Author's Notes: Hi, it's me, Sabreen, remember? He hee, I told you I won't be writing for a while, but personally, I thought it would be longer than this...Cool! Anyway, I got an idea and fantasized about it for a while, but it's been one of many so I didn't really flinch on it, knowing that, if I start to write it, I'd soon lose interest in it. But then I thought, why don't I make a onepart out of it? It doesn't really matter, if I lose interest, I'll delete it! and, believe it or not, I was SO inspired on it. Since the beginning, there was not any part that I've writen without being inspired! All until the end! Incredible, isn't it? It's certainly for me, anyway.And I'm afraid it's a bit... well, spicier than usually, so it's abit higher rating. Nothing biggie, but still.So, I greet all of you, and like usually, I recommend leaving a review! You know how good it makes me fell -goofy grin-. So there, that would be all.
Oh, no, I would just want to thank you guys who wished me a happy school year, that was very sweet of you to say! And it's ceratinly been good until now, hehe! And now...
Enjoy!
Title. What Trust Can Do
Rating: T
Author: Sabreen
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sailor Moon. Over. I do not make any money out of this. Over. Just owning the story. Over.
"Soo... what has the profusely annoying Mamoru-baka been up to lately? Planning all sorts of new ways to pester me in... Click? magazine?" Usagi asked, climbing on a high stool at the counter in the Crown Arcade, next to an ebony-haired man who was reading a magazine. He didnot seem very interested at it as he twirled a straw in his mouth. As soon as he heard the young blonde's words, he smiled and put away the magazine. He removed the straw from his mouth.
"Nah. I don't have to find new ways to insult you in a computer magazine, I just look at you and tell the truth." She glared at him good-naturedly, taking a napkin, crumpling it into a ball and chucking it in his direction. He shielded himself and laughed, putting the straw back into his mouth.
"Very funny," she added, a grin spreading itself on her lips.
"Oh, and by the way, Odango, shouldn't you be in detention right now?" He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Or," he moved his head towards her, looking at her from the corner of his right eye, "the little imp escaped from detention?" His grin was wide and mischievous, and he was looking at her with a devilish glint in his eyes. She turned her whole face to him and drew near to his face even more.
"I am honest and good, for the difference of some people in this room. I'm sure you would escape from detention, wouldn't you, troublemaker Mamoru-baka?" Her smile was now as big as his, and he sat up like before.
"For your information, at the end of junior high, I was rewarded for being such a brilliant student and a good example for everyone else, and I was given a diploma which said that. I never got into detentions, for the difference of some people in this room." Knowing she couldn't beat that, he leaned his elbows against the counter, putting his head on his fists, and turned to her. He raised his eyebrows in question, like saying 'And? Do you have anything to say to that?'.
She just blushed and mumbled something similar to 'smartass'. He laughed, loud and clear.
"Oh, the girls! Gotta go! See ya later, annoying baka!" Chuckling, he finished his coffee and, waving to Motoki, headed out of the arcade.
She drew near to four girls who were whispering vividly. She got suspicious as they all suddenly stopped talking and started to glance at each other.
"Hi, Usagi-chan," Makoto said nervously.
"Hi, girls," she said, sitting next to Ami and taking a sip from her glass. "What were you talking about?" Everyone bit their lip in a nervous way, thinking up excuses. Well, except one person.
"About you and Mamoru-san," Minako replied nonchalantly. Everyone's eyes bugged out.
"Minako-chan..." Artemis said, sweatdropping.
"What? Why?" Usagi furrowed her brow in wonder.
She shrugged. "Well, you and Mamoru-san have been acting strangely lately, so we were wondering what happened."
"Minako-chan..." Artemis said a bit louder.
"What do you mean, we've been acting strangely?" She asked, a bit startled.
"Well, before you were fighting really badly, and it was obvious that you meant to hurt each other. But now your fighting is more like a... gentle teasing. Like, bitterly-sweet. And it's a completely different relationship. And, just when you were coming over, we were discussing the possibility of it being lo-"
"AAAHH!" Minako was efficiently shut up by three pairs of hands on her mouth, belonging to three rather alarmed teenage girls.
"Uh, we..."
"We must..."
"We have something to..."
And they were out of the arcade in a blink. Usagi was staring after them for a little while, and then she shrugged.
"Crazy girls," she said and went to talk to Motoki.
"I shall get my revenge! You, petty little blonde, are not going to vanquish me, the Great Ruler! I shall take over the universe! Bwahahahahahaa!"
"Ha, that's what you think, Elarios! I'm not giving up on my friends, because they need me! My family needs me! And my dear Takeshi needs me, I'm not letting him down! In the name of love and justice, CRESCENT BEEEEAAAAM!"
"Waaahh! I... I am still alive... You are never going to get me! And, I'll take away what you love most! Haaaa!"
"AAAAHH... Sailor V, help me, please, my dear!"
"Oh no, Takeshi! Let him go!" 'If he doesn't let Takeshi go, he might...'
"Usagi-chan? Usagi-chan, it's eleven thirty PM, you go to bed right now, missy! You can watch Sailor V tomorrow!" Ikuko turned off the TV and the video and walked with her daughter to the stairway.
"Okay, okay, I'm going. Good night, Ikuko-mama!" She climbed up to her room, and brushing her teeth and putting on her pajamas, slipped between her quilt and sheets. Just as she got into her fantasy of Tuxedo Kamen sweeping her in his arms and flying to a desert island, her phone rang.
"Hello?" she said groggily.
"Usagi-chan?" It was Minako. "Usagi-chan, sorry I'm bothering you so late, but I simply had to tell you! Tomorrow, after the bake sale, there's going to be a carnival held especially for all Junior High students in Tokyo! But, it's only dedicated to all junior high students, other people will be there too. So, we're all going, and it would be a great shame if you wouldn't make it! I know I could've told you at school, but I just found out that Ishida Yoko and KOJI WADA will be singing at it, and I just HAD to tell someone! And since you're the only one who doesn't know about the whole thing, I called you! Isn't this exciting!"
"Sure," she replied sleepily.
"So, will you come?"
"Sure," she replied again.
"Okay, great! See ya at school! Good night!"
"Bye." And she hung up.
'Now, where were we?'
There was no class held because of the bake sale, and Usagi was impatient waiting for the carnival. The day went by slowly, and she tried to concentrate on selling the baked goods so time could pass quickly, but no matter what she tried, it would always end the same: thinking about it again and again. Okay, it wasn't the ONLY thing that stole her attention away from the bagels and donuts; a tall black-haired man would seep in too, but she was always thinking about him, so that didn't even count anymore. It was an inevitable everyday occurence, so she simply got used to it. She couldn't get rid of it anyway.
And, after seven hours which seemed like seven centuries, the stands were packed and girls and boys started to move in big groups towards the carnival. It was quite far, but that didn' matter since they all were in good company. She walked to the carnival with Ami, Rei, Makoto and Minako amongst other students who chatted mindlessly, skipping from the latest Ishida Yoko album to the last earthquake which was so strong that three buildings have collapsed, and onto the secrets of linear equations. Usagi would jump into the conversations her best friends were keeping with a sentence or two. And, before you could say 'We're here!' they were there.
Usagi was impressed .It was quite big and full of lights, combined with music and delicious smells coming from all directions.
"So, shall we, girls?" Rei commented with a happy glint in her eyes."And what do you think?" said Makoto, running inside and laughing merrily, and all of the girls followed quickly behind.
"So, where to first? I say we go check out the guys!" Minako clapped her hands excitedly, and laughed.
"Well, I heard that there is a lovely book stand with lots of Extra Physics books with additional tasks to practice on," Ami said. The girls looked at her in silence, with raised eyebrows.
"I think we should go see all the treats they have! I really wonder what they've prepared for today," Makoto said, not even commenting Ami's suggestion.
"But I have to go to the priest's corner, gotta pick something up for my grandpa," said Rei with a sad frown.
"Seems like we have a problem... Look, it's 6:17 now.Why don't we split up for a bit? The concert starts at eight, so we can meet there and enjoy the rest of the carnival together," suggested Makoto.
"Well, yeah, but it's not fun checking boys out if I don't have you there with me," Minako replied with a sad voice.
"Well," Usagi shrugged, "we can all go together afterwards, to go checking boys and food out, to the priest corner and to the... ugh... bookstore.. to see what each of us had discovered."
The girls nodded and agreed that it was a very good idea.
"Okay, see ya!" said Rei. They all waved goodbye and moved to their destinations.
Usagi walked aimlessly for twenty minutes around the carnival. She didn't want to see anything special so she simply walked and watched different things going on, hoping she'd get interested in at least one of them. She was passing by jogglers, guys who swallowed flames, eating contests...But she was more bored the longer she walked. She has even thought of visiting Ami at the book stands, but she knew she'd have to be truly desperate to do something like that. She sighed sadly.
"BOO!" She screamed as two arms encircled her and a deep voice yelled.
"AAAAHH!"
"Oy, Odango Atama!" the same voice whispered into her ear happily. The man let go of her and walked to her right side, tucking his hands in the pockets of his jacket and looking at her with a grin.
"MAMORU-BAKA! You scared the hell out of me! Don't EVER do a thing like that!" Usagi screamed and punched him in the arm.
"What? You mean scaring you like that? Like this?" he said and grabbed her around her waist, dipping her so low that she almost touched the ground, but so suddenly that she thought she was falling.
"AAAAAAAHHH!" she whimpered loudly. He began to laugh at her startled and scared expression: her lips slightly parted, with her eyes wide inf fear, together with her hands clutching his black polo neck so tightly that she has almost ripped it. And suddenly, her eyes changed: from wide in fear, to nothing but small slits in rage.
"YOU IDIOT! I ALMOST HAD A HEART-ATTACK! YOU'RE TERRIBLE!" She screamed and he pulled her up, still laughing exuberantly.
"Lower the decibels, Odango, people came here to have fun and NOT to have their eardrums shattered to little pieces, you know." She glared at him, but couldn't miss the gorgeousness of his smile.
"Shut up. What are you doing here anyway?" she asked him suspiciously. He started to walk, and she joined him.
"What, can't I go out to have some fun?" he asked back, a grin still lingering on his handsome features. How he adored those little verbal fights, especially when she would blush, which was every time.
"YOU?" she spit the word out like it's absolutely absurd. He rolled his eyes and shook his head a bit in amused annoyance.
"The Crown is one of the sponsors to this thing so Motoki had to go. He invited me too. And I guess you're here to pig out on cakes and junk food, am I not right?" She folded her arms in front of her and glared at him. God, she was so cute. He wanted to slide an arm around her slim waist, letting the whole world know that she was HIS Odango, HIS and HIS only.
"I, for the difference of some tall black-haired college students with very pretty black pants around here, am here to hang out with my friends, for the difference of you who don't have any." She smiled viciously. But, inside, she knew that even if all his friends left him, she'd always be there for him, consoling him and playing those games they both adored. That was one of the main reasons why he loved her so much.
"Ouch, Odango. That hurt," he said, acting hurtful.
"You deserve it." Her lips then cracked into a warm smile and her arms loosened up, again hanging at her sides. He returned the smile and ruffled her hair a bit, moving closer to her. Her heart was beating so strongly that she thought it's going to jump right out of her chest.
"You little cruel devil, you. How heartless you are, towards tall black-haired college students with pretty black pants." She smiled wider and poked him in his chest with her head a bit. It was just a small nudge, more done out of affection than anything else.
"So, what have you been working in school these days? I remember eighth grade being full of written reports, am I not right?" She groaned at that.
"Oh, TELL me about it! Or don't, actually. Haruna-sensei gives us each a task at least once every three weeks! And there is not one who is less than three papers long. She said we have to write it by hand, to practice our kanji. Oh, I've already written each and every one of them at least five hundred times, I already know them! Well, some of them need a bit of working on them, fine, ten, maybe. Or fifteen...or twenty...or thirty... or even more..." She was blushing profusely at that, but it only made Mamoru laugh more.
"Stop laughing! It's not funny..." She was still blushing and tried to remain serious, but looking at Mamoru laughing so dearly made her smile, too."Oh, and once, my report was late, and I had to stand outside carrying TWO full buckets of water! And when Haruna-sensei came to check up on me, I was so startled that I spilt water all over her! Oh my God, that was SO embarrassing! Everybody laughed at me so much, and NOT to mention Haruna-sensei... she doubled my homeworks! Oh, quit laughing! We regular mortals have bad moments, for the difference of oh-so-perfect Chiba Mamoru," she commented sarcastically, nudging him and addinga mocking sound to her last words.
"Well, actually, I did have an embarrassing moment, in high school," he shrugged.
"Really? Nah, I don't believe you. You're too perfect for that." And she moved her gaze away from his face, now staring in front of her. But, soon enough, she squinted and looked towards him again. "What was it?" she asked. He smiled, knowing she couldn't resist.
"We had a swimming program in the P.E. class. Once, after I got home, I realized I had left my swimming shorts in one of the showers. I knew that I'd be mocked for months if someone found them there the next morning."
"But," she interrupted him, looking confused, "how could they know they were yours?"
"Well, maybe because they had my name was sewn on them? The school requested that. So I decided to sneak in the gym at night and get them back before anyone finds out."
"You? Sneaking in the gym in the middle of the night? NO WAY!" She looked flabbergasted and started to walk in front of him, so she looked at him directly and walked backwards.
He smiled at her childishness and nodded. "Yes way. And I had actually succeeded in getting them, but..."
"But what?" Her eyes were wide and her lips agape, smiling as she was absolutely astonished.
"But I got lost in the dark." His face became sour. "And got busted." Usagi started to laugh loudly, shaking her head and holding her stomach.
"How?" she managed to choke out between roars of laughter, and he started to laugh a bit himself.
"Well, I didn't know we had a night guard! So, I was walking for half an hour aimlessly around the halls, and he eventually heard me. Oh my God, you should have heard how he was yelling at me!" Now both of them were rolling with laughter. "Well, he apparently thought that I was somewhere in the dark, getting fresh with some girl! He thought that the girl got away, and left me to handle the guard. So, the next morning, I was brought to the principal's office and then HE yelled on me for half an hour! Not to mention that the whole school knew what happened to me... I was in detention for three weeks!" They were laughing together for the next five minutes, not being able to stop themselves. Usagi was laughing at the story, and Mamoru was laughing at Usagi.
"You're killing me," Usagi said, shaking her head.
And, in their talk, the time went by. They talked of everything and nothing,but mainly enjoyed secretive smiles, touches and sweet words, the whole time playing with each other, each enjoying the other's company completely.
There was nothing either one of them would have rather been doing at the moment.
"Ugh, where IS she? The concert will start in five minutes!" Rei was furious.
"Calm down, Rei-chan. She'll be here any minute now! You know how she is like!" said Makoto, though she too was nervous.
"Well, maybe she can't find us," Ami shrugged.
The crowd was getting bigger and bigger. It has already become so big that one could easily become lost between so many people, and the chances of the girls and Usagi finding each other were quite small.
"Yeah. Don't worry, girls, it doesn't matter. The main purpose is to see the concert, right? I'm sure she's here somewhere, and if she isn't, she'll come soon, no worries." Minako seemed very optimistic that evening. "Now come, let's go up front, so we can see them better!" And so they've pushed their way through, and the concert began.
"Yeah, I guess so," Usagi shrugged. Suddenly, she saw the timeon the big clock.
"Oh my god!" She jumped from the little wall they've been sitting on.
"What? What's the matter?" asked Mamoru worriedly.
"Oh no, we're late! There's a concert with Ishida Yoko and Koji Wada at eight, and now's 7:55! We have to hurry!"
"Well, what are you waiting for then? Let's go!" He suddenly grabbed her hand and started to run. She gasped a bit, but got used to it as she concentrated on running.
They came at the place where the stage was. She said that her friends are here somewhere, and so they went to look for them.
"Anything?" she asked as they walked through crowd together. He looked at every side and found nothing. He shook his head. "Nope, sorry. Listen, why don't we just listen to the concert? It would be a shame if you missed it because you were searching for your friends the whole time." She bowed her head a bit.
"I guess." She shrugged.
"And besides, you have me!" Aand he smiled. That seemed to cheer her up and she nodded with a smile when she realized the fact.
"Yeah. I have you."
And they were still holding hands.
"... zensokuryouku de, mirai mo, ima mo, kake nukero!" The song ended and the crowd went crazy, yelling Koji Wada's name and clapping.
"Wow, it's great! I never thought it'd be so wonderful! I just hope they'll sing my favorite!" Usagi yelled. Mamoru got closer to her so he could hear her better.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Tuxedo Mirage! It's wonderful!" She thought of it and smiled brightly at him. He smiled back, and then an idea appeared in his head.
"Come," he whispered in her ear. She looked at him, obviously quite puzzled. He just shook his head, telling her not to ask anything, and led her out of the concert area and a little further than the stage. They came to a little meadow which was about 60 feet away from the carnival, and lots of tents and colors and signs could be seen. Opposite to where the carnival was, there was a high cliff, quite sheer, which leddown straight to the ocean. The only thing that parted the cliff and the ground was a one foot tall wall. It was a clear night, so the moonlight shone on them, together with hundreds of stars. The only odd thing was that a large speaker was placed twenty feet down the wall.
Mamoru ran to the speaker and fiddled something with it, turning some buttons and whatnot. Soon, he ran to her again. He bowed, with a hand outstretched to her.
"Care to dance, mi'lady?" He said, one of his killer smiles glistening on his face, half lit by the silver moonlight, and half by the carnival lights. She smiled shyly and giggled, blushing a bit.
"But there's no music on," she said. But she still accepted his hand, placing her small and delicate one to his protective one. His smile remained as he didn't say anything to her comment.
Suddenly, the intro of Tuxedo Mirage began, its gentle music spreding itself from the speaker. It was loud enough te be heard, but silent enough to add to the atmosphere. Mamoru neared her and put an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. She was absolutely mesmerized, and with her lips partially open in amazement, she put her head on his shoulder, right next to his neck.She ignored the cold shiver that wentdown her body, smacking her lips together again and closed her eyes.
"Mikazuki no scharre ni,
hoshi no piasu hazushite...
Doushiyou? Mune ga,
mune ga ippai..."
"This is wonderful," she said silently. "Thank you..." she whispered.
He just shook his head unnoticeably, brushing her temple with his lips. He held her fragile form so gently, but tightly. He kept her close to his body, his heart, so very close, like their bodies have been like this since they were born. Then he let go of her small delicate hand, just to slide it around her waist like second support, like he wanted to make absolutely sure she is his in those moments. Only his. He buried his face into her neck, the scent of lillies making him dizzy and tipsy. He held on her like she was his support, which, well, she actually was. He loved her so much...
"Hanabi ga hoshi ni natte mo,
koi ga yami e, kiete mo,
Onegai yo, kisu wo, yamenai de...
Biroudo no kaori de nusunde mo ii,
kono haato ginga de,
deatta koi yo...
Yofuke no manto, hirogereba niji iro,
Motto, motto, aishiteru,
TAKISHIIDO MIRAAJU
TAKISHIIDO MIRAAJU.
Those strange emotions rushed through her vehemently. Although she enjoyed them, she was beginning to feel a little bit scared. Ignoring the fear growning in her, she squeezed his shoulder just a bit. She didn't feel her legs, though she knew that they were turning around in small circles.
"Kanariiya no orugooru,
sotto feido-autoo.
Doushiyou? Mune ga,
Mune ga tsumaru no."
'I never thought it would come to this,' she thought. 'What changed? How did we come from enemies to this...? I don't know, but it feels so...' She wanted to say 'good'. She really did. But she couldn't. Deciding she'd better stop thinking about everything, she just shut her mind out of every thought and enjoyed herself... partially.
"Namida ga hoshi ni natte mo,
kaiten-mokuba kiete mo...
Onegai yo, kisu wo, yamenai de...
Biroudo no shisen de,
tsutsumaretai no..
Kono haato, ginga de,
chikatta koi yo...
Hanabira no arashi, dakishimete yasashiku,
zutto zutto kienaide
TAKISHIIDO MIRAAJU!"
Mamoru parted them, but only a bit, so he could see into her brilliant eyes. Smiling gently, but just for a second, he neared her, just a bit, his eyelids closing, but stopping after just a bit. He wanted to savor that moment forever.
"Yofuke no manto, hirogereba niji iro.
Motto, motto, aishiteru,
TAKISHIIDO MIRAAJU
TAKISHIIDO MIRAAJU!"
He leaned in slowly, his eyelids continuing to shut. He was nearer... and nearer...But, her eyes opened wide in fear, and she started to shiver. Her breath was now just a series of gasps, escaping from her lips unevenly, and even a small choke was heard from her throat as tears glistened from her eyes.
"N... no!" she yelled and shepushed at his chest, out of his arms in a blink, running for cover.
"U... Usagi! W-w-wait! Come back! Usagi, USAGI!" Mamoru's yells echoed through the empty space, but she continued to run into the darkness, ignoring him.
"Usako..." He breathed heavily, standing there helpless, tears trying to break their way through. He inhaled sharply and ran a hand through his hair, feeling those tears slowly, but surely, breaking his defenses and soaking his eyes completely.
What the hell has he done! Did he ruin the maybe only chance he had with the only girl he ever loved? What on earth made her run from him like that? What, did he do something?
He had loads of questions, and he went to the only person he could ask for answers on them.
Motoki looked at him sympathetically. "Look, I know you love her for who she is and that those trivial things like her looks, age or grades don't mean anything to you, but I think you keep ignoring one thing," he said, placing a cup of strong black coffee in front of him. Mamoru looked up at him, not bothering to remove his head from his hand against which it leaned.
"What is it?" he asked tiredly, slowly beginning to want that he is home in his bed. Not that it would help, anyway, he rememebred later on.
"The fact that," Motoki drew closer to him and whispered, "she's only fourteen." Shrugging and raising his eyebrows, Motoki picked up a glass he was previously washing and started to dry it.
"What," Mamoru frowned and straightened up on his stool, "You're saying that she's too young, that I scared her?" It sounded a little odd to him. Motoki just shrugged again.
"Maybe." Mamoru scowled. "Look, all I'm saying is that you might've been a little, teensy-weensy bit more... well... subtle. Gentler, maybe. Or... oh, I don't know! Usagi-chan is a very complicated girl, I could never figure her out. Well, the same goes with you, of course..." He winked. "You'd be perfect for each other." Mamoru sighed, and Motoki saw that his attempts of cheering him up won't work when it's about Usagi. He made a mental not of that, to save himself the time and energy in the future.
"I know that we'd be perfect for each other, I love her, remember? But it keeps haunting me! I just keep asking myself why would she just run away from me like that, and crying nontheless! I mean, everything was perfect, the music, the moonlight, she was in my arms, and it seemed to me like she was as enchanted with the situation as I was..." he sighed, louder and sadder this time.
"I just can't figure it out..." Motoki looked at him with sorrow. He wanted to do something, to get him out of his misery, but he couldn't. So he did the only thing he could - he stood there and felt sorry for him. Mamoru shook his head lightly and got up.
"I'm going somewhere to think a bit. I need to be alone right now." His voice was now silent and sad, just a shadow of what it's been when he talked to Usagi.
And then it came like a slap in the face. "You always need to be alone when some trouble comes up."
Motoki's tongue worked faster than his brain, and the words... slipped. It was true that he didn't want to say it, but he did mean it, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't. Mamoru just looked him with a pleading look in his eyes, saying that it's really not the appropriate time for that. Motoki sighed and looked away.
"Thanks for everything. See ya around." He deserted the bar Motoki was working that night in and moved along, still playing in his head the things that happened that very evening.
Sobs shook her body intensely, and she couldn't stop the tears that flew freely down her face, and then into her blue skirt. She cried mercilessly, sniffing and trying to stop herself, but all her attempts failed miserably.
She was sitting, hugging her knees and crying in them, soaking her skirt in the process. She was in a dark, dead-end passage between two stands in the carnival. It was about three feet wide and fifteen feet long, and she sat between the two stands, leaned against the wall that made the passage a dead-end.
When she was leaving, she ran so hard and her only goal was to go away from him - his midnight-blue eyes, staring at her so lost, so helpless, so utterly confused; his hands, which held her so gently and tried to make her feel safe, which caressed her so softly and gave her a feeling of security, of warmth; and from his lips, which were so close, so warm and so tempting, so soft... But she couldn't help herself, she felt them being so... demanding. She knew they weren't, and that they'll never be, but still...
As she remembered him, she cried more. She cried over his hands that hadgiven her warmth and safety; his lips thathad tried to comfort her, and most of all, his eyes - the enchanting eyes thathave beeneverything she needed. She hadbetrayed them all. Shehad betrayed everything that was most important to her, without which she would cease to exist, she betrayed him.
But what she was afraid of the most was that he won't forgive her. That he'll pass her by like nothing's happened, that he'll be angryat her, or that he'll be so disappointed that he won't talk to her. Ever again.
As soon as she thought of that, she almost choked in tears.
She finally calmed down a bit, a few hiccups escaping her lips additionally. She looked at her surroundings, the persistent darkness that made her heart beat fast in fear and her body tremble with the continuous fright that shook her to the bones. It made her even more lonely, feeling like nobody will ever get to her in this void that pulled on her and made her nailed to that floor, which reminded her of everything she's ever done wrong, made her suffer for every mistake.
"What am I doing here...?" she whispered, asking herself, still shivering in sadness and fresh memories that haunted her.
She then shook her head, thinking there was no way that this darkness could be so affective on her. What she was imagining was only her rich and very active imagination.
But she was still shaking with fear.
Getting up, she quickly ran from the passage, turning to look at it in a confused fear, before she started running again. She got to that same edge of the carnival, the same cliff with the same wall, but just a bit further than the place that hurtful occurence hadhappened earlier that evening. She decided that a walk under the moonlight would make her feel at least a teensy-weensy bit better.
She walked by the wall and soon found a hidden path. She noticed that, as she walked further that the carnival got more and more distant from her.
She sighed painfully. What's going to happen after now? What will she do, how would she act? She didn't know the answer, but she's learned from experience that something had to be done right away, that she can't just stand in one place and wait for the things to come in order by themselves, or that a ray of hope will suddenly shine upon her. If she kept waiting for a miracle, things could only get worse.
But what was she supposed to do? Should she just come and apologize, asking for friendship, or should she send hims ome kind of a cute card with a bunny in front which said that she's sorry, or should she ask someone for help...?
But, she couldn't fool herself. She maybe didn't get the best grades in English grammar tests, but she wasn't stupid as to not know the answer. Some problems don't have such an obvious answer, and an only answer, but she kept pushing it to the back of her mind, desperately searching for another way out. But she had to give in sooner or later.
She gripped her skirt tightly in helplessness.
If she wants Mamoru back, the answer was, she has to tell him the whole truth. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But, be reasonable! How can she tell him something like that! How can she tell him something she has never told anyone since it happened? She had just forgotten about it and now she should live through that again? No way!
But, the little voice in her head said, If you want him back, that is the price. Nothing more, nothing less. Is it too expensive for you, or are you willing to pay the price to have him again no matter how high it was? It kept echoing in her head.
She shook her head. "I'm too young to deal with this," she mumbled.
Suddenly, the path started to descend, together with the little wall. She forgot about her worries a bit, to watch how she was getting closer to the dark water with every step. Finally, the path straightened up again and she walked normally. She walked ten feet from the coast, which was full of sharp and dangerous rocks and small cliffs, which were about 1-3 feet above the water.The moon was near the horizon, and shone on her, leaving a constantly moving trace in the water right from her. It was full moon, so she saw everything around her even without any light.
And then, she stopped dead in her tracks. There he was, ten feet away from her, sitting on a rock right above the water, throwing little stones into the water. He sat with his right leg under 90 degrees, his right arm resting on it, and his other leg outstretched before him. He was sitting so the right half of his body was exposed to the moonlight, and the left half was showed to her.
The little stones he kept throwing were so shiny, that they looked like glass when he threw them. He would cast them, and they would shine like a million of stars at once, reflecting the silver color of the moon so powerfully, but only for a moment, before collapsing into the dark aquamarine color of the ocean, sinking deeper and deeper, shining with only a shadow of its previous glow. And then another would follow. And then another... and another...
She quietly came to him, nervously fiddling with her fingers in front of her stomach. She ddin't know what to say, or even what to do. But then, she looked straight into his eye, the only visible to her, and tears once again soaked her eyes. She kneeled and sat on her legs, watching him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly.
He stopped dead.He turned to her, his eyes wide. He gasped, watching her like she was some kind of an apparition. But nobody could hold it against him; with the silver light of the moon, she did look ethereal.
"Usako..."And then, he closed his mouth and squinted his eyes in compassion and sadness, moving to sit half beside her, and half before her.
"What happened?" he said. "Is it me?" he added with a dazed whisper.
She shook her head, knowing what she must say. And then what he'll say. And then what she must do.
She had it coming, she knew. The truth had to be said to him, she didn't even know why, but it had to. She didn't want to say it, to let him know anything of it, but then what? She'd lose him. And, as the little voice in her head kept saying, are you willing to risk him? And her answer would always be no. But it's definitely easier to say than do.
"No, of course it isn't you," she replied, even her whisper seeming hoarse.
But, the voice prodded on, Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard for you to say the truth? Don't you trust him?
"Then what is it?" he asked with that same sympathetic voice.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, already fearing the poisonous words that were about to come out of her. But it had to be. And if it takes to dig out the long buried secrets and insecurity to have him by her side, she'll do it whole-heartedly.
"Last summer," she started, feeling insecure and scared a bit. "my friend and I went to a seaside resort near Nagoya. It was our first vacation by ourselves, without our parents, and we were very excited about it. We went to check out the beach the very first day, to swim and have fun a bit. It was a bit colder day than usual, so no people were around except us and three other boys. One of them was tall, about sixteen years old, and the other two were smaller than him, and looked younger, though they too were probably as old as he was.
Anyway, we were friends in a short while, and it was great. So they asked us out that evening. We were excited and all, but all our plans failed because we missed them and couldn't find them anywhere. My friend was really depressed and all, but I thought it wasn't such a big deal, we'll see them tomorrow, at the beach, right? Right. And so it was. And, we worked things out there, saying it was only a misunderstanding. And it was all okay then.
But, the tall one, Shio, seemed to be interested in me. He was cute so I liked him too. It was all mainly harmless flerting, a smile here, our bodies brushing there, and such. It was fun." She took in a deep breath and peeked to see his face. He was listening to her carefully, a shade of fear on his features showing he was thinking where this could lead to..
"But then, he led my friend aside and told her he liked me. She said I like him too, which wasn't really a lie since I did like him, and she knew that. But only his looks. And then, she was like a messenger to us. He'd lead her aside to tell her something, like why am I not reacting when he'd do something out of affection, and then I would answer him, by my friend, of course. Actually, the whole situation seemed very silly to me, I mean, this whole messenger thing was stupid. But I didn't say anything, I just wanted to continue playing water volleyball with them and chatting about all sorts of things, and that's why I kept silent all that time.
And it was all okay until he started to show his affection more..." gulp,"...openly." Mamoru frowned in confusion and disbelief, but didn't interrupt her.
"For example: we went into the deeper water, because there were no people and we could talk more freely, and they showed us a thing they did: one would dive under the other, and the other would push him deeper down the water with his legs. It was okay because the water pressure would rise us up quickly. I like diving a lot, so I wanted to try it out too. So Shio... put his arms around my waist and the other boy would push us down. it was cool, so we did it several times. But, after a few times, Shio got brave and put his hands... lower... than should have..." Her voice choked a bit and she, opening her eyes, raised her gaze to the sky. She could hear Mamoru gasp.
"What... what exactly do you mean?" he asked with a shaky voice. She didn't say anything, but she just lowered her gaze and put both of her hands on her stomach... and then put them on her womb. Mamoru's eyes widened even more than before, and he inhaled sharply, terrified.
"I broke free and swam to the surface myself. I didn't say anything."
"Oh, Usako..."
"The worst part is that he kept asking why wouldn't I kiss him, why does it last so long, that he turned down four girls because of me... I felt very flattered, so that's why I put up with everything. And he, well, arranged with my friend that he'll kiss me that evening. That's what he wanted. To make out with me. Nothing else. But... it was my first kiss. I... I don't even know how it feels, and I want to make it special, with someone who cares about me, and I care about too. Not for my first kiss to be making out with a guy who wants only that. That would be my every dream crumbling to the ground.
And later on," she continued, her voice now trembling, "in the evening, we went out. Shio, my friend, another guy who was set up for my friend, and I. We talked at the foot of some kind of a cliff, much like those ones back there at the carnival, but that one had a wide path right next to the sea, so there was no fright of someone falling. I was standing, leaned against the cliff, and Shio was next to me, holding an arm around me, and his hand on my... hip..." And again, she showed him where his hand was. It was half on her hip, and half on her backside. Mmaoru's eyes brimmed with silenttears.
"But I still didn't say anything. So we went to another beach, very alike this one, actually. With moonlight and all. He sat on one of the rocks, and I sat... between his legs. He surrounded me with his arms and kept rubbing my body with them, like I was cold or something. And so we watched the stars. I just hoped I could get out of there as soon as possible. And then... he... he kissed my... n-neck." Her voice was betraying her."A-And let a line of kisses down it. And t-turned me around in his hold, nearing his f-face to mine, practically forcing me to... to..." and she started to cry. "I-I couldn't believe it! I j-jumped from his lap a-and ran away, saying I have to go back, but he... he g-grabbed my wrist, turned me around I landed in his lap again! He said 'Where are you going? Oh, don't run away, I'm sure you'll like it'! His arms again embraced me completely, but then luckily my friend came and said we have to go back! I... I felt so dirty and used, so terrible! He touched me everywhere, he touched my breasts, my thighs, my butt, my stomach, kissed my neck... I just... I just..." and she fell apart completely. She couldn't speak at all.
Mamoru leaned forwards and embraced her tightly,stroking her head and whispering warm words of comfort as she was crying mercilessly in his arms. He moved so he was sitting right beside her. He was afraid of doing it because of her words and how she would react, but he couldn't exactly do nothing when she was crying so hard. He took her whole in his arms, being careful not to touch anything except her back and her head. His heart was shattering in thousand pieces when he heard her sob like that.
"Odango..." he choked, holding her tightly. Listening to her merciless sobs tugged at his heart, and he felt tears pooling at his eyes. Nothing could usually make him cry, he was used to that. But Usagi... and her being near... did miracles. Made his feelings go upside down, making him feel hot, and then cold, and sweaty, and tingling all over, and all in just a few seconds. What she did to him was unbelievable.
He held her, rocking her like that for a short while, though it seemed likea century to both of them. Usagi's sobs stopped shaking her body so hard, but tears continued to race down her cheeks, and then soak Mamoru's black polo-neck.
"That's why I couldn't... do it... this evening. Everything seemed perfect, and I enjoyed you holding me like that, but the thought of him kept haunting me. Suddenly, you leaned in to... you know... and I knew what's about to happen, and I remembered how he held me there against my will and how he leaned in, and how I thought that he'll kiss me and my every fantasy will be broken, that my first kiss would be so sudden with someone I hardly knew, that it would be so icky and terrible and scaring and... All those emotions suddenly rushed through me and all I wanted was just to get out of there... And then I felt all that with you although it wasn't like that, know, but I just..." She bit her lip, her heart beating fast at the thought of what he'd think of her.
"I never said that to anyone."
Mamoru sighed painfully and closed his eyes. He remembered how frightened she looked, how she pushed him away and ran like fire was on her tail. And she kept that dark secret inside of her for so long, and she remembered him all the times she was close to some boy... He imagined how it must've felt like, and when he did, it stung him like a thousand hot knives, all at his heart. He knew how hard it must've been, to lay her heart in front of him like that, trusting him with it. He felt really flattered, but confused in the same time.
Her cries and sobs were smaller and smaller every moment. It seemed that every pain and hurt was much more weaker when she was in his arms like that, him whispering to her and comforting her.
"I'm so sorry, Usako... I had no idea... If I knew, I wouldn't try to... Oh, Usako, you shouldn't have been through something like that, not you, never. You're too sweet and caring to be treated like that..." he whispered, half to himself.
"But," he said, parting them jut so he could look at her eyes, "Why did you do this? Why did you tell me all this?" She looked up at him with her big blurry eyes, and sniffed a couple of times. He brushed all the remaining tears, and it looked like no more were about to come. He thanked God for that. His heart was shattering so much, and he couldn't bear to see her cry. Her eyes softened, and even a small, petite smile was in the corner of her lips.
"I was afraid that you'll never speak to me again. I thought that you'd be so offended and hurt that I just left like that, that you will ignore me or be angry at me... I couldn't bear that thought. And I knew that, if I told you the truth, that you will understand and that you will be as kind to me, if not even more than before." She raised a hand and carefully put it on the side of his face. His eyes went soft when he felt her do that.
"Although the thought of saying what happened to me to anyone scared me to no ends, I was willing to risk my fear and dignity just so I could have you back. Nothing of it mattered to me, digging the long buried secrets, fear, fright and disgust out of the deepest andmost faraway corner of my heart, just so you could call me 'Odango Atama' again and smile at me like you used to. Or to look at me like you are just now. And, besides, I trust you. Completely." He widened his eyes a bit and then smiled softly at her.
"There, I said it. The whole truth. Nothing left out." She removed her gaze from him and fixed it somewhere at the sea, left from her. an then, she returned it, with a bit of fear in her eyes.
"Do you hate me now?" she asked, whispering softly. He gasped, widening his gaze again in disbelief.
"What? No! Of course not! Usako, I couldn't hate you even if I wanted to! And now especially, since you trusted me with something you haven't trusted with anyone. I feel very glad that you told me that, you know." He tipped her chin and moved her face so she looked him straight in his eyes.
"Do you like me, Usako?" She gasped and frowned in confusion. She nodded. His soft, yet a bit stern gaze held sharp focus on her.
"Would you like us to be together?" he whispered. She bit her lip.
"Yes... Yes, I would! Very much! I like you and would like to be with you so exuberantly, but... But..." Her gaze again flew to the floor. He looked at her, his eyes asking the question instead of his lips. "What's wrong?" they asked, silently and gently
"But... I... I..." Well, if you said him the truth, you can very well say this, too! the same annoyingtiny voice said.
"But I don't think I... I'm ready to..." and her shaky fingers touched her lips, just barely. "And I don't want to hurt you if I don't... I don't want you to think that I don't like you or something, but..." She sighed helplessly. Mamoru exhaled deeply, letting out the breath he had been holding since forever. His midnight-blue gaze softened in relief.
"It doesn't matter," he said, the relief now evident in his voice. He leaned in a bit towards her, whispering almost inaoudibly. "I love you, Usako. More than I have loved anyone ever." Her blurry gaze, full of astonishment and disbelief rose to hissmiling eyes."I love you," he repeated, "And I want you by my side, in my arms, to laugh cheerfully like you know. Your little blushes, shy smiles, and joy mean more to me than when we kiss. I need you to exist." He wrapped his both arms further around her, still leaving her enough space to feel free.
Something happened between them then. An understanding, much more higher above human's comprehension. A bond created between them, an invisible bond that connected them so strongly, that if they were a thousand miles away for a century, it would still feel like the other's right next to them, smiling and understanding. It was the bond of true love, the unbreakable and indestructable. It felt like they've been together for years, knew each other perfectly, went to explore new and exciting things together many times in the past.
Mamoru released her and sat facing the dark aquamarine, glistening sea, with his both legs outstreched before him. Usagi willingly sat on his lap, leaning against his chest as his arms held her so gently. She put her head in the crook of his neck, cuddled in it so perfectly as though it was made especially for her. She closed her eyes and began to observe how she was feeling.
To her surprise, all the nervousness, fear, discomfort, or any other ugly feeling that she had felt during the dancehas mysteriously evaporated. Like the truth she had told him opened a never-truly-healed wound again, from which all the poison had flown from with her hurtful words, and he hadmended it gently with his confession and tender words of love. Without even knowing, he had mended it completely, leaving Shio and a year of angst and fear from Mamoru behind. Now, his slowly rising chest and his arms around her did not give her a sense of a prison, capture, but a sense of warmth and utter happiness. She concentrated on all her bodyparts touched with his body, and all those places emanated a tingling sensation, sending it all over her body. But it was not a tingle of horror of fear and disgust, but a tingle of excitement, tenderness and love for the man who held her.
She realised then how safe and secure she felt then, on his lap and encompassed with his arms. Now, she wasn't suffering from too much of his body touching her, too much of his arms embracing her vehemently, too much of his touch, but from the lack of it. She actually wanted him to embrace her more possessively, to be so close to him, to drown in his scent and the warmth of his shirt, not to get away from them. She was in pure heaven. And, it hit her suddenly - love. But it didn't really surprise her, not at all. This has always been hidden somewhere inside her, but she hadn't just discovered it yet. And she closed her eyes, her heart beating stronglyin happiness for him being so near her.
And then she realised. Just all of a sudden, dawning at her completely unexpected. She suddenly sat up in his lap.
"You know what?" She said, with a voice full of surprise, like she had just understood math and found how easy it was.He asked "What?" andshe turned to him, putting her legs on each side of him so she was facing him directly, her face near his. His hands were still on her back.
"It doesn't matter!" she said with the same dumbfounded, surprised voice, and putting her hands on each side of his face, pulled his face towards hers and kissed him full on the lips. She started kissing him hungrily, like she's been starving from kisses for a milennia, letting her instincts guide her in something she's never done before. He was awestruck and shocked, although his eyes did close the moment her lips touched his. Finally realizing what was really going on, hegot a grip and embraced her fully, sliding his arms down her back to her waist, and pulled her so close that you couldn't say whose body was whose in the dark. He kissed her back now more fully, taking it onto the same level with her, smiling exuberantly against her kisses. They were both breathless, so they had to part. Unwillingly, of course, for both of young lovers.
Usagi's arms were around Mamoru's neck, and she left them there even asthey parted. When they parted, Usagi didn't move aawy her head, just bowed so she could regain her breath again. His lips rested against her forehead, he too breathing heavily like her. Finally, after several moments had passed and they were both breathing more or less normally, Mamoru smiled, getting a firm grip of what's really happened - she kissed him! His only love kissed him, more passionately he could have ever imagined.
"So, did you like it?" he asked between his still a bit quick breaths.She just remained there in the same position, obviously thinking of what to tell him.
"I... I..." she gasped. Suddenly, her grip around his neck tightened andher cheek was flat against his. "I want more!" she whispered longingly. He laughed with his deep laugh, full of true happiness, but wasted no time in answering her request.
But, in the flame of passion that encompassed both of them, Mamoru didn't think and suddenly, his tongue was halfway between her lips, when he stopped and panicked.
'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU GIT!' he screamed at himself. His heart threatened bursting through his chest as he awaited what her reaction would be. What if he scared her? WHat if she runs away again? What if she thinks ththe only wanted to use her? What if she...
But his doubts all disappeared as she opened her mouth and carefully met his tongue, quite at a loss here. She was probablyso confused and fragile with this, well normally when she's never done it before, he thought to himself. A huge loadgotupfrom his shoulders and heart, and as he thought 'now, THIS was a close one' he slowly melted into the magic of her lips again, knowing that he can from now on spend his life happily with the person he loved from the entirety ofeverymineral his body consisted of since hefirst saw those enchanting pools of love in her crystal blueeyes.
End of story -
Aaaaahhh, finished, finally! I've been writing this for several days, and then made a break to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (in English! Sorry, been bursting to boast, sorry, sorry... -sheepish grin-) and then wrote the last part! I'm immensely proud of this, even if you don't like it, because I've written it thoroughly with ispiration, as I said before. So, I again recommend you review, and see ya next time (before which a lot of time could pass, I'm afraid... Muses are very complicated beings -wink-)!
Good luck with writing and reading!
Sabreen
