Coffeehouse Conversations

Part four: Bottom of the Bottle

By Funara

Disclaimer: I own nothing that anyone would want to own. However, after I take Donald Trump hostage and threaten to give him a haircut that would render him a shameful has-been, I may have some extra cash on my hands. Then I'll buy some good stuff.

Notes: -wince- It has now been a full eighteen days since mocha's birthday. At least the fic is done, though it seemed as though everyone hated chapter three. Why did I only receive two reviews -ungrateful- But really, if there was something bad about it, inform me. Maybe it wasn't as funny as the others? This one is chock-full of humor though.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"So guys…what's up?"

Kurama raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't we be the ones asking that question, Yuusuke?" He sipped at his tea.

Yuusuke enthusiastically chugged down some coffee. "Yeah, I know, I know. It's my standard greeting, okay?" Hiei snorted but refrained from commenting otherwise. "Anyway, so…you're probably wondering why we dragged you out here."

Hiei did speak this time. "Yuusuke, I know tactful conversation isn't your strong point, but I much preferred it when you just blurted out whatever the hell you wanted. Now stop making obvious remarks and tell us why we're here."

The detective made a gesture of concession when, suspiciously enough, Kurama did not chide Hiei, but merely smiled. It looked as though all the evidence was pointing to an absolute conclusion that would put his mind through a series of acrobatics it had not performed since he had heard Koenma's explanation for the widening of Sensui's breach in Reikai's barriers.

Though actually, the fear he might have felt during that mission was nothing compared to the feeling he'd had when he and Kuwabara had knocked on Kurama's bedroom door that afternoon. At least he hadn't been alone, though a Kuwabara wearing blinders and earplugs had been little comfort.

Fortunately, he had not been forced to seize the first telephone directory and look up a therapist. True, both Kurama and Hiei had been present in the room, but all they had been doing was talking. The most difficult part had been wrestling with Kuwabara to convince him to take off the earplugs and blinders.

So now, all that remained was to ask the question he'd been asking for the past week. Only now he faced the direst of consequences, the most unforgiving of witnesses. Perhaps Toshimi had been right about Kurama's latent wickedness. Perhaps he would die today, with this simple coffeehouse as his final resting place.

Hiei, Kurama and Kuwabara watched Yuusuke's face twist into an expression of melodramatic self-pity. Kuwabara ventured a "Oi, Urameshi, are you okay?", and the spell was broken. He blinked and focused back on them.

"Oh, right. I was just thinking about…how nice this café is." He sweatdropped at his own excuse. Though in reality, he had become rather fond of Leaves of Cream, as a person who is drawn to the site of a shocking revelation. Accordingly, he had used it as his base of operations.

"I see. But Yuusuke, I would have to agree with Hiei in this case. Would you just tell us what's going on?" Kurama looked vaguely impatient. Yuusuke tried not to misconstrue the reason behind the emotion, and failed.

"Okay, but you're not going to like it." He glanced over at Kuwabara, who was remaining resolutely silent in an effort to preserve his own hide. Some best friend. "Kuwabara and I were here a few days ago, and he found a volume of manga that had some…interesting illustrations. So we mentioned the content to Keiko and had a talk, and then we met Toshimi Arina who told us some stuff…"

"And what does this have to do with Hiei and me?" Kurama asked bemusedly.

His teammate sweated some more. "Well, the doujinshi in the back of the manga was by Toshimi…and it was kind of about you and Hiei."

The teacup paused on its way to Kurama's mouth and subsequently began a quick descent back onto the saucer. Kurama's expression asked for elaboration.

Yuusuke squirmed. In the future, he really ought to leave these matters to Keiko. "I know it's weird and hard to believe, but Toshimi told us about how the government's been keeping an eye on us and how there's a manga and anime series about all of us…"

"Oh, I knew that already," remarked Kurama. "I'm just surprised about the bit about the doujinshi."

The black-haired teenager started. "What! You knew about it, and you didn't tell me!"

The redhead shrugged gracefully. "We all have our secrets. Telling you wouldn't have accomplished anything."

Yuusuke settled down, still irked. Geez, what good friends I have. "So yeah, there's a series about us and doujinshi about us, and we're all apparently famous. Thought you should know."

"It was bound to happen sometime. And Reikai's security isn't always the best. Hiei and I can attest to that." He smiled warmly at the fire demon.

Which reminded Yuusuke of why he was here. "But that's not all. We also found out that you and Hiei are…uhh…lurv—uhh—lovers." He squeezed out the last word as unobtrusively as he could.

Unfortunately, both demons heard it. Hiei narrowed his eyes, and Kurama turned faintly pink. Yuusuke plowed on. "So-we-were-wondering-if-it-was-true-because-everyone-says-so-and-please-don't-kill-me-it's-not-my-fault-I-found-out." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kuwabara both listening intently and scooting away from a large potted plant.

Hiei answered first, albeit in a dangerous voice. "Who is everyone?" Yuusuke could almost see the murderous plans forming in his mind. And without Kurama to control him, things could get ugly. Had he renewed his passport lately?

Luckily, Kurama put his hand on Hiei's and murmured something quietly before turning back to Yuusuke, calm and composed. "Yes, it is true."

"Oh," said Yuusuke wittily. A pregnant pause ensued, during which everyone looked in different directions. As he tried to look at the floor and the wall at the same time, though, Yuusuke caught sight of the cord around Kurama's neck and abruptly remembered what Keiko had said about soul mates. "So, um, are you guys mates?"

Hiei bristled at this fresh invasion of privacy, but Kurama merely cocked his head and said, "Yes, we are. How did you know?" Yuusuke pointed silently at his necklace.

"Keiko said Yukina told her about demon mating customs."

"Ah." Kurama pulled the collar of his shirt up a little higher.

"Is there anything else you would like to interrogate us about, detective?" Hiei asked acidly.

Yuusuke backed up hastily, taking his mocha with him. "Uh yeah, there is, but I think I'll skip that question." He laughed nervously. "I'm sure you guys wouldn't want to explain to me the long and detailed story of how you became lovers anyway." He sweatdropped. "So yeah, that's all I really wanted to know, so thanks for your time and see you guys later!" He punctuated it with another nervous laugh.

As Hiei got up, Yuusuke silently thanked his stars, but redoubled his prayers when the youkai's hand rested briefly on a previously unseen sword hidden in his cloak. He did nothing, though, but to turn to Kurama and say, "Let's go." The fox nodded and rose as well.

"Yuusuke, Kuwabara," he nodded to them. "It's been a fascinating ten minutes. I, ah, hope you have a nice day." To everyone's surprise, following this, Hiei grabbed Kurama's hand, laced their fingers together and pulled him outside, leaving two relieved teenagers inside the coffeehouse.

"Well," said Kuwabara, speaking now that the danger was past, "that wasn't too bad."

His friend glared at him. "Easy for you to say—all you did was cower behind me and force me to ask the questions."

Kuwabara drank his frappuccino. "Sometimes the great Kuwabara Kazuma has to diverge from his proud and noble path of crusade-leading. Besides, you were the one who started the whole interviewing thing. And now, Hiei will come after you instead of me, and you'll know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night and find dead animals on your pillow."

The black-haired schoolboy winced. "At least I didn't ask any of the really bad questions. I was going to ask them about being gay and what was wrong with hot chicks."

"But self-preservation got in the way?"

"Yeah." Yuusuke took a sip of his coffee and began to feel the effect of a mission accomplished. Hopefully Kurama would keep Hiei busy enough that he wouldn't have time to come after him.

"You know, we're going to have to rent separate rooms when we go on missions now," Kuwabara commented.

"I guess," said Yuusuke absentmindedly.

"And check the rooms for government bugs."

"I guess," Yuusuke repeated.

"At least we know we're being appreciated."

"Mm." He drank the last of his coffee and sighed contentedly. "You know, this coffee has a weird calming effect on me. I should drink it more often."

"Same here," said Kuwabara.

Yuusuke spun the bottle idly on his finger. "Hey, Kuwabara?"

"What?"

"Remember those cosplayers from Saturday?"

"Uh huh."

"They were really into that stuff, weren't they?"

"Yeah. But she does draw some nice manga."

"What's Midnight Sun about?"

The orange-haired teenager grinned. "You gotta read the manga to find out. And don't forget to read her doujinshi at the end. Her stories are very enlightening, you know."

Yuusuke groaned.

—the end—

Notes: Done! I feel like I didn't try hard enough for this story. Hmm. But happy belated birthday to mocha cocoa! Reviews?