right infront of my face. I shrugged it away.
"That's odd…He's not hungry…" Ginny trailed.
Then, a sudden wave of realization passed throughout the kitchen and I smirked happily.
Aelo's Note: Omg Hahaha, I honestly think I'm getting stranger by the day. I was reading about Puffskeins eating bogies in Fantastic Beasts and thought—hmm, interesting. I don't know what came over me, but I jumped onto my comp and started typing. Hopefully the next Pygmy Adventure I come up with wont be so…icky. Forgive me if I've caused anyone to puke. If this was atrocious, please tell me!
Does anyone know what happened to S.P.E.W? I wanted to see if Hermione made any advancements :( Well, my theory is the house-elves might've put a restraining order on her. She was a bit out of control…
NEXT chapter: Arnold gets flushed down the toilet!
Send me suggestions!
Review!
Or I'll have Arnold—CENSORED—your bogies!