Chapter One

"How will I fight?"

"How will you fight?"

"I don't know."

I sit on the cold, hard ground, wondering how I got myself into this situation.

"I don't like it," I say, feeling revolted when I think of it.

He reaches over and takes my hand. "I know."

"Well I don't!" I jerk my hand away. "I don't know it! I won't believe it! I refuse…"

"Skye…"

"Don't. Don't try to comfort me. I won't tolerate it. I'm—I'm fine."

He refuses to be thwarted. "Skye, I know I cannot do this."

"I can," I insist stubbornly. "I can. I just…" My voice trails off. "I just need to try."

"No. I will fail. I can't let you."

"But don't I see?" My voice turns pleading. "I can't. I can't. I can't just give up."

"It's not giving up, it's accepting. Surviving. Fighting in another sense."

"No, no it's not." I am shaking my head. I feel the hot tears running down my cheeks. But I can't see them. I never will again.

I wrap my arms around my body and rock back and forth. He touches my elbow, but I lash out. My hand gropes for a minute before it finds him and pushes him away.

"See. You cannot even find me. You certainly cannot defend yourself."

I scramble to my feet and scream at him.

"Leave me alone!"

I try to walk off, but my feet hit something and I am thrown to the ground. The grass feels prickly through the thin material of my gown and I begin to weep in earnest. My shoulders heave with sobs. I hear him behind me. He hesitates, not sure what to do. I have pushed him away so many times now.

"Go away." I bite my lip. "I want to be alone."

"But what if— "

He should know better than to protest by now.

"GO!" I shriek, kicking madly at his voice.

By sheer luck I hit him and I sense he stumbles back. My strength has not vanished, even if my eyesight has.

"Go away," I begin to cry again. "Leave me alone."

I hear him slinking off. I imagine for a minute that he is a dog. A horrible hairy beast. His bushy tail tucked between his legs.

I roll over and bury my face in my arms. I can hear a bumblebee buzzing near my ear. I remember there are flowers around the pool. Yellow flowers. And purple and blue ones. I don't even know their names.

I try to remember what bumblebees look like. But through my fears, I can only recall a blurry visage. Yellow. Stripes. A fat clumsy body. Yes. That's all there is to bumblebees. Right?

I lay still, trying to forget, forbidding myself to think. The sun warms my back, my legs, my bare feet. I imagine it is turning my hair golden. People don't believe hair can be gold. But mine is. I remember that much.

I sit up and shake my head, letting the long wavy tresses fall over my shoulders. I turn my head west. I feel the sunlight touch my cheeks. I imagine I can see the golden rays through the black film God drew over my vision.

I can suddenly see them again. Clear and vibrant as a summer evening. The knights. Riding magnificent horses. Horses whose manes stream into purple clouds that the dying sun has painted.

It was just a memory. A visage. But they are all I can see anymore.

So I have never forgotten.