Everything I Do: I Do it For you

Chapter 23: Stupid

How stupid could I be a simpleton could see that you're no good for me but you're the only one I see Love has made me a fool set me on fire and watched as I floundered unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer and you come around in your time speaking of fabulous places create an oasis that dries up as soon as you're gone you leave me here burning in this desert without you…

Courtney finally entered her house. She had mascara all over her cheeks and just felt so stupid. Everyone tried to warn her that A.J. was a jerk. But she just wouldn't believe them. She had to find out herself. And idiot could tell that he was doing her no good and yet she still loved him. He was her first love. And then even better the one thing that she truly needs, the one person who is good for her, she puts in the hospital. She had overreacted to what Carly had said. She felt immature and naïve. There was no way at this point that she could get any stupider. She instantly knocked on her wooden bed frame. She hoped that her mom wouldn't catch her in the morning, she'd be in major trouble. She was so sick of the life that she was in. Without focusing she sat at her desk. She mechanically got out her homework and finished it mindlessly. She was trying to distract herself from the issues of A.J., Jason, and her stupidity. Why did things have to be like this? She lay in her bed, choking on tears and fell asleep hoping that tomorrow would not be the same hellish experience that today was. Her dreams were dark and scary mostly involving Jason, but sometimes the image of A.J.'s face would float through. The expressions were usually pulled from times that he'd hit her, or that night when he'd tried to force himself onto her. He made her feel so weak and cheap. She slowly was pulled from her slumber to the low hum of her alarm clock. She did not want the day to start. But she had to give it a chance. Maybe things would be better. Of course that wouldn't exactly be a hard set of circumstances to beat. She used all the strength in her sore arms to poise her self on the bed. She blinked hard and stood up on achy joints. She felt like crap. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and yawned loudly. She stretched and her back popped loudly several times. She threw on a white wife-beater and a pair of black athletic pants with two white stripes running down the length of the pant legs. She through her hair in to a sloppy bun grabbed her book bag and keys and set off. She had exactly 20 minutes to spend at the hospital but if she didn't finish than she could miss a little school. She walked in and walked straight to his room. The sight still made her jump. He seemed to be improving though, some bandages were gone and he had a little more color. She kissed him and pulled a chair up, telling him all about what A.J. did to her. She hoped that he wouldn't remember this when he woke up… if he woke up. A little bit later Dr. Chapin came in.

"Oh you're back! I never caught your name yesterday what is it?" he said kindly.

"I'm Courtney, Courtney Matthews." She said, taking his hand.

"How is Jason doing?" she asked looking back to him.

"He is doing better, but there still is no sign of him waking up anytime soon. Not to say that he won't, there just is no evidence of that happening now." He replied.

Courtney started tearing up as she laced her fingers with Jason's. She was so used to his reassuring squeeze on her hand, and now his hands were cold and limp… almost as though he was dead. She wiped a tear from her eye. Dr. Chapin looked at her concerned.

"It's all my fault." She said closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"What is?" He asked.

"My friend told me something that he did, something in his past, and I overreacted. I got in my car and drove so fast, to fast. He just wanted to help me to stop me. And I just kept going faster as he followed me. It's my fault he's here. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Jason!" she screamed hysterically.

She broke down in sobs and Dr. Chapin reached out and caught her in his arms.

"Shhhh… it's not your fault, shhhhh…" He kept repeating soothingly.

"I'm so stupid! I have another boyfriend who hurts me so badly. He makes me feel terrible and Jason was trying to save me from that but I just wouldn't break up with the other guy no matter what he did. Yes, I was afraid of him but I should have ended it for Jason's sake." She sobbed.

"You mean, your boyfriend… hits you?" he asked her firmly. She paused, her mouth open, shocked that she had blown her secret.

"Yes." She said, surprised at herself. The doctor was clearly angry.

"A man NEVER hits a lady! EVER! What is his name! I'm going to find him beat the hell out of him!" he said.

"No, I can't let you do that! I'll turn him in ok? I can't let you get in trouble for me though. I'll be fine." She said.

"You can't just let him do this to you. Courtney, you have to stand up for yourself. He has no right to do this to you." He said.

He wiped away a one of her tears and hugged her again. She needed someone right then, she was thankful for Dr. Chapin. She looked at her watch and realized that her twenty minutes were up. She walked over and kissed Jason goodbye, telling him that she loved him. She told Dr. Chapin goodbye and left, making it to school just in time. It was so hard to go through the halls and hear everyone whispering and chittering about Jason and the wreck and why he was following that girl and who she was. By the time that the rumor reached her, the person in the car was a guy that his ex-girlfriend was dating and also someone who bought drugs off of him who owed him money and he was chasing him trying to kill him. She couldn't tell them the truth. She didn't know how too. And what if A.J. found out? She really had to do something about him. She wasn't paying attention and as she was walking down the hall, she ran into someone. It was him.

"Courtney, I need to talk to you." He said, acting sympathetic.

"Not now A.J. please." She said, not in the mood.

"Courtney, please, I really want to talk to you." He said, gently putting his hand on her arm. She groaned and let him pull her off to the side of the hall.

"I know that I was jerk last night, I am so sorry. I just was in such a bad mood and I didn't feel good and for some reason I felt justified. I know now that I wasn't. Courtney, I swear that if I lose you, it will kill me. I love you so much, more than anything." He said. She almost fell for it. Almost.

"A.J. it's over. Drop dead." She said starting to walk away.