Who's Your Nanny?

Carson nearly kisses the floor when they return to Atlantis. He hates to admit it, but two hours on a dusty desert wasteland, sitting in a cramped tent with a crying infant and mewing, rambunctious kitten is enough to destroy any man's sense of nobility and honor. Of course, Col. Sheppard barely said two words the whole time they waited on the conduit planet. He did what he could to keep the baby quiet with feeding and changing, but nothing seemed to work. Carson can't prove it, but he truly believes the tyke knows her mother is gone.

But gone where? Carson had never witnessed anything so wondrous and tragic take place in the same moment. The beauty of a being ascending to a higher plain as pure energy can only be dimmed by the loss of that soul to those bound by mortality. Carson knows Col. Sheppard to be a strong military leader as well as a man of grand character and integrity; but Carson wonders how much damage, physical or in this case emotional, the man can withstand.

As soon as they step out of the wormhole and onto solid ground again, Carson looks up seeing Dr. Weir looking down at them from the Control Room balcony. McKay comes up behind her almost instantly. "That's a baby," he yells. "What's he doing with a baby?"

Sheppard, however, doesn't wait for them to come down the stairs before heading off toward his quarters.

"Colonel?" Dr. Weir calls, racing down the steps to block his exit. "John?" She looks at the baby and smiles, though she doesn't seem too thrilled.

He turns toward her. "Dr. Weir," he says coldly.

Carson doesn't know when Sheppard's anger will thaw…if ever. Dr. Weir glances at Carson, then back at Sheppard, instantly understanding the new dynamic. Worry and regret fill her eyes.

During one of their spats over the topic of Ashri's secret pregnancy, Dr. Weir told Carson she didn't know why she made the decision to keep the news from Sheppard; only that she knew it was the right choice. The only choice. She could not change her own mind…even though she had tried. She said that it made her heartsick to keep the truth from him, but her head overruled her heart. "I'm sorry, John," she whispers. "It was the only way."

Sheppard shifts the baby from one shoulder to the next, still trying to calm the child. "No… obviously it wasn't."

By that time, McKay has joined them at the bottom of the stairs and Sheppard's eyes target him. "How long?"

"Excuse me?"

"How long have you known?"

"Known what?" McKay points at the baby. "Who'd you steal the kid from and…why would you want to?"

"This is A'shon…my daughter, McKay." He looks pointedly at Dr. Weir. "Ashri's and my child."

McKay's eyes nearly pop from his head, his mouth dropping into an 'O' and he tracks a pointed finger from Dr. Weir to Carson and back again. Finally, he sighs. "That explains a lot."

"Rodney!" Dr. Weir snaps; the concern lines around her eyes deepening.

"Well it does," McKay turns back to Col. Sheppard. "So, we now know my ingenious conduit theory works like a charm…what of the lovely Ashri? I take it you will be a more likeable person now that you will be able to visit-"

"Rodney," Carson says quietly.

"-on a regular basis." McKay looks at Carson. "What?"

Sheppard drops his eyes to his squirming daughter and kisses her forehead.

McKay and Dr. Weir then look to Carson. He shakes his head. He can't speak of it now, not with the Colonel so close to the edge. But his silence tells them everything they need; both doctors seem to understand immediately.

McKay shoves his hands into his pockets and hunches his shoulders. Dr. Weir takes a deep breath as she looks up at the ceiling. Carson doesn't miss the rise of tears in her eyes that she tries to keep to herself. Trying to bridge the enormous gap that has come between her and Sheppard, Dr. Weir takes a step toward the Colonel and motions to the baby. "May I?"

John glares at her. Dr. Weir swallows hard, nods and steps back. The sting that must have zapped her heart also dulls the hope of reconciliation in her eyes. Carson wants to comfort her, but he still has his own anger and regret issues to work through. Elizabeth sighs. "The three of you need to be checked out."

"Four," Carson adds, pulling the kitten from his jacket pocket. The pint size fur ball finally fell asleep a while ago, after crawling into his pocket all on its own. McKay lets out something close to a squeal of delight to all of their astonishment.

"Oooh, let me…please." Carson's weary of the scientist and turns slightly away, keeping the kitten safe from frantically waving hands.

"A cat!" Dr. Weir says. "We have protocols-" She gets a look from Sheppard that instantly stops her and instead, she raises her brows and sighs. "Does it have a name?"

Sheppard reaches over and takes the kitten from Carson, draping the little thing against his neck so that the baby can see. "Tanis." He looks at McKay. "He's A'shon's." Unfortunately, even the sight of the kitten doesn't calm the child.

McKay's face instantly falls. A moment later, he shakes a finger at the baby. "Does that…she…ever stop wailing? It's a bit-"

Quite suddenly and to everyone's astonishment and Dr. Weir's obvious hurt, Sheppard hands his daughter over to the whining scientist. "See what you can do."

McKay holds the baby at arms length with one big hand on each side of the infant's chest, under the arms. His face contorts into something akin to disgust and he stares at her as if seeing some kind of alien. He obviously has absolutely no paternal instincts what-so-ever. "Rodney," Carson starts. "That's not how you hold a baby."

"This is how I hold a baby," Rodney snaps in return. Even stranger than that…little A'shon stops crying immediately.

Everyone stares, even the people mulling around the Command area who had been trying to keep a discreet distance, stop to see who managed to calm the child. Carson can't count the gaping mouths and wide eyes in the growing crowd. Even Sheppard looks suspicious, his narrow gaze tracks over to Carson and then back to McKay. "What'd you do?"

Rodney looks from the baby to Sheppard, as confused as everyone else. "I don't know. What'd I do?"

Carson has to pick his jaw up off the floor when the little girl looks at Rodney, reaches out with one tiny hand, points at his face and giggles. "Oh, bloody hell. I think she likes you, Rodney."

McKay frowns. "Well, that's just…ridiculous."

"Understatement," Sheppard adds. "And yet." He crosses his arms. "Looks like I've got a nanny."

McKay's brows crease and his eyes pop open as he registers Sheppard's words. "W..W..What?"

Dr. Weir pats him on the shoulder. "I'm sure it's only temporary, Rodney."

Again, McKay looks at everyone, his eyes bugging out of his head. "What? I…I…I don't….I… what?"

"We need to have our examinations," Carson tells Sheppard. "Let's get to the infirmary."

The Colonel nods and heads out.

McKay stands in the same spot staring at the baby, that silly astonished look contorting his face. Carson waits for him to move, only to have them both jump into action and follow when Sheppard roars: "Now, McKay!"