Kody Wright: If you've read 'Sgt. Dionne Warwick', you might remember a character named Medic Jamie Bliss (not sure if i had decided on a first name then) who had maybe three lines. It's his POV. (obviously, his role grew a little D) Glad you're liking it so far!
Village-Mystic: Sorry, but I've never seen Doogie Howser. I just heard that it was about a kid doctor or something and thought titling it 'Lt. Doogie Howser' fit into the series since the first one was named after a famous person. Hopefully, you'll want to keep reading anyway.
RowenaR: Everyone go read her fic 'Minor Characters: Odd Man Out.' She got the idea from 'Sgt. Dionne Warwick' and she ran with it. She's done way better than I did with the original.
A/N: Yes, I promised I wouldn't do it, but here's a sequel to 'Sgt. Dionne Warwick.' You don't need to read 'Sgt.' first, but it may help with one small joke at the very end. It's finished, but I'm gonna upload one chapter a day. Have fun with that.
AU, because the only thing I ever remember them saying about SG-10 was they were the team that got sucked into the black hole. Obviously, this SG-10 is not that team. I'm thinking that they were probably the 'lost' team's replacements. Also, if SG-10 was investigating a black hole, I doubt they were a black ops unit. This SG-10 changed functions about the same time they were replacing the old team. Yes, Manda, Doogie Howser was that kid doctor on TV. Also, slight spoiler for Atlantis episode "The Defiant One." Slight as in, if you haven't seen it, you won't notice the spoiler.
This is unbetaed so I'm fairly certain all the characters you know and love are gonna by OOC. Tell me. I really want to get this right, so if my Daniel does something stupid, tell me. Or if you don't like something. Or anything. Since I'm new at this I want you guys to help. Just be polite about it. And (I love my betas! I really do! But you guys know nothing about SG) if anyone wants to beta this, holla!
On a totally unrelated matter, aren't all fanfics AUs? I mean, if we had to write them, it obviously didn't happen on the show and as such isn't canon. I tried to raise this point with "Sgt..." it went over well so that's going on all my fics now.
NOTE: There're two words I refuse to say. I'm pretty sure you can figure them out. All my characters are based on real people so yes, people really do curse like this. Some are even worse. Somebody warned me so I decided to put a blanket thing on all my stories (het, slash, gen,) Please, bring an open mind. Remember, everyone's life is not the same.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Stargate. Gekko does. (That always makes me think of the little lizard with the British accent.) Some other people own it as well. They are all much richer. I think everybody's done a "team member becomes kid fic" so I stole that from the same person everybody else did. There were a few quotes that were inspired by Danvers and the yoghurt thing belongs to Anais. Somebody warned me once (actually they threatened to report me to the mods...) so I decided to put a blanket thing on all my stories (het, slash, gen,) Please, bring an open mind. Remember, everyone's life is not the same.
Half an hour later, I was stretched out on the sand trying to get a tan, despite the fact I was fully clothed. Sniper was sitting cross-legged a little ways away with an open book. From where I was laying, I couldn't see the cover, but since he had a degree in Shakespearean literature, I could guess. I sat up a little and watched for a bit as Davis wandered around the perimeter. Probably making sure it was secure or some shit. As I stretched out further, I closed my eyes against the harsh sun hoping to get a little sleep. Which is why I missed what happened to Davis. There was no sound to indicate anything had happened; just Sniper's yell of "Sir!" I was up before brain had fully processed anything.
Which is how we got to where we were in the beginning. Me shrieking hysterically at Davis. Sniper screaming for Alien. Alien running her ass off trying to get there before I killed him. Good luck at that.
"Oh our gods, what happened?" Alien asked as she stopped just short of slamming into Sniper. "We told you not to touch anything! You touched something didn't you?" She started yelling in a mix of Arabic and French, gesticulating wildly, while I went back to cursing at Davis. Sniper had the greatest presence of mind outta all of us; he took pictures of that damn column.
"Guys?" Alien and I just ignored him and continued with our rants."Guys? ... GUYS?" As one we turned and stared at Sniper. "Don't you think we should get the lieutenant back to the SGC so Dr. Fraiser can check him out?"
"Oops."
The trek back to the 'gate seemed twice as long as it had earlier. It was really all Davis's fault. He just kept right on complaining, like it was my damn fault or something. By the time we finally reached the goshdamned 'gate, I was plotting ways to murder him without anybody realising I'd done it.
I was the first person to step out the 'event horizon' on the other side, followed closely by Sniper. We both practically sprinted down the ramp to somewhere we could see Gen. Hammond's face from. Alien and Davis exited the wormhole and walked calmly down the ramp as the 'gate closed down.
"Sergeant, it's good to see you, but I thought you said Lt. Thomas was in need of medical assistance," Hammond said in his 'Jack-what-the-hell-have-you-done?' voice. Alien took it in stride, however. She should. O'Neill calls it the 'Kiddo-what-the-hell-have-you-done?' voice.
"Yes, sir. The lieutenant does need Dr. Fraiser, sir."
"Well, where is he, sergeant?" he asked exasperated.
"Right here, sir," Alien gestured at Davis. This was the moment that me and Sniper had been waiting for.
"Sergeant, I believe you are the one who needs to speak to Dr. Fraiser. That is a child."
"Sarge, didn't I tell you to warn the SGC what to expect?" And there it was. The face Gen. Hammond made was worth disobeying orders.
"Um...yes, sir, you did." Alien shuffled her feet and sat him down. Davis looked to be about ten, maybe a little younger. He actually looked kinda cute; what with the uniform being so big on him and the helmet sorta covering his eyes and stomping around in his boots. It was like his dad was a soldier and he had decided to play dress-up. I thought back over that and decided to make an appointment with Dr. Mac immediately.
"Why didn't you tell them, Sarge?" Davis asked in his 'I'm-a-lieutenant. Obey-me.' voice. It was damned funny. This little bitty kid rebuking an almost 6 foot soldier.
'REBUKING'? Since when was that part of my damn vocabulary? I decided to make a priority appointment with Dr. Mac.
"Um..." Crap. That bitch was planning on rolling over. "It's all their fault!" Alien said pointing towards me and Sniper. "They told us not to do it! They said it would be hilarious when the general saw you!"
"ALIEN!" Sniper said betrayed.
"We're sorry, Sniper, but what'd you want us to do?"
"Not betray your friends!"
"If we're going down, you're going down with us!" she yelled back. Suddenly, I had utter clarity.
"This is why they call us wackos."
"SHUT UP!" It was in two different languages, yelled by three different people, but that's what I got yelled at me for trying to share my clarity with the world.
"FRINK YOU, YOU DAMNED PSYCHOS!" I'll admit it. My response left a lot to be desired.
"Be quiet."
Until that moment, I had forgotten the general was in the room. I'm pretty sure everybody else (including the SFs) had forgotten, too, since they all stopped at the quiet statement.
"I think, it would be a good idea to get Lt. Thomas to the infirmary. Dismissed." Hammond turned and walked out of the room as we all stared in awe.
"Damn. You think I'll ever be a leader that great?"
"Maybe when you grow up. Oh, sir, we're so sorry! We weren't..."
"Sarge...pick me up and take me to Fraiser." I couldn't help, but laugh.
SG10SG10SG10SG10
I slammed my tray down on the table and stared in horror at the crap that I swear was staring back.
"Oh shit, Davis, I think it's looking at me."
"I don't think fo...this can stare, Jamie," Davis said in his squeaky, little voice as he stared at what was on his tray. It was a smaller portion, but it was the same thing that was on mine; an alien life form bent on global domination by giving the most important people at the SGC food poisoning.
"It's not an alien life form!" Davis said like he was trying to convince himself.
"Didn't realise I'd said that out loud," I mumbled as I poked it with a fork.
"Well, that's comforting," Davis muttered back as he poked my alien lifeform with a fork. "Hey, Doc, what do you have?" I tried to flash a smile at Dr. Chandraputna as he sat down across from Davis. He was an actual medical doctor and was well aware of the 'Thomas Situation.'
"Um..." He poked his with a fork before answering. "Uncooked potato disks covered in...some kind of grey sauce-like thing, and a couple of pieces of bread."
"Ahh, yes, the vegetarian version," I said. "That means this is masquerading as uncooked potato disks and still-bleeding meat covered in some kind of grey sauce-like thing, and a piece of bread."
"Masquerading?" Chandraputna asked.
I explained my theory and the Indian burst out laughing as Alien and Sniper sat down on the bench beside him. I just stared in envy at their trays. Sniper had the carnivore version of the meal, except his was covered in what looked like shredded cheddar cheese and his bread was actually toast covered in butter; Alien's vegetarian version was also covered in cheese and her bread was also toast, but it was covered in something I knew was apricot jelly.
"What's so funny?" Sniper asked as he laid his napkin out in his lap.
"Jamie has a theory about where his food came from."
"Do I want to ask?" Sniper wondered. Chandraputna just shook his head as he laughed quietly. At this time, the evil!chef (yes, it has the exclamation mark in my head!) came ambling over with two cups.
"Here ya go, guys," he said as he sat one on Sniper's tray and the other on Alien's before walking away. Sniper's had fresh made coffee just the way he liked it; sugared to hell and half French vanilla creamer. The string sticking out of Alien's proclaimed it was tea; sweetened with honey and soy milk. The evil!chef even knew how to put the fake milk in so it wasn't scalded. I grumbled under my breath as I watched that bisexual beeyotch watch Alien and Sniper.
At this year's SGC/Area-51 Halloween party, I'd managed to get him drunk. In front of a room full of slightly drunk SFs (most of which were pissed off that Alien and Sniper were getting special treatment), the bitch announced that he wanted both of them at the same time. Suddenly, me and the SFs weren't so excited to get special treatment. Didn't mean that favoritism doesn't suck; just means we don't want the damn favoritism aimed at us.
"Alpha Site to Medic Bliss, I repeat, come in, Medic Bliss," Chandraputna said.
"What is it, Chandy?"
"You're making evil faces at the chef and I asked you why. Still waiting."
"1) it's 'You're making evil faces at the evil!chef and I asked you why.' 2) he's an evil!chef. 3) I'm trying to figure out how he was compromised. You don't just suddenly decide to stick evil aliens on the lunch menu for no reason."
"I thought it was just an alien life form," the surgeon interjected.
"Evil alien; alien life form; what's the difference?" I sipped my cold coffee before picking up a forkful of that crap on my tray. "I'm a..." I glanced up at Chandraputna. He wasn't cleared. "Air Force medic. I go out through the crazy ring o' doom and get shot at by body snatching snakes from hell. I shouldn't be afraid of lunch."
"Crazy ring o' doom?" Alien repeated. "Is that what we're calling the chaapa'ai now?"
"In my head, yes," I said peevishly.
"Are we sure I was the only one effected by the column thingy?" We all turned and looked at Mini-Davis. "Because that's not the first thing you thought you've said to yourself that you've actually said out loud."
"Well, when you're as smart as I am, you can talk out loud to yourself!" I said peevishly.
"I have my masters in chemical engineering," Davis said. Chandraputna started laughing quietly.
"You just use it to blow stuff up! I have a medical degree," I shoved the forkful of alien life form into my mouth and chewed vengefully. "Why aren't you working on changing him back?"
"Because SG-1 found something," Alien muttered, slight anger shining through. "Dr. Jackson is refusing to let anyone who isn't working on their project into the lab."
"What?" Davis shrieked. Chandraputna and I both had to bite our lips to keep from laughing. "That bastard! Doesn't he realise I'm a mini-me?" I burst out laughing followed by Chandraputna. Sniper snorted loudly into his excellent coffee and tried to hide a smirk.
"Actually, we have no clue," Alien responded like this was an everyday occurrence. "We didn't actually get into the lab. We had just started to come in the door when Nyan..."
"The Blinking Bedrosian?" I asked.
"His name is Nyan." We'd had this conversation many times. "...stood in the doorway and just stared at us until Drew handed us a cup of coffee. We don't even drink coffee!"
"Ahh, obviously Dr. Jackson wasn't specific enough with his instructions," Davis said taking a sip of his also cold coffee. "He must've just said turn away all military personnel. How's it feel to be a normal person?" Alien stared at him for a moment before bursting out in near maniacal laughter.
"Normal? Us?" I started worrying when Alien turned an odd blotchy mix of purple and green.
"Dude? Breathe," Sniper said between bouts of laughter.
"Sarge," Davis said softly and I stared in amazement as Alien stopped laughing on a dime. "Good soldier." I snorted coffee out my nose as Chandraputna started choking on his. "How about this? You distract the Blinking Bedrosian..."
"His name is Nyan."
"... while I sneak in and get the books you need? What do you need?" Alien thought about it for a second
"Our journals. That should be enough to find a reference. We've seen a variant of the writing before we just don't know where."
"Good." Davis looked at our empty trays. "Let's go."
Please, rememer: any criticism needs to be constructive.