Phoebe kicked off her shoes and shrugged out of her jacket. The interview had gone about as she had expected. Without the degree or experience, in this day and age, not even a daycare center would hire her. 'But if I ever want to volunteer there for a day or two, they'd be glad to have me.' Too bad volunteering doesn't help pay the bills. 'Why'd they even bother interviewing me?' She hated this feeling of rejection, no matter how much it wasn't made against her personally. She stretched her arms high before sighing. Four years ago she'd been in the same position of pounding the pavement in search for a job. Back then it was magic that hampered her efforts. But magic wasn't an issue now so what was stopping her? With the ability to choose anything she wanted, why couldn't she think of a single job that would excite her?
As she sat cross-legged on her bed, she considered the fact that maybe it was for the best she didn't get this job. Maybe being surrounded by so many toddlers and youngsters wasn't a good idea. Not now, anyway. Closing her eyes, she called to mind the image of that little girl she could practically feel in her arms. She clenched her mouth tight and tried not to think that time had just about run out for her daughter to become a reality. Without a man in her life to father that little girl, that future was as hopeless as the one she'd seen where Prue was a workaholic auction house owner. And she didn't know which saddened her more, the loss of her potential child or the fact that she didn't see any relationships beginning for her in the near future. 'How can I even think of meeting a guy if I can't be honest with him about who I am, when I'm not even sure who I am?'
The 'Ask Phoebe' column mocked her as she stared at the newspaper folded in front of her. Too bad she couldn't call Leslie up and ask him for a date. They'd almost started something when they met, maybe it work. Maybe he was the one. But she shook her head and knew that wasn't the answer. He knew her too well and would see through her no matter how different she looked. She picked up the paper and scanned the letters and answers. From the looks of it, he'd written another great column and provided the readers with advice she, herself, would've given. So her readers were happy. And happy readers meant Elise was happy. And a happy Elise meant Leslie was happy. Everyone was happy.
She tossed the paper aside, got up, and padded across the floor to her dresser. One of the framed photos had been taken a few weeks earlier on July 4th at their outing to the park. It had been their first true outing as their new selves and, despite their initial reluctance to go, they'd all had a fun time. She'd taken over photographer duties and this had been her favorite shot of all. Her sisters, the boys, and Leo all laying on the blanket laughing and unaware they'd been snapped forever in a memory. She ran her finger over their smiling faces. They all looked so happy. 'Because they were, they are,' she realized. 'Piper's starting over with her catering, Paige is back in school, Leo has his family and his new career as a handyman, and the boys are safe with their parents. I'm the only one not happy.'
She left the photo on the dresser and went back to her bed where she grabbed a pillow to hug. "But I don't know how to get happy," she whispered. Did she even remember what being happy was like? When was the last time she'd been happy without having felt the weight of the future on her shoulders? When was the last time she'd been involved with someone and didn't feel pressured into enjoying the moment before it would be taken away? When was the last time she truly felt the joys of falling in love without worrying about the danger surrounding her? Or had she ever felt that way? Were her ideals of love only an illusion? What if she wasn't remembering clearly or accurately?
And with that burst of inspiration, she suddenly knew what to do. "I'll see for myself," she announced to the empty room. "If I can see even one happy time in my past, maybe it'll help me figure out how to move forward." It wasn't personal gain, she reasoned, if she was only trying to learn about her past in order to improve herself. 'I need to grow but I can't without first seeing my past with a clear and objective eye.'
The only question was how to accomplish the deed. She didn't want to go back in time in order to change it so she didn't require a portal. Besides, she wasn't about to call for the Elders to help create one for her when she and her sisters were hiding from them. No, she merely wanted to be an observer. When Paige had revisited the day her parents had died, she'd needed Clyde's help so that wasn't an option either. "It'll have to be a spell," she decided, "and a Power of Three one at that."
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After a week of working out her plan, Phoebe finally snuck up to the attic in the middle of the night and carefully closed the door behind her. Still not familiar with the creaks of this house, she'd practically tiptoed her way up the stairs so as not to awaken anyone and had wished desperately that she still had her power of levitation. The last thing she needed right now was for one of her sisters to discover that she was up to something, much less a quest like this. Hopefully, if all went as smoothly as it did on paper, she'd be back long before anyone woke for breakfast.
She quickly set about getting the circle of candles in order, making sure there was more than enough space between each one. She tossed several pillows into the center of the circle, wincing when they made a bit more noise than she expected from stuffed fabric. Stepping into the circle, she dropped an envelope and one candle on the pillows and held her breath when the candle nearly bounced off onto the floor. When it didn't, she proceeded to light the ring of candles and settled herself on the cushions.
She set the single candle in front of her and then opened the envelope and withdrew three very thin braids. In order to fill the Power of Three requirement, she lifted some strands of hair from her sisters' brushes; nine from each sister, including herself, with three represented each one's past, present, and future. Now, she filled her mind with thoughts of what she hoped to accomplish in her task and she proceeded to plait each sister's delicate braid into one. Holding it in one hand above the unlit candle, she used her free hand to finally light the candle. As she began to dip the braid into the flame, she recited her spell,
"Peace and happiness are what I seek
For without them, my future is hopelessly bleak.
Let the Power of Three be my key
To unlocking love I wish once again to see."
Not one of her best, she acknowledged to herself, but after a week of throwing out everything else she'd come up with, she was too anxious to get on with her plan so she settled on using it. As the flame quickly consumed the braid, Phoebe let it drop into the candle and sat back on the pillows and waited. And waited. And waited.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, she waited for the spell to work. But in all that time, not even a puff of smoke was released into the room. Maybe a Power of Three spell couldn't be used without the knowledge and active participation of all three sisters. She sighed with disappointment but still felt compelled to stay within the circle. Making sure her hair was twisted up in a bun, away from the flames, she curled up on the pillows and allowed herself to give in to the sleep she'd begun fighting. And no sooner had she closed her eyes, than Phoebe faded from the room.
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The low moan disturbed her and Phoebe opened her eyes. And promptly shot up as if she'd been on fire. 'How'd I get here?' she panicked as she scanned the room from her spot on the sofa. The sight of the distinctive armoire sent shivers down her spine as she accepted the fact that the spell had worked and sent her back to the past, albeit not exactly what she'd expected.
Slowly, she stood and began examining the room, touching the items. And while one part of her remained curious as to how she could feel the objects if she was only supposed to be an observer, another part of her wondered why her spell had sent her back to this point in time. Another moan from within the bedroom caused her to freeze. Could she go in there? Should she? Was she prepared to see him again? What if he was hurt?
She ran into the bedroom and found him tossing on the bed in the throes of a nightmare. "Cole," she whispered. And before she knew it, she was rushing to the bed and gently pushing down on his bare shoulders. "It's only a dream…" But touching him proved too real and she backed away just as quickly. 'I'm an observer, only an observer.' She wasn't there to change the past. That wasn't the point of her spell. She was supposed to learn from her past how she could be happy again. And reliving the pain of being with Cole wasn't what she'd intended…or wanted.
Cole stirred and sat up with a start, looking wildly around the room. "Phoebe," he gasped, "what're you doing here?"
"You can see me?" she fearfully wondered. "Are you okay?"
Sweat beaded his forehead and he mumbled, "Nightmare. Same one…again…"
"Want to talk about it?" The words had slipped out before she could stop them and she was ready to shoot herself.
He gazed at her while his heartbeat slowed from its pounding to its more regular rhythm. "Nothing I can't handle," he assured her.
She tried to smile for him, "Go back to sleep. Things'll seem better in the morning." Impulsively, she leaned over and kissed him tenderly on his forehead and whispered, "Sweet dreams…" Without waiting for a reply, she rushed from the room, closing the door behind her. When he didn't come after her, she decided that he probably hadn't been truly awake and had simply gone back to sleep. She sighed with relief that her presence hadn't altered the past. He probably wouldn't even remember in the morning. It would only be a dream to him.
She faced the doorway to the bedroom and frowned. Why hadn't he ever told her about having nightmares? How often had he had them? She'd obviously been sent back to a time before the truth about Belthazor had been revealed. A time when he'd been so secretive but she'd allowed it because she'd wanted to believe in him. She'd fallen in love with him and hoped it would be something that would last. She shook her head at that naïve hope. Seems she'd never learned her lesson, always causing pain by believing the lies, right until the end.
'Which end was that?' she wondered. 'The end when I vanquished him as the Source or the end when he went crazy and paid the ultimate price himself?' She sat down on the sofa unsure what to do next. She hadn't returned to the attic so she obviously hadn't found her answer. But what was she waiting for? "What now?"
"Now you explain to me why you came here."
She nearly fell off the couch when he materialized before her. "But that's not possible."
"You think you're the only one who can travel through time?" he taunted.
She stared at him and, from his scruffy appearance, knew from when he'd appeared. She slid off the sofa and backed away towards the door. "Go back, Cole…"
"Not until I learn what I came for," he warned as he stalked closer.
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