Soul Reaver 2: Return of the Parody.
Me: Hello and welcome, I'm glad many of you liked my first installment, and a few of you liked the little New Year's one. Well here it is the sequel to my first parody.
Raziel: Am I doomed to play out these parodies forever?
Me: Hmmm.Yes.
Raziel: DAMN!
Me: Oh get over it, I'm gonna do a Blood Omen parody.
Raziel: Yay!
Me: Shut-up and go get ready.
(Raziel leaves.)
Me: Here it is, part.1! YAY! (Fireworks go off and trumpets blare and a large crowd cheers, and confetti falls.)
************************************************************** *************************
(We see Raziel enter the Chronoplast chamber and survey the surroundings.)
Raziel: Weren't the doors larger last time?
(Out of nowhere, Kain steps out and speaks.)
Kain: At last. I must say I'm disappointed in Eidos. I imagined the game would be out sooner, oh well. Tell me - did it trouble you to murder your brothers?
(Raziel descends the stairs while keeping his eyes on Kain.)
Raziel: Not really, did it trouble you when you order me into the abyss?
(Kain responds with ironic laughter, which goes on for many minutes.
Kain: HAHAHAHAHA!
Raziel: Uh. are you done yet?
Kain: *Still chuckling* hold on a sec.
(Stops laughing and speaks.)
Kain: *Clears throat* Eternity is very, very, very, very, very, very long time, Raziel. When I first bought this chamber, centuries ago, I did not fathom the true importance of brochures.
(He walks over to one of the switches and turns it.)
Kain: To know the future, Raziel - to see its paths and windows tracing out into the Internet. As a man, I could never of contained such forbidden, that Vorador screams like a girl. But each of us is so much more than we once were, especially you, no lower jaw and stomach and all. Do you not feel with all of your soul and Spidey sense how we have become gods? And as such, are we not indivisible? As long as a single one of us stands, we are legion.
(He descends the stairs while saying this and heads towards the second dial, he continues.)
Kain: Our futures are scripted - Moebius foretold mine aeons ago otherwise I was going to give him a nuggy. We each play out the parts the writers have written for us. Free will is major BS.
(He turns the dial as he finishes, Raziel glares at him from the floor of the chamber.)
Raziel: I found the tomb of Sarafan, Kain. How could you profane a priest by turning him into a vampire?!
(He says this as he launches him self at Kain, whose about to grab him, but misses and Raziel slams face first into the wall.)
Raziel: Ow.
Kain: *Holding back laughter* Goof.
Raziel: Shut up!
(He gets up and jumps at Kain, who manages to catch him this time.)
Kain: Where were we? Oh yeah. How could I not? One must keep his friends close, Raziel - and a gun even closer.
(He throws Raziel to the floor without any effort, he then jumps down and continues to speak while approaching him.)
Kain: Who better to serve me than those whose passion for Baseball transcends all notions of Football?
(Raziel picks him self up and wheels around to face Kain.)
Raziel: The Sarafan were Saviors, defending Nosgoth from Barney and Carebears. My eyes or at least these contacts are opened Kain - I find no warranty on that sports car you so rudely forced on my unwilling corpse!
(He attacks Kain and manages to hit him a few times, he then pins him against the wall and raises his claw as if to stab him.)
Kain: You may have uncovered your past but you know nothing of it, except that you were Sarafan but that's all. You think the Sarafan were noble, had a sense of sports?
(He knocks Raziel hands away and propels him across the room with a telekinetic blast, he then laughs.)
Kain: *Chuckles* Oh don't be simple. Their agenda was the same as ours.
(He turns and hits the final switch, the portal flares to life with a new and cool effect than the original one from the first game.)
Kain: You nearly had me Raziel.
Raziel: When?
Kain: Just now.
Raziel: Damn.
(Kain then teleports to the entrance of the portal and continues to speak.)
Kain: .But this not where - or how - it ends. The game is beginning and it promises more twist before this plot unfolds completely.
(He then steps threw the portal and vanishes, Raziel glares in anger and then leaps up to the foot of the portal, he summons the Reaver and eyes the portal.)
Raziel: hmm, no Elder God..SWEET!
(He runs in the portal and soon is transported to a strange room, as the special effects fade, Moebius enters.)
Raziel: Hello there Gaymoe.
Moebius: I'M NOT GAY!
(He clears his throat and then says.)
Moebius: Raziel. Blue zombie thing and home wrecker. Prawn and Messiah. Welcome, freeze-dried soul. Welcome. to ALL MY DESTINIES!
Raziel: Come again?
Moebius: Oh, uh I mean you Destiny.
Raziel: Right.
(He does that little glare as the really cool cg ends.)
************************************************************** *************************
Me: Well how'd you all like it?
Raziel: I will one day have my revenge.
Me: Sure you will.
(Raziel scowls and then storms off.)
Me: Well please review and I will give you each a Morph- blade, a hilt that can change into any type of weapon you want! Except guns. Plus I'll even leave Moebius in a small cage for you all to massacre.
Moebius: *from somewhere* WHAT?!?
SEE YOU ALL IN PART 2!
Me: Hello and welcome, I'm glad many of you liked my first installment, and a few of you liked the little New Year's one. Well here it is the sequel to my first parody.
Raziel: Am I doomed to play out these parodies forever?
Me: Hmmm.Yes.
Raziel: DAMN!
Me: Oh get over it, I'm gonna do a Blood Omen parody.
Raziel: Yay!
Me: Shut-up and go get ready.
(Raziel leaves.)
Me: Here it is, part.1! YAY! (Fireworks go off and trumpets blare and a large crowd cheers, and confetti falls.)
************************************************************** *************************
(We see Raziel enter the Chronoplast chamber and survey the surroundings.)
Raziel: Weren't the doors larger last time?
(Out of nowhere, Kain steps out and speaks.)
Kain: At last. I must say I'm disappointed in Eidos. I imagined the game would be out sooner, oh well. Tell me - did it trouble you to murder your brothers?
(Raziel descends the stairs while keeping his eyes on Kain.)
Raziel: Not really, did it trouble you when you order me into the abyss?
(Kain responds with ironic laughter, which goes on for many minutes.
Kain: HAHAHAHAHA!
Raziel: Uh. are you done yet?
Kain: *Still chuckling* hold on a sec.
(Stops laughing and speaks.)
Kain: *Clears throat* Eternity is very, very, very, very, very, very long time, Raziel. When I first bought this chamber, centuries ago, I did not fathom the true importance of brochures.
(He walks over to one of the switches and turns it.)
Kain: To know the future, Raziel - to see its paths and windows tracing out into the Internet. As a man, I could never of contained such forbidden, that Vorador screams like a girl. But each of us is so much more than we once were, especially you, no lower jaw and stomach and all. Do you not feel with all of your soul and Spidey sense how we have become gods? And as such, are we not indivisible? As long as a single one of us stands, we are legion.
(He descends the stairs while saying this and heads towards the second dial, he continues.)
Kain: Our futures are scripted - Moebius foretold mine aeons ago otherwise I was going to give him a nuggy. We each play out the parts the writers have written for us. Free will is major BS.
(He turns the dial as he finishes, Raziel glares at him from the floor of the chamber.)
Raziel: I found the tomb of Sarafan, Kain. How could you profane a priest by turning him into a vampire?!
(He says this as he launches him self at Kain, whose about to grab him, but misses and Raziel slams face first into the wall.)
Raziel: Ow.
Kain: *Holding back laughter* Goof.
Raziel: Shut up!
(He gets up and jumps at Kain, who manages to catch him this time.)
Kain: Where were we? Oh yeah. How could I not? One must keep his friends close, Raziel - and a gun even closer.
(He throws Raziel to the floor without any effort, he then jumps down and continues to speak while approaching him.)
Kain: Who better to serve me than those whose passion for Baseball transcends all notions of Football?
(Raziel picks him self up and wheels around to face Kain.)
Raziel: The Sarafan were Saviors, defending Nosgoth from Barney and Carebears. My eyes or at least these contacts are opened Kain - I find no warranty on that sports car you so rudely forced on my unwilling corpse!
(He attacks Kain and manages to hit him a few times, he then pins him against the wall and raises his claw as if to stab him.)
Kain: You may have uncovered your past but you know nothing of it, except that you were Sarafan but that's all. You think the Sarafan were noble, had a sense of sports?
(He knocks Raziel hands away and propels him across the room with a telekinetic blast, he then laughs.)
Kain: *Chuckles* Oh don't be simple. Their agenda was the same as ours.
(He turns and hits the final switch, the portal flares to life with a new and cool effect than the original one from the first game.)
Kain: You nearly had me Raziel.
Raziel: When?
Kain: Just now.
Raziel: Damn.
(Kain then teleports to the entrance of the portal and continues to speak.)
Kain: .But this not where - or how - it ends. The game is beginning and it promises more twist before this plot unfolds completely.
(He then steps threw the portal and vanishes, Raziel glares in anger and then leaps up to the foot of the portal, he summons the Reaver and eyes the portal.)
Raziel: hmm, no Elder God..SWEET!
(He runs in the portal and soon is transported to a strange room, as the special effects fade, Moebius enters.)
Raziel: Hello there Gaymoe.
Moebius: I'M NOT GAY!
(He clears his throat and then says.)
Moebius: Raziel. Blue zombie thing and home wrecker. Prawn and Messiah. Welcome, freeze-dried soul. Welcome. to ALL MY DESTINIES!
Raziel: Come again?
Moebius: Oh, uh I mean you Destiny.
Raziel: Right.
(He does that little glare as the really cool cg ends.)
************************************************************** *************************
Me: Well how'd you all like it?
Raziel: I will one day have my revenge.
Me: Sure you will.
(Raziel scowls and then storms off.)
Me: Well please review and I will give you each a Morph- blade, a hilt that can change into any type of weapon you want! Except guns. Plus I'll even leave Moebius in a small cage for you all to massacre.
Moebius: *from somewhere* WHAT?!?
SEE YOU ALL IN PART 2!