Bakumastu's Best Romance Novel
Fhb
R- Drama/romance.
An: Angst ahead people. Oh sorry about not updating yesterday. I was enjoying myself with my Archangel… (sighs dreamily) sorry again peeps.
Chapter 12- Hurtful Realizations, Ravens, Gothic-pacifist, Sakura needs to back off…
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Kaoru snapped her fingers in front his face. He jumped, "yes?" he asked remotely. His eyes after so long held a shade she once cast away to the weary beyond, yet she beheld his gaze and it did not assure her she was all the great pacifist she was for removing the demon from the child. Her eyes broke from ethereal blue to teal, which intoned only one thing, messages of suspicions. …
It was the first sign she got around him. 'Hmm…'
He fed her quickly. His form perfectly relaxed. Then she'd manage to catch his few eye-stares to the back of her. If Kaoru suspected correctly---she'd say there was an obsession other than her. She smiled to herself, 'an obsession other than me? That's crazy ---I'm crazy to think that.' But her conscience screamed she lied and in the loneliness of her heart did it echo. Resounding endlessly trancing her, what if? Kaoru blinked back the forbidden possibility, but his eyes---they did not lie…didn't they? Kaoru bowed her head somewhat confused. There was only one way to prove if she was right, and it certainly didn't involve being around everyone. Quickly she ate with no sounds being forced out. Then, up the stairs they went.
Kenshin entered her room looking at her customarily. Not odd to her he would. Yet she manage someone to read the description in his eyes.
"Tell me what's distracting you?" came her soundless harmonic voice.
"Nothing...nothing. Does it look like I'm distracted?" he asked curiously…
"Uh-hmm" she kneeled.
"I'm not…" he assured her…
"So you say. So how do you like Sakura?" Kaoru asked her voice suddenly silver like a spear against the skin. Her tone of voice was affiliated by the colour of her eyes that were gone in silver slits from the sun. There was a cat-like message she gave off from that statement, Kenshin didn't know why but it did. Kneeling he tried to get a better look into her eyes, but she bounded off his reading.
"I guess she's okay…" he said softly.
"Fair enough. So how about a kissie for me?" she pouted forward…
"Um…Kaoru--um, I am---how about later? I got some important things to do…" he stood coyly trying to gently kiss her cheek. Then he was gone…
She held her cheek and gave a hurt look. It was that sign that made her finally understand what she had done.
"Why is happening, kami---why?" she looked at the blue sky…
Kaoru sat in her room writing…
Dear Mother,
How are you? Things have evolved so much here in Japan. I've accomplished my first ever assignment in pacifism. And I saved a girl. And no, not by pacifism, by parasol-kicking. It's been great, yeah, I've been hurt once or twice, but nothing to talk about. I hope you're doing fine mom. I'm real excited about coming back to England. Hence speaking of exciting, the Pacifism Youth Association has arrived to Japan. I'll finally get to see the Universal Pacifism Board, it'll be such an honour to see them. Wow! I can't wait to see my friends, Eric especially. Remember how I use to tell you about how dreamy he was back then? Well I still have a little thing for him, but its died for another. Trust me he's such a nice guy and though he doesn't think I see his heart, I do. He think I can't see him mom. No matter how much he says he trusts me, I know that the memories that burned his life, he wished he didn't have them, sometimes I think he's letting go. But he's so deep mom. I know he thinks that moving forward means hurt, so he tries saying to never move forward is to never have a past. Sometimes I wish I was more the pacifist you were, then I'd know what to do…
Love…
Kaoru-chan
Yawning she scored the paper in three equal sizes then she placed it in an envelope. Licking the back she shut it and pressed the Japanese stamp which had been in fact one of a Sakura tree. Kaoru placed the letter in a book and began reading some of her school books.
'Why am I reading my math book? Boy---do I miss school'
Kaoru read some of her school books, and even practiced some of the questions. She was doing Geometrical progressions in Math and in chemistry, she was learning about Electrolysis. She did very well since her mother usually pushed her hard throughout the term. She manage to get good grades. A second reason she came to Japan was her excellent grades which ranged in the top 3 for over 3 terms. But fear and bounty-hunting became a major fear so she was taken to Japan for security reasons.
Falling asleep by all her books, no one seem to notice she was still in her room. Lunch time came by and Kaoru was still sleeping. Ninsuko went to check on the younger girl.
She knocked but Kaoru didn't answer. Opening the door she saw the small girl asleep…
"Aww she looks so quiet. Maybe I shouldn't wake her. (Nehh--wrong answer) I think I will wake her" she sorted her throat and began. "A-hem. KAORU-CHAN GET YOUR BUTT UP!" shouted Ninsuko loudly. Kaoru flew out her bed startled by the loud scream.
Rubbing her ears she looked at Ninsuko. "Ninsuko what is your problem girl. Can't you see a sister trying to sleep?" she asked tiredly…
"I know, but it's lunchtime. So come on, lets go downstairs…"
Kaoru nodded. Both girls ran down the steps. Kaoru entered with Ninsuko. Both girls were late. In Kaoru's seat was Sakura. She and Kenshin had been laughing. It didn't upset Kaoru that Sakura was in her seat, I mean it was just a seat. What bothered her, was how free Kenshin distributed his emotions. She shook her head, "I'm not hungry…" she smiled shallowly…
"Are you sure Kaoru-chan?"
"I'm positive, thanks for asking…" she bowed and made her way out.
Walking calmly outdoors, she looked at the new grey sky. She didn't know why she liked grey skies. She thought about it as she walked to the area the baby bird fell. She looked high and low for the bird, but she couldn't find it. There on the step at the back of the complex was Niroku. They never spoke…but why? She didn't know. In his hands was the baby bird.
"Hello Niroku-chan" she smiled…
"Kaoru-dono, good afternoon."
She realized he made her feel she was important by using the honorifics.
"Kaoru-chan---or Kao-chan…whichever…dono is too formal" she smiled…
"Okay, Kao-chan" he endeared.
She giggled.
"So I see you have my birdie"
"Yeh…he was being a bad baby, so I had to …shh---sing to him for him to fall asleep"
Kaoru giggled.
"Did you?" she asked…
"Yeh…I bandaged his wing and I see there's no infection, so he's good. Just a very irritated baby…uses pretty-girls care…like yours…" he smiled…
"Me…pretty?" she blushed… "Ha ha very funny"
"Extremely…never looked into some water or a mirror and saw your reflection? You're very pretty…" he smirked giving a bishouhen description himself.
"I thank you for what you say. Because I don't get such pretty compliments…and that kinna hurts me. But when I get really sweet comments like yours, it makes up for the times I wish I had it" her smiled glowed.
"Wow Kaoru-chan…wow" he grinned.
She never took into his aesthetic qualities mainly because she was always so close to Kenshin. Yet, when she did see him out she saw the alone character he wanted to be. He was somewhat a bit like Kenshin. They both wanted to be left alone to their personal grievances, but Niroku had this energy, this down flame which said he hurt in a worst way from the young Battousai. With all the shadows around her, she wasn't sure what to believe again.
His eyes were somewhat a confusing shadow of brown and black intertwined. His hair dropped with brown and black streaks which made him different from the boys. He was tall, and built and he had the cutest smile she ever saw. No offence to Kenshin or Eric.
"Aren't you hungry?" she asked…
"Nahh…I don't like food" he amused her…
"Really…?" she asked a grin permanently on her face.
"Yup"
She sat next to him, their eyes moving from left and right in wonder and idleness.
"Hey you wanna see something Kaoru-chan?" he asked
"Sure thing…"
He pulled her to her feet, placing his hands in his mouth and with that he whistled. The call made a black bird approach. Placing a hand in the air the bird landed on his index finger…
"It's call a raven, but it won't harm you since I'm here." he pet the raven sheen of the bird. It seemingly looked very glossy. Henceforth, it gave off a somewhat green and blue sheen that compromised nicely in the black.
"And this is a dove…a baby one called angel…" he whistled and a white dove came to his second index finger…
"What's the black one called?" Kaoru asked worriedly. She was frighten at the black bird.
"Raven"
"Ohh…I see"
"Wanna hold them?" he asked
"No no…I'm perfectly fine" she stood five feet from both birds.
"Oh come on…"
"Well only if they won't bite me…"
"Of course not. Raise your hand and stick out your index finger" he spoke…
She complied. The raven slowly went across onto her finger… 'Kenshin and I held birds already'
"Now whatever you do don't show fear…they saw ravens can sense your fear. …"
"Now you tell me" she stuck out her tongue at him.
He laughed. "Now the other hand" she made a bridge…
Angel hoped right on. "I think she likes me…"
"Well I'll be. Angel usually doesn't like girls. I think if you had to fear between the two birds, fear Angel…she's a born hater…" the bird chirped at Niroku's comment…
Kaoru giggled. "I don't think tenshi-chan likes that…"
"Do you want a birdie Kaoru, I have all types, from yellow to blue, from orange to green…take one or two…as many as you like…"
"I can't take the birds…its nature's own…"
"No I think you misunderstood. I usually train birds, until I can give them owners…Angel and Raven have been a task for me, because they're pretty witty for birds…" he informed…
"Ohh…I see"
"So I'm I'm pretty much over training these birds" he paused, "So which bird will it be?" he asked…
"I like them both. But I like Raven---I dunno his shadow and loneliness. It intrigues me…" she smirked…
"You know I've never come across a girl who likes ravens. They're usually meat eaters, but they say when their master is on their death-bed or going to die, a raven stays at its side, fending with it's last breath. It can become so loyal it'd die with its master" he spoke…
"Wow…I'm impressed." she mused…
"So am I that a girl like you would want such a mysterious bird"
"I like mysterious…but I also like angel…she's such a beauty…"
"Doves are known for purity, spirituality and love…" he smiled…
"I think I knew they were a symbol of love…"
"Yeah…everybody does…"
"Well I like raven you decide" she bit her lips knowing what she requested was hard and down-right selfish.
"Have raven…but angel, she's my gift to you…" he whistled at the both birds and somehow they understood.
"What did you say?"
"I told them, you are their new master"
"Oh…I see…"
"Hi Raven…hi angel"
Angel flew in Kaoru's hair, nestling warmly in it.
"I see my missy likes my hair…"
They both laughed. "My raven…" Kaoru pet the bird. The bird watched her with ebony eyes that held no depth---emotion or criteria. There was just a smooth blackness that was hollow perhaps. Perhaps comparing her raven's eyes to death was not such a bad comparison after all. The bird perked up and began crowing wildly at Kaoru. Kaoru was taken back.
Then rustling out the trees and flying in the dark grey skies were hundreds of ravens…
"I thought you say they don't eat their masters?" she fearfully asked…
"When a raven calls for its crew it necessarily doesn't mean that you're bait, it means its sensing something bad is going happen to you" he finished…
"Bad?" she looked at the sky. The raven on his finger looked at its master and kept that way by her side…
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"You and me, we use to be together, everyday… together, always." Kaoru tapped the feather against the paper…
"So lemme get this straight you have to write a song, about anything and sing it for the Pacifism board?" asked Niroku…
"Yup…but I'm lacking words and I don't even have a chorus…" she spoke…
"How about you place your life…things that are happening in your life in those words…and it'll come to you, including the chorus…"
"I'm trying Niroku, but I wish it were that simple. But nothing is…sniff sniff. Anyway, are you gonna help me or give me more philosophy classes?" she asked in sarcasm.
"I'll help you, you kind Juliet" he sarcastically spoke
"Sorry…" she giggled.
"It's okay…but sing what you have Kaoru-chan…"
"Sing it for you? In front of you…?" she asked worriedly. She bit her lips.
"Uh-huh, haven't you thought you'd be singing it in front hundreds of people for the pacifist association?"
"Oh Kami, thinking of it now, you're right. I'm not feeling well cough cough. I gotta go get some sleep, chao"
"Kaoru-channn" he whined…
"I know, but now you scared me…"
"I'm sorry, but conquering your fears is one thing of life…don't fail it now…"
"I'm trying desperately if you didn't know"
"Are you?" he looked at her as she gave a relaxed look.
"Okay I'm sorry…I'll sing it…"
"You and me, we use to be together, everyday… together, always." she sang angelically cool. Her voice was strained into a adult-woman. She was more in the middle of a screechy girl and a woman. So she sounded just right with high and low giving birth to a decent-lady-like voice. It was crisp how she bended her words to her facial expressions, he had to admit the girl had talent every direction.
"Wow, you sing very good for a girl…surprisingly" he added…
"Thanks…"
"How about you place in, I really feel like I'm loosing my darling…" he added…
And she sang it…
"Yeah…that's sounding good, but then this line is coming in my head. When all has stop, just let him go and if this is real I don't want to know" she added. She screamed loving the rhyming part.
"Okay great, now sing the whole thing…"
"Okay, "You and me, we use to be together, everyday… together, always. I really feel like I'm losing my darling. When all has stop, just let him go and if this is real then I don't want to know…don't speak I've notice what you're thinking so please stop explaining don't tell me coz it hurts, don't speak I know what you're thinking and I don't need no reasons don't tell me coz it hurts… " Kaoru thought a bit of Kenshin when those lines just gushed into her head…
"Very nicely done…"
"Thank you, I couldn't have done it without you" she hugged him…
"Your welcome Kaoru-chan"
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Kaoru watched her chorus and her words. Why had she chosen to write about these things? It confused her a bit but then when she saw Kenshin she felt this vibe he gave off. Petting angel gently, the small bird began falling asleep. It was witty bird, with a bad little attitude and selfish ego. She'd never seen a bird so self-conscious or vain for other matters.
Niroku was sitting next to Kaoru, playing with raven…
"Niroku…" Kaoru asked dropping her papers and pen.
He watched as the papers settled to her feet…
"It's so boring…can you teach me something…anything fun…" he saw the look of boredom in her eyes. She was so pretty even in her boredom…
"How about I tell you a secret…that I just found out…"
"Oh…? Well once it won't hurt me…then tell away" she placed her both hands under her chin.
"My ravens…told me something" he paused looking at her…
"Like what?"
"It's about you…Raven sensed it in you. It's not the "thing" that's your bad luck it sensed, it's something you're hiding…you know about it…but you're hiding it…I'm not exactly sure…but Raven says…one day he will have to fend for you as you do some sorta---I dunno…dance"
Kaoru's eyes fluttered open. "What?"
"Well I'm not sure if I'm understanding Raven properly, but from what I do understand, you're going to dance…and Raven has to be at your side…I'm oblivious…can you dance?"
"..Um, waltz…but nothing else…" she spoke
The bird crowed at her…
"Raven says you're lying…"
Kaoru looked at the bird that crowed at her, it's eyes sparkling a strange wild blackness…why was it now voids of shadow had character to speak and enflame in darkness?
"Look---I--I need to go" she picked up the papers and went back into the establishment. As she made her way around the house she saw Kenshin and Sakura, sitting and speaking. 'Well at least she's getting along'
She smiled at the both, but then when she saw she never got a smirk or smile from Kenshin, her heart grew heavy…
'And the face I wear to make me live, will crumble and fall before my very feet. When I look into your eyes there's nothing of me…nothing quiet my own mistakes staring back at me asking why…'
Kaoru's eyes open wide at what she thought…
She began accelerating, moving faster through the people.
"Kaoru-chan" called Matsura…
Kaoru didn't turn to the old woman when she called, instead she ran up the stairs…
Kaoru walked hotly to her room, her face burning and somehow her eyes stinging. Opening her shoji, she shut it. Closing her eyes…she slide down the door, just crying…
'I shouldn't think like this. He's mine…we're always together. Maybe they're just good friends…'
Her heart palpitated faster. Her blood rushed hotly through her veins pumping consciousness to possibilities---even those to be accepted by darkness one last time. In every corner she once found surety in she'd have to curse and say she lost it…to the unknown predecessor she'd never see. If for strange back-luck what she thought correctly then she had witnessed the birth of her fears rise on dark shadows to consume her whole. It was just a matter of time before she was dead and destroyed by its tainted touch on her body. Alive it screamed and alive she screamed begone.
The calendar on the wall read it was the 14th. In the next two days the party would be in full toss. She'd see all her friends. That is--- her Pacifism class.
She'd also meet Kristal, school snot-face. Kaoru disliked the girl, mainly because she didn't have the right or qualities of a pacifist. She usually cheated her way to gain titles, hence first place in their class. But Kaoru was certain she'd win the Pacifist award this year. She could almost taste it…
Yawning to herself, she made her way to her piles of papers. She took an ink feather and carefully she drew herself. From delicate blue eyes to perfect pink kimono. Then as she was getting some black ink, she accidentally flick the ink feather to get the dust off the tip. Instead she sent a black trail of ink across her creation. Kaoru became cold. She sighed heavily and then gritted her teeth in anger. It was then she let all her frustrations float in her every paint stroke. She sent the black drops falling from her wrist and hands. Then she began scratching the drawing, as if she was creating cut marks on her drawing of herself. She became darker and darker…until she could barely see her face. Realizing what she had done, no guilt ever intercepted. It was rather odd what she felt…it was…pleasurable??
From one sketch to another, she just drew and drew dark drawings of herself, being cut, being stabbed, or just being drained of blood. Sometimes she rip the drawings…but she left them there…to be seen by her own eyes…
Closing her ink bottle she placed all her drawings in a book. Opening her dark navy blue ink, she ripped a large page out her Pacifism notebook. Taping the feather under her chin, she thought about what to draw, and before her very eyes, Raven approached. Kaoru smiled… "My raven wants to be drawn?" she asked, the bird hopped to her…
"Why is it raven…why do you look like you're so different?" she asked…
The bird bowed its head.
"Will it be alright if I draw you koishii?" she asked the bird…
The bird flew out her room. Landing on a branch it began crowing. Filtering from the tress, over the high grey skies ravens raced yet a second time to the call of this one bird. Their family. Perching themselves high on the boughs of the trees Kaoru somehow was baffled yet another time.
"You want me to draw your family?"
The bird crowed at her…
"I guess that's a yes. Well I'll see what I can do"
With some intricate slashes of the feather, she began drawing the trees. From leafless boughs to distinctive dark blue skies, she began adding addition features. Like vines and wilted flowers. The birds soon were placed on the trees, and then Kaoru stop to look at her picture…
"Something's missing raven…besides you of course" she thought
The bird touched her with it's beak…
"Me?"
The bird just blinked…
"Hmm…let's see.." she began drawing herself in a flimsy black dress…the black shawl on the floor, and on her shoulder was raven whose eyes were dark green looking…
Kaoru closed her ink bottle, then the feather. Looking at her masterpiece, she couldn't believe how distinctive and real the picture had been.
"The woman of the ravens" she smiled at raven…
Hanging it inside the picture frame of Japanese kanji, she showed the birds. They just crowed. She smiled. Hanging it on the wall, she stood back and had to marvel that she'd become a part-time artist. 'So art classes actually paid off'
"I've created my masterpiece"
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Kaoru and Sakura after a while had gotten together and began talking…
"Kaoru-chan, this place is so beautiful. I love how everybody is. Ninsuko-chan is so sweet, she steals candy for me at times, and Matsura-san she's just a dear to me. I know you have been busy…and well we didn't get to talk much, but I'm very thankful for what you did…I am forever in you debt"
"Hey…don't say that…you don't have to speak like that, at least about me…I want you to know…I did this because I cared, and we're friends and I'm happy that you're happy…"
"Awesome Kaoru-chan, awesome. But can I ask you a question…?" came her new voice of curiosity to the conversation.
"Sure, ask away…" Kaoru smiled…not sure why she didn't trust this upcoming question. She felt a pang of heaviness weigh in her.
"I'm sorry for being so forward, but I can't help myself,----but by chance…are you and Himura-san …um, dating?" she asked awkwardly. She fumbled with her fingers looking at Kaoru in thought.
Kaoru's eyes remain neutral. They were far in the distance. She didn't know anymore. Kenshin had grown so distant from her that she thought everything they did do meant nothing to him. She wish she could tell him she missed him, and that her heart hurt when he became so far from her. Such a burden he ushered on her heart…
"Kaoru-chan?" she called…
"I---and Kenshin, are…not dating…" she finished…
"Phew! That's a relief…"
"Is it?" hurt in Kaoru's eyes…her voice however was never impressed as fury, only softness.
"Well yes, I mean Himura-san is so wonderful, and gorgeous…and I--I think for the first time I've found love…and its special Kaoru-chan. I know a pretty girl like you have felt it…"
"I have…but I don't think you should like him…" Kaoru became forward…
"Why not?" asked Sakura shocked somewhat deflated…
"Because…he has ---a life. A very tedious one…one in which doesn't need love or relationship. Just let it drop" Kaoru spoke casually. Her voice was intoning bit by bit, it was becoming obvious to Sakura what Kaoru was implying or saying in other words.
"You know Kaoru-chan, I didn't expect to hear that from you. For a lady with so much dignity and high motivation, I would have expected you to boost me to tell him I liked him. Instead you broke all my reasons for even trying to win his heart. I like him…and he likes me…"
Kaoru turned to her, "what?" her face was expressive of hurt.
"I really like him, and you have nothing good to say don't you? It's like you're upset at me, but what did I do huh?" she stood up…
"Listen you…you don't know what I've been going through. You can't see it…"
"Kaoru-chan, I read Kenshin in a few minutes. You have nothing to be read. Your life is as perfect as diamonds under a sun…what is wrong with you?" she shouted-somewhat out…
"Why do you see just your false images…?" Kaoru asked back softly…her voice though soft it was bending in the dip of anger.
"You're a bastard Kaoru-chan…I should have known…"
"Yes you should have known, I hurt because of everything everyone does to me" she screamed out in the girls face. Her tears running down her face…
It was then Kaoru allowed her emotions to unveil on swift wings. Her eyes were full of anger and creeping unconsciously in her blood was the devil who giggled crazily at the fight between both ladies. Kaoru breathed harshly her face flushed with temperate anger and self-cut infliction of her crazy emotions.
Sakura fell to the floor hurt…her eyes leaking tears. Her face somewhat gave a destroyed look of broken roses.
Attention drew around both girls…
"What happened girls?" Matsura spoke worriedly…
"She started it…" Sakura spoke…
"Is that true Kaoru-chan?" asked Ninsuko…
"Yes…blame everything on me…" Kaoru pushed out the crowd…she was upset and pissed like no tomorrow.
Kenshin stood by the steps, he sort to hold converse with Kaoru. But she gritted her teeth, and walked past him. If it was the last person she wanted to see it was him. Kenshin closed his eyes… 'what is happening?…'
What everyone heard was the sound of a shoji being shut loudly. Kaoru screamed in her room…
Upstairs in Kaoru's room, she opened her draw and brought out her tanto. Stabbing the blade into the shoji, she made sure whosoever tried to open her door wouldn't get through.
Kaoru just sat on her bed…taking in her frustrations…
Shutting her eyes she wished she'd fade and never return.
'They have taken everything and now I am a lone shell where I am left to give no more…'
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An: Well who got the last laugh now? Mwhahahaha! Well I know some of you guys don't like Sakura but that's okay. Again she's the character who will be like Tomoe. Well this was a quick chap, sorry I didn't update yesterday. Thanks everyone for reviewing. This fic lives, lol! Well thanks again. Take care and God bless all.
Wishing you the best and nothing the less… (fhb 2004 © quote)
Review if you like peeps.