A/N: Hello again everyone and before I begin this chapter I would like to do the usual and thank my reviewers so a big thank you to Eclipse230 for reviewing twice, also thanks to Eclipse230 for reviewing...in disguise, thanks to silvawolf for reviewing, also thanks to Great Materia Hunter Yuffie for reviewing chapters 7, 8, 9, 12, 16, and 25. Finally thanks to Devaughn A. brathwaite (A.K.A. shadow LV3) . Also any questions asked of me in reviews I will try to answer in the author's notes at the end of the chapter. So without any further ado let's get this chapter started!
Story: Like you don't already know...
Chapter Twenty-Six: The Epic conclusion of the Party...(I like Dots!)
Everything was back to normal at the party. Well at least as normal as you can get when your party has a massive group of heros, several homicidal mainiacs, an idiot who doesn't realize his a walking inferno, and another idiot who's jealous because he didn't think of becoming a walking inferno first. So yeah everything was back to normal and everyone was having a good time. Well except for Cloud.
Cloud was upset, and getting a little frustrated. He looked over at Tifa who was still grinning at him as she had just beaten him for the tenth time in a row. Cloud started to pout (just picture that for a second...weird isn't it?) and Tifa took a little bit of pity on him.
"You know, maybe you would win more if you picked someone besides Nightmare all the time" Tifa suggested.
"But Nightmare's cool!" Cloud whined, trying to defend his favorite Soul Calibur 2 character. Suddenly there was a cloud of black smoke and standing in front of the two was none other than Nightmare himself.
"Hell Yeah!" He said in reply to Cloud's statment than just as quickly as he had apperared he disapperaed in another cloud of black smoke. Tifa and Cloud just stared for a few seconds before one of them finally composed themselves enough to say something.
"Well...that was interesting." Cloud said and Tifa nodded. Then they got back to playing their game, just proving that the opening to this chapter was completly pointless.
Somwhere That's Not There
The author was bored out of his mind. He was sitting in some kind of meeting listening to some idiots rant about something he didn't give a damn about. Then he suddenly remembered why he was here.
FlashBack (cause flashbacks are cool)
The author was sitting in between Cloud and Tifa and watching them play their game. Everybody was having a good time, except for Cloud cause he kept getting his ass kicked by Tifa in the game. Suddenly a ninja-like person appeared in front of the author in a puff of smoke.
"Mail for a Mr. Cloud-Bahamut" the Ninja, who was apparently also a mailman said and was about to leave before the author said something.
"Hey aren't you one of those Law-Ninjas from a few chapters back" the author said noticing that the mailman was indeed one of the law ninjas. The law ninja had a single tear going down his eye and started to tell the saddening tale of how he got fired.
Flashback...in a Flashback! (does that make any sense whatsoever?)
The Law Ninja were all partying because they thought the author was dead. Suddenly one of the Ninjas (the one that later becomes a mailman) decided to say something.
"What if he's not dead?" the poor, poor ninja-soon-to-be-mailman innocently asked. Instantly all the partying stopped and everyone looked at him as if he had just said worthy of being called blasphemy, like saying FF7 sucks (some said that to me once and I shouted "Blasphemy" and them I hit them...and this was completly pointless).
Before he even knew what was happening the ninja (who I really need to give a name) was fired and working for the postal service.
End of the Flashback in the Flashback, but the other Flashback is still happening (that makes even less sense than the last thing I said)
The ninja (does anyone know a good name, cause calling him ninja all the time is getting annoying) looked at his audience expecting to see them crying for his sad story. What he actually saw was Cloud and Tifa completly ignoring him and playing their game and the author some how managed to fall asleep during a story that took less than a minute.
The enraged ninja threw the mail at the author like ninja stars and ran off somewhere to wallow in his own self pity (awww..don't you feel bad for him?). The author woke up after being hit by the mail and started going threw it.
"A bill (like that's not a cliche), another bill, a letter bomb..." the author muttered as he looke threw the mail and threw it behind him, cause a bunch of muttered cursing from people when the bills hit them and a lot of screaming like a girl (mostly by Hojo) when the letter bomb blew up. Then the author came across something interesting.
"Hey this is interesting" the author said acting as if I didn't just say that (but wait I'm the author so that meant I said that while acting like I didn't just say that...gets confused). The interesting letter turned out to be a court order. Wondering why he got one (I mean it's not like I've ever done anything illegal...shifty eyes) he started to read it aloud.
"Dear Mr. Whatever the hell your name is, It has come to our attention recently that you play video games. Due to a recent poll done with people whose I.Q.s where between 1 and 20, we have come to a decision that you and everyother gamer in the country must report to anger management so you don't all grow up to be psychos. Have a nice day!" By the time he was done reading the author was shocked.
"Oh this is some bullsh.." However before the author could finish his profantiy both Cloud and Tifa slapped their hands over his mouth. He gave them both suprised looks after they did this. "What this fic's PG-13 I can say that if I BEEPing want to...wait a minute, since when do we have a censor?" Everyone looked to discover that none other than Cid was the censor (thats kinda ironic isn't it?)
Everyone shrugged and continued what they were doing, when the author noticed he had another letter. This time he decided to read the front before opening the letter.
"To Cloud-Bahamut, From Your Reviewers" the author quickly opened the letter to see what his adoring fans had given him. When he opened the letter a giant boxing glove attached to a spring came out and hit him right in the face. Well the author was trying to recover, everyone else noticed the words "Update Faster!" written on the glove.
End of Flashback, And Back To The Good Guys Because That Flashback Was Way To Long
Everybody was having a good time when suddenly, none other than Cait Sith jumped out of Nowhere. Nowhere ran around screaming because someone had just jumped out of him. Cait Sith held the plot device above his head and started to laugh manaically. Then he exploded. Everyone just stared at where he exploded. Then another Cait Sith seemed to pop up out of thin air. Everyone started to wonder where all these Cait Siths kept coming from.
Somwhere Under Midgar
Reeve was laughing manically while he looked over his factory that was full of Cait Siths. 'Soon I'll have enough Cait Siths to rule the world!' Reeve thought, then just as he was about to start laughing again, one of the walls exploding causing daylight to flood the factory (which is kinda weird because the factory was supposed to be underground). Anyways, standing in the middle of the wreckage of the wall was none other than Chocobo the Chocobo (Also known as "that Chocobo that hangs out with Steve and Hojo) however, he was looking a bit diffrent this time.
He was wearing some kind of scottish style chocobo armor, he had a broadsword (thought I have no idea how he's going to use it without thumbs) and half of his face was painted blue. Also there was an army of chocobos behind him. Chocobo started to do a great war speech before leading the chocobos into battle.
"Wark wark wark, wark wark, Wark Wark Wark!" Chocobo "shouted" (wasn't the speech just beautiful!) then the chocobos and the Cait Siths charged each other, ready to fight the final battle to decided who would rule the world!
Now That That's Getting Interesting Let's Check Up On The Good Guys Again
The heros were once again enjoying their partying when suddenly something jumped out of Nowhere again. Nowhere passed out, completly exhauseted because people kept jumping out of him. Everyone gasped then upon seeing the villian, then they glared at Hojo. Standing in front of the charcters was a normal party cake. Well normal except for the fact that it had eyes, arms, a mouth and writtin in frosting across it's "forhead" were the words "JENOVA-PARTAY CAKE!" (gee I wonder who made that one?)
"I am the Evil Partay-Cake, and these are my clown minios!" The Evil cake shouted as his clown minions (yes you read that right) jumped out of Nowhere. Nowhere was now being rushed to the hosptial for treatment. Everyone was staring at the clowns and the clowns were staring at them, until one of the clowns honked one of those little clown horn things that make that weird honking noise. Instantly everyone, including the clowns and evil cake, started to run around in a frenzy. well this was happening, no one noticed the discarded plot device roll over to none other than Rufus Shinra, the only person not freaking out because he was content being a human fireball.
Rufus noticed the device and picked it up, trying to figure out what it was. Then he pushed a button on it and he suddenly had another latte. Now Rufus was happy!...until someone crashed into him and caused him to spill the latte on the plot device causing to explode, unleashing terrible consequences on everyone. Of course Rufus was the first to suffer because he has terrible luck. The plot device exploded strangley extingushed the fires surronding Rufus and completly healed him. Then it set him back on fire. Also because everyone was busy running around and screaming, no one noticed a huge lava pit in front of the door to the partay (Also no one noticed that there hadn't been a door there before).
The most obvious side effect, however, was the fact that the now ruined plot device had summoned a swarm of bees. The now quite pissed bees started to sting everyone (except Rufus, but that's because he's on fire). Everyone were rubbing their sore bee stings when suddenly the cake started shouting.
"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY CLOWNS ARE ALLERGIC TO BEES!" Then the clowns exploded and there was candy everywhere, because this fic is rated high enough for lots of blood or gore. Anyways, seeing an oppurtunity one of the biggest idiots at this little get toghether who happens to go by the name Naraku charged at the cake with a heroic battle cry.
"BUTTTERED TOASTTTTTTTT!" Naraku shouted as he valiantly charged the cake (okay maybe his battle cry wasn't so heroic). Then he absorbed the cake into his body cause he thought it was a demon. Yeah he's that stupid. Now everyone was laughing at him because he had a burning candle growing out of the top of his head. As everyone tried to return to get eveything back to normal (or at least as normal as these people get), the ninja-who-still-doesn't-have-a-name-and-is-a-postman walked over to the snack table while still wallowing in his own pity (is it just me or is he almost as bad as Vincent?). He finally got happy when he noticed he would be able to take the last donut. However before our intrepid goth-ninja-without a name could even grab the pastry, one of the walls exploded.
Standing in the wreackage was none other than Vash the Stampede, except that instead of wearing his jacket it was tied around him to act like a cape.
"Unhand that defenseless pastry!" Vash(?) shouted before swiping the donut from the poor ninja and making him be all depressed again. As everyone stared at this strange scene, Vash's brother Knives ran up to him blushing from embarassment (yeah you read that right to).
"Vash what the Hell are you doing" Knives yelled hoping to shout some sense into his brother. Like that would actually work.
"Vash?" asked the very confused Vash(?) "My name isn't Vash it's..dramatic pause...DONUTMAN!" Vash(?) shouted than proceded to throw up the peace sign. Before Knive could respond to his brothers antics, Vash the Stampede walked through the front door. Everyone started to stare between Vash and Donutman and noticed the only diffrecnce was that Vash actually wears his coat like a normal person (which is about the only normal thing about him). Upon seeing the look-alikes Knives and the rest of the Trigun crew fainted as the very idea of two Vash the Stampedes was horrifying to no end. Those an uncomfortable silence started, until Vash noticed the donut in Donutman's hand. He immeadiatly started to run at him for it but he slipped on a conviently place bar of soap and fell straight into the previously mentioned lava pit.
Everyone kept staring at the spot where Vash had just been, until Rufus (having recently put out the raging inferno that was himself) walked towards the lava pit because he had no idea what was going on. He to slipped on another conviently placed bar of soap and wound up at the bottom of the lava pit with Vash (who said hi as Rufus landed at the bottom). Everyone kept staring at the lava pit for a few more minutes before anyone did anything.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They all yelled and started to run around like chickens with their heads cut off. One by one that all slipped on conviently placed bars of soap and they all wound up at the bottom of the lava pit. Everyone just sat around getting bored out of their minds (and trying to figure out how they were all still alive) when they were suddenly transported back to the stadium as the second to last really random act of the broken plot device.
BackTo Where the Author Is
Havng gotten tired of sitting through the horrifying Anger Managment class that was giving him anger problems, the author came up with a daring escape plan. Then an anvil landed on his head as the last really random act of the broken plot device. Strangly the words "Update Sooner!" were carved into the anvil...
Priview for Next Chapter:
The Author Launches a Daring Escape Plan that Involves Cardboard Cut Outs! The Tournament Finally Resumes! And We'll Finally Get to See if Random Objects with the words "Update Sooner" will stop hitting the author suddenly a frying pan with those very words written on it hits the authors face...so tune in next time to another exciting chapter of...Swordsman Tournament!...Now I need some asprin.
A/N: Sorry about the long update time but I've been a bit busy lately hope the longer chapter makes up for it. And Now it's time for the first every Q & A section of this fic.
Question from Devaughn A. brathwaite: Can you tell me how to put a fan fic online?
Answer: Well you mentioned that you don't have an e-mail address and if you want to put fics up through this webstie you'll need one. There easy to get though and the best way to get one, at least to me, is to get a free one off of Yahoo. Just go to the site and click "sign up" to set up a free Yahoo account. After you have an e-mail address come back to this site and click Register at the top of the screen, from there just follow the on-screen instructions. Hope that helps you!
Question from Eclipse230: Hmm... I'm re-reading this fanfic cause I love it so much and I just now realized that your usig jokes from 8-Bit Theatere and The Return of Ganandorf(on ) I want to know why you haven't added these things in your disclaimers?(The real question is: Why do I !#!ing care?)
Answer: Theres actually many reasons for this.
1) Everybody takes jokes from at least a few other places without putting them in their disclaimers, and besides I'm taking jokes from flash movies and web comics and putting them in a fanfic so I don't really see it as a bad thing since I'm not stealing jokes from other fanfiction writers.
2) Half the time I'm taking the jokes without realizing it and I'm to lazy to go through the whole chapter to make sure I didn't forget any disclaimers.
3) I don't know if anyone noticed this but the disclaimer exploded last chapter. It's currenty doing well and we hope it will make a full recovery.
As for why you care, I can't really help you with that one because I don't really know either. Anyways till next time my loyal (and soon-to-be bloodthirsty if I don't get this chapter up soon) reviewers, goodbye and I hope you all have a great day...or week...or however long it takes me to get off my lazy ass and write another chapter.