Livvie compared the men to G.I. Joes. The boys in her class had brought them to school for show and tell. She always thought that the action-figures were way cooler than the dolls that the girls her age had brought in.
Livvie remembered how her mom told her that a man named Riley had been one of them, how this man was her father. She didn't understand quite what that meant. Her daddy was the only 'father' she knew. Buffy clarified that Riley Finn was her biological father, but that he wasn't her 'real' daddy. That made things more confusing, however, on some level, more simpler. If Riley wasn't Livvie's daddy, then that meant Spike was; that, Livvie understood.
Yet, they were here for this man; a place where her real daddy couldn't go. One, it was day, and two, it was a church. Buffy and Spike never hid who they were, and the secret lives they had. How could they? Sunnydale was filled with demons and monsters that came out to play whenever they wanted. There was no way for them to shield Livvie from from the everyday events that occured.
Sometimes Livvie hated it. She hated being different. It only led to teasing and taunting. Once, she had made the mistake of threatening one of her classmates by telling him that her daddy could 'suck the life' out of him. It was true, but it only made her seem more weird. It also led to a very uneasy, nervous meeting with the kid's parents.
Other times, Livvie enjoyed being different. Spike would sneak her past Giles, and into the training room, where he would teach Livvie all sorts of moves and kicks. She felt proud of her mommy and daddy.
As they made their way up a few stairs and through a pair of double doors, Buffy saw a young woman, standing alone. She wasn't crying, yet she wasn't happy either. Of course, who would be at a time like this...and with clothes like that, the material girl in Buffy thought.
The woman spotted the blonde and the girl beside her. She smoothed out her shirt and walked over to Buffy and Livvie. She gave them a faint smile.
"You must be Buffy." she said confidently. She bent down to Livvie's eye level. "And you must be Olivia."
Buffy rested her hand on Livvie's blonde curls. Sam took note of the motion.
Sam averted her attention to the crowd of civilians and agents getting restless. Then, she turned back toward Buffy.
"You can sit with me, up front." Sam insisted.
"Oh, I don't really think..." Buffy tried to argue. Sam picked up on her opposition.
"You know what? There's a seat for you in the back too." she kindly said. She led Buffy and Livvie to a row towards the back of the church. This made Buffy feel more comfortable being here. She hadn't been in a church in like...ever.
The service didn't take long at all. They had done a lot of honoring at an earlier ceremony. This service was the last formality before the actual burial. The casket was put into one of those cars whose name Buffy could never remember. Buffy and Livvie followed Sam to a car behind it. It would be just the three of them riding together. It was a little more than she could take. Buffy felt like she was intruding on a family matter that she had no right to.
There was silence in the car for a while, until Sam cleared her throat.
"I thought this might be a good time to talk. You know...about Riley."
Buffy didn't think that'd be such a good idea, but she didn't want to be rude. To be honest, she did have some things she wanted to say.
"Well, I mean, me and Riley were together. Now we're not. He was the only normal boyfriend I had. Of course that's probably because he was the only human boyfriend I had. He was a great guy, which was proof that we weren't right for each other, if you ask me." Buffy didn't realize how much she was rattling off. Livvie just sat there, as she watched her mother spill everything into the open.
Buffy continued to ramble. "And you know, if he would've stayed that night instead of going, we still would've worked out because he likes dead girls to suck all over him and I'm just not into that!" She caught what she had said. "That came out so wrong."
Sam looked down at her hands, which were folded across her knees.
"I know. Riley told me." She paused for a second. "Riley loved you a lot, Buffy, and it took him a long time to get over you. When he found out about the daughter you shared, it was like returning to that dark place he was in before he left."
"God. You make it sound like he was ready to committ suicide because of me..." Buffy said with guilt.
"I didn't mean to. I just wanted you to know that he left you alone because he didn't want to feel that and he didn't want to resent you. I don't want you to feel guilty about anything. It was his choice." she explained very calmly. There was something comforting in her voice.
Livvie reached over and gave Buffy a hug. Buffy let out a sniffle. It was hard to believe that she was breaking down. Sam was Riley's wife and she was all calm and collected.
The car came to a stop along the dirt road that wove itself around the cemetery. Buffy gathered herself. She opened the door and stepped out, helping Livvie get out as well.
Chairs were set up in front for Riley's family. Susprisingly, there was also one for her. She sat herself down and hoisted Livvie onto her lap.
As the reverend began speaking, she let his words sink into her. A feeling of relief came over her. Riley was at peace and that gave her comfort. For so long she felt she was the source of his pain and unhappiness. She felt like she had cost him so much. Now, he was free, and she was finally close to closure.
Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love For it is in giving that we receive-
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.
The song in the ending is "Prayer Of St. Francis" by Sarah McLachlan. It was used in the season finale of season 6 and I thought it kinda worked in this chapter.
I know it has been a long time since my last update! I was on vacation...everyone needs that once and a while. Hope you like this chapter. Not sure what's gonna happen next...we'll just have to see...;P