I don't own Naruto or the song Metal Heart.
METAL HEART
chapter one
Sew your fortunes on a string and hold them up to light. Blue smoke will take a very violent flight, and you will be changed and everything, and you will be in a very sad sad zoo.
I once was lost but now I'm found; was blind but now I see you. How selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming. Metal heart you're not hiding. Metal heart you're not worth a thing. Metal heart you're not hiding. Metal heart you're not worth a thing.
-cat power
I place a hand over my chest, and I don't feel a heart beat. I let my hand fall back down onto my lap as I sit at the kitchen table.
Nothing looks the same. Not my room. Not Konohagakure. Not the people. It's all changed, along with me. Sakura told me I was more demure and quiet, but she put all that under the category of growing up. Three years doesn't quite do that to you. Dying does.
I look down at my plate of ramen, but I don't really feel like eating it. Instead I stand up, shoulder on my black coat, and exit my apartment. I finally realize it's very quiet, which must mean it's rather late. I don't care. I know I won't be able to sleep tonight. Lately, I haven't been needing much sleep anyway.
The moon's bright tonight, lighting up the streets for me. Not a whole lot to light up, really. There's no one around, and all the stores are closed. I sort of wander aimlessly until I find myself in front of the Hyuga household. I wonder fleetingly what I'm hoping to accomplish here, but I know I won't get an answer out of myself. I'm too stubborn.
Stepping past the main door, and through the slight garden that's accumulated ever since Hiashi relenquished his title to his oldest daughter and her husband. I quickly concentrate chakra at my feet—a feat that has gotten easier and I can nearly do in my sleep by now—and I begin climbing the wall towards where I know her room is.
By her I mean Hinata. And no, I'm not going to rape her.
Her window's slightly open and I'm glad. I don't have to do any sneaky ninja tricks to get in now. Peaking into the room, I'm relieved that Hinata's alone. I was afraid she would be sleeping with her husband, despite the lack of chemistry in that relationship. I doubt anyone can have chemistry with a stony asshole like Neji.
I pad towards her bed softly, and I shake the young woman awake quickly. About a second later I find myself knocked to the ground, and bleeding a little from my nose. Hinata's already leaning over me, apologizing like mad, even though it really was my fault. Hinata is a strong kunoichi and I'm sure all the other ones I know would have done the same thing, and then blamed me for it.
"So, what's on your mind tonight, stranger?" She asks smoothly, moving towards her chair now that the little drama is over. She wraps a thick shawl around her shoulders and comes back to sit next to me on the floor. I rest my head on her shoulder and sigh.
"The usual crap. I don't know who I am, what I'm here for . . ."
Hinata wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Don't be silly, Naruto. I can answer all those questions. You're Uzumaki Naruto and you're going to be Hokage."
I grunt, since I don't put much faith in those simple answers anymore, and reply snidely. "Well, if you're so smart, what am I?" Hinata knows me well enough by now to not take my tone too seriously.
"Dead-last, of course." Hinata realizes her mistake too late, and apologizes rapidly, but I still find myself sinking even deeper down the rabbit hole of depression. She shouldn't have mentioned anything related to Sasuke. That's just another festering wound that refuses to heal.
"Naruto, are you happy in Konohagakure?" This question is asked suddenly, but I know its been on Hinata's mind for a long time now. It's been on mine as well. I sigh, and push back someof my blonde hair from my forehead.
"I don't know. I mean . . . I'm glad to have Iruka and Kakashi, and you, but . . ."
"It's not enough?" she murmurs gently. I never really had to explain to Hinata about everyone's rejection. She sort of understood without really understanding. She accepted the fact, and accepted me. It's why I love her.
"No, it's not." Even Sakura, who I thought would be the one person to stick with me despite it all, inched away when she heard. Slowly, but surely, she started avoiding me. It took me a while to accept it, but. . . Sakura didn't want to be seen with me anymore.
And suddenly it was my childhood all over again. This time, a million times worse. I knew friendship now. I knew the taste of company and laughter now, and the fact that it was gone completely now from my life was more than I could take.
Then there was Hinata, who talked to me in public, while everyone else looked on with apprehension. There was no one to stop her, to command her to keep better company, not since her father had left her the title of Head of the Hyuga clan. Even Neji's not-so-subtle hints to stop keeping my company were ignored.
This body of mine . . . it just gave people an excuse to think of me as a monster physically as well as mentally.
"Maybe it's best if you . . . if you left, Naruto." She looks up at me with sad eyes, and I can tell she doesn't want to say this. I let her continue anyway, because she probably feels she has to say this.
"And. . . and it's not because I don't want you here . . . because you know I love you. In a complete friend kind of way, of course. I'm not coming on to you, Naruto, okay? I'm just trying to say that . . ." I interrupt her with a raised hand. I get what she's trying so hard to say.
"You think I'll be happier somewhere else? I would agree with you . . . but, where, Hinata? Where do I belong?" I don't want to start crying, but my voice is cracking dangerously.
"Hasn't Sasuke been your obsession for years? Naruto, you a strong shinobi if there ever was one. You can find him. If you like, I could come with—" she hasn't even finished talking and I'm shaking my head.
"Hinata, you have a whole clan to take care of. You can't be careless." I let her arm keep me at her a side for a little while more, and then I break away. "Maybe you're right. I don't know more much longer I can put up with it anyway."
I slip out before she can saying anything uplifting. I love Hinata, I really do, but I don't feel worthy of all the things she says and means. I wonder sometimes if I deserve so loyal a friend.
Out in the night, I note that little has changed. I must not have been in there very long. Damn, not I've got nearly the whole night left. What to do, what the hell to do?
I decide to make true on my idea of leaving, and I head back in the direction of my apartment.
The night gives one too much time to think. It's really annoying to say the least. There are too many bad memories, too much hurt I don't ever want to replay, but the night doesn't let me think of anything but. Sasuke's abandonment of Konohagakure. Sakura's discovery and her reaction to it. Ino's giant monster of a mouth. All these memory smolder inside me until times like these when they come up to hurt and bite at me from the inside.
I know I definitely don't want to think about Sakura, but of course, the fact I make a point of not doing so, my thoughts concentrate themselves on the pink-haired kunoichi. It was all completely accidental. I tried to hide my secret from all of them forever, but for two people as close as Sakura-chan and I were . . . I should have known it would have ended like this.
Training. We were sparring and she managed to straddle my stomach, but instead of taking advantage of this fact, she seemed . . . confused. When she lifted my shirt and saw that metal plate over my heart, I think she knew. She didn't need to see my other metallic limbs, she just knew. There are things that give me away. If you hit my upper arm hard enough, it could break your fist. If you try to choke me, you'll realize it's not skin underneath my high collar. Things like that.
But with one look at that metal plate over that silently clockwork orange of a heart, she realizes. She gets up, and she doesn't need to say one word. Her eyes speak for her.
They say monster.
I begin packing immediately.
Quick update! Those that are familiar with my writing know how misleading this is. XP Thank you reviewers!