(Author's Note: Hey thanks to all of you once again….I hope you are enjoying this story, I am too. Some of you wrote to me with some great suggestions for further developments in the story and I have listened. One of the things I do whenever I write a scene is go back and look at spots that need to be filled in. One such suggestion is in the following chapter, a lot of you wanted to see how Shinji and Asuka reacted when he found out he was sick. Thank you Goofygirl you rock. Also big kudos to Nick2951 who I can say is Destiny of One's numero Uno reviewer. Nic, thank you so much for all of your kind words and encouragement. Check out his fanfiction too. Its great. I hope you have some Kleenex ready because I have to confess that I was in tears writing this chapter. Enjoy. Now onto Chapter 25! We're getting closer to the end so stick around for more updates.)
Chapter 25
Hope Ikari walked into her parents' bedroom in the home she had grown up in. Beside her, Sawyer stood with her, as he could feel her pain emanating from her while she looked at her father in his bed, sitting upright, wearing his blue pajamas Beside him were two monitors checking on his heartbeat and he was connected to an IV drip..
"Hi, Hope." Shinji said with a smile as he saw her..
"Hi, Daddy." Hope squeaked out as Sawyer reached for her hand and held it gently.
Behind them, Asuka caught site of the American holding onto the hand of her daughter and instant protective instincts kicked in but knowing that he was providing comfort to Hope she resisted the urge to act.
Asuka's main concern was lying in the bed directly in front of her and even with all of her power and strength; she couldn't prevent the inevitable from happening.
Hope walked forward releasing her hand from Sawyer's as she walked towards her father. He looked so tired, gaunt and pale but there was that smile on his face that she had always remembered and could easily warm her heart..
Hope watched as Shinji inched himself up in the bed and motioned for her to come and sit beside him, patting the mattress. "Come here, Honey and sit with me for a while."
"Daddy?" Hope asked as she sat down by her father's bedside and took his hand into her own. "Oh, Daddy…"
Shinji smiled at his daughter as he covered her hand with his own and breathed in. "I'm okay, Hope." He said to her gently. "I'm not scared y'know. I've done in life what I've needed to do and I feel good about it."
"Daddy…" Hope said as her voice trailed off.
"Hey," Shinji said in raspy whisper. "I've lived my life, Hope. I had three great kids. I had a wife who loved me and whom I loved with all of my heart. Hope, I'm very proud of you. Okay, so cancer cut my life short. That's okay. I'm happy, Hope. You've done so well and aspired to so much. You've made me very happy about the woman you've become. I can go knowing that."
"Please, don't talk like that, Daddy." Hope said as her tears began to fall. "It's not fair for you to leave us so soon."
"Honey," Shinji said to her gently. ", Everyone dies some time. The trick is to make life count. My life counted for a great deal and as long as you're alive, I'm alive. As long as Souke is here, I'm here. As long as Reina is here, I'll be there too. I'll be with you all of your life, Hope. I'm in your heart. Anytime you need me, I'll always be with you. I'm a part of you, Baby. I can never be gone as long as you're here."
"Daddy…." Hope said in a sob.
"Hope, remember this always. With all of your strength, you can do anything you need to do. You know what I'm talking about? Unit 1 knows that and you need to know that. Do you understand?" Shinji asked.
Hope nodded. "Yes, Dad."
"Never forget that, okay?" Shinji asked.
"I won't, Daddy." Hope said.
"Hope, I want you to know that its not that I never meant to tell you about Evangelion, its just that I didn't ever want to see you go through what I went through because of Evangelion."
"Daddy, it couldn't have been all that bad. You found Mom through the Evangelion. I was born because of it. Daddy, I will be Unit 1's pilot. I swear to you. I will defend the Earth just like you and Mama did."
"I know you will." Shinji told her. "Its like I told you, you have to believe with all of your strength that you are the pilot of Unit 1 and it is yours. You are a part of me, Hope. I was Unit 1's pilot and it accepted me without hesitation. The reason why it accepted me is because I accepted it. You need to do the same."
"Daddy, this isn't right." Hope said with tears in her eyes.
"I know, Baby." Shinji told her gently. "But I'm glad I got to say good bye to you. I'm glad I was able to tell you how much I love my family. I'm glad I can tell you that, Hope. I love you, Hope and I am so very proud of you."
"I…. love you, Daddy." Hope said as she sobbed while she held onto her father's hand.
Sawyer stood near the doorway as he watched Hope with her father. Asuka was watching with painful eyes as Souke held her hand and Reina cried against her.
"Sawyer?" Shinji asked.
"Yes, sir." Sawyer said.
"Do you know what to do?" He asked him.
Sawyer nodded as he said. "Yes, sir I do." Sawyer said as he saluted the man lying in the bed. "I promise you I will live up to my duty, sir."
"I know you will. I have faith in you, Sawyer" Shinji said to him as he returned the salute and looked back to the face of his daughter. "He's a good man." Shinji whispered to Hope with a smile. "I can see that you care for him a great deal."
"Daddy, he's my commander and uh…"
"Hope," Shinji said with a smirk as he leaned in and whispered to her. ", I know its not just a commander and major relationship. It's more then that. I'm so happy for you."
Hope's eyes widened as she looked back to her father, she couldn't help to chuckle at how perceptive he was. "I could never hide anything from you."
"No, you couldn't and you still can't." Shinji said to her with a grin. "Listen to me, hold nothing back, Hope." Shinji told her. "You're strength comes from love, remember that."
"I know, Dad." Hope said to him.
"Love is the source of your strength." Shinji whispered to her.
"I know, Daddy." Hope said to him as her tears fell.
"Isao would be happy for you right now." He told her. "I am very happy for you. You deserve to have a good man to love you, and I know that he does." Shinji whispered with a smile.
"Daddy, I can't believe you just said that! How do you know its like that?" Hope asked.
"Oh, I know." Shinji said with a chuckle. "If it isn't though, then it should be like that."
"Daddy!" Hope exclaimed with a chuckle.
"I made you laugh didn't I?" he asked her.
Hope nodded as she smiled at him, clutching onto his hand. "You always have, Dad."
The rest of the Ikari family walked in and surrounded their father's bed. All of them tried to hold back tears knowing that this could possibly be the last time their father would be living.
Asuka especially had dreaded this moment from the first day in the doctor's office when staring at MRI results and X-Rays they had revealed an inoperable mass located in Shinji's pancreas.
Asuka had nearly broken down hearing the diagnosis and the prognosis.
Shinji turned to her and simply said. "We just have to make each day count, Asuka."
She couldn't believe that through all the treatments, the pain medications, the pain, the suffering and the doctors, that through it all his spirit remained intact. Asuka had not missed a single session with a doctor, a treatment session, a hospital stay or any test that they had required.
Shinji simply had asked her to be his strength when he needed her.
Then, at the office of the Japanese Prime Minister, a folder was given to her showing that Shinji's cancer was caused by the introduction of a topical agent that triggered it. Furthermore, SEELE admitted that they were the cause of it.
The day she heard the most devastating news that he had gotten this type of cancer, the worst of its kind, the one that had no cure and could not be removed, and knowing it was purposely given to him, filled her with unyielding fury.
Between Isao's death and now the impending death of her husband, Asuka was ready to kill.
Asuka, feeling every bit of rage and disgust, feeling every bit of hatred, wanted to find SEELE herself and destroy them. Instead, she turned that inward and used it as motivation for when SEELE would be destroyed.
She had never told Shinji the truth about why he had gotten sick. She couldn't. It would have destroyed him. He would have been in fear for the rest of his remaining days that Asuka would be next to die, or Souke, or Hope or Reina.
She decided it was best to keep that piece of information classified.
She in turn going through emotional upheaval had relied on him. Sometimes it was absolute hell to hold the truth back yet, he anger, which she couldn't hide and her sadness, which was evident, was written all over her face.
Shinji took another perspective.
When he saw her upset, Shinji simply shrugged and said. "Let's go to Europe for two weeks and have our second honeymoon."
They had done that.
A Two-week second honeymoon in Europe, followed by a renewing of vows in her home country of Germany, a stay in London and straight through Italy.
It had been an incredibly romantic, whirlwind of a trip. When they returned, Shinji had decided that every day of his life was going to be a happy one even when he had treatments or a doctor's visit and even when the pain was so bad that he could barely get out of bed.
Despite all of that, Shinji had never faltered, wavered or lost his confidence. Asuka was more emotional about it then he was and Asuka was not the type to give into emotion.
It used to anger her how he could be so completely at ease with this damned cancer. Then one day, she hit the wall as it made her so angry that she got into a screaming frenzy with him.
"How is it this goddamn cancer doesn't affect you? How is it you are not worried about dying? How can you take this attitude like nothing worries you or scares you when it scares the fucking shit out of me everyday of my life! YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS! You're going to die and you don't give a shit! How can you do this to me? How can you just act like this cancer means nothing to you?"
Breathing in, he simply took her into his arms and let her sob against his chest as his arms came around her. "It scares the ever loving shit out of me." Shinji answered her. "It terrifies me in a way you could never comprehend! It angers me that I will never see my children get married! I am furious that I can't walk my girls down the aisle! It infuriates me to know that I will never set eyes on my own grandchildren and it makes me more then livid knowing I can't grow old with you and sit on our front porch together while our grandchildren play on our front lawn! This fucking cancer gets my blood boiling! It has taken away years from me! It will rob me of memories that I deserve to have! That is how I feel about it deep inside, Asuka, that's what I conceal from you!"
"Shinji, I'm sorry." Asuka whispered as she cried against him.
"If I continue, Asuka, to let it get to me like that and know that I have this rage inside of me that just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, I wont' be able to enjoy the moments I have left with you. Asuka, I won't be able to be with you when your very old and I won't be able to see grandchildren be born. I won't be able to see Hope, Souke, or Reina get married. You will be able to though. Asuka, after I'm gone, I need you to live for the both of us. I need you to do everything we said we were going to do and witness all that we dreamed of together. Until that time, when my time is up, I want to enjoy each and every day with you. I want to be happy. I don't want to be angry, resentful, have self-pity or feel rage. I just want to be happy. If I have to die, then I'm going to live a happy life until I do. I want you to be happy too. I want to make you happy. I want us to enjoy this time as much as we can. We don't know really how much time I have so let's make each day count like it was my last day on Earth."
"Shinji, I'll retire so I can be with you." Asuka said to him gently.
"No." Shinji told her gently. "You will do your job. You do it well. Asuka, no one's life is to stop because I'm dying! I don't want that! I want each day to count but you know, I don't want anyone's life to be changed because of me!"
"Shinji, you need me now."
"You've always been there through everything. This is no different, Asuka. The only difference is now I have a limited amount of time on Earth."
"Fucking SEELE did this to you!" Asuka said through tears in hysterics. "They did it, Shinji! It was them! They did it!"
"This could have happened for any reason, Asuka." Shinji told her, not registering what she just said. "We don't know for certain."
Realizing what she had just said a moment ago, she knew he was merely brushing it off but she closed her eyes, as she knew that it was the truth and it killed her.
"I…. I….can't imagine losing you." Asuka cried as his arms held her tight. "You…. are everything to me. You're my life, Shinji."
"Asuka, you need to accept that I am going to die."
"NO!" Asuka yelled out.
"Yes, Asuka." He whispered to her. "You need to say it. You need to repeat to yourself aloud: Shinji's going to die and I can't stop it."
"No!" Asuka yelled out again in a sob.
"Say it, Asuka."
"Never!" Asuka said angrily.
"SAY IT, ASUKA!" He yelled out as he pulled her from him and looked into her face, holding her by her upper arms. "IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, ASUKA! YOU NEED TO FACE THAT FACT! I AM GOING TO DIE, ASUKA! SAY IT! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT! SAY IT GODDAMNIT!"
The brave, three-star soldier, General Asuka Ikari, stared into the face of the man she loved. There was one fear she held in her heart, the fear of anything ever happening to her family.
As she looked into his face, she broke down, and she cried out hysterically. "SHINJI'S GOING TO DIE AND I CAN'T STOP IT!"
She broke down again and her cries were worse then before as she screamed out hysterically. "NO! NO! NO! NO!" She kept repeating it over and over again.
Shinji looked into her face as he watched while she sobbed, he quickly crushed her to him as he kissed the top of her head while she cried and held her tight.
"NO!" She cried out as she clutched onto him. "Its not fair! Its not fair!"
"Shh." He whispered to her gently, as he kissed the top of her head again and ran his head down her hair. "Its all right. Its okay. Its okay, Asuka."
"I don't want to lose you…." Asuka said painfully as she held onto him. "I can't. I can't live if your not here!"
"Shinji's here now, Asuka." He whispered to her. "Make this day count."
She heard his words, as she held him, and her sobs trailed off. Shinji always had the power to stop her tears and in instant, she stopped crying.
She slowly raised her head to look into his eyes and those eyes had captured her heart from the first moments she had seen him just as they did now.
She reached up and gently, laid her palm on his cheek as he moved his forehead against her own. Her hand traveled upward. Gently, running her hand through his hair she could see in his face what he wanted and needed.
It was a simple request but it was one that meant everything to him at that moment.
Taking a breath, she took his hand into his own and walked towards the bedroom with him following behind her. At their bedroom door, she turned to him and kissed him as if she hadn't seen him in a thousand years. She opened the door and led him inside, shutting the door behind them.
The room was dark; the blinds were still drawn after having never been opened from the morning. Small amounts of light shone through but it was enough to create a sense of ambience in an afternoon that was filled with passion and heat.
They were still locked into their deep kiss with another, holding onto each other as if this was his last day with her on Earth.
They removed each other's clothes quickly and then let their bodies come together as they held one another and connected to each other in mind, body and soul. .
She held onto him as if this was their very first time again and wanted to give all of herself to him. She poured all of her passion and love for him into that afternoon. She made him feel everything that she felt for him and made sure that he knew that he was her only one true love that she had ever had.
He, in turn, did the same. He gave all of himself to her. He held her against him the whole time, never letting her go and breathing in her scent as he moved with her. If ever there was a moment to describe how much he loved her, this was it. He told her in words, feeling, and through his gentle and tender touch. He gave to her everything he was.
In that afternoon they felt like they were young again and had fallen in love with each other all over again. The romance and passion that they had in that afternoon rose up from the depths of their souls and connected to each other's hearts. They simply enjoyed being with one another that afternoon.
Hours later, in the early evening, he was laying against the headboard with her in his arms. His hair looked like it was tousled in all different direction but the smile on his face was from ear to ear. He held her against his chest as he moved his fingers up and down her back.
The only thing that covered them was their comforter.
"It's been a while since we did it like that!" Shinji chuckled. "We haven't done it like that in a long time!"
"I know." Asuka whispered as she cuddled against his chest with her eyes shut and smiled. "It was fantastic." She said as she giggled.
"I didn't think at our age, we could do it like that anymore." He laughed. "I'm glad I was wrong."
Asuka giggled as she heard him.
"Asuka?" he asked.
"Mmmm?" She responded still in a euphoric, sleepy daze.
"I want to be happy everyday." He told her. "I want every day of my life to be a happy one even if I have to go to the doctor, or get a treatment or have bad pain…. I don't want to be one of those people that wallow in self-pity. I know you hate the cancer and I do too, but we have to be stronger then this. We have to keep our spirits alive and make each other happy everyday, just like today."
Asuka raised her head and sat up as she looked at him. She smiled at him as she leaned over and kissed him gently. When her lips parted from his, she whispered softly. "Okay."
Then, she kissed him again and his arms came around her. Their kiss became more heated and he turned her onto her back, finding that same passion and romance sweep them up once more.
It was then at that moment, Asuka was determined to protect her family, make her husband happy every day of his life and never, ever let SEELE get away with this.
From that day on, they let nothing stand in their way.
Every day was a happy one and even when Asuka had to leave to go to work, Shinji would remind her that it was okay.
She began to take his perspective of the cancer. It was cancer, so what? Life doesn't stop because of it and that same ideology had filtered down to their children when they were told the awful news of their father's condition.
The original diagnosis said he had less then six months to live.
The original diagnosis had been two years ago and for two years, this family had made each day count.
Sometimes, for Asuka, it seemed like he wasn't dying.
He seemed fine.
He was still as strong as he ever had been and maybe more so. He exercised regularly, ate well and sometimes it didn't seem like the cancer was there. Maybe those doctors are wrong. Asuka began to think. Maybe he changed it somehow. Maybe he beat it! Maybe he healed himself!
Yet that was not to be and as the X-rays reminded her, the mass, all though growth was slowed with the treatments, was not shrinking in size. Shinji's doctor, Hsino Ushida, a highly recommended and board certified hematologist had tried new treatments to stop the cancer from growing or spreading.
For two years, the cancer was in a "holding pattern." It had not grown or spread but it was not shrinking either. To have surgery done on it would mean that half of his pancreas would have to come out and that was not an option.
Asuka was reminded of the painful reality when in the middle of the night, he sat upright in bed clutching his stomach, wrenching in pain while she held onto his hand and gave him shots of pain medication to ease the torment he was in.
She was also confronted by it when he had to be admitted to the hospital because of the pain he was in. She witnessed the excruciating agony he went through as he called out in pain from his hospital bed while she stayed with him, holding him, yelling at doctors to give him as much pain medication as possible to ease his torture.
Though he tried to ignore the reality that he did have this horrible pain and though his pain medication steadily increased, he would not let it beat him or his spirit.
He also made financial arrangements for his family knowing he never wanted Asuka to worry about money. He also wanted to make arrangements for his children and future generations.
Souke had only been a cop for a year before he decided he no longer wanted to be one and instead become a lawyer and really, as he put it, "lock up the bad guys for good."
Shinji had told Souke, aside from the grants he had received, that he would pay for all of law school.
He did. Souke graduated near the top of his class and Shinji had been alive to see it.
Asuka knew the inevitable would eventually come.
It was the painful reality that she faced everyday wondering if each day was to be his last.
Asuka knew the day would come that he would say good-bye but she didn't expect it…. today.
Earlier on in the day, after both had gotten out of bed and taken a shower, Shinji had changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater. He had decided that he would cook Asuka a special breakfast after having had a very pleasant morning with her earlier. .
Asuka was standing in the bedroom, putting on her uniform, getting ready to go to the base after breakfast.
After putting on her uniform, she heard a thud in the den and ran out of the bedroom as quickly as possible.
She found him on the floor of the den, gripping his stomach, wrenching in pain. She came over to him, holding him. "I'll call an ambulance."
"NO!" Shinji growled as he reached for her, grabbing onto her arm. "Get Ushida! Tell him to come here. I won't go to the hospital if this is it."
"Don't be stubborn!" Asuka growled. "The pain is bad I can see it! You need the hospital!"
"Fuck that!" Shinji told her as he sat up. "I won't go! Not if this is it today! I won't die in a hospital!"
"You're not going to die today! You have to go to the hospital for pain control! Don't tell me you're going to die! Don't you say that to me, you fucking idiot!" Asuka growled out with pain on her face. "Don't even think it!"
"Asuka, " he said gently as he looked at her. ", call Ushida right now."
Asuka called Dr. Ushida who dropped everything and came to their house. After Dr. Ushida got him into bed and checked him out, he went to go talk with Asuka.
"Shinji knows it's going to be today and he's right." Ushida told her.
She listened as she heard the words of Dr. Ushida. She couldn't believe when he looked at her and said.
"General Ikari, I'm sorry. It's only a matter of hours now. I've given him enough to counter the pain. He will be comfortable. I'll stay here for the duration of it. It won't be much longer. I think you should call your children."
Asuka could only stare back at the doctor, frozen, her mouth hanging open, her eyes as wide as saucers, her body trembling and the only thing she managed to barely say was, "My…husband…is going to…he's…. he's…."
It was all she could say before her hands covered her mouth and tears fell from her eyes.
From their bedroom, Shinji could hear and see her reaction as he called out to her. "Asuka! Come in here."
Asuka immediately went to him as she sat down beside him.
He looked at her with a smile and said. "Be strong. I'm here. Call the kids. Let me say good-bye."
Asuka almost went to pieces but knowing that she had to be strong and that she had to get the kids together to see their father, she did what she needed to do.
She made him comfortable and sat with him while they waited for their children's arrival. She spent time lying against his chest with his arms around her, making him laugh, holding him tight.
She ordered a wonderful dinner for him from the finest restaurant in the town. She ordered all of his favorite things and served it to him on the good china and crystal and he ate happily joking. "Well, hell, I can eat anything I want now, can't I?"
Asuka laughed and said. "Yes, Idiot, you can."
She did everything and anything to make sure his last day was peaceful and good. Ushida made sure that the pain medication was strong but as Shinji requested. "Dr. Ushida, don't give me so much as to make me high as a kite."
Ushida gave him the right dosage to counter the pain but to also make him coherent.
All three of their children arrived at the exact same time.
Reina took an immediate overnight flight from Tokoyo-4.
Souke, Hope and Sawyer flew in by chopper, piloted by Sawyer himself.
Asuka knew this day would come.
She never expected though that that it would be today.
Watching him now with their children, she could see the love in his eyes. She knew he was hurting on the inside terribly but on the outside he projected a wide smile.
"I'm proud of all of you." Shinji said to his children. "You are all what I have always dreamed of. I never want you to stop reaching for your goals or making your lives full. I never want you to stop living because of death, I want you all to be happy."
Souke nodded his head at his father as he put a hand on Hope's shoulder. "I know, Dad."
"Hope, remember what I told you…. with all of your strength. Believe it!"
Hope nodded at her father. "Yes, Dad."
"Souke, take care of them for me, Son." Shinji said to his son gently. ", but don't stop taking care of yourself. I am so proud of you, Souke. I wish I could be at your graduating ceremony but you know, you did so well in law school. You graduated near the top. Well done, Son. I love you, Son. Become what you want to be, Souke. Live up to your dream. Be an amazing lawyer, Son. Make me proud."
Souke held back his tears as he nodded at his father. "I love you too, Dad and I promise that I will, Dad. I'll be the best prosecuter out there. I swear to you."
"Reina?"
Reina stepped foreword, wiping tears away from her eyes. She sat next to her older sister as her father reached for her hand. She looked at him sadly while her older brother and sister looked on.
"Reina, you're our youngest. Listen to me, Honey, music is your gift. Use it well. Remember how you said you wanted to go to New York? Go. Follow your dreams. Do whatever you want to do, even if it seems a little odd. Follow your heart." He told her gently.
"Okay, Dad." Reina said to him as she bent over to him and gently kissed his cheek. "I love you, Dad."
"I love you too, Sweetheart." He told her softly as she smiled at her.
"Dad…." Souke said as he looked at him while he placed his hand on Hope's shoulder.
"You three," he said as he looked upon all of them. ", were the best children that a father could ever have. You have all made me proud. Do well in your lives. Live life to the fullest and never stop reaching for your dreams. Keep close with another. Be there for each other through everything. Take care of your mother for me. She's going to be stubborn and tell you she doesn't need anyone to take care of her but she does. Look after her please? Make sure she is never alone. Promise me that you will all do that?"
All three nodded simultaneously at him.
Shinji smiled at them and then he felt a pain come from within his body. He breathed in and scrunched his eyes shut. His hand moved to his lower abdomen. He couldn't hold back grimacing in pain. "ASUKA!" He called out in a pain stricken voice. "Asuka, come here!"
Asuka's eyes became wide and her face filled with fear as she made her way to him quickly. Hope stood up as her mother came over to Shinji and sat beside him, gently running her hand through his hair. "I'm here." Asuka whispered to him. "Shush. Here. Here's more." She said as she pressed a button on the IV. ",Is it better now? Did the pain stop?"
He waited a minute, nodding his head, and then smiled as he slowly opened his eyes. Looking to her, he focused his eyes on Asuka. "Asuka?"
Asuka had never let her emotions go around her children. She had never given way to her tears in front of anyone except with one person, her husband.
Now, with her whole family around her, the brave General, Asuka Ikari, had tears running down her cheeks as she stared into the face of the man she loved.
"My Asuka." He said gently as he looked at her and rested against the pillows behind his head. "You are my world, Asuka. " He whispered to her. "Be strong for all of them. Let them be your strength too."
Asuka nodded at her husband as she held onto his hand and shut her eyes.
"Asuka, come closer."
"Shinji…." She said as she opened her eyes slowly and looked at him, moving closer to him.
"Shh…." He whispered to her as he reached for her and gently pulled her close to him.
"I love you, Asuka."
"Shinji…?" Asuka asked as she let her tears fall. "Idiot! Baka Shinji! I love you so much!"
"Where you go, is where I'll always go." He whispered to her. "Asuka, I'll be with you every day in your heart. I may not be able to be with you in life but I'll always be with you in spirit. Asuka, I'll be waiting for you when it's your time many years from now. Until then, you have to be strong and you have to be the one to go on, Asuka."
Asuka shut her eyes and sobbed as she looked into his face. Opening her eyes slowly, she gently cupped his cheek with her palm, as a tear fell from her eye. "Idiot." She said gently. "I don't know if I can do this without you."
Shinji breathed in as he reached for her hand. "Promise me that you will."
"Shinji…." Asuka whispered.
"Asuka, I need to know that you'll promise me to be the best you've always been and to shine like you've always shined and to love with your whole heart all of your life. Asuka, promise this to me. Live for the both of us. Live well and long. Tell our grandchildren all the dumb things I ever did. Tell them the story of our lives. Leave nothing out. Tell them that their grandfather is always watching over them. Let our children know about who they are and about what we did. Promise me you'll tell them and promise me that you will go on."
Asuka looked into his face and nodded. "I promise, my love." She whispered to him, as she sniffled. . "I will."
Shinji smiled at her, as he said tearfully in a whisper. "Now, give your baka Shinji his last kiss from the love of his life and say good bye."
Asuka nodded as she moved closer to him, she placed both of her palms onto his cheeks, looking into his face as she whispered. "I love you with all of my heart and soul, Shinji Ikari. Good-bye."
"I love you, Asuka. My love. My wife. I'll see you again." He said with a smile as a tear came out of his eye.
Asuka shut her eyes. He did the same. Their lips met and she kissed him gently, tears came out of her eyes. She knew that kiss was to be their last and she took her time with it. As they kissed, she felt him hold onto her hand and then she felt his grip loosen.
As their lips parted, with both of their eyes still closed, she slowly opened her eyes and saw a smile cross upon Shinji's lips. His eyes were still closed as he rested his head back and exhaled his life breath of life peacefully and happily.
Asuka's eyes went wide as she felt his hand go limp and fall to the side. She looked at him with her mouth hanging open, no sound came out, tears fell down her cheeks and her body trembled.
She knew that his soul had slipped away from his body.
Their children all gasped as they knew what had happened.
She laid her head down on his chest and heard nothing.
She only said one thing, softly. "No." Turning her head, she buried her face onto his chest and cried out. "NO!"
Squeezing her eyes shut she sobbed painfully over the loss of her husband as she held onto his body and let out the loudest, most grief-stricken cry which just seemed to pour out of her with every fiber of her being.
As Asuka cried, her son came over to her, sitting beside her on the bed, placing his hand on her back.
"Mama?" he asked as he looked at her.
Gently, Souke pulled her away from his father's body. He turned her towards him and held her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her, letting her sob loudly and uncontrollably.
"Mom, its okay." Souke whispered tearfully to her as he rocked her back and forth gently. "Its okay, Mom."
"Shinji!" Asuka sobbed out hysterically riddled with grief. "Shinji, oh no! No! Not my idiot Shinji! No!"
Souke let his mother cry as much as she wanted to. He too felt his tears run down his cheeks as he held his mother. He shut his eyes. Reina who was wiping away her own tears came over to him.
She looked over at him, as her eyes never stopped flowing with tears. Souke looked up at her.
"Rei?" he asked her through a sob.
"Souke…." The girl squeaked out.
Souke saw her tear stained face. Her blue eyes were full of tears and her bangs from her red hair hung into her eyes. Souke reached over to her and drew her to him as he held both his mother and his youngest sister.
Hope, the oldest, came to her brother and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck, putting her head against his. She let him cry against her, as she too let herself go and cried. .
Sawyer watched the family painfully as he leaned up against the doorframe. He had met Shinji Ikari only a few times but the first time he had met him he had said. "It's an honor to meet you, sir."
Shinji only smirked and said. "Thank you."
Sawyer Dell was not a member of the family but in some ways he felt as though he was. He had come to know and respect General Ikari a great deal. She trusted him despite the fact he was an American "gaijin" and had taken a chance in recommending the young CIA operative to be commander of NERV. He would even go so far as to call her his friend and mean it.
He had made sure that he would never let her down.
Then as he became the Commander of NERV he remembered that General Ikari met with him privately in her office and handed him a folder.
"I am giving you an enormous responsibility, Sawyer." Asuka had told him as she slid the folder across the desk. "If it comes to the fact that my daughter has to pilot the EVA, I want you to protect her."
Sawyer breathed in as he opened the file and read it. As he looked back to the General he said firmly. "I will protect her with my life. I swear to you, General."
Now, here he was in the home of General Ikari the day her husband died. He was seeing a side of her and of Hope he had never seen before.
He wanted to be here. He asked Hope if he could be here. It was for another reason though.
He had only known her less then a month yet, he felt like he knew her all of his life.
All he wanted to do right now was take Hope into his arms, hold her as close to him as possible and never let her go. He wanted to let her know that he could be everything to her if she'd let him. He wanted to let her cry onto him and hold onto him for as long as she needed to.
Sawyer knew what he was feeling, what he was experiencing was something he had only known once before in his life and he breathed in as he came to that realization.
He saw the way the family held onto one another. He could see how each of them were relying on each other.
They are doing exactly what Shinji had told them to do, they were each other's strength, Sawyer thought as he leaned up against the doorframe.
He watched for a while until he quietly slipped out of the bedroom door leaving the family to grieve.
(Did that tear your heart out? I will tell you that when I finally finished editing this chapter and then gave it to my boyfriend to proof read he literally turned to me and said, "I cant believe you wrote something like this.' And he had tears in his eyes. I did too after I read the final draft for this chapter for the first time. While I wrote this song I had Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dyin' playing as well as Diamond Rio's One More Day and Josh Groban's You Raise Me Up. Those three songs inspired a lot of what transpired between Shinji and Asuka in the flashback sequences. A lot of the scenes in this chapter was inspired by my friend Theresa. Her father died of cancer too and a lot of what she told me abot how he talked to his kids before he died I used as a basis for when Shinji was about to die. Please don't hate me for making Shinji die.)