Another Chapter within the deadline. Yay!?
Disclaimer: If Naruto were cookies and I was a glass of milk... a forget it, I don't own Naruto, we all know that and do you seriously think anyone would pay to read this? XD so please don't sue.
They did not go far before spotting a small, mostly deserted luncheon, it seemed like a good place as any to get some pointers from Genma on the art of dating, and he was pretty sure the other jounin wouldn't mind. Free food was free food.
As soon as they were both inside, Genma walked past him, settled himself into the nearest booth, and began to browse thru the menu.
Kakashi had already sat down, and was in the process of deciding what he would have when Genma asked, "So...Kakashi, what exactly is this all about?"
He needed a way to keep his predicament from making him sound stupid, virginal, naïve, or preferably all three, and so he decided to do what he always did in all situations like this one, he winged it. "Well...I need some advice...on how to get someone's attention. Without confusing and or scaring the shit out of them, and seeing how you somehow always manage to end up in someone else's bed. I thought I'd ask for some...pointers?" Well that had sounded a lot stupider than he had thought it would. This whole thing was turning out to be a bad idea.
He had just made himself sound like a frightened virgin. Kakashi was no stranger to sex but all of his previous encounters fell into the category of one night stands. Now he wasn't exactly sure but he guessed Iruka wouldn't go for something like that, specially since they'd be seeing each other on a regular basis, It simply wouldn't work.
Genma looked him over, and smirked. "Well well well, the infamous Sharingan Kakashi has a little crush on someone. So who's the lucky lady?" Kakashi was sure that if he had been closer to Genma he would have been elbowed in the ribs right about now.
Genma had immediately assumed he was after a lady, which worked to his advantage. Asides from being somewhat promiscuous Genma was also known for his lack of discretion. If Kakashi had corrected him on the gender, the other jounin would surely put two and two together sooner or later, and when it happened it would be the equivalent of Kakashi climbing the Hokage monument and using a megaphone to inform the whole village of his infatuation with the Chunin sensei.
"You don't know...her." He scratched the underside of his chin trying to look thoughtful "I will tell you however that she's a teacher." Looking back towards Genma he could see the the blonde's smirk grow even bigger, and immediately regretted saying anything.
Luckily the waitress had saved him from further embarrassment by coming over to take their orders and pour them some coffee. However, when that was out of the way Genma's smirk returned. "So in short, you need my infinite wisdom to romance this teacher and get into her panties?
A flood of very dirty and very x-rated images flooded Kakashi's mind as he spit out his coffee and choked on what little of it had made it down his throat. He had only made things worst by trying to cover his face as he began to cough, resulting on the lower half of his face and most of the front of his shirt being soaked in the sticky black liquid.
Trying to get his cough under control he could hear Genma still laughing heartily at his misery like every good friend should, while employing such humiliating phrases as "That was priceless" and "You should have seen your self ... if only I had brought a camera along" between fits of laughter.
After what seemed like an eternity Kakashi had regained the ability to speak while Genma mocked him with his shrill which like cackle, It wasn't really a cackle just hearty laughter but, it was just as annoying.
Trying to wipe as much of the coffee off of his clothes as he could, he looked over at Genma. "Shut up already"
The blonder Jounin wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye and smiled widely. " Fine, I'll be good." Then trying to look more somber he added, "Not only that but I'll help you in your time of need...as long as I get a free meal out of every one of our sessions ofcourse. Just think of it as a fee for my professional advise." As if on cue the waitress arrived with their food.
Kakashi's visible eye twitched with both irritation and confussion. He might have been weird but Genma was ten times more bizarre than he was. He wasn't hungry anymore and at a loss for words. So when Genma had asked if he was going to eat his food, he shook his head and shoved the plate over to the blonde man, who eagerly devoured his bacon and scrambled eggs.
No word was said by either of them till Genma was finished with his food. Resting his chin on the palm of his hand he looked over at him, giving him the most serious expression he had seen on the blonde's face in the last half an hour.
Kakashi stared back, looking bored as always, while bracing himself for the worst.
"Ok she's a teacher, which means she probably has morals. Which rules any interest in you out by default."
Kakashi sweat dropped visibly as he continued to stare at his friend with dismay.
"Wait...Have you even talked to her before?"
"We've had small conversations...but mostly about Nar... other people." That one had been a bit too close. Genma wasn't stupid and Kakashi knew it. He only hoped he was suffering from temporary deafness at the momment.
Genma stared at Kakashi expectantly, as if waiting for more. "So...How does she react to your presence? Revulsion? Dismay? Pity?"
Kakashi thought about the question for a minute, choosing to ignore Genma's mocking tone as he asked the last part. "She smiled a lot. I don't think she minded talking to me."
Genma looked thoughtful. "Well she is a teacher. The lot of them are crafty devils with smiles galore and seemingly pleasant demeanors. Like Iruka sensei, you'd think the guy would never hurt a fly but look at how frightened the children are of his wrath. It's amazing really, not even I inspire that much fear."
Kakashi lip twitched at the thought of a rampaging Iruka after the children of Konoha. He tried to keep the humor out of his voice as he spoke. "Well that makes me feel better. What you are basically saying is that, even though she smiled at me, it must have been faked? That really hurts you know, I'm not that bad to be around."
Genma waved his hand dismissively while saying "Whatever. Anyway the point is, if you ever hope to accomplish your mission, you have to train in the art of romance"
"That sounds like something Gai would say. Is he rubbing off on you cause you both been dating each other behind my back?" Ha touché! It was he had finally gotten a hit it. Kakashi one Genma...well Kakashi one.
To his surprise Genma didn't deny that claim and merely changed the topic. "Ok the basic essentials of romance are this. One, Flowers; Girls love to get flowers, they're like an organic aphrodisiac to them."
"However, flowers alone aren't enough which brings me to essential number two, Poetry; Girls love when guys show their feminine side, and what better way to do that than to read some dead guy's feelings you memorized off a book."
"Essential number three is, Grooming; Girls go for guys who smell nice, and are generally clean looking."
"Last but not least Manners; If you are well behaved and gentlemanly through out your dates chances are you'll have one foot firmly planted in her bed already."
Genma smiled knowingly after finishing, as if he had just revealed the mysteries of the universe to him.
Kakashi sighed "That was the worst advice I've ever gotten, even counting that time when Asuma said getting the Konoha symbol tattooed on my ass so would be cool"
"I know it sounds completely cheesy, but all of it is true. You should already know life is incredibly cheesy"
Kakashi was now on his third cup of coffee, "Don't you have anything better?"
Genma stubbornly stood by his wisdom. "Just try it! It never fails. Also you have nin dogs, girls are suckers for puppies. Maybe you could accidentally walk one of your cutest dogs by where she lives every day. She's bound to be there some time, and when she sees it she'll go crazy over it, and possibly you."
Sighing defeatedly Kakashi drank some more coffee. "Jounin tests standarts must be preety low if they let you pass."
"I think you just insulted your self." Genma smiled triumphantly before being hit on the head by an empty coffee mug.
Well there goes chapter 3 Now on to 4 and onto more praying for this story to work. This is actually the first thing I've written which surpasses 1 page. I had never gone beyond the first chapter before I started writing this, and I had certainly never posted any of my writings. Anyway thanks for the reviews and I'll try to make this as interestingly weird as I can for you.