Day 25

"Tell me of your world," Ashri says, leaning back into his chest. Her silky black hair hangs over her shoulder in a ponytail that ends at her waist. John rests his chin on the top of her head. They're cuddling on a grassy hill with a view of the Golden Gate Bridge. The sun's shining though the fog is rolling in. She's wearing a sleeveless sundress and John trails his fingers down her bare arm, relishing the smooth skin. "Are there many people?" She's in awe watching the different faces passing by.

John's not sure where the faces come from, somewhere deep in his subconscious. "Too many."

Ashri turns so she can look into his eyes. "Is that why you left?"

John chuckles. "No."

"Do you miss it?"

"Some of it."

"What do you miss?" John raises his brows; what would be first on the list? Suddenly, Ashri places her hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes to hers. "Don't tell…show me."

They're slowly rotating on a Ferris wheel on Santa Monica Pier. Ashri squeals in awe. "It's so beautiful." She points at the water. "What is that called?"

"The Pacific Ocean." John wonders how he conjured up a pollution free memory, but the city looks gorgeous as the sun hovers in the sky. The dark water glistens and ripples all the way to the horizon.

"Amazing." Her hand skims over the railing of their rocking cart and takes his. "What else?" They're walking barefoot through the sand munching on hotdogs. "Mmm. I've never tasted such a thing. What's it made of?"

John smirks and shakes his head. "You don't want to know." Ashri gazes up at him, her cheeks bulging with the last bite and she smiles. "Really, you don't," he laughs.

Ashri points at the ocean again, seeing people on surf boards. "You like…" She glances at John, reads him and adds, "surfing?"

The word sounds strange coming from her and John does a double take. "Yeah."

As they stroll, her fingers graze the back of his hand and he takes the opportunity to link his fingers through hers. Ashri glances down at the melding hands then looks back up at him warmly. John feels the butterflies squirming in his belly. He's like a teenager on a first date. "I'm so glad you showed me how to do this," he says, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Ashri leans her head against his shoulder. "I am…surprised it worked so quickly. Sharing my thoughts is much easier than this. It took many years for my father to be able to join with me…to show me his memories."

"But this is different. You and I have never been here. You've never felt the sand between your toes."

"It is…how do I say? Memories can be fluid…change shape as in dreams, if one chooses. You have been in these places, you remember sight and sound…touch," she rubs her thumb over the back of his hand. "And pass those on to me."

"Living vicariously to the extreme," he laughs and Ashri gazes up at him with confusion in her eyes. "I guess my brain doesn't have an alternative use for vicarious?"

She smiles. "No."

John nods and motions with his free hand. "This. Being here when we really aren't. It's vicarious."

She nods in understanding now. "What else do you miss?"

"Major Sheppard." John and Ashri stand in front of the whirling event horizon in the Atlantis Gate Room.

"Elizabeth," John gasps, seeing her standing on the Control Room balcony.

She smiles and waves. "Be careful."

"John?" Ashri touches his arm and he looks down at her. "What is this place?"

John sighs. "Home."

Dusk settles over the mainland and all personnel are in attendance for the candlelight ceremony except Carson who, unfortunately, had to remain in the city with Teyla and Ford. Elizabeth misses the Scot; she could use his strong shoulders about now. McKay stays by her side the whole time, keeping a close eye on her every move. She's certain Dr. Beckett has put him up to it. They're both afraid she may lose her composure as the wake gets underway. Still, she's glad to have Rodney there…she wishes none of them had to be.

Even the Athosians have taken a hit with the loss of John. The young boy, Jinto, has not smiled since the news came, according to his father, Holling. Elizabeth hadn't realized how much Jinto idolized John…but the Major did save him and his people. It makes sense.

Holling's concern over Teyla has not made this trip any easier. The man is unsure how to deal with the fact that Teyla is not being permitted to prepare for death. Elizabeth tried to explain to him that she is unconscious and more than likely not aware of her surroundings or her ill health, but the man finds that difficult to believe.

After the sun sets, the Athosian tradition seems similar to that of Dr. Beckett: drinks all around. The Athosian wine is potent and tasty. Elizabeth could easily compare it to punch and let herself get lost in a numbing stupor. However, Rodney has finally convinced her that his plan will work. So she toasts with one full glass throughout the night for tomorrow they will take a drastic step.

By the end of the wake, more than three-quarters of the Atlantis crew are giggling drunks, recalling any number of humorous anecdotes about Major Sheppard. Elizabeth is happy for them. She wishes like hell she could be happy. Instead there's a fury growing inside her; a darkness full of anger because there's nothing she can do, no bargain she can make. And she knows…John's not dead. She knows it.

Ashri follows John's gaze as he stares at Elizabeth. "She is important to you."

"Yes."

"You wish to leave Luminance to be with her."

An intense wave of sadness floods John's soul and he's suddenly back in the candlelit nook facing Ashri. She's retracting her right hand from his temple and her left hand drops away from his. He pulls his hand from her temple, rounding her cheek and lifts her chin so that her eyes meet his. "You're coming with me."

Ashri turns her head enough that his fingers slip from her chin then she steps out of the nook and into the darkness of the cavern. The sadness has not lifted from his heart and John knows they're not his feelings.

At least…not all his feelings.

He promised himself that he would be a good boy. And he has been. And it's been a challenge! Spending every waking moment with Ashri—and some seriously sensual not so waking moments—and not once making any romantic overtures, not an easy thing to do considering how much he's grown to care about her.

At first he was concerned his feelings were merely based in gratitude for saving his life, or a reflection of her thoughts on his mind. But after spending time with her in the 'dreamscapes' as he's started to think of them, he's realized there's more to Ashri than a savior. Her amazing mind would give McKay pause, she has the most beautiful open heart he's ever known, and she's funny to boot.

And damn if she couldn't raise his temperature—among other things—with just a touch from one little pinky. The woman has no idea the power she has over him…how hard—scratch that—difficult it's been for him to keep his hands to himself. He has to constantly remind himself that she's been alone… no human contact of any kind since her father died. How could he possibly-

You can't.

John sighs, stepping out of the nook, his eyes easily adjusting to the darkness of the cavern. Ashri's back is to him, her hair knotted several times into a loose hanging bun, exposing her luminous neck. She's busily setting up the table for dinner while her cat rubs his whiskers against her arm.

John steps behind her, towering over her slim form, placing his hands on her shoulders. He leans his head against hers, his mouth near her ear. "You know my mind…but not my heart," he whispers. He can feel her tremble under his touch, but there's no fear coming from her…something else entirely. Longing.

Don't.

John turns her around, cups her face in his hands and gazes at her. "I want to get back home. I want to leave here because I don't belong here. And, yes, I want to see Elizabeth again. I love her…but I'm not in-love with her."

Her forehead creases and John smoothes away the wrinkles with his thumb. "There is a difference, Ashri." He leans down, brushing his lips over hers like feathers before gently moving in for a kiss. Her lips are as soft and sweet as the dream and John has to reign in his passion. He breaks away and presses his cheek against hers.

Ashri's right hand comes up against his temple and suddenly they're on the grassy hill again, overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. As before, she's leaning her back against his chest and he's tracing a finger down her bare arm. She turns so that she can see him fully. "What is this…make-love?"

John's thrown and not just by the sudden change of environment. "Uhmm. When two people really care about each other…they sometimes…um-"

Ashri smiles shyly and drops her gaze to her hand on his thigh. "John," she starts. "My father was a scientist. He explained about the act of procreation." She looks him in the eyes again. "And my…cat, as you call him…has a mate in the woods and several off-spring."

"Right." John's brows shoot up. "Oh? Well, then-" So she knows about sex or at least what it can lead too. "What was your question?"

"You said you love Elizabeth…but held inside that you will not make-love to her."

"Oh…that?" Memories of past relationships flash through his mind in quick succession. He'd been the typical flyboy, woman in every landing strip…well, maybe not all of them. Still, he'd never use the term making-love with any of those women. There hadn't been any real connection, other than physical. John had never had a problem keeping his emotions locked down, not getting too attached to any one woman, cause he knew in the end, he'd do something to screw it up and she'd leave.

"Do you wish to make-love to me?" Ashri asks, pulling him out of the darkness with a flick of her fingers against his thigh.

John caresses her face, traces his finger over her lips, locks his eyes onto hers, seeing that unconditional love mixed with something new…physical desire. The combination overwhelms him, making him want to run and hide for cover.

And what would he be hiding from? True love? Romantic love? Having someone in his life who will never give up on him, never leave him, who looks at him like he's the only man in the universe. He's spent so many years avoiding it, he's forgotten there's a part of him that needs it. Craves it. His answer comes out almost as a growl. "Very much."

Ashri smiles, her eyes wide. "I think I would like this. With you."

"Oh…I don't know-" he says, stomping on the brakes. It's one thing to romance a gorgeous alien woman…another to romance one that's never been…well, romanced before.

"I know you fear I am a child-" she says.

"No, I…uh-"

"I am not," she says definitively. "I have seen your world through your mind. Learned from you even as you slept and recovered. I know you." John's at a loss for words. "If you do not wish to do this with me, I will understand," Ashri says, smiling again.

And he knows for certain she would and she wouldn't hold it against him. Oh, man, wrong choice of words there. John swallows, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. Sure she'll understand…but would he? Here is a healthy, beautiful, sensuous woman offering herself up to him pretty much on a platter and he's what? Gonna hesitate?

Down boy. Good dog. Stay.

Ashri's hand travels up his thigh, making him sit up straighter.

Oh, that's cheating!

"Do not think, John," she says, smiling again. "Feel."

John closes his eyes, groaning away that nasty lump and that even nastier conscience. He looks into her, seeing everything about her, but still wanting more. He wants all of her. He needs her. "Yes…I want you."

"Show me."

"What?" He looks around. "Here?"

She shakes her head. They're back in the cavern, her hand dropping away from his temple, gliding down to her side. John blinks, still not used to the sudden transition. He takes a deep breath as he looks down at her. "Are you sure?" Ashri nods slowly, not taking her eyes from his. But John's hesitant. "You're really sure?" Ashri smiles as her hand reach behind his neck, fingers entwining in his hair and she brings his mouth back down to hers. Her lips move and part under his and he's shocked and aroused the instant the tip of her tongue grazes the outline of his bottom lip.

John pulls back. She opens her eyes and stares questioningly at him. He places a couple of fingers over her lips. "Don't read me." She's confused. John smiles. "Can you shut it down…our connection?" She nods once, slowly, obviously not understanding why he would want her to do that. "I don't want you to know this vicariously, but feel it…for yourself."

That shy smile he adores returns and she nods again. She closes her eyes briefly and John feels a coolness pull away from his mind. Not unpleasant and he'd had no idea it was there, but now he can tell they're not linked any longer. The loss of her is physical almost, like part of him is missing and it makes him want her all the more. For the first time since waking up, John's mind is all his own. But now he can feel the full force of his desire for Ashri. Subconsciously he'd been repressing the fire burning in him, shielding her from his innate dog-ness. He hadn't even realized it; however, now he knows for certain he not only, desperately wants this woman…he is, amazingly, in-love. It's not something he's ever allowed himself to feel before, mostly from fear of getting his heart broken.

But his angel would never break his heart. Ever. He knows it instinctively, like breathing.

John cups her face again, staring deeply into her chocolate eyes, seeing complete and utter trust on her part, but unable to feel what she's feeling. "Okay then," he sighs heavily. Taking her hand, John leads her back into the nook and they sit facing each other on the bedding as they did before.

He traces a finger from her forehead, over her temple and behind her ear. Slowly, he moves it down to her neck then under the collar of her wrap. She smiles, shivering a bit. His other hand sinks into her hair and pulls her in for a long, deep kiss. John explores her mouth with his tongue as his fingers snake into her soft hair. She sighs against his mouth and seems to melt into him, her hands coming up to his chest, slowly moving over his shoulders to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. John's heartbeat quickens and his pants get a bit snug in the front.

Rodney checks his watch, taps it, shakes it then rolls his eyes. "Crap." He catches Elizabeth's concerned look, shakes his head and shows her his watch. "It stopped." Elizabeth seems to relax a bit, though her arms are crossed and her shoulders look terribly tight. She could use a good massage. That's someone they should have brought with them instead of Kavanaugh…a good masseuse. "Time?" he asks Grodin who's standing at the other point of their little triangle in the Control Room.

"Two hours fifteen minutes."

"According to my laptop experiments, that should just about do it."

"Are you sure, Rodney?" Elizabeth asks.

He grins at her. "Yes. Even Carson agreed that after at least two hours the virus should be dead, probably sooner, but we wanted to err on the safe side."

Elizabeth rocks on her heels. "Okay. Let's do it."

Rodney's hand hovers over the power button. "Okay. Here we go. Power up." He presses the button but nothing happens. No power. Zip. Zilch. Nada. He presses the button again and again, still nothing. Rodney exhales hard. "Well, that's not good."

Elizabeth and Grodin exchange strange looks that Rodney can only decipher as 'I-told-you-so's'. With a sigh, Elizabeth turns to head out. "Good job, Rodney. Instead of limited power…we now have none. At all." She looks at Grodin. "I'll be in the infirmary." Grodin nods, rolls his eyes at Rodney then sits back in his chair and pouts.

Rodney frowns at the panel. "It's not my fault."

John forces himself to take things slow. He wants to make sure she enjoys every part of this, as much or more than he will. His hand drifts down along the hem of Ashri's wrap, stopping at the belt securing it.

They're breathing in unison now, only momentarily breaking from kissing to catch their breath before attacking each others lips again. John's sure Ashri learned most of this from his mind, probably while he was still unconscious. He hopes she doesn't try to re-enact anything she remembers just to make him happy. He wants the experience to be theirs alone.

Finally he pulls his lips from hers; leaving them both panting, John drops his hands to the belt and tugs it apart. The wrap falls open slightly, giving him a teasing peek at the wonders beneath. With both hands, he ever-so-slowly pushes the wrap open and off her shoulders, his eyes devouring every silken inch of her. It drops behind her and Ashri pulls her arms free of the sleeves, making no attempt to hide herself from his hungry eyes.

Wanting to keep things even, John pulls his own shirt over his head and tosses it aside. Ashri's seen him this way before, but John can tell as her eyes wander over his body, studying him, she's looking at him differently. Her fingers float to his chest and all four gingerly trace a path from his collar bone to his belly, sending jolts of pleasure into his already tense abdomen. He wants to devour her with his mouth, his hands, but holds off, letting her explore him with her delicate, feathery touch. She seems fascinated by his chest hair and her fingertips dance over it; tickling him and making him chuckle.

Ashri pulls away, a look of worry in her eyes. John smiles as he grasps her fingers and guides them back to his chest. At the same time, he draws a finger across her collar bone toward the concave at her throat. His plan is to take it slow, excruciatingly slow if possible. That is until her light touch hits his nipple, sending him into a frenzy of desire. John pulls her in for another kiss, crushing her against him, this time demanding she open to him. She doesn't resist, instead weaves her fingers into his hair and pulls him closer. He guides her back onto the pillows, lifting her coiled hair above her head and out of the way.

His free hand succumbs to his wants, fingertips traveling over her supple skin until they come in contact with a full breast. John gives as good as he got, lightly teasing her nipple with his thumb. Ashri gasps at the unfamiliar, tantalizing caress. John smiles against her skin as he abandons her mouth, his lips and tongue making their way across her jaw line to her ear. He suckles the lobe and flicks his tongue behind it. Ashri shudders under him and a whimper of pleasure escapes her throat.

John stares at her, surprised by the sound. "So you do have a voice…somewhere." Ashri's brows furrow and she looks at him quizzically. John smirks. "Perhaps it needs some coaxing?"

Maneuvering above her, he trails his kisses down her neck and over her shoulder, both his hands now exploring, tender and teasing, bringing more gasps from her. She trembles at his every touch. John pulls back, gazing down at her. Her eyes are closed and her lower lip caught between her teeth. Ashri opens her eyes, and John smiles at her then continues his tender assault as his lips explore unknown territory. Finally his mouth captures the sweet mound. Her grip on his head tightens as she arches against him, and a groan rumbles in her throat.

Her leg caught between his slowly rises, rubbing him in just the right way, and John grunts as he feels himself growing. His pants are too tight, painfully constricting, but he's not ready to go to that step. He has too many places to explore before that point. John moves to the other breast, suckling and teasing, bringing another audible whimper from her. Pushing himself up so he can look down upon her, he's struck by the dichotomy in her eyes. So much innocence and yet so much desire. Hungry for the feel of her lips on his, her chest against his, John lowers himself down and takes possession of her mouth again.

Instinctively or not—he'll probably never know—Ashri welcomes his body against hers, wrapping her arms around his back, spreading her fingers across his flesh and separating her legs around his. A deep moan pulses from John as their hips meet. Her acceptance fuels his desire beyond reason. He's never wanted anyone this badly. His hands start their travels again, at a less leisurely pace, trickling down her sides, sending more shivers rushing through her body. John wants to feel all of her, wants every inch of her to know his touch.

Bending his knees, he lifts his weight, allowing his hands access to her flesh. He presses one palm against her breastbone, feeling her heart pounding. The other hand caresses the raised thigh still covered by the wrap. Leaving only his fingertips on her chest, he traces the way down to her belly. Ashri draws in a sharp breath. John pulls away the remaining wrap, leaving her fully exposed beneath him. This time he doesn't care about even. He wants to explore her without hesitation or distraction. Ashri pulls at his shoulders, lifting her head so she can capture his lips again, but John removes her hands, presses her against the pillows and raises her arms above her head. The questioning in her eyes makes him smile slyly. He caresses her chin with the back of his hand. "I want to show you something else."

Ashri lies back, resting her arms above her head as John trails kisses down her body. When his mouth and tongue stop at her belly button, her breath catches. John glances up at her and smiles. "That's not it." His kisses continue lower, reaching the core of her pleasure and Ashri cries out, her body quaking.

The rush of broken sound from her unused vocal chords nearly drives John to the edge. Her breath comes in rasps, her muscles spasm as John continues his intimate caress with his tongue. His fingers dance over her inner thighs then find the destination he's dying to know better. Ashri's back arches at his invasion and another moan explodes from her throat as unfamiliar pleasure pulses through her body.

Unable to withhold any longer, John strips away his pants, and lowers himself onto her full length. Ashri opens her eyes and tears drip over her temples. "Are you okay?" She smiles and kisses him, burying a hand in his hair again. Her other hand manages to sneak between them and she rubs her palm over his chest, across his nipples and down to his stomach.

This time, John's breath catches. He groans against her mouth, reaches down and brings her leg up, resting her foot on the back of his thigh. It's moments like these that he wonders if he's going to go to hell. Maybe a special kind of hell.

Pushing his morale ambiguity aside, John guides her hand down past his stomach. He watches her face as she caresses him with a look of shock combined with intrigue at what she feels. He knows he won't be able to hold on for long if she doesn't stop this sweet torment so he pushes her hand away. She's ready and waiting for him as he takes the final step. Oh, God! Slow and easy, they join together. "Ashri," his voice cracks. He watches her face, seeing her eyes fill with wonder. Then he starts to move, long, slow and deliberate.

Ashri's eyes widen as he fills her body. Her eyes lock onto his, but she doesn't touch his mind. Not that she has to; John can see the blush in her cheeks, the dilation of her pupils. Her breathing matches his and he can feel her heartbeat in time against his. She licks her lips and that single innocent motion causes John's pace to speed up.

His mind reels at the feel of her, so smooth, so warm. And she smells like…honey. John kisses her neck, bringing his mouth down between her breasts then over to one, flicking it with his tongue before moving to the other. She raises herself up against his mouth. Then her hands are on his cheeks, pulling him toward her, a thumb brushing over his lips.

He kisses her again, mirroring his body movements with his tongue. He wants to take it slow, but—ohmygod—she surrounds him so completely, her satiny skin caressing his, and not a speck a space between their writhing bodies. It's when she raises her hips up to meet his and starts to move against him that his mind loses control and his body takes over. Faster, deeper he pushes into her, one hand cupping a taught breast, the other reaching down to guide her other leg up. He reaches under her, cupping a smooth cheek, raising her up higher, forcing their bodies together to create that special friction.

John's groan echoes in the small chamber as he drops full weight onto her again, rubbing his chest against her hard nipples, his fingers tangling in her a hair, gripping her scalp, his body thrusting both of them beyond thought, beyond words where only touch matters.

She's gasping against his cheek and he's grunting into her neck as they move in synch, her fingers digging into his back, urging him on until finally, her body shakes and quivers in a final surrender. "John!" she gushes, barely audible, with almost no voice behind it as she goes over the edge. Hearing his name, John attacks her lips, savoring the sweetness as he's cater poled right over the brink with the most amazing, unimaginably intense release.