In Parting

Antoinette Giry had spent the better part of her life looking after someone or another. As a young girl, she had felt such compassion for Erik. She had thought herself some sort of angel, saving the poor child from the cruelty of his life. Yet she had done him a terrible wrong, for while she had cared for him all those years, she had not been brave enough to bring him out into the light and risk her own dreams.

Her dreams, indeed had been grand…to be a prima ballerina. Young love and an early marriage had ended those dreams, and then there had been her little Meg to think of, but Antoinette's family had come at the sacrifice of Erik. She had left him alone in the catacombs to find his own way in the dark, without anyone to teach him humanity.

And so, Antoinette could not help but blame herself for all that had occurred at the Opera Populaire. She had hoped, for a brief time, that Erik's tender feelings towards Christine might be his salvation, but instead, the girl had been his downfall, and Antoinette had done nothing to prevent it.

Which is why she was determined that the sins of the past would not be repeated. She did not know exactly what had occurred the night of the fire…she and Erik had not spoken of it in detail on the one brief occasion she had seen him. Indeed, she had only sought him out to know whether he lived, and to discover what had become of Christine and le Vicomte. Antoinette was certain that Erik was aware of her own betrayal, but suspected that his guilt over all he had done had kept him from lashing out at her. His sorrowful state had made it quickly apparent that Christine Daae had been found by le Vicomte and taken away.

Antoinette had certainly never expected to see Christine again, but it seemed that Fate had not yet completed her wicked game. For Christine had reappeared in Paris with eyes that had reflected the same sadness that Antoinette had seen in Erik's. It would have been so easy for her to have told the younger woman everything…led her straight to Erik, but to do so would have been leading them all back into chaos, and Christine was still such a child in so many ways. Still engaged to her handsome young Vicomte. Still holding on to her Angel of Music.

The foolish girl had slipped away to invite darkness once again. Antoinette had not found a trace of Erik in the places she had known to look, save the rose in Christine's former dressing room. The discarded corset on the chair told its own story, and the picture had become all too clear in Antoinette's mind. She raced back to the Marseille House to confess all to le Vicomte, silently praying once again for forgiveness.

xXx

Christine descended the stairs with her heart aching. Images of her night with Erik played over and over in her mind, and the guilt of betraying Raoul in such a way was eating her alive. Meg had been right…Christine could not simply return to the de Chagny estate as if nothing had happened. She could not marry Raoul while she still longed for Erik. Even if Erik's damned note had urged her to do just that. She owed it to all of them to be certain of her choices this time.

"Ah, Little Lotte, have you your bag?"

Christine looked at Raoul's smiling face, and felt herself falter, but determined that she would not lose her courage, she drew a steadying breath. "Raoul, I must speak with you."

Raoul's easy going expression turned to concern at Christine's serious tone. "Of course, Christine. What is it you wish to discuss?"

"I...I must ask you to allow me to remain here in Paris a while longer."

His eyes immediately flashed with concern. "Why Christine? Has something happened? An illness perhaps. Madame or Mademoiselle?"

Christine averted her eyes slightly. "No, Raoul. No one is ill. My wish to remain here is for myself."

"My love, I am afraid I do not understand your meaning."

She drew a tremulous breath, sorrow filling her voice. "Oh, Raoul, I know you are anxious to begin our life together, but I...I am not certain that I am ready to marry you just yet."

Raoul's eyes darkened slightly. "Not ready? Christine, don't be foolish. Of course you are ready. I love you. You love me. We have been engaged for months now, and we are finally free. There is no reason to wait."

Christine shook her head sadly. "But so much has happened, Raoul. So many things that I am finding difficult to reconcile. I must ask you to be patient."

"I have been patient, Christine! I have catered to your every whim. I even allowed you this trip so that you might bury your demons, but I fear it has only made them worse."

"Allowed me? Raoul, do you not see? Ever since...that night...I have felt like a bird in a gilded cage. You tell me I am free, yet I do not feel free under your watchful eye!"

Raoul was stunned. "My...? Christine, I do not understand this. After all we have been through...all I did to free you from that monster, you must know that I only wish to keep you safe."

"I know, Raoul, but it is because of all that we have been through that I must ask you to release me. If only for a little while."

Raoul gaped at her. "Release you? You cannot mean for me to release you from our engagement?"

Christine hesitated, not wishing to hurt him more than she needed to, yet she could not say when, or if, she would be ready to be his wife. "Oh, Raoul, I am only asking for time. I have spent so many years being sheltered, first by my father, and then by...by...my...angel. And then you, my dear, sweet Raoul. When you returned to me, I was so happy to be loved by you…to love you in return, but it all went so wrong. My love for you has somehow gotten all mixed up with my fear of the darkness in myself, and even though I am free of Er...the Phantom, I cannot be certain that my feelings for you have not been colored somehow by all that has passed. I need to find myself again, Raoul…and I need to be certain that my love for you is that which a wife should have for her husband."

Raoul had listened to her words with a growing sense of indignation, and his tone was now incredulous. "And you were not certain of this already? You promised me now and forever! How much longer am I to wait, Christine? A week...a month...a year? When will you be certain of your feelings?"

Christine dropped her gaze away from his, unable to meet his eyes any longer. "I cannot give you an answer now, Raoul."

Raoul threw his hands out helplessly. "You mean you will not. Am I just to wait indefinitely then? Until you decide what it is you want! And what of what I want, Christine? I have given everything to you."

Christine laid a comforting hand upon his arm. "Please, Raoul, you must try to understand."

He flinched away from her touch. He suddenly feared he understood all too well. "No Christine! You cannot have it both ways. Either you will marry me now or you will not. I will not have it left in limbo while you mourn for him."

Christine gasped. She had been so careful to keep from betraying the depth of her conflicted feelings for Erik, yet somehow Raoul had sensed the truth, and she knew the time for pretense was at an end. "I...I...am...sorry, Raoul. I cannot marry you."

Raoul stiffened, hurt and angry that her choice had not been what he desired. Too long had he played by her strange rules, and he could not abide one more moment. They should have been growing closer in their time together, yet Christine seemed to pulling even further away from him.

I will not have this!

"Then this will be goodbye, Christine. I will not be seen a fool by all of Paris."

She dropped her eyes to the floor and nodded in silence. She could not hold him to her simply to make her own life easier.

After all they had been through, that she could refuse him now was unfathomable to Raoul. The sting of her rejection overwhelmed him, and the tears he battled were evident in his eyes. He cupped her face one last time, drawing her eyes back to his. "You will never find another who will love you as I do, Christine."

Still she said nothing…uttered no words to stop him. Raoul dropped his hand and shook his head in disbelief. Sorrow and confusion clouded his mind, and he silently turned away from her, at once leaving the house, the city, and Christine's life.

A/N: A brief word about Raoul. Childhood sweethearts rarely last into adulthood, and I always felt that Christine and Raoul were playing at being in love. She acted the damsel in distress, and he acted the noble hero. Remove the drama and you're just left with a childish game... The Raoul of my story is not evil, nor entirely a fop, just a young man who doesn't quite know what to do when Christine no longer needs to be guarded and guided. For the moment he's walking away with a broken heart and wounded pride, but who is to say what tomorrow will bring.