Severus sat alone in his new quarters a glass of Firewhiskey in his hands. He swirled the deep golden liquid around in the glass, entranced strangely with the smoothness of the movement. The normality.
He remembered spending similar moments in his dungeon quarters. Just returning to the dungeons after a long and painfully annoying dinner in the great hall on a Friday night. Of course he knew that really, his life had never been normal but he liked to pretend. In reality he was just a pawn. Someone to play in a giant game of wizard chess. Voldemort on one side of the board and Dumbledore on the other. It seems the old man has lost this game. Voldemort had concocted the genius move to take out his opponent.
Severus shot back the rest of the burning liquid. His head was already clouded but he had no reason to watch himself anymore. His use had run out.
Dumbledore no longer needed him. He was dead. Killed at Snapes own hand. He couldn't even truly rejoin the Deatheaters. Now that the old Headmaster was gone and the Order knowing him to be the murderer, Voldemort had no need for this spy. He continue to be ignored. His power and outstanding rank amongst the other, lost.
He didn't know how McGonagall had
found him. He had been hiding out at a safe house in the states.
California was so much different from his home in Britain but it was
safe. Nobody knew where he was. Not the order and not Voldemort. He had
been drunk then too. His guard had been down he and had performed
magic, a simple Scourgify on the robes he wore.
He had no other clothes and was beginning to detest the smell.
That spell had notified the ministry of his presence. He supposed then Shacklebolt would have relayed the information to the order and that is how the new headmistress had found his sorry arse.
What he wanted to know was why? Why was he still alive instead of receiving the same curse he had performed on his mentor? Why was he being hid in the castle instead of being thrown into Azkaban?
He would have welcomed death. He would have welcomed a Dementors kiss. Of course he was not allowed that small mercy. Instead he had to live with it.
His wand was no longer in his possession. At this moment it was probably hidden somewhere in the castle and he would have loved to just seek it out, were he able. Had he not been locked in these quarters, heavy wards placed on the rooms preventing him from even attempting to escape.
He had found out the hard way that the wards were indeed formidable. Trying to force his way through the door had resulted in a magical backlash that had him flying a few feet back and into a side table.
Scrambling to his feet he had brushed himself off resigned to his imprisonment.
The how's and why's he was certain were unimportant now. All that his mind bothered to worry about was how much was left in the bottle of Old Ogden's and whether or not he could convince his captors to present him with his potions supplies.
He could easily ask the house elves, who badgered him daily to take care of himself, to fetch him another bottle and he could indulge in another night of intoxication where he could count on himself to drown in self-hate and suicidal despair. He would much rather have his potions at hand, enabling him to brew a large supply of an Euphoric Elixir guaranteed to give him plenty of hours, days maybe, of induced magical happiness, but alas it seems that he would not get what he wanted. He silently cursed Albus for his stupid reasoning and logic and need to protect everyone but himself.
He could have just said no. Could have broken the vow made to Narcissa.
"Severus…please…"
The words still haunted him. Yes he suppose he could have said no. Indeed it would have been the easiest thing to do in his position. To turn his back on his mentor and only friends orders- no his pleas, but it would have only proved a waste.
He would have died either way. If not from a Killing Curse cast by either of the other Deatheaters present then by the curse that was working it's way slowly through the mans system, rotting him from the inside out. His hand had been the first to go naturally, as it had had direct contact with the vessel; Salazars ring.
"Severus, I only ask that you save yourself. Why submit to an unnecessary death? Without you we will have no spy and therefore depleted odds in the war…"
'Depleted odds. What use am I now Albus? Whether I can bring forth valuable information or not, it would not carry weight with many order members. Quite possibly it would be unheeded for lack of integrity. After all, who would trust a murderer?
With a woebegone glance to the empty liquor bottle, Severus stood unsteadily to collect the second and last bottle in his possession. The Firewhiskey was not quite a kick as the Old Odgen's had been but it would suffice.
He abandoned his place before the dying fire and stumbled to his room, collapsing to one knee on his bed. The drink nearly sloshed out of the bottle; he had made his decent too quickly, but he took no notice of the fact, instead focusing on the undertaking of such a task as climbing atop the bed.
After several failed attempts, the end result was a slouch against the headboard, his legs sprawled out before him, unmoving. The pint of Firewhiskey sat between his legs and he made no attempt to pick it up, as if he had forgotten it's presence altogether.
"Oh bloody hell" Snape moaned the next morning. His muscles were stiff from sleeping against the headboard and his head was pounding horribly. The light shining in from the charmed window making his pain all the more worse.
He smelt alcohol and wondered briefly if he had spilt it all over himself. These wonderings came to a halt when he noticed that the pint of Firewhiskey had tilted over in the night, now empty save for perhaps a shot. There was a large puddle of the alcohol soaked into the comforter.
He got hurriedly to his feet, cursing his pounding head, and set the nearly empty bottle carefully on the bedside table. It would not do well to waste any more of his escape.
AN: Hey everyone thank you so much for the reviews! They mean a lot to me and I hope to see more of them!