In Expectation

Christine walked slowly back to the tiny dressing room she occupied at the theater. She was tired, so tired tonight. The Theatre Mystere was certainly no Opera Populaire, but it provided a paycheck, and a fairly decent paycheck, between her work as a seamstress on the costumes, and her small role in the performances. She knew she was lucky to have found the position at all.

Only Monsieur Pinot's rather macabre sense of humor had led him to take a chance on a woman of her reputation, such as it had become. Even here, the cast and crew often whispered behind her back, thinking her unaware of what they were saying.

Christine Daae, the Phantom's lover...the Vicomte de Chagny's mistress. Schemer...social climber...whore...

But just as Monsieur Pinot had suspected, her presence at the Theatre Mystere seemed to play very well to his audience. The house had been packed each night, almost as if the audience was anticipating an encore of Don Juan Triumphant. Erik's opera had been far superior to the tales of murder and mystery in which Christine now found herself. She was featured in only one or two scenes, always with a song to be sung, a silly little thing, nowhere near the beauty of…what she had known, but it suited her for the moment. Only for the moment, however, because Christine was beginning to understand that she could not remain in Paris indefinitely. The time was fast approaching when she would have no choice but to start a new life for herself..

She smiled a little despite her wayward thoughts, but the smile soon fell away at the sight of Raoul leaning against the wall outside her dressing room. He held a small bouquet of flowers in his grasp, and a hesitant smile on his face. He looked worn and older than he had when last she had seen him, but still heartbreakingly handsome. Christine waited for some familiar rush of emotion…some warm wonderful love to overwhelm her.

Did it ever overwhelm me, she thought sadly

"Raoul? I...it has been some time since I have seen you. You look…well."

He smiled thinly and emitted a humorless little laugh. "Really, I had been told recently that I look most unwell. Forgive me, Christine. I know, you have no reason to welcome me."

Christine managed a smile, "Of course you are welcome, Raoul. Whatever else has passed between us, I would hope that we may remain friends."

His troubled expression cleared slightly, and his lips curved. "That is what I wish as well. These are for you, of course." He held out the flowers to her rather helplessly.

Christine took the bouquet, murmuring absently, "They're lovely."

Raoul's eyes drank her in as if dying for the sight of her. "You are lovely, Christine."

She drew a breath, a sudden wave of queasiness rolling in her stomach. The last thing Christine wanted now was to encourage Raoul's feelings for her once again. "Raoul, why have you come here? I know it cannot have been to see the play."

He smiled in embarrassment, "The play is actually surprisingly good, but I have come to see you…to ask for your forgiveness."

Christine's eyes widened in astonishment. "My forgiveness for what?"

"For not allowing you the time you requested of me."

Raoul was apologizing to her?

"Oh, Raoul, I cannot be angry at you for that. You had every right to expect that I should marry you as I had promised."

He looked away in annoyance, seemingly with himself, "But no right to force your decision according to my timetable. It was...overbearing. And for that I am sorry."

Christine smiled sincerely. "For that you are forgiven, Raoul."

He seemed to hesitate a moment, fighting some inward battle with himself, before his expression softened into the tender emotion that Christine had seen in him so often before. "I still love you as I always have, Christine."

Guilt spun through her, making her feel slightly dizzy. "Raoul..."

He shook his head quickly, cutting off her protest, "No. You need not say anything. I only need you to know that I am willing to give you whatever time you need. All I ask is that you allow me to be part of your life again, Christine. I have...missed you."

She sighed, hesitating a moment before responding, "And I have missed you, Raoul." It was the truth, though she knew her feelings did not match the intensity of his.

Raoul smiled warmly. "Then will you allow me the honor of escorting you to dinner this evening?"

Christine turned her gaze away, a look of wariness upon her face, "Raoul, I…can make you no promises..."

He sought to reassure her, "I am only asking for dinner, Christine. Time spent in your company, free from all the influences which pulled at us before."

She debated with herself as to what her answer should be. She should refuse, she knew, but she'd so hated the way they had left things two months before. Certainly one dinner could do no harm to anyone, so she found herself agreeing, "I...would like that."

He smiled fully and kissed her hand. "Then I shall wait while you change from your costume."

Christine drew a steadying breath, managing to smile warmly at Raoul before excusing herself into the dressing room. Once safely inside, she leaned back against the closed door. Her heart began to race in sudden nervousness.

What are you doing? Agreeing to dinner with Raoul this late date?

But she had missed him, her dear childhood friend, and perhaps she was feeling greatly nostalgic as of late. Raoul had been so much a part of her life, of her past, and she still cared for him so very much. She needed only be careful not to mislead him, because she had come to know her heart completely in these past weeks on her own. Despite her warm feelings for Raoul, she was now certain that her love for him had never been a passionate emotion. She had not missed his touch, nor longed to hear his voice, nor ached for his kisses.

Yet Christine still ached for Erik. Each and every night as she lay tossing and turning in her tangled sheets….and each day as she sat sewing costumes…each evening as she sang her silly little song at the theater. She ached for him to come to her and mourned the fact that he had not.

Though there had been moments…almost ethereal moments…when she had been so certain that he was near her. She would feel his presence so strongly that it seemed he was just behind her shoulder, but when she turned, she would always find herself alone.

No, not alone. She would never be alone again. Erik was always with her now.

Without conscious thought, her hand drifted over her lower abdomen. Two months, and she could no longer deny what she had known in her heart from the moment she had given herself to Erik. She supposed that the exhaustion she felt could be easily contributed to her schedule at the theater, not to mention her sleepless nights. And those sleepless nights, along with the broken heart she still suffered, could explain her loss of appetite and slight queasiness…all of which could be contributing to her dizziness as of late. But all of these things together with the fact that she had not had her courses in over two months could not be explained away to simple melancholy.

And certainly not when she had welcomed Erik inside her body with such reckless abandon. Christine closed her eyes, thinking how ironic it was that Raoul should come back to her now….when she was almost certain that she carried Erik's child beneath her heart.

A/N: See…now there will be a little Erik in every chapter. I know, terrible pun…