Title: An Unwanted Sister
By: Nodakskip
Beta by: Theo
Rated: PG 13 if that.
Disclaimer: All the Buffy/Angel stuff belongs to WB, FOX & its bumbling sidekick Joss.
Category: Buffy/Angel Crossover
A/N: This is an AU set in Buffy season 6/Angel season 3, so not everything will match up. But then, it's not supposed to.
Summary: Cordelia gets a surprise visitor from Sunnydale...and an even more surprising gift.
---
Hyperion Hotel, Los Angeles, CA
January 2nd, 2002
2:34 pm
"Hi. I'm Xander Harris?"
Charles Gunn turned away, from looking at the large crate Xander had brought with him through the front door. "Yo, English, you know this guy?"
"Yes I do," Wesley told him. "He's one of the Slayer's group, from Sunnydale."
"Hey, Wes," Xander said in passing, before looking at the ex-Watcher more carefully. "And gotta say, you've sure changed..."
Gunn looked back at Xander, "Slayer, huh? Angel's old lady? She need help slaying some big nasty?"
"Nope," Xander told him simply. "Look…I came to see Cordelia. She's working here today, right?"
"Sorta," Gunn told him. "Her and Angel are upstairs with Connor."
Xander nodded. "Angel's son?"
"Yes he is," Wesley commented, as Gunn went off to get Cordelia. "How did you know about him?"
"Cordelia emailed me a few pics of her with him last week," Xander answered absently.
Wesley frowned at that. "We were trying to keep Connor's existence a secret. There are people who-"
"-who've tried to kidnap him already, yeah, yeah, I know," Xander responded, as he moved the cart slowly down the three steps to the lobby.
"Xander!" Cordelia shouted from the top of the stairs, Angel with Connor, and Gunn trailing her as she ran down the stairs to meet her old...friend. "Hey, you big dork!" Cordy said as she hugged him. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"
"This wasn't exactly something I had planned," Xander told her simply, as they broke the hug.
"Well, that's okay," Cordy said. "We can still do something...hey, isn't Anya with you?" Ms. Chase asked, after she looked around the lobby and failed to find the former demon.
"Ah…no," Xander told her. "Anya is definitely not with me. In any sense of the word, either."
"But I heard you two were engaged now! What the hell happened?" the vision girl asked, as she heard the upset tone in his voice.
Xander shrugged, the bad memories surfacing at once. "We broke up. It was the damnedest thing, out of the blue she didn't think - well, long story short, one of her old demon pals came to town and convinced her that we just didn't have any sort of viable future together. And there was also something about how I should buy property in Arizona, and not spend my money on silly things like food..."
Cordelia looked away for a moment, knowing that she had once been almost as obsessed with money and assets like that. "Okay then, how about me and you get some Ben and Jerry's ice cream and head over to my place? We can bitch about our suck-y love lives," she frowned. "Think I'll skip you, though."
"Thanks Cor, but I think I should show you this before anything else," Xander said, as he pointed to the large crate.
"You brought me somethinggggggggggg..." Cordelia trailed off, as everyone in the lobby slowed down and then froze like a DVD on pause. The room suddenly looked very much like a house of wax figures.
"I do not have time for this, demon!" an older man in a white robe said, as they appeared in the lobby.
"No, boss, just hear me out," Whistler told him quickly. "See, this is perfect for us!" He went over to the crate. "That thing in here, it can solve all our problems in one swell foop. All you have to do is let it!"
The Power That Be was unsure, as he walked to the frozen form of Cordelia. "Even without the visions, she could still give birth to the abomination-"
"No, she won't!" Whistler told him. "Sir, that's exactly why this chance is so important; the mercenary isn't scheduled to change her into a part-demon for another week…and that, as we've both learned, happens because the stupid broad gets sold on the idea that the next vision would kill her! But if she doesn't have them anymore..."
The Power That Be considered it. "It is hardly wise to make a decision like this, without the input of the others-"
"With all due respect?" Whistler asked him in amazement. "It's pretty obvious now that one or more of them's gotta be in cahoots with your 'abomination'. Or else, how would this plan of hers have escaped your notice for so long?"
The Power walked over to where Angel was holding baby Connor; he looked at the infant, and then back to Cordelia. "Demon or not, she could still join with the Father. And you know the consequences of that, all might eventually be lost-"
"So then set her up with someone else!" Whistler suggested, not giving up. "If the hottie's already involved with some other schmoe, then she won't shack up with the 'miracle baby'! And that's all that's important, right?"
"Did you have someone in mind, lower being?" the higher being demanded.
"Why not old Angel here?" Whistler asked, gesturing. "He already has feelings for her, and true her feelings for him are just friendship right now, but they'd grow-"
"You show your inferior intelligence yet again, demon!" the Power angrily spoke down to him. "The very nature of the soul curse, makes it impossible for this creature to have such relations with someone that he has 'feelings' for. You saw what happened four mortal years ago for yourself, did you not?"
"Yeah..." Whistler didn't like to be reminded of past failures. "But he's your champion now!"
"One of many," the Power commented emotionlessly. He pointed at Xander. "It is best, I think, that she should be given to this one."
"What? The Slayer's nameless sidekick?" Whistler asked, shocked. "But sir…he's nothing, nobody. No powers, he's not even a champion of any-"
"His time has not yet come," the Power That Be told the demon regally. "For I recognize him now. He's the new project of my offspring."
"Really?" Whistler asked in astonishment.
"Yes," the higher being responded. "She is young I grant you, only 25,000 years old, and yet still picked this mortal to be her future champion. A better choice than the other vampire."
"Other vampire?" Whistler asked at once. "Who? Darla?"
"No. The one called William the Bloody," the Power answered. "Some of the others think he will make a fine champion himself…someday."
"Without a soul? Yeah, well, myself I have very big doubts about that," Whistler told him, screwing his face up in distaste.
"As do others," the Power replied. The senior member of the Powers That Be came to a decision. "Very well, lower being. Your suggestion shall be implemented…and Heaven knows if we do nothing, we can't really complain when it happens, now, can we?"
"No, sir," Whistler said respectfully, willing to eat a little crow now that he'd won his case.
"And besides..." the Power mused further. "This easily-fooled seer once had feelings for the 'sidekick' as you call him, years past. It will be child's play to reawaken them."
---
A few moments...well, at least as far as the humans are concerned...later
Cordelia looked over the box. "Xander, I know your taste in gifts was never great...well, not counting that Valentine's Day locket-"
"This isn't a gift, Cor," Xander told her somberly. "And before I open it, I have to give you some of the backstory. Do you remember a kid a year or so behind us in high school, named Warren Meers?"
Cordelia thought for a moment, before shaking her head. "Nope, the name doesn't ring a bell."
Xander nodded, "Yeah, well, I didn't remember him either. But there is a name I'm sure you will remember from back then. Ted-"
Cordelia looked horrified, instinctively looking to Angel. "You mean - the nutsoid 1950's psycho Ted, the robot!"
"Yep," Xander replied simply.
"Did he come back to harm Buffy, somehow?" Angel asked the most important question in his mind.
"No-" Xander answered before Wesley commented, "I think I read something about all this in Mr. Giles' journals, back then..."
"A robot?" Gunn asked, confused. "As in the Terminator?"
"No, again," Xander told him, trying to hold on to his patience. "There was a guy way back who was dying and got dumped by his wife, so he created a robot version of himself that dragged her back to him…and later, Robbie the Robot kept on with collecting wives every decade or so. I got the joy of finding their remains stuffed in its closet, back in the day."
"Think I would have liked the Terminator better," Gunn commented with a disgusted look.
"Piece of advice. You never want to say that in Sunnydale," Xander told him with a look, before he turned back to Cordy. "Anyway, somehow Warren got a look at Ted's plans…or maybe he was smart enough to do it all from scratch himself, I don't know. But either way, he built another robot. He built himself a girlfriend-bot."
"Eww!" Cordelia said, grossed out. "That loser made something for him to have sex with, whenever he wanted?"
"Yeah, he built himself a Stepford wife," Xander answered with a shrug. "Buffy had to battle it to the death, when Warren decided to try for a human girl. But you see, that caught the attention of someone else."
"Who?" Angel demanded.
"Spike…and his girlfriend, vamp Harmony."
"Harmony?" Cordelia called out, surprised. "But I thought she hated him now!"
"Not anymore," Xander sighed. "She came back to Sunnydale, after she had her fun here in LA last year. Almost didn't happen, apparently; she was on her way to Mexico, when the train she was in had to turn around and head back to California. So she decided to come home, and well..." He looked at Angel. "The old blondie-bear does have his ways of getting women to forgive him, right Angel?"
"Figures!" Cordelia grumbled, as the vampire with a soul simply nodded.
Harris kept on with the story, "Well, she and Spike forced Warren to build a new 'bot for them to...have fun with."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Eww, again!"
"Oh, you don't know the half of it yet..." Xander said, while shaking his head. "Gotta say that all this initially scared the crap out of me, when I saw them getting it on with the 'bot in that crypt of theirs..." Xander opened the padlock on the crate, and swung open the doors.
"OH MY GOD! THAT BITCH! I'M GONNA STAKE BOTH THEIR ASSES FOR THIS!" Cordelia screamed, when she saw the robot standing motionless in the crate. And it sunk into her brain, in whose image the machine had been created.
Xander waited for at least a minute, to let Cordelia's not-unexpected rant wind down. "Cordelia Chase…meet 'Cordy'!"
The young man activated a remote control unit he took out of the crate, and the Cordy-bot's eyes opened. She stepped out and smiled at Xander happily, before she turned and looked right at the real Cordelia.
And smiled like a little girl at Christmas.
"You built me a sister?" the 'bot yelled, before it ran over and hugged Cordy. "Oh sister mine, we'll have so much fun pleasing Master Xander-"
"Get off me!" Cordelia demanded pushing the 'bot off of her. She then turned her very angry face to Xander. "And, Master Xander?"
Angel tried not to grin, as he tried to calm Connor down. Wes and Gunn also tried not to have a big giggle about it, and were not succeeding very well...
But ignoring them, Harris shut the 'bot off before he turned to face Cordelia. "When we removed it from the crypt, the Cordy-'bot became...upset. Y'know, that we were taking her away from Master Spike and Mistress Harmony. So Willow had to make it see someone else as her new master..." He quickly added, "And just so you know, I didn't have anything to do with who it picked!"
"No, but you sure don't mind it calling you Master Xander, right!" Cordelia still fumed.
"Would you rather have your robot double saying Mistress Buffy or Mistress Willow?" Xander demanded.
Gunn walked over and gave the Cordy-bot a quick once-over, before he looked at the real Cordelia. "Have to say, guy built her incredibly well; she looks like a damn good copy…even sounded like you, too! This is just...freaky."
"Well, uh, she's not in fact a 100 dead-ringer for Cordy," Xander commented. "There's one thing down south that's...missing."
"You had to check that out?" Angel asked his old rival, upset.
"Don't yell at me about that, Dead Boy!" Xander told the vampire at once. "Because I didn't ask for any of this! And for the record, when we arrived at that crypt Robot Girl was stark naked, trying on outfits that Harmony had gotten her!"
"How would you have anything to compare…" Wesley started to ask the young man, before Cordelia cut him off.
"He knows, because him and I...made up before I left town," She spun on Angel and told him, "And not one word about that!" Cordelia ordered, knowing the Champion held no love for Xander at all.
The vision girl then looked back at her double, very grossed out. "So, two vampires actually made a sex doll version of me and screwed it silly? God, I should have staked that bitch when I had the opportunity!"
"Yeah, well, just wait till you hear this part," Xander said, as he reactivated the 'bot. "'Cordy', tell me what you said yesterday about what you were like in high school," he ordered it.
"Okay!" the 'bot said, in a very perky tone of voice. "I was such a loser…I dated a dork who cheated on me, and then I was mean to the bestest, most smartest girl in the whole entire world, Harmony Kendall! I was so happy, when she let me be her little dirty girl to make up for it-"
"What!" Cordelia yelled. "Her dirty girl?"
Again the male members of Angel's Avengers tried not grin, as the 'bot looked at her counterpart in alarm. "Oh! My new sister is upset, Master Xander!"
Before anyone could stop it, the robot took hold of her human self and kissed her forcefully to cheer her up. And nobody noticed the blue light that quickly passed from the real girl to the fake...at least, no one in that room...
"Let her go!" Xander demanded, as he forced the 'bot off of his ex. "Cordy, are you okay?"
"Do I LOOK okay?" Cordelia demanded, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and appearing ready to heave.
"I'm fine, Master Xander!" the 'bot answered at the same time.
"Okay, 'fess up; why the hell did you do that?" Xander demanded of the machine.
"She was upset," the robot answered back. "I wanted her to be happy, like me!"
"Damn. Must be some old program that we missed," Xander said apologetically to Cordelia. "Sorry, Cor-"
Cordelia nodded, as she stepped back up to the 'bot. "Listen here, you plastic-headed robot bimbo…you will never…and I mean NEVER, kiss me again!"
The Cordelia-bot looked to Xander, confused and unsure. "Master Xander, why is my sister mad at me?"
"I'm not your damn sister!" Cordelia yelled at it. "And don't call the dorkhead here that, ever again!"
"Master Xander?" the 'bot said, now ignoring Cordelia. "I'm currently receiving some hitherto-unknown visual and audio input. Source unknown, method unknown-"
"What?" Xander asked, not understanding.
"I am seeing a man and woman being attacked by a Lubber demon at a motel," the 'bot stated, looking straight ahead. "Room 21. However, this input is being downloaded into my memory files and not being acquired from my sensors. I do not understand what is happening-"
"What? Wish Willow was here, I don't remember any of this as being part of your programming," Xander said, unsure as he went for the off switch again.
But he was stopped by the 'bot's hand. "Please, Master Xander. The humans seem like they will need help. I see a clock on the wall saying 9:43 pm. In addition, stationery that identifies the location as the Rameses Motel-"
"That's only a few miles up the road," Gunn said, getting it. "We better saddle up just in case, that's an old mom and pop run place-"
By this time, Cordelia was incensed. "No, no, NO! You're telling me that that hunk of metal got my visions, after she kissed me?"
---
141 Embury Street, Los Angeles, CA
Two hours later
Xander and Cordelia were alone at her apartment, as he had followed her home when the Fang Gang had gone off to save the day. "I just don't believe this!" Cordelia fumed. "I mean yeah, those visions were practically killing me…but to have some damned robot sex toy for vampires get them? That's so wrong, on so many levels..."
Xander shrugged. "At least now you can download them onto the computer from her CPU, and set up a database for the darn things..."
The Chase woman instantly glared at him.
"I'm sorry, Cordy," Xander said apologetically. "But you said it just now and in your emails, those things really were damn near killing you. Hey, did you ever go for that CAT scan like you said you would?"
"Never mind that now..." She softened a bit at his genuinely concerned face. "But they were a part of me, Harris. What made me worthwhile around here-"
"You don't need a power to help Angel," he told her forcefully. "Just like I don't need one, to help Buffy. That much I know for sure."
"Well, thanks," Cordy said, glad someone had said it rather than it just being a thought in her head. "I just don't enjoy feeling like-"
"The Zeppo?" Xander said with a smirk.
Cordy instinctively glared, before calming down. "Yeah," she finally admitted. "And sorry about that."
"It's all in the past," Harris said with a shrug.
"And now, so are my visions!" Cordy said, downcast. Getting up, she headed to the kitchen. "I'm getting a drink, you want one?"
"Sure," Xander replied, as she disappeared into the other room.
Cordelia reached into the fridge, and pulled out a large pitcher of liquid. "What the hell's this?" she then asked, as she noticed a small cloth bag on the shelf of the fridge. The woman put the pitcher down on the counter, and picked up the bag. "I don't remember this ever being in my fridge. Hey Dennis, did you leave that in there?"
She untied the small rope that tied it closed. And when Cordy pulled it open to look inside, a puff of red mist shot out and quickly engulfed her head.
----
Hyperion Hotel, Los Angeles, CA
January 3rd, 2002
3:17 pm
"You did what!" Angel demanded the next day.
"Xander and I made love last night," Cordelia told her friend again, still finding it a little hard to believe. "I don't know why, it just...happened. And I mean, I didn't think I could do that anymore with anybody because of the whole vision thing, but now that they're gone…"
"But with HIM?" Angel asked, trying to mask his jealousy.
"Yeah, I know, who'd have thunk it?" Cordelia said with a sudden smile, totally missing Angel's look. "I mean, we 'made up' before I left town…but we had no plans to ever get involved like that again! Oh, and let me tell you, Anya was definitely good for some things with that guy! Xander can do a lot of incredible stuff in bed nowadays-"
"No, no, no, I don't want to hear this!" Angel grumbled.
"Geez, fine! It's not like he's moving here into town," Cordelia said, annoyed at Angel's reaction. "At least, not yet-"
"Not yet?" the vampire yelled in a very unmanly way.
"In a couple of weeks, Xander's going to spend his vacation time here," Cordy told him. "I figure we can hang out, get to know one another again. I mean we're both free and single adults, who knows - maybe it could work this time..."
Angel instantly muttered some excuse that he could hear Connor crying, and stormed away - trying not to show how his undead heart was breaking in two.
And later, when he was holding his infant son in his arms...the vampire suddenly recalled the words that Angelus had said to Harris, nearly four years ago.
"It must just eat you up that I got there first..."
That phrase had been spoken by a soulless demon, who had enjoyed playing with his prey in that hospital corridor. Who had been anticipating having the blonde Slayer as his eternal paramour soon enough, and who had been unable to resist getting in a satisfying little verbal dig at the human annoyance.
But now that the shoe was on the other foot...for the first time in his unlife, Angel suspected that he could truly understand what Xander Harris had felt then, when the boy had promised him that he would be there when Angelus finally got staked.
Karma. What goes around, comes around.
And not for the first time, Connor's father suspected that Fate truly had a sadistic sense of humor...
The End