Destiny Up For Grabs
Summary: BtVS/Stargate xover. Sunnydale's gone, so where do we go from here? Buffy and Co. thought they'd have a little time to decide, now that the Hellmouth was permanently closed, but the PTB have other plans for them. A Slayer's destiny never takes a vacation, but it can change, especially when their original line of destiny was broken by death. Buffy's destiny is up for grabs now, and even the PTB doesn't know who will get to control it.
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A/N: I simply cannot believe the number of reviews you have given for this story! WOW! You guys are the BEST! Keep 'em comin'! They really help me get motivated. I apologize for the delay on posting the next chapter, but I received an email from someone who pointed out some discrepancies in Ch. 2 regarding the SG-1 team and their actions…or inactions in most cases. So, I had to revise that chapter, which, in turn, made a lot of changes to this one. I hope I got it right in this chapter…or at least better. Thanks for all the help Mr. T! (name removed for safety/privacy purposes)
As much as I would like to respond to every single one of your reviews, there just isn't enough time. But, I do have one response to a particular review…one that I felt needed to be addressed. At first I thought of just removing it, or giving a nasty reply…but that's just not who I am. Instead, I feel that it should be singled out…so that every other reviewer and/or author can see just the type of review that should never ever be written to anyone, no matter how bad a story may or may not be. To that person, I reply as follows:
To the person who left the excessively negative review of my story at 'Twisting the Hellmouth' – I'm glad you took the time to review, but I would like to make a suggestion should you choose to leave a review for anyone else's story…there is such a thing as being polite. You had some excellent points, but it was put in a way that was extremely rude, and that's not something I appreciate. I welcome you to review again, should you choose to continue reading my story (over the top or not), but ask that you criticize more constructively…make suggestions even. Just remember to be nice about it.
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OK…that's it! Time to be a happy person! Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'!
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!IMPORTANT NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter 2 of this story has been HEAVILY revised. I would suggest that you go back and read it again, since I've added about 5 pages to it.
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I couldn't make a decision on a title for this chapter, so I gave it two – you'll be able to figure out which title goes with which section after you finish reading it.
=sigh= Well…now that I've finally gotten this posted, I have to go pull weeds. =ick= Hope you enjoy!
On with the show!
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Sharing With The Class / Strange Little Voices In My Head
They piled into the hummer quietly, O'Neill in the driver's seat with Teal'c next to him. Sam and Daniel were in the back, with Buffy (being the smallest of them) in the center. Sam attempted to check on Buffy's wound, but her hand was brushed away with an 'It'll close up by the time we reach the mountain.'
A silence permeated the car, but it didn't last for long with the curiosity of both Sam and Daniel working overtime.
"So, um…Ms. Summers," Daniel started.
"Call me Buffy."
"Yes, Buffy. Could you tell us what all that was about back there?"
"Would you mind if we wait until your superior is present? That way I won't have to repeat myself twice," Buffy responded tiredly, laying back with her eyes closed, a hand over the wound on her chest.
"Oh…um…sure," Daniel responded awkwardly. He was silent for a moment, but couldn't help asking, "I'm sorry, but I'm curious about something."
"Yes?"
"What reward was taken away? It seemed to be your biggest bargaining chip."
Buffy's face briefly contorted in pain, and she opened her eyes to look at him.
"Never ask me that again," she said, voice choked, and squeezed her eyes shut once again.
Daniel subsided in an uncomfortable silence.
Things were quiet for several minutes as they drove closer to Cheyenne Mountain, but, inevitably, the silence was broken once more…this time by Sam.
"How could you just barter your children's lives away?" the tall blonde blurted out rudely.
Buffy opened her eyes to glare at the woman, but then sighed.
"You have to understand one thing about the Powers That Be, Ms…?
"Carter…Major Samantha Carter, but call me Sam."
"Sam…You have to understand that The Powers already had their eye on my children, however many there will be, pretty much guaranteeing that all of them would be roped into whatever the Powers had planned for them. My bartering, as you call it, was to ensure that at least some of them had a choice…and a way out. Now I just have to make sure I have more than one child, if I want to see that."
Sam nodded her head, understanding the logic behind Buffy's explanation, but then became confused, "I thought you let them have two?"
"I did. They already have one," Buffy smirked at that.
"You have a child?"
"In theory, yes. Technically, no. But I'm not going to explain that one to you yet…it's a dangerous subject, and I'm sorry, but I don't know you well enough to share it with you," she said firmly, closing her eyes to indicate that the subject was closed.
The rest of the trip was in silence.
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Buffy was adamant about not going to the infirmary, showing them that the wound had already closed and was well on its way to healing completely. This mystified Sam and the others, who added it on to the already excessively long list of questions.
Sam gave her one of her tank tops to replace the one Buffy wore. It was a little big, but better than the torn, bloody mess Buffy was wearing. After quickly changing and freshening up, Sam led her to an enclosed conference room where the others were waiting, including an older, balding man whose attire let her know that he was also military.
Buffy nodded her head in greeting as she sat next to Daniel, who was two seats down from the unknown man. She felt a buzzing under her skin, and looked around, trying to find the source. It was a new feeling, but somehow she knew she was supposed to recognize it. Then it clicked.
"Welcome to Cheyenne Mountain, Ms. –" the man started, but broke off when Buffy raised a hand, indicating him to stop.
"I'm sorry, Mr….um…sir," Buffy tripped over her words as she didn't know how to address the man, "but are you taping this?"
"No we are not, Ms. –" He was interrupted again by her hand.
"No names, not yet," Buffy said firmly. "Are you sure you're not taping this?"
A little irritated by the young woman's continued interruption, he nodded his head sharply. "I can assure you that this meeting is private. Why do you ask?"
Buffy didn't say anything, she just pushed her chair away from the table, reached under it with one hand, searched around for a moment, then yanked on something. Moving her hand back to the top of the table, she dropped a small black square object on the surface. The others recognized it as some type of listening device.
"What the…" the bald man started, surprise evident on his face, as it was on all the others.
"By your expression, can I assume you didn't know anything about it?" Buffy asked.
"You can, Ms. –" he was stopped again by her hand. Sighing, he said, "More?"
"More," she gave him a smile. Gesturing around the room, she asked, "May I?"
"By all means, be my guest," the man swept his arms out, welcoming her to roam the room.
Buffy quickly found two other listening devices under the table, some kind of video surveillance camera the size of a toothpick attached to the light fixture above the table, and was now trying to find the last buzz she was feeling, which was coming from a light switch. After O'Neill removed the face plate, they found another small camera.
The balding man was furious over the breech of security, and was prepared to rip someone a new one if all such devices weren't found. Calling up someone in security to take the items away, he angrily instructed them to lock the items up until they could be analyzed, and to make a sweep of all restricted areas for other devices. After security left, the door was closed, and they all resumed their seats.
"Well…that was new," Buffy smirked as she dropped into her chair.
"You've never done that before?!" Daniel exclaimed.
"No. It must be one of my new skills Whistler mentioned. But it must only be for something that's not supposed to be there, or I'd still be getting a buzz from all the doo-dads you guys probably have around here."
"Speaking of Whistler, how did you know about him, sir?" Major Carter asked.
"He…visited me…in my office," the bald-headed man said, irritated. "By the way, Ms. Summers, I am General Hammond. I'm in charge of the Stargate program. Welcome to Cheyenne Mountain."
Gen. Hammond had given her an amused look as he introduced himself, and Buffy chuckled.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Gen. Hammond."
"Does he always do that? Appear where he's not supposed to, and disappear just as quickly?" Hammond asked.
"You have no idea."
The General chuckled.
"So, Ms. Summers, you come highly recommended to us, by both the President, and, apparently, powers beyond our comprehension."
"Can't tell you much about the President, I've never met the man…must have been Whistler's doing. As for The Powers, the less said about them, the better. They may be celestial beings, but they don't know crap about us humans."
"That's an interesting take on things, Ms. Summers."
"Please, call me Buffy. And I would say irritating, more than I would interesting. They've played with my life for the last 7 years, and I can tell you…it has not been fun."
"Tell me."
Buffy's light-hearted responses fell away, and the rest could literally see her withdrawing inside of herself.
"I'm not ready to share my whole life in minute details, Gen. Hammond, but I can give you a general overview…no pun intended." Buffy's lips quirked up briefly in a small smile.
"I'd appreciate it, Ms. Summers…Buffy." The General gave her a serious look, folding his hands before him on the table as he leaned forward. "I'm going to be honest with you – Considering that I've been told very little about you, I'm extremely uneasy as to why I was instructed to hire you on the spot, sight unseen, background unchecked…and by the President, no less. The safety of this base rests on my shoulders, Ms. Summers, and I need to know that your presence poses no danger to this facility."
The two stared at each other before Buffy nodded her head in understanding. For her part, she matched the General's posture, giving him her own serious look.
"Before I say anything, I need to be assured that whatever is said here will not be shared with anyone else without my express permission," Buffy said firmly. "As with your program, anything about the Slayer must be kept secret. We've already been hunted down almost to extinction, and we wouldn't be safe if someone wanted to use us in a military power struggle. At this point, I would like to keep it between the five of you, and, apparently, the President – others can be told, as necessary. Can you agree to that?"
"That is acceptable, Ms. Summers," General Hammond nodded. "But I would like one other person to attend, if you don't mind…our Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Fraser."
"No! No doctors." Buffy firmly shook her head in the negative. "There are things about what I am that would literally make any doctor want to turn me into a guinea pig. It would be better if I avoided them altogether, General."
"I'm afraid that's not possible. There are procedures in place at this facility require extensive medical check-ups that are non-negotiable."
"Janet can be trusted, Buffy," Sam interjected. "She may be the CMO here, and a military officer, but she's also a good friend of mine. Whatever's said in her presence, will be kept in the strictest of confidences."
"But will she be able to curb her curiosity?"
"What is it you worry about, Ms. Summers?"
"I have certain…abilities…that would pique any doctors' interest, General, and I'm sure that the Powers didn't put me here to be a lab-rat."
"What are these abilities, if I may ask?"
"The strength of 10 men, weapons and tactical skills, and, if I saw correctly, expertise in various martial disciplines," Jack rambled off before Buffy could say anything.
"You must have had an interesting talk with Whistler, Jack," Buffy looked at him in amusement.
Jack looked at her smugly.
Leaning back in her chair she crossed her arms and quirked and eyebrow at him, "But you forgot to mention enhanced speed, a sixth sense that enables me to tell who is or isn't human, and accelerated healing."
"And do not forget the visions of the future, BuffySummers," Teal'c added stoicly.
"Or the fact that you've used these skills every day for the last 7 years," Daniel interjected.
"I was told you were a special type of warrior, with a heavy emphasis on the word 'special', Ms. Summers, but I had no idea of just how special," Hammond said, shaking his head in disbelief. "If all that is true, I believe it would be beneficial if Dr. Fraser did join us."
Seeing that Buffy was about to protest again, the General held up a hand.
"If you are injured in any way, it would be best if there is at least one member of the medical team who knows of your unique abilities – they can take measures to ensure your continued secrecy – and there is no one I trust more than Dr. Fraser, in that regard."
Seeing the logic in that statement, Buffy hesitated a moment before reluctantly nodding her head.
"All right. But she has to understand that there is to be no testing other than what is required for check-ups."
"I'll make it an order, if necessary, Ms. Summers…Buffy," Hammond smiled agreeably at the young blonde woman.
Dr. Fraser was called into the conference room, and arrived in less than 5 minutes. After being introduced to Buffy, she was brought up to speed, and reluctantly agreed to the limitations given to her in regards to the young woman.
"If you will continue, Buffy," the General gestured her to continue from where she had left off a while ago.
Buffy took a moment to gather her thoughts, then began.
"For the sake of those who weren't there, I'll repeat what Whistler said at the beginning of all this…'In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. One girl in all the world, to find them where they gather and to stop the spread of their evil…the swell of their numbers. She is the Slayer'. It's short and stuffy, but says it all…or it mostly does," Buffy said with a small smile. "Without going into excessive detail at this point, a Slayer is a warrior who is given special abilities in order to fulfill this destiny. I'm one of the current ones, but I took the word 'alone' out of the equation when I started this gig – and it's made a big difference. Between me, my Watcher, and the Scoobies, my friends from California, we've probably killed over 10,000 vampires in the past 7 years. That doesn't count the hundreds of demons, or the several bad guys I put in the 'Big Bad' column. And believe me, be thankful it was only about a dozen or so, or we wouldn't be here."
She continued on, giving the cliff-notes version of the last 7 years of her life, but it still ended up being almost 2 hours long, what with the interruptions to clarify certain points. Not to mention, the uproar over the various averted apocalypses…those seemed to be a real winner with this group, though Buffy refused to talk about a few of them, as they were either too personal or, in the case of one, classified.
"So, that covers the basics of what we fought, the main tactics and weapons we've used, our research methods, some of our allies we picked up along the way, and reactions of the general populace."
"That's just the basics?!" Daniel responded, staggered.
"Yeah, the basics," Buffy responded softly. "Do you really think any of those fights went that smoothly? There's a lot more to it than 'here's the enemy, here's how we beat them' – but as I said, I'm not ready to share my whole life in minute detail with you yet. A lot of it is very ugly, and extremely painful."
Everyone was silent for a moment, before General Hammond cleared his throat, gaining their attention.
"You're asking us to believe in a lot, Buffy – most of what you say exists comes from myths and fairytales. How is it that the U.S. government is not aware of these…demons and vampires?"
Buffy looked uncomfortable for a moment before she slowly responded, "A small…faction…of our government is aware, but I don't know enough about them to know how classified it is, nor do I know how to get a hold of anyone who would be able to tell me if it's OK to say anything. I'm sorry General."
"We'll leave that for now," Hammond responded – he was extremely curious, but being involved in a highly classified project himself, he couldn't fault her for being reluctant to say anything more.
"So how do you expect us to believe in the existence of these creatures without any proof?" Janet asked curiously.
"Well, I don't think you'd want me to bring one here, so I can only suggest that you come with me on patrol," Buffy hesitantly suggested. "Oh! And tomorrow's Friday! That would be a good night to go."
"What's so special about Fridays?" Daniel asked.
"Date night," Buffy said, smirking. "All those nubile bodies hiding in dark, deserted places, just asking for something nasty to snack on them. Same thing happens on Saturdays."
O'Neill gave out a snort of amusement.
"Let me guess…the monsters come out in droves."
"Maybe not droves, but there does tend to be a larger number of them around. They either try to mingle with the crowds at the local teen hang-outs, or wait in isolated short-cuts – which, for some reason, always happens to be either a cemetery or a park."
"Oh joy."
"Yeah." Buffy scrunched her face up in disgust. "
The General looked around at the people at the table, and noticed their various states of tiredness. He looked at his watch, and was surprised to see the late hour. Getting everyone's attention again, he said, "Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's late. I believe we should call it a night, and take this up in the morning at 0900 hours. Ms. Summers, would you care to stay the night? We have quarters available, and I'm sure we could find you a suitable change of clothing for tomorrow."
"Um…sure. Just let me call Giles, so he doesn't worry."
After giving her Watcher a call, Buffy was led to a room located a couple floors above the one with the conference room. Sam let her know where she and the others were located before heading off to bed herself.
Settling in, Buffy fell asleep immediately, and slept through the night – for once, not dreaming of darkness.
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"It was only six inches tall?!" Daniel laughed in disbelief.
"Yeah, so I just stomped on it," Buffy chuckled in remembrance. "Oh! And it gets even better…when we got back to Giles' apartment, he totally pulled out the British-ness with his 'Bloody Hell', and polishing his glasses. He handed me the book that had a picture of the demon in it, and you know what the caption under it said?"
"What?"
"Actual size."
The group at the table roared in laughter (except for Teal'c, who just raised an eyebrow).
Curled up in one of the chairs, a cup of coffee in her hands, Buffy was regaling them with a story of one of the funnier moments of her slaying career, as they waited for General Hammond to arrive.
The General appeared just as their laughter died down, and he smiled at seeing the SG-1 team in such good spirits. Even Ms. Summers looked more relaxed than she was last night, though still a little withdrawn.
Grabbing a mug and the carafe of coffee from the center of the table, he poured himself a cup as he greeted everyone, who responded with various 'Good Morning, Sirs' and one 'Hey.'
"So, where shall we start this morning?" Hammond asked as he took his regular seat at the head of the table.
Daniel was the first to jump in with a suggestion. "Well, I personally would like to know more about both the Slayer and the Hellmouth. From what little information I was able to find, it indicated that there seems to be a lot more to both of them than meets the eye. And several things we saw last night confirm it."
Buffy thought for a moment, then said, "To be honest, things differ from Slayer to Slayer, or at least it has always been different for me, personally. That may be due to the fact that the Watcher's Council, an organization that is supposed to support the Slayer, usually finds the girls, Potentials, at a very young age, and takes them away from their family to train them."
"They take them from their families?!" Sam looked aghast.
"And not always legally," Buffy grimly confirmed. "I was lucky…they never knew about me until I was actually activated. And, believe me, there is a big difference between me and the ones who were trained by the council. For one, I actually have a personality, and a life outside of slaying…I've met a Slayer and several Potentials that were Council-trained, and believe me, it was all duty this, and 'slaying is the only thing I'm supposed to do' that. They didn't survive very long. Second, I had friends helping me, along with my Watcher. The Council insisted that Slayers work alone, supported only by their Watchers, who generally sat safely on the sidelines and nit-picked their form. My friends insisted on helping, and my Watcher was always the first to pick up a weapon and jump into the fight. Giles was definitely not your typical Watcher…he was more of a Do-er, and I owed him my life on more than one occasion."
Buffy stopped for a moment, deep in thought, a frown on her face.
"So how does that make you so different from the other Slayers?" O'Neill asked curiously.
"Because the combination of point one a two make a third point…I had something to live for, and I fought tooth-and-nail to keep it," Buffy said with a small smile, before turning a serious gaze at the Colonel. "Can you imagine spending your whole, short life doing nothing except fighting the big fight, but not knowing what you're fighting for? Not feeling a moment of happiness? Being isolated to the point that you can't even socialize properly when around other people?"
"Short life?" Sam had latched on to that one point, and it hadn't sat well with her.
"Slayers fight hard and die young, Sam. And the Watcher's Council had gotten so blasé about it that their mentality was one of 'Oh, what's-her-face died? OK, who's next?'" Buffy said grimly. "Giles told me that the typical Council-trained Slayer lasts an average of a little over a year. He's also told me that I'm one of the longest living Slayer to date, and that date goes back thousands of years. That should tell you something."
The entire group blanched at that.
"Are they always activated so…young?" Hammond questioned, disturbed at what he was hearing.
"Generally, they're activated between the ages of 15 to 18, though there may have been cases where they were slightly younger. I've never known one to be activated when they were over the age of 18, though…I think it has to do with the fact that girls who are younger than that are still malleable, and open to the thought that the Boogey-man really exists. It's just a guess, though…there isn't much information on why."
"Before I lose my breakfast, I think we should move on to the skills that come with being a Slayer," O'Neill said, upset at the concept of child-warriors. "Is it different for each Slayer?"
"All Slayers typically have enhanced speed and strength, an extra sense that tells them who is or isn't human, tactical and fighting skills, the ability to pick up any weapon and know how to use it, and accelerated healing. The fighting skills vary, depending on how athletic they were before being active – for instance, I was a cheerleader before I was activated – don't laugh Jack!...some of the moves I can do are because cheerleading made me more limber and have better balance. As to additional skills, I've heard of others who could use magic to some degree, or could read any language put in front of them. Some, like myself, receive Slayer visions that give hints of what's coming, and how to deal with it."
She paused a moment, a little reluctant to share one of the skills even her friends and Watcher didn't know about. But Whistler said to use her smarts, and her smarts were telling her that these people needed to know this information.
Coming to a decision, she slowly said, "But, as far as I know, no other Slayer, besides myself, has been able to become part of the darkness, to become like those we hunt…to use the shadows to my advantage."
"You make it sound like that's a bad thing, Buffy. I've known several men that have done the same thing…a 'knowing the enemy, by becoming like them' skill," O'Neill interjected.
"But when you're enemy is pure evil, how can that be good?" Buffy frowned. "I've known evil, touched it, let it touch me…get close to me…be in me. I was lucky not to cross that line of losing myself completely to the darkness, but it has left its mark on my soul, and all I'm left with is a skill that scares even me."
"And, if I may ask, what skill would that be, Ms. Summers…uh…Buffy?" Hammond queried.
She sighed heavily, but turned to O'Neill. "Jack, could you please turn off the lights, count to ten, then turn them back on again."
O'Neill stood up and walked over to the light switch. Before he flicked the switch, he asked, "What are we supposed to do after that?"
Buffy just gave him a mysterious smile, and indicated for him to turn off the light.
=Click=
Jack silently counted to ten, then turned the lights on. He immediately noticed that Buffy was missing.
"Wha…?"
"Correct me if I am wrong, O'Neill, but I believe we are supposed to locate BuffySummers," Teal'c said stoically.
"Yeah, but where?"
"To demonstrate her skill, she would have to stay within this room, O'Neill. We look for BuffySummers here."
Everyone stood up, looked around the room, under the table, in the shadows, up on the ledge of a high window…but Buffy was nowhere to be found.
"Are we sure she didn't leave the room?" Daniel asked, confused since there weren't that many hiding places in the mid-sized room.
"No, I haven't." Buffy's voice was heard, high above them.
The group stood back, peering into the shadow of a corner near the ceiling, still not seeing her.
Buffy mockingly said, "Abra-cadabra."
The shadows slowly peeled away, as if it was a blanket that had been covering her from sight, leaving the others to see her perched up in the corner as if glued to the wall, arms and legs splayed in a delicate balance of inhuman leverage between two walls and the ceiling.
Jumping down, she landed lightly, without a sound, and took her seat, waiting for the others to join her.
"How can that skill be bad?!" O'Neill exclaimed, as he sat down. "Every Special Ops I know would kill for that skill, myself included."
Buffy looked away, face blank, as she explained. "When the shadows embrace me, I feel like I'm too dirty for the Sun…like the light shining down upon us will one day reject me as it does a vampire." Her voice became a hoarse whisper. "I need the sun…to know that I'm still a good person."
The others exchanged glances of concern. This skill seemed to really bother the young woman, but they all understood that wars and battles always left some kind of damage…maybe this was hers.
Something niggled at Daniel's brain. When he finally made the connection about light and dark being polar opposites, it made sense. He could only hope the young woman would accept his reasoning, at least enough to ease her mind.
"Have you ever thought that, in order for the shadows to…uh…embrace you, they have to reject the sun?" Daniel asked gently. On seeing Buffy's pained expression, he hurried on, "No, no…just listen for a minute. Dark is the opposite of light. In order for you to blend so well into the shadows, the sun cannot be allowed to touch you, therefore the shadows reject it. Being human, we crave the sun, in order for us to obtain the necessary nutrients we require to live – not to mention the fact that humans have lived in the sun for so long, we don't know what it's like to live without it. By becoming part of the shadows, you have to, in effect, reject something that is deeply ingrained in your psyche…it would feel odd to you…unnatural…or, in your words, dirty."
Buffy's interest was piqued, but she was still a little confused. "But why doesn't night bother me, then?"
He became excited as the pieces fell into place. "Because there is still light, whether it be from the moon, or stars, or even a lamppost. Being embraced by the shadows is to reject light…it is the complete absence of light. No wonder it feels odd."
The young woman looked thoughtful after Daniel's explanation.
"I'll have to experiment with that before I can come to any conclusion…maybe you can help," Buffy said slowly. "Can I ask you guys not to say anything about it? Not even to my friends?"
"They don't know?" O'Neill asked, surprised.
"No. I…uh…discovered it fairly recently. Just after we had some…personal problems," Buffy responded uncomfortably. "Please don't ask me to explain."
Understanding that the explanation would most likely be a private matter, and not something that would be necessary to know, they continued the conversation about Slayers and Hellmouths.
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"I'm willing to have you join SG-1 on some of their missions, Buffy, since they're the most experienced group – but that will have to be after a required training program, of course."
"What does this training consist of?" Buffy asked, curious.
"Weapons training, assessment of strategic skills, testing in physical endurance, hand-to-hand fighting, and generally anything else that causes your muscles to hurt and makes you sweat. It lasts about six weeks," the Colonel rattled offhandedly.
"All that, huh? So if I go through it all, what am I supposed to do for the next five weeks and six days?" Buffy smirked.
"That confident, eh?" O'Neill quirked an eyebrow.
"Hey…I've been using all those skills every day for 7 years straight! And endurance…phfft! I could outlast any of you, 'cos…hello…Slayer here! I am endurance!" Buffy quipped.
"This…I have to see," the Colonel responded in a challenging tone.
"Bring it on, Colonel. Bring it on."
"If you two are quite finished with your posturing, can we move on?" Hammond interrupted, amused at their bantering.
"Yes, sir," O'Neill responded, lips twitching.
"Sure."
"If you are that confident in your skills, we will begin testing tomorrow, and take it from there. I would rather not send you out in the field until you know the basics of the Stargate program, and know what to expect," General Hammond began. "This instruction is usually given during down-times of the physical parts of the training period, but since the information you've given us leads me to believe that physical training is a moot point, we can hold off on beginning your informational instruction, until the testing is complete."
"Sounds good to me," Buffy agreed. "But what about the 'secret identity' thing? Who's going to test me?"
"Between the members of SG-1 and Dr. Fraser, I think we have all bases covered."
"Aren't you afraid I'm going to break them?" Buffy snickered.
The General chuckled at the affronted look on Colonel O'Neill's face, but couldn't resist getting his own dig in.
"I'm sure you'll do your best to make sure the damage isn't permanent, Ms. Summers," Hammond said, lips twitching in amusement. "One thing about the training program may or may not be a problem for you – we usually require that trainees stay here during the entire training program, to ensure that they understand the need for secrecy. Would you agree to this?"
Buffy frowned.
"I have no objection to staying for the required period, but I do have a couple of concerns, General," she said slowly, almost reluctantly. "Slayers are…hunters, for lack of a better term. After hunting and fighting vampires every night for so long, I may not be able to…contain that instinct, and might accidentally hurt someone."
The General looked alarmed. "Would we be in any danger of you losing control?"
"No, no! That's not what I meant," Buffy rushed to correct herself. "No, what I mean is that, after a long period of inactivity, I become kinda twitchy. If I'm put in a position where I'm up against an opponent, I might accidentally underestimate what level of strength to use."
"Is there anything that can be done to overcome this problem?"
"I'm not sure, but I can try and see if sparring with Teal'c here would help – he's probably the only one that could give me a good workout anyway," Buffy waved at the large silent man who sat at the General's left hand. "But with the really nasty 'sock-puppet of death' in his tummy, he might trigger my Slayer instincts, and that would be bad."
The group stared at her in shock. No one had spoken to her about the gou'ald Teal'c carried.
"What?" Buffy chuckled at their expressions. "I did tell you about the extra sense a Slayer has. Whatever is in his stomach isn't human, therefore, I could sense it – why do you think I asked if he was evil when we first met? And here I thought you military folks were smart."
"Very funny, Buffy. You do know you aren't supposed to insult the people you work for, don't you?" O'Neill said sarcastically.
"I don't work for you yet, Jack," Buffy retorted.
"Cute."
"I thought so."
General Hammond interrupted before the bantering could get any worse. "What would you suggest if that doesn't work, Ms. Summers?"
"Well, there is a new Hellmouth in the Springs, General, and I'm still supposed to help babysit it. While the demon population is still low, they'll be increasing soon. If I get twitchy, I could always have someone drive me down to the city for a while…get it out of my system…and return here. Actually, it would be better to just plan for me to go there 3 or 4 nights a week…the newest Slayer isn't quite ready to take on the bad guys by herself yet."
"I'd be willing to do it, sir." Sam said eagerly. "We should probably get an idea of what's out there, and how much of a threat it is, anyway."
"I'll go too! It'll be fascinating to see the things we didn't even know were in our own back yard," Daniel said eagerly.
"I will go as well," Teal'c added tonelessly, "if only to ensure DanielJackson does not get injured."
"And I'll go, just in case he does," Janet jumped in.
"Hey!" Daniel said, looking insulted.
"Oh, hell…why don't we just make it a big ol' SG-1 party! I'm in," O'Neill quipped.
General Hammond shook his head in disbelief. Trouble usually found SG-1…they didn't need to seek it out on purpose. He could only hope Ms. Summers could keep them in line.
"The only way you all are going is if you understand that I'm in charge when we're out there. If you go, you go as civilians…no military involvement. There will also be no guns, no interfering with the other Slayer, and no heroics. Got it?" Buffy said firmly, pinning them all with her gaze.
And there was the line.
"But…" O'Neill started.
"No, Colonel. In this I'm the expert. You do it on my terms, or not at all," Buffy interrupted.
"Fine," the Colonel said almost petulantly.
"Once you finish your Hellmouth training, we'll renegotiate," the young woman said with a quirky smile. Seeing that O'Neill still had a sullen expression, she teased, "And if you do well, I'll give you a cookie."
Sam choked on a laugh.
"Brat."
"Grumpy."
"Impertinent child."
"I'm not the one who's pouting, Gramps."
"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm in my prime!"
"Yeah, the prime of oldness."
"So says teeny-bopper Barbie."
"At least I'm not GI-old-Joe."
"Are you two always going to be like this?" Daniel asked.
"Yes!" Buffy and O'Neill shouted.
The General sighed. 'Well,' he thought,'at least Ms. Summers won the argument.'
=============================================================
"So, are you going to give me any kind of clue as to why The Powers think my presence is needed here?" Buffy asked curiously.
Colonel O'Neill looked at Hammond, and quirked an eyebrow in question. The General gave a nod of acquiescence.
Standing up, O'Neill moved over to a corner of the conference room, where he pressed a large red button.
Buffy heard a noise behind her, and turned her head to see the windows slowly being uncovered. She moved to stand in front of them, curious to see what was being hidden.
As the covering rolled back, a large, two-story room was revealed – a room which held a variety of unknown equipment surrounding a circular object, which stood up on its narrow edge and had a ramp leading up to it.
"Gee, Jack…I didn't know you felt that way about me, but I have to say that I think the ring's too big for my hand," Buffy dead-panned.
"Ha ha. Don't give up your day job."
"I don't have one yet."
O'Neill snorted in amusement.
"So, what is it? What does it do?"
Daniel came up on her other side, saying, "We call it a 'Stargate'…it literally takes us through the stars to other planets through artificially created wormholes."
"Can I be safe in assuming that you've met other…life-forms on these planets, and that Teal'c here is one of them?"
"Give the little girl a gold star," Jack smirked at her.
"What Jack is trying to say is 'yes', we have met other life-forms, but most of the time, we've met descendents of the human race that were taken from our planet thousands of years ago by an alien species, to be used as slaves," Daniel said, shooting the Colonel an irritated glance. "We believe Teal'c's people came from certain African tribes – ones that were thought to have merged with other tribes or were wiped out of existence by something…at least according to our historical knowledge of that area.
"So that's what Whistler meant by 'Lost Children' – they literally were lost to us a long time ago," Buffy said, shaking her head in disbelief.
"What…no 'Ooo-in' or 'Ah-ing' over the pretty ring that leads to outerspace? No gasping at the thought aliens exist?" Jack mocked.
"After having seen the wide variety of butt-ugly demon species that live on our own planet, there's not much that shocks me anymore," Buffy responded sarcastically.
"Not even interstellar travel without any type of spaceship?" Sam asked, a small smile on her face at the lack of any type of reaction or wonder from the small blonde.
"Hmm…never did the interstellar thing, but I have traveled inter-dimensionally without any transport vehicle – or maybe that was time travel…it was our past…" Buffy trailed off in thought.
"Inter-dimensional travel?!" Daniel exclaimed at the same time Sam shouted out, "Time travel?!"
The two converged on her, questions spilling out of their mouths, each raising their voice to be heard over the other.
With a squeaked 'Eep!', Buffy ducked around them and hid behind Jack, who laughed and shook his head as the two brains on his team continued to babble at the young woman who was using him as a human shield.
"OK, people, enough!" General Hammond said loudly, silently chuckling at the scene. Pointing at the chairs, he said, "Sit!"
With a mocking 'woof', the Colonel walked to his seat, leaving Buffy to fend for herself.
Buffy pressed herself back against the wall as both Sam and Daniel continued to eye her with hungry expressions.
"I know kung-fu, and I'm not afraid to use it," the younger blonde woman said mock-threateningly.
The two chuckled, then reluctantly made their way to their own seats, Buffy cautiously trailing behind them.
Once everyone was seated, the General brought the conversation around to just what Sam and Daniel wanted to know.
"How can you travel to other dimensions, not to mention other times? We've experienced it here ourselves, but mainly through extenuating circumstances that are practically impossible to reproduce. Is it possible to travel to the future?"
"Magically created portals," Buffy responded candidly. Knowing what was coming next, she went ahead and answered the questions showing on their faces, "And before you ask, no, I don't know how to do it myself, yes, I know people who can, and no, I won't tell you who they are."
"May I ask why not?" the General queried, his expression showing that he was not pleased with her response.
Buffy sighed, knowing that her answer wouldn't satisfy any of them. "For several reasons, General…the most important being that I know what you would want to use it for, and I don't agree with it. The military always strives for more power – whether it be from weapons or knowledge. Traveling to the future to retrieve weapons beyond our knowledge is like placing a gun in a small child's hand – we're not ready for it, and would only destroy ourselves with things way too advanced for us."
Daniel placed a hand on her arm, whispering, "Uh…Buffy, word of warning – I wouldn't use that analogy again."
Following the man's gaze, Buffy saw that Jack's face was expressionless, and his eyes filled with pain. She nodded to Daniel in uncertain agreement – though she didn't know the reason, she could see that the analogy disturbed the older man.
Buffy quickly continued, "Inter-dimensional travel isn't a good idea for the same reason, not to mention the fact that many of the dimensions turn out to belong to demons – you'd only get yourselves killed."
"And what about this…magic…you mentioned. Is it real? And if so, is it possible for anyone to learn?" Hammond asked, though you could see he wasn't happy with her answers.
Buffy's expression turned grim, and she leaned forward, clasping her hands before her. "I'm going to be honest here, General, but I want you to listen very carefully. Magic uses the forces around us to perform what the User wants. I believe everyone has the capability to perform magic to some degree, but not everyone should. These forces are extremely potent, and does something to a person, twists them in a way that, if they aren't strong enough, will overcome them. And believe me…that's not something you want to see happen – a year ago, I watched the sweetest and most gentle girl I know kill a man, and almost end the world, because her girlfriend was killed."
"But, if it's possible to learn magic, it would certainly help in our fight," the General insisted.
"What part of 'almost end the world' didn't you hear?" Buffy exclaimed. "I'm sorry to be so blunt and rude about it, but these forces are not meant to be used by just anyone. The only people I know that safely use magic are a coven of wiccans in England, whose members treat it as they would a sacred religion. And the one sane sorcerer I know only uses his powers if there's no other choice. No, it's best if you leave magic alone."
"I'm afraid that may not be possible, Ms. Summers. The enemies we've accumulated are so much more powerful than us that we need every edge we can get," the General responded adamantly.
"Then let me show you at taste of just what would happen," Buffy said grimly as she pushed away from the table and stood.
Reaching out her hand, she whispered a word and the General's empty coffee-cup flew towards her then hovered in place. Buffy placed her hands on each side of the mug, a few inches away from it and, whispering another word, the mug disintegrated into tiny particles.
The group of people around the table watched in awe, but then became concerned as an unexpected wind blew through the room, and they saw the young woman's eyes and hair grow dark, and black veins begin to appear on her exposed skin.
Buffy whispered more words, and interesting things began to happen…the particles turned into a burning flame, the heat of which even the General, the farthest from the young woman, could feel. More whispered words and the flame grew, then surrounded them, burning hotly.
By this point, Buffy's eyes and hair were a dark obsidian, and the veins more prominent. A sneer appeared on her face as she snarled out, "The power is telling me to kill all of you at this point General…just for disagreeing with me. Would you like me to continue?"
"I think you've made your point, Buffy," Jack responded quietly, standing stiffly across from her.
Buffy stared at him with her pure black eyes. As she continued to pin him with her gaze, she swept an arm out with a growled 'Finite', extinguishing the flames and leaving no trace of what had just happened. A look of pain crossed her face before she closed her eyes and stalked away to lean her forehead against one of the walls, pressing her palms against it.
The others watched her silently.
Taking a deep shuddering breath, Buffy pushed up away from the wall.
"Do you understand now?" she whispered as she turned towards the quiet group. Her hair was slowly bleeding back to its normal color, but her eyes were still pitch black. "Magic opens a person up to darker forces they won't be able to control. It's only because of what I am that I can overcome the danger, because a Slayer is made from dark magic – but it's still extremely dangerous for me, which is why I never use it."
There was a moment of silence, where SG-1 and Dr. Fraser looked at the General, waiting for him to respond.
Hammond sat at the head of the table, elbows propped up before him, his clasped hands pressed against his mouth and chin – he stared at the young woman, whose hair had finally turned back to its natural color. Her black eyes stared right back at him, giving him no inch in expressing her opinion.
Letting his clasped hands fall to the table before him as he slowly responded, "There's no way for someone to safely learn magic without encountering the problems you've just shown us?"
"Without having grown up around it?...no," Buffy responded quietly.
"How about yourself? Do you know enough to use it as a last resort, should it be needed?"
"I'm afraid not," Buffy said apologetically. "I picked up a few things from one of my friends over the years, but once I felt how it affected me when I used it, I stopped learning anything more than how a spell generally works."
"Would you be willing to learn enough to be a back-up fail-safe for this facility?" Hammond asked seriously. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't of utmost importance."
"Why would you need a fail-safe?" Buffy asked, confused.
"The Stargate isn't just one-way, and we're not the only ones who use it as a mode of transportation," Jack interjected bluntly.
"Oh," Buffy succinctly, then reluctantly said, "I suppose I could, but I'll have to find out if there will be any…side-effects that I can't control. It will take some time, General."
"As long as you're willing to try, I'll leave the subject as it stands," Hammond said with a tone of regret.
Buffy sighed in relief.
================================================================
"Well, I think that wraps things up, for now," General Hammond said. "We will re-assess your position, Ms. Summers, once you finish your skills assessment, your basic instruction on the Stargate program, and your two-day placement in the selected departments."
Buffy nodded her head in agreement.
"We'll have some paperwork for you to sign, once you return from retrieving your personal items. Mostly confidentiality forms, and your standard paperwork when obtaining a new job. But, before you leave, there is something I was instructed to give to you."
The General pulled out a manila envelope from his folder, and passed it to Buffy.
Buffy gave him a confused look, but opened it anyway. Tipping the open end, several items fell out. Buffy picked up the ones that looked like ID cards. She saw a familiar one, a driver's license, and snorted in amusement as she placed it back on the table.
"What's so amusing about a driver's license?" Daniel asked, having picked up the item up out of curiosity.
"Word of warning, Daniel…never get in a car that I'm driving, unless you have a death-wish," Buffy said, chuckling. "Hey, General Hammond. You think someone can teach me how to drive…properly?"
"I think we can find someone."
"Make sure they have nerves of steel, and a lot of patience," Buffy joked. "A little Valium wouldn't hurt, either."
The General chuckled.
Buffy looked down at the other ID card, her brow furrowed. It was a security ID that would allow her to enter Cheyenne Mountain, that was clear enough…it was the security level she didn't understand.
"General, what does this number on the security level mean?" Buffy asked, holding out the ID card in his direction.
O'Neill snatched it out of her hand before the General could even reach for it. Glancing at the card, he swore.
"How can a civilian have a higher security clearance than even you, General?!"
General Hammond reached for the card, shocked to see that Ms. Summers did indeed have a higher security clearance…one that would allow immediate access to the President, no less.
"I have absolutely no idea, Colonel O'Neill. Ms. Summers, is there some type of explanation enclosed in the envelope?"
Buffy looked in the envelope, then pulled out a folded sheet of paper, along with a smaller sealed envelope, and a thin stack of papers. Setting aside the sealed envelope and the papers that, after a brief glance, were discovered to be some kind of employment agreement, she unfolded the other paper. As she read the short missive, she went from pleased surprise to paling uncertainty.
"Ms. Summers?...Buffy?" General Hammond tried to get the young woman's attention.
Everyone started when the paper went up in blue flames, and Buffy dropped the paper to the table's surface, watching it with a blank face until it was just ashes.
"Buffy?" Daniel placed a hand on her shoulder, and shook it gently.
"The high security clearance is for my protection. The Powers want to make sure that no one in the military can touch me, and I'm asked to use it sparingly, so I don't draw attention to myself," Buffy said distractedly.
"What has you so upset, Ms. Summers?" Hammond asked quietly.
"If you don't mind, I would rather not talk about it right now. It's something that has…tipped my world up-side-down, and I need to really make myself OK with it," Buffy said shakily. "This is going to take a lot of meditation on my part, so we're going to have to fit that into my schedule for the next few days."
"Will you be able to talk about it then?"
"Yes. It's something that you'll need to know and understand, General Hammond. It might…delay things a little."
"Understood."
"So, what's in the envelope, Buffy?" Daniel asked, ever curious.
Putting aside her previous thoughts for later examination, Buffy picked up the envelope. There were no markings on the outside, and no indication of what it was. She opened it up, and pulled out the contents.
Buffy's eyes widened in surprise, then filled up quickly with tears, one eventually escaping to trail down her cheek, which she wiped away quickly.
"Buffy?" Daniel asked with concern. "What is it?"
Sniffling, Buffy gave him a smile. "It's a very generous personal check from the President. The note on the stub said it's to help me and my friends start regaining what we've lost."
Everyone looked confused, so Buffy clarified.
"It was the last battle, the one that destroyed the entire city of Sunnydale. We lost everything – our house, our furniture, personal effects…everything. If it wasn't for our experience with the Hellmouth and several apocalypses, we wouldn't even have our clothes. We don't even have any pictures of my mother anymore," Buffy whispered painfully. "Dawnie was supposed to take that box out to the car, but she got distracted by a couple of the Potentials arguing. She set the box by the stairs, and in the madness that comes from having over 30 teenagers running around the house, it was forgotten. She hasn't forgiven herself for that."
"At least you have each other…and your memories," Sam said gently.
"Yeah, it helps. I don't think I could have survived if I had lost Dawnie…or any of the others," Buffy smiled at her. Turning to General Hammond, she said, "The President is a good man, sir. When you talk to him again, give him my thanks."
The General nodded, smiling.
Wiping the tears from her cheeks, Buffy said, "So, who's going to help me go pick up my stuff?"
"I'm going to have to pass, Buffy…I've got a lot of work to catch up on – especially if we're all going…uh…patrolling with you tonight," Sam said, giving her an apologetic look.
"Same here….sorry," Daniel said.
"I've got patients I need to check on."
"I'll go," the Colonel O'Neill said, standing up quickly.
"Don't you have a lot of paperwork to…" the General began.
"No! Uh…no. Come on, Buffy!" O'Neill interrupted quickly, grabbing her arm and dragging her from the room before Hammond could call him on his blatant lie.
Buffy's laughter could be heard coming from outside the door.
=============================================================
"Buck up, kid. It can't be that bad."
"It is, and it's going to get even uglier once we start talking. Are you sure you want to stick around?"
"Everyone needs some kind of support. If they get too angry, I can just pull my gun on 'em."
"Very funny, Jack. There will be no pointing of weapons at my friends, even if I am mad at them. Got that?"
"Can I at least place my hand on the butt?"
"Not unless you're talking about your rear-end."
"Spoil-sport."
"Behave."
"Yes, ma'am."
Buffy and Colonel O'Neill stood on the front porch of the house the Sunnydaler's were renting. The young woman was reluctant to enter, knowing that the upcoming confrontation was going to end with an all-out drag-out verbal fight where everyone either permanently went their separate ways, or, in the best-case scenario, taking an indefinite break from each other, and only calling when they absolutely needed to. Buffy was hoping for the latter…at least there was room for reconciliation.
"And Jack, you'll be hearing a lot of finger-pointing, and a lot of personally shit, but please don't get involved. No one was completely right, nor were any of us completely wrong. OK?"
"All right, if that's what you want. But if anyone gets physical, I'm pulling my gun."
"You do realize that you have a really unhealthy relationship with weapons, don't you Jack?"
"Damn straight I do."
Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the door and entered the house, Jack close behind her.
"Giles."
"Buffy."
"This is Colonel Jack O'Neill with the U.S. Air Force. I believe you remember him from last night?" Buffy introduced her companion.
"Yes, I do," Giles responded, shaking O'Neill's hand politely. "Please do coming in to the drawing room…I mean living room. The others are waiting there for our…uh…meeting."
The two followed the British man into the aforementioned room to find Xander and Dawn waiting nervously. They declined mugs of coffee when offered, then sat in the two remaining available chairs.
"May I ask why Colonel O'Neill is here, Buffy? I-I thought this meeting would be a private conversation between only those who we-were…involved," Giles stuttered.
"Jack is here for…support, and…" Buffy paused, shoulder's tensing, "to help me pick up some of my stuff."
"What?!" Xander exclaimed. "So…now you're going to desert us too? I should have known this would happen…everything was leading up to it."
"I thought everything was OK between us, Buffy. You let me become a Slayer. I thought you were going to teach me too?"
"So you're going to fob off the welfare of your sister on me now? I thought you learned how to be responsible, but apparently, I'm wrong."
Buffy sat there, pale but silent…letting the others vent their anger at her. It was no use yelling back, as it was both pointless and futile, so she just let the accusations fly around her. Jack placed his hand over hers and gripped it, giving her silent support.
The others finally finished their various tirades, and fell into angry silence, waiting for Buffy to respond to their accusations.
"This is not about deserting you, nor is it about making you take over my responsibilities…and everything is definitely not OK between us…any of us. And I would think that at least you, Giles, would understand why.
"Buffy…" Giles started.
"No, Giles, it's my turn to talk now," Buffy said firmly. "Things haven't been right between any of us for a long time now, and I think you all know when that started. I did the best I could, but that was never good enough for any of you. And the battle with The First was the last straw."
Taking a deep breath, Buffy turned to Xander. "Xand…I know a lot of your current anger comes from the losses you've suffered, both physically and emotionally. But you've never stopped to think about all the different fights and apocalypses we've been through and realize that we've been damn lucky that we hadn't suffered them a lot earlier. I don't have to remind myself, I live it every day and every night, and I never forget about it. I know I've been withdrawn a lot the last couple of years, but all of you left me first. Oh, you may have been physically around, but you were too wrapped up in your own little Anya-shaped world to realize that I was hurting. And by the time that ended, I'd forgotten how to be your friend."
Turning to her sister, Buffy said, "Dawn…I love you, you know that, but it's time for you to start taking care of yourself. You've always complained about me over-protecting you, and now, I'm letting you go. You've wanted to be treated like an adult, be given responsibilities, and now's your chance. Your life is your own. I've given up so much to protect and take care of you – I was glad to, if only to see you happy. I will always be there for you, but it's time I started taking care of myself again, before I forget how. You may be 16, almost 17, but you are far older than that because of what you've gone through, what we've all gone through. You're a Slayer now, and I know how difficult that will be, but you have to find your own path, your own style…you have to forget about being Dawn, the sister of the Slayer, and find out how to be Dawn the Vampire Slayer."
Having left the hardest for last, Buffy let her Watcher have it with both barrels.
"I'm a disappointment to you, a failure, and you've made me feel that way for so long, I've forgotten what it was like when you were proud of me. I did everything you asked me to do when I…came back, but it was never enough. I slayed, I worked, I took care of my sister, I watched out for my friends. I did it all, but you never saw it, because you weren't there! And you think you had the right to judge me when things fell apart, and I was supposed to take your criticism with a smile, because 'Hey! I'm the Slayer…I can take anything.' Well you were wrong! I was a 20-year old, minimum-wage earning, surrogate mother, who had to pay all the bills, take care of a magic-addicted witch, and support a friend with a broken heart…only weeks after being ripped out of heaven!"
Buffy abruptly stood, dropping Jack's hand as she clenched her fists in anger.
Jack stayed seated, watching silently.
"Everything is not OK between us. Even with the last battle, we might have worked things out if not for one thing…your last betrayal."
Even though everyone was quite pale after Buffy's own accusations, you could see that Giles knew what she was talking about, but Dawn and Xander looked confused.
"You doubted me…you rejected me…you kicked me out of my own home! And when I came back, with the weapon that saved our asses, did anyone say I'm sorry? Did anyone admit they were wrong? Did anyone reject Faith for doing the same thing you rejected me for?!" Buffy screamed the last, her fists tightening in her anger. "You brought young girls, Potentials, into my home, to the one place a war would inevitably be fought, and you didn't expect any of them to die? I may be a good Slayer, but I'm not that good…I couldn't be everywhere at once…I couldn't protect them all at the same time! And you shouldn't have thought I could! You asked me to train them, I did. You asked me to give them weapons, I loaded them up. You asked me to lead them, I did…and some of them died. And you blamed me…ME! BUT YOU FORGOT WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR! In war people die! And they did! They died! They died, and we continued to fight! But all of you had gotten too complacent. We had won so many battles, against so many enemies; you began to think we were invincible. BUT WE NEVER WERE!"
Buffy was so angry, she was shaking. The other three couldn't look her in the eye anymore, and none of them were dry-eyed. The Slayer looked at her family, wondering how they could have let this happen to them.
Calming herself as best she could, Buffy continued on in a softer voice. "When you rejected me, it hurt. When you stopped believing in me, it devastated me. But when you doubted me, you made me doubt myself, and that's a death wish for a Slayer. Out of all the vampires, demons, and other things we've fought, it was you…my friends, my family…who finally broke me."
Dawn sobbed loudly, covering her face with her hands.
Buffy took a few steps away from everyone, her back to them. Jack, shocked by everything he had heard, wasn't sure what to do. He got up from his chair and walked over to where Buffy was standing, shaking like a leaf. Stepping in front of her, he placed his hands on her shoulders.
"Hey…you OK, kid?"
"I honestly don't know, Jack," Buffy sniffed. Looking him in the eye, her own shadowed with pain, she said tiredly, "Let's finish this."
Jack released her, and watched as she turned back to the other three occupants of the room. This group had been through some heavy stuff recently, and some of it was familiar from Buffy's explanation the previous evening – but now he really understood why she didn't want to go into detail on the majority of it.
"Didn't you ever wonder why every single one of us did a complete one-eighty in our attitudes toward each other? Didn't you? Or should I say don't you? Because it's still happening! But I'm the only one who seems to recognize it for what it is," Buffy pinned them with her gaze.
Even though you could still see traces of pain and anger on their faces, Buffy's comment garnered the attention of Giles and Xander. Dawn still had her hands over her face, trying to hold in her sobs.
"The First is incorporeal...unable to die…what do you think happened to him…her…it when Sunnydale was destroyed, huh? Do you really believe it just went quietly back to where it came from?! No…no…it's still here…whispering to us in our own voices, making us continue to doubt each other…pulling every single pet peeve and moment of irritation to the front of our minds…blowing them out of proportion, and using them to break us apart," Buffy said, relatively calm again. "If The First hadn't been messing with my mind, do you really think I would have believed that the Potentials were my own personal army, to do with as I pleased, no matter what? That my word was the be all and end all, and none of you had any say? That I would order you around and expect you to obey, no questions asked? Would I still have this voice whispering in the back of my mind that I would be better off alone…without all of you?"
Buffy looked at Xander as she continued to speak, "How do you go from an inspirational speech to the Potentials about my ability to pull through every fight, to questioning my every decision? Do you really think you would have chosen to follow amateur Potentials over someone who had been fighting on the Hellmouth for 7 years, if someone hadn't placed doubts about me in your mind? Do you think Anya truly believed I thought I was better than her, than all of you? And to say I was luckier? If Anya had been in her right mind, she would have known there is nothing lucky about being a Slayer.
"And you, Giles, we worked together for five years…when had you ever doubted my instincts in that time? Why did you begin to doubt me, then? Why did you think I still needed to be taught a lesson, as if I were a child? Why did you stop trusting me? Why did we stop trusting each other? Why are both you and Xander having mood swings worse than a woman with PMS every time we discuss Slayer stuff?
"And let's not forget Willow, shall we? Why would she choose a spoiled arrogant girl over all of us…a girl who basically threatened to kill Dawn, Faith, or myself, in order to get the power of a Slayer? A girl she just met a few weeks ago? Do we really mean that little to her?
Buffy paused a moment, shaking her head tiredly, "No. This isn't us…this isn't who we really are. The First is still here, with us…in our heads…trying to do the same thing it was doing in Sunnydale – destroy us with our own doubts…and we're letting it."
By the time Buffy had finished, looks of horror had dawned on the faces of Giles and Xander, but Dawn looked as if a piece of a puzzle had fallen into place.
"I can't stay here. I need…I need to be away for a while. I am so thin...like paper that will tear with one breath of wind, with one more accusation," Buffy whispered brokenly.
"I'll be starting a six week training program, and will be staying at the base for that time…and possibly longer. I-I don't know right now. I'll leave a number if you need to reach me."
"So you're going to listen to the voice that's telling you you're better off alone," Giles said harshly.
Buffy looked him straight in the eye as she replied, "No…I'm leaving you alone, so you can figure out which voice is really yours…I already know which one is mine – It's the one that says I love you, no matter what."
Buffy pulled an envelope out of her pocket, and left it on the chair she had previously been sitting on, then walked upstairs to her room. Jack followed silently and began to help her pack a couple suitcases of clothes and personal items.
Buffy and Jack heard the sound of clapping, and turned towards the noise.
Jack was startled to see…Buffy.
"Oh you're good…you're very good. I should never have underestimated you," The First said.
"That's why you lost," Buffy said flatly.
"Oh I haven't lost, Slayer…not yet."
"There's a big crater in Sunnydale that says otherwise."
"That? Pfft…that was nothing, just another attempt at bringing forth the End of Days earlier than planned," The First waved her had in a dismissing gesture.
"Another? You've done this before?" Buffy asked, surprised.
"I have been around for, well…forever, Slayer – you don't think this is the first time the scales were out of balance, do you?"
"Well, they're back in balance now, which means you shouldn't be here. So…go away." Buffy made a shooing motion at the incorporeal being.
"Tsk, tsk…now is that any way for you to speak to your conscience, Slayer?" The First smirked.
Buffy looked calmly at the mirror image of herself, a small smile on her face. She slowly walked up to the disembodied image, getting right in its face.
She gave it a piercing look as she clearly articulated, "I know which one is my voice now. You have no power over me anymore," then turned her back on it.
A furious expression crossed its face as it snarled, "But I still have it over your friends, and until they stop listening to me, they're still mine."
With that, The First disappeared with a flash of light.
"Woah…that was…" Jack floundered, trying to find the right word.
"Surreal? Weird? Trippy?" Buffy provided as she continued to pack her clothing.
"All of the above and a whole lot more…" Jack trailed off as he saw another flash out of the corner of his eye. He turned to face the area where he saw the light, and paled.
"Are you really sure you want to be around her? She tends to get people killed," the person said.
"Charlie?" Jack choked out.
"Yeah, Dad, it's me. And you should be careful who you hang out with – you never know who will cover your back in a bad situation. I can already tell you, she won't," the young boy said, grinning at the stunned man.
"Jack?" Buffy touched his arm in concern, having heard him address someone.
Jack shook his head as he slowly scrambled backwards.
"You're not him!"
"Of course I am, Dad! Come on, you know me…we used to play ball together all the time."
"No…no!"
"Jack! Jack!" Buffy grabbed the older man's face in her hands, and turned his head towards her. As soon as she saw that she had his attention, she softly said, "I don't know who this Charlie is, but The First will use the image of those who have died to rattle you. If you're seeing someone you know has passed on, don't listen to him."
"But…"
"It's not really Charlie," Buffy said quietly, staring firmly into his eyes.
Jack's eyes hardened and he gave her a sharp nod. Turning to the image of his son, he stalked over, and loomed above him.
"You are not Charlie! Stop defiling the image of my son, or so help me God…"
Jack was interrupted by The First's wailing, and he saw the figure clap its hands over his ears.
He went back over what he had said, then grinned maliciously. As soon as he saw the figure remove its hands, he began to speak again.
"Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…"
He got no further before The First disappeared with another wail.
Jack turned back to Buffy, and gave her a wan smile. "Apparently, The First doesn't like to hear anything religious."
Buffy returned his smile with her own shaky one, disturbed to have heard that Jack had lost a child, and that The First had used his image to taunt the older man. And, if she was correct, she now understood why Daniel had told her not to use the child/gun analogy ever again.
"I'm…I'm sorry, Jack," she said softly.
"It's not your fault," Jack shook his head at her. "He died several years ago."
Buffy dropped her gaze to the garments she held in her hand. Turning to place them in her suitcase, she said, "But if you hadn't been here, The First wouldn't have used his image against you…"
"It's not the first time something has used my son's image," Jack said firmly. "Don't blame yourself for things you can't control."
She looked at Jack, and seeing that his eyes held no blame, she nodded.
"Is she…uh…it going to be a problem?" Jack asked.
"I don't think so. Whistler said the scales are back in balance, so The First shouldn't be able to actively do anything without the risk of writing an open check to the side of good. Besides, if hearing religious words are hurting it, The First's strength must be pretty weak – he had a corrupted priest, who still wore his collar, as his right-hand, and that didn't seem to bother it," Buffy said, looking thoughtful. "I think the only reason it's still around is because of the seeds of doubt it planted into my friends' minds. Well, that, and the fact that we kicked its army's ass by caving an entire city on them – I'm sure The First is pretty pissed at us. But as long as they continue to listen to its whispers, The First will still have ties to the mortal plane."
"Do you think they'll figure it out?" the older man asked softly.
"Yeah, I do," Buffy answered with no hesitation, giving him a soft smile. "We've been together through the best and the worst of each others lives for the past 7 years – I know them inside and out. They're strong people, Jack…I have faith in them."
Jack returned her smile, glad to hear that she had such confidence in her friends.
The two quickly finished packing, then hefted the suitcases and made their way down the stairs.
Dawn was waiting for them at the bottom of the steps, her eyes red from crying, and an uncertain look on her face.
Jack took the suitcase Buffy was carrying, and said, "I'll meet you at the car," leaving the two sisters to say their good-byes.
Buffy smiled softly at her younger sister, both saddened and awed by the maturity she saw in her now, wrought by the last two years of endless battles.
Dawn hesitantly returned her smile as she nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"Why didn't you say anything to me about The First?" she blurted out anxiously.
"Because I think you stopped listening to that voice after you asked me to leave our house," Buffy said gently.
Dawn looked guilty at first, but then nodded her head. "It kept saying that you didn't care whether I was killed or not, that you would never choose me, and I knew that wasn't true."
"So you doubted your doubts…I think you're in a better position than the rest of us. But I think Giles and Xander will figure it out sooner or later."
"Then why are you leaving? Shouldn't you stay and help them?" the younger sibling asked, looking upset.
"I think…I think it would all be better off if I wasn't here for now." Seeing her sister was about to protest, Buffy held up a hand to stop her. "No Dawnie…it is better that I leave – the time apart will do us all some good. Xander and Giles need to figure out how they truly feel about me, and my presence would only aggravate the situation. And while I may be able to distinguish which voice is mine, it's still hard to ignore the other one sometimes – I need to figure out a few things too."
"And me?" Dawn asked sadly.
"If I'm gone, Giles will be able to focus on your training, and you'll be able to learn from him without comparing yourself to me," Buffy said, reaching out a hand to stroke her sister's hair. "You need to understand that, because you're taller than me, you won't be able to do some of the things that I can, just as I won't be able to do some of the things that you can. Don't let it get you down…find a style that works for you."
Dawn stood up on her tip-toes, looming over her shorter sibling, grinning as she said, "I'm sure these extra five inches will help me kick your butt, shorty."
"Hey, lay off the height, or I'll have to start calling you 'Dawn the Jovial Girlie Giant,'" Buffy mock-scowled at her.
The younger girl socked the older in the arm and pouted at her.
"Ow! Watch the Slayer strength, Dawnie."
"Oops! Sorry."
"Oh! That reminds me," Buffy exclaimed, unzipping her handbag and removing her wallet. She pulled out a small wad of cash and handed it to her sister. "Here…I know you need a few things like shampoo and stuff, but I thought you should probably have a little extra, so you can buy some alarms."
"Alarms? Plural?"
"Uh…yeah…personal experience. When I first started as a Slayer, I kept forgetting about the Slayer strength thing when I first woke up in the morning – reaching out to smack the snooze button isn't a smart thing to do, believe me."
"Ooookaaay…if you say so," Dawn said, giving her a dubious look.
There was an awkward moment of silence before Buffy finally cleared her throat.
"Well, I guess that's it…I should probably…uh…go," the older girl said softly. "Are you going to be OK with this?"
Dawn pulled her sister into a big hug, whispering, "I think understand, Buffy, but I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too," she responded, sniffing back tears. "Just remember that I'll be here if you need me, OK?"
"Yeah. Can I call you sometimes? Just to talk?"
"Of course you can…I'll try to find out if I'll have access to a phone at all times, or if it's possible to use cell-phones at the mountain. We'll work something out."
"OK."
Giving her sister one last hug, Buffy left without saying goodbye to the others, knowing that, for now, there was nothing else to say.
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Yay! I finally got this one done! I've been working really hard on it since my last final, because you've all been so patient with me.
I know this chapter was dialogue-intensive, but it should be the only one of its kind. I felt that Buffy shouldn't just be plopped into the SGC without some explanations – I mean, really, would Hammond and SG-1 really just accept her with no questions asked? It also gave me the opportunity to share some of Buffy's new skills with you, at least one of which will play an important role in future chapters.
I couldn't remember if there were any episodes that said Buffy was magically null, so I went ahead with letting her know how to use magic…limited magic. But don't worry, she's not going to become "Super Willow" or anything like that. It's my belief that, even though she never used magic in the show, she must have experimented with it at some point (hey, it was another weapon that could have been used) – this is just my way of explaining why she never went down that road, considering she's best-friends with Willow, the bad-ass wicca. If there was an episode that indicated Buffy had the magical strength of a doily, consider that portion of this chapter AU.
Good news for all you people waiting for the next chapter of "When It's Time To Change"…the next chapter is DONE! WOOHOO! It should be posted either later tonight or sometime early tomorrow. I just need to give it one last look-see for revisions, then format it for FF.net and TTH. It's a big one…about twice as long as any other chapter (approx 19,500 words – 59 pages) – consider it a great big apology for making you wait 3 ½ months for it.
And for all those who are wondering why it took me such a long time to write these chapters…yes, my chemistry class kicked my ass. But, after about 60 hours of intensive studying for the final, I managed to pull off a "B" in the class. Go me! (Shay does a "gettin' jiggy with it" dance) The only bad thing about getting a 'B', though, is that it screwed up my 4.0 GPA…grrr.