First of all, I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I've put in subtle Skatey tidbits in the chapters. Mostly telling their "love story" in seemingly small but profound moments (at least profound in my eyes). I was gonna include in this chapter a paragraph or two concerning Jack and Kate and their connection. Instead, I'm saving that for later but I do have Kate talking about it. One particular thing she says may be confusing, but just if you think about it, you'll understand what she (essentially, I) was trying to convey.
Secondly, I don't know how much you guys are gonna like this chapter. It's the most departure from the characters of the show that I've ever written, but I'd like to think that considering the circumstances of what happens, it should make sense. Also, I'm not really taking away any of their established personalities, I'm just adding more to it. All in all, it's just a fic and it's got some Skatey goodness and that's what matters, right? Heh. In actuality, I like this chapter. Maybe because it's the start of where this fic will be heading.
Okay enough writing, here it is!
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CHAPTER 7
The sound was loud enough to wake Sawyer up, but not alarming enough to get him to open his eyes. He had gotten used to hearing banging noises ever since the guy next door had his girlfriend move in, and unfortunately Sawyer's bedroom was adjacent to theirs. He heard the noise again but this time something else followed it.
"Ow!" It was female, and familiar.
Sawyer finally opened his eyes, but instead of wondering whose voice it was that he heard in his room, something else was brought to his attention; it was completely dark. His room was never this dark because of a street lamp located right outside the complex. He was on his side facing right, yet his alarm clock was not where it always was. Suddenly, it came to him in a rush of realization. Oh shit, I'm still in Kate's room. Before Sawyer could think of how he could possibly explain this, he heard a noise again. He turned around soon enough to see Kate stumble to the floor. Sawyer's first reaction was to go to her, but he hesitated, not sure of what her reaction will be to someone seemingly coming out of the darkness.
He sat there silent and motionless, anticipating her getting back up and being no doubt startled by his presence. Instead, he heard soft groaning and what seemed to be giggling. Sawyer knew that sound. There was only one reason why someone would start laughing after falling down. He relaxed a little and smiled.
"Damn darlin', you could have at least called once to check in." Sawyer said as he pulled the covers off him and turned on the lamp that was on the dresser.
Kate was startled and stood up quickly, only to start to lose her balance again. This time, Sawyer stood up and was able to catch her before her knees buckled. She instinctively grabbed on, and looked up at him. Sawyer's heart began to race; this was the closest he had been to her in years. Kate smiled as her face softened, but just as quickly a look of confusion came over her.
"Sawyer?" Her voice was soft and a little rough. "What are you still doing here?" The smell of alcohol was fresh on her breath, but it wasn't as empowering as Sawyer was used to smelling. She didn't drink that much, should have known she'd be a damn light-weight.
"Guess I fell asleep darlin', which is exactly what you should be doing now."
Sawyer was starting to move her towards the bed when Kate finally realized she was in his arms. She pushed away from him and started to make her way towards the chair near the door.
"I'm not sleepy. I just.. need to sit down."
"Look Freckles," Sawyer said as he watched Kate take a seat on the chair and immediately put her head down on the table in front of her, "if you don't get some sleep right now, you're gonna wake up feeling like the damn world is jumpin' around in your head. Jack will never give me a moment's peace if he finds out --" Sawyer was interrupted by muffled words from Kate. "Sorry darlin', but I didn't hear anything you said on account of that table in the way."
Kate slowly brought her head up only high enough so Sawyer could see her face. "I said, 'you don't have to worry about him anymore.''" Her voice was no longer soft, but her speech was starting to get forced. "I told him.. that I appreciate everything he's done for me but I.. can't do this anymore."
Sawyer stiffened as he stared at Kate, who was staring back at him. What does she mean? What the hell have they been doing? Sawyer didn't know how to ask her without revealing too much. He took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed. "Were you and the doc…?"
"No!" Kate exclaimed, even managing a soft laugh. Even though Sawyer knew it came out partly due to the alcohol, it still made him smile. Just as quickly, however, her expression turned somber and her eyes seemed to glaze over. It was almost like a movie was playing in her mind; a movie that was painful for her to watch.
"Maybe I better get.." Sawyer said as he started getting up.
"No wait," Kate reached out her hand, instinctively, and looked up at Sawyer, "there's something I want to tell you." She watched as he looked at her softly and then headed back to where he was sitting. At this point she wasn't quite sure why she was going to tell Sawyer what she was about to tell him, but she took a deep breath and started anyways.
"There was this guy.. this guy that I loved for a really long time. We'd known each other since we were kids. I guess you could say he was my childhood sweetheart, and yes I know how corny that sounds, but it was true in this case. We told each other everything.. everything. He was the man, the man that I killed. I mean, I wasn't the one who pulled the trigger.. but he died because of me. Because I didn't listen to him. He was trying to help me, to save me, and I let him die."
Kate's gaze, which had been focused on the floor, slowly rose in Sawyer's direction. He wasn't looking at her at first, but instead out the window to her left. After a few seconds, however, he looked back towards her.
"Why are you telling me this, Kate?"
"Because.. I didn't tell Jack," she said simply. She saw that he wasn't sure what to make of this answer, but her thoughts were becoming too cloudy to give an explanation. Kate could now sense that heavy feeling in her body, the feeling of the alcohol settling. She tried to get up but her head started throbbing which forced her back on the seat.
"Damn Freckles," Sawyer said as he made his way towards her and gently grabbed her arms to help her up, "you didn't drink up the whole damn bar, did you?" Kate didn't answer as he gingerly guided her to the bed. He watched as she carefully pulled away from him and slid herself under the covers. He fought the urge to touch her as he turned around to walk towards the door when he suddenly felt her hand grasp his.
"Don't.. leave me alone here," Kate said, in barely a whisper, with her eyes already closed.
Sawyer froze, not knowing how he was going to handle this. He had been in this situation countless of times before, and he had no qualms about seizing the opportunity, but this was different. This wasn't just any woman he met in a smoky bar; this was Kate.
Before he had time to worry, however, he felt the grip on his hand loosen and heard heavy breathing coming from Kate's direction. Sawyer looked at her softly as he used his other hand to cup hers in between his before placing it under the blanket, then reaching for the lamp to turn off the lights.
He walked over to the armoire and pulled out a spare blanket and made his way to the chair he had been sitting at just a few minutes ago. He sat and put his feet up on the other chair across from it, then draped the blanket over him. He looked over at Kate, who was now sound asleep, wondering what was going on in that head of hers. Something told him that this night may have been the start of something, but what that something was, he was still too afraid to wonder. Sawyer looked over her one last time before turning away and closing his eyes.
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".. What are you doing? What the hell are you doing with a gun, get out of here!"
"Sawyer.. Sawyer wake up you're having a --"
Sawyer quickly lifted his head from where it hung from the top of the chair, and his eyes snapped open to not only see Kate standing over him with a concerned look on her face, but noticing as he looked down that his fist was red and sore from gripping the blanket so tightly. He let go and winced as he slowly opened his fist.
"Were you dreaming about squeezing the hell out of someone's head or something?"
"I wasn't dreaming of anything," Sawyer said coldly while looking up at Kate. Her expression, however, told him she wasn't buying it for a second. He looked away, took his feet off the chair across from him, and cleared his throat as a sign for the subject to be dropped. "If you were wondering why I was still here, I don't know if you remember but you were --"
"I remember why you're here, Sawyer." Kate said as she turned around walked towards the bed, picking up a brown paper bag that was set on it. She reached inside, pulled something out of it, and turned back around to Sawyer to hand it to him. "You want some breakfast?"
"What the hell kind of breakfast is this," he said as he looked at it and her with a mocking look on his face, "some donut lookin' piece of bread?"
"Are you serious? That's a bagel, Sawyer. You know, you spread cream cheese on it.."
"I know what a damn bagel is. It's just that you can't expect to fill a grown man's stomach with somethin' tiny as this thing, can you?" Sawyer commented in a condescending tone.
His attempt at masking the tension from the awkwardness of last night failed as he noticed a slight look of defeat in Kate's face.
"Fine, don't eat it," she said flatly as she turned away from him.
Sawyer silently scolded himself and tried to quickly recover. "I guess this will do though, for now at least. But I'm takin' you to IHOP later on to get a real breakfast. You need some meat on your bones, girl," he said with a smirk as Kate turned around and smirked in return.
"Um, thanks.. for staying here last night. I don't really know why I asked --" she said after sitting down on the other chair across from him and setting down the paper bag on the table. The tension was rising again as they sat there without looking at each other.
"Don't mention it, Freckles" Sawyer said as he shot a quick glance at Kate. He reached down into the bag and pulled out the little plastic cup with the cream cheese.
"Umm, Sawyer.. there's been something I've been meaning to tell you since, actually ever since I saw you that day of Michael's wedding. When I was in prison, I met this woman who had been there for 15 years for killing her pastor husband; at least, that's what she was convicted of. From the first day I met her I knew this woman hadn't done it. Apparently, when they found out that she took a large amount of money from their bank account, they figured that she killed him because he found out about it. She confessed to taking it, but she wouldn't tell them why she did and that her husband never found out, so she didn't have a reason to kill him. So I asked her why she didn't just tell the police why she took it."
Kate paused and looked at Sawyer intently, which caused him to stop eating. "She was having an affair with some man who she found out had been a criminal; a conman. She took the money because she was about to leave her husband for him. Then she found out about his past, and confronted him and broke it off. He got so angry and stole the money from her and just disappeared. A few days later, her husband was dead. I guess she didn't tell the police because it would ruin her reputation. She was ashamed to say that she still loved that man, and that a part of her wasn't upset that her husband died, and that she believes she belongs in prison for the sins she's committed."
Sawyer could feel his stomach turning and a lump develop in this throat. Why is she telling me this story? "Get to your point, Kate," he said through his teeth, which was clenched by this point.
"Right before I was released, she told me that he wrote to her to let her know he was still alive. I read it. Sawyer, his name was Robert Keeling, but she told me he always wanted her to call him by his middle name—Sawyer."