Disclaimer: (I'm sorry Sheena's mom). A senior citizen, I have a friend named Riannagh. And I don't own anything! I swear! I don't even own myself! I sold myself to some worldwide organization of hobos!
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Naruto's vision blurred… His eyes closed and he drifted slowly into sleep.
He awoke to noises from the living room. Curious, he peeked into the other room. He withdrew his head quickly. Had he really seen what he thought he had seen? He peeked in again to make sure.
Shikamaru and Kankuro were making out on his couch.
Naruto blinked. What the hell? Shikamaru and Kankuro? That was something he never thought he would see!
"I want you," Kankuro whispered into Shikamaru's ear.
"You're so… troublesome…" mumbled Shikamaru.
That's when Naruto woke up for real.
…MEANWHILE…
Kankuro left Naruto's house in search of Shikamaru. Shikamaru had gone off somewhere (probably to Chouji's) but Kankuro was too stupid to think of that so he started wandering around in circles around a tree.
"Psst! Kankuro!" someone sitting in the tree yelled at him.
Kankuro looked up. "Temari! I told you to call me Kangaroo! We have to use code names! If we don't, we'll be discovered!"
Temari jumped down from the tree. "All right, then you have to call me Tortoise. And where's Gaara— I mean, where's Warthog?"
Just then Gaara (or should I say Warthog) arrived.
"Warthog!" exclaimed Temari and Kankuro.
Gaara glared at the two. "Did you just call me Warthog?"
Kankuro was about to answer when he noticed that Gaara was wearing his regular clothing. "Gaara!" he exclaimed, "Where's your maid outfit!"
"There is no way I am wearing a maid outfit!" yelled Gaara.
"But you have to disguise yourself! Otherwise people might get suspicious!" Temari reasoned with him, "Besides, even Kankuro is wearing his!"
"I don't care what that idiot does! And he's still wearing that stupid hat, anyways! Everyone will know it's him," retorted Gaara.
"Hey, don't diss the hat!" snarled Kankuro, mad because he really liked his hat. He had got it as a birthday present for himself. "But Temari," he whined, "Why do Gaara and I have to disguise ourselves as maids and you get to disguise yourself as a butler! I feel ridiculous in this, and I think Shikamaru is suspicious."
Temari snorted, "Well, I'm sure that's got nothing to do with the disguise! I made these costumes myself. It's probably your acting job that's got him suspicious."
"Oh yeah, like you're a better actor!"
"I sure am! At least I didn't get laughed out of that strip club!"
"That's because—Hey, shut up! That was a long time ago, so forget it!"
"Will you two shut up!" interrupted Gaara, "We should be discussing the mission, fools!"
"Sorry Warthog," replied Kankuro and Temari.
Gaara glared again. "Who came up with that stupid code name?"
Kankuro raised his hand.
"Well, it's stupid. So, about the mission, how are you guys doing?"
"I've successfully infiltrated Shikamaru's house," answered Kankuro.
"Well, I've become a trusted butler in Chouji's house," smirked Temari, "And I'm very close to discovering his secret jutsu."
"What about you, Gaara?" asked Kankuro.
"I've been following Uchiha around, but I think this is retarded."
"How so?" asked Temari.
"Don't use derogatory terms," scoffed Kankuro, receiving yet another glare from his younger brother.
"I see how Kankuro can secretly learn Shikamaru's special jutsu, and I see how you can maybe learn Chouji's," began Gaara, "But how the hell am I supposed to learn Sasuke's! It's hereditary, there's no way I can use it!"
"Don't be discouraged, Gaara! You'll find a way to use the sharingan! Or would you rather be assigned someone else?" said Temari.
"Someone else," muttered Gaara, mad because of the sheer stupidity of everyone around him.
"Alright. You can stalk Neiji now," said Kankuro.
"THAT'S THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM!" yelled Gaara, "I have black stuff around my eyes! And no eyebrows. But that's all! I don't have weird tadpole things in my eyes like Sasuke! I don't have white eyes with no pupil and lots of veins everywhere like Neiji! AND I NEVER WILL!" Gaara stopped ranting to breathe.
"Calm down, Gaara," said Temari, acting like Gaara was only five years old, "Is the mission too hard for you? All we need to do is find out how to use some of Konoha's secret jutsus!"
"Fine. I'll stalk Uchiha. But it won't do any good. We're just wasting our time here."
"That's the spirit, little bro!" announced Kankuro, patting Gaara heartily on the back. He probably hadn't been listening to the conversation anyways.
"So, just one more thing before we resume the mission…" said Temari slyly, "If Gaara doesn't want to wear the maid costume, I have another disguise that I made especially for him!"
Gaara backed away in horror. Oh crap, he thought, it had better not be my old Halloween costume!
…BACK TO NARUTO, NOW…
Naruto groaned and rolled over. So Kankuro and Shikamaru had just been a dream.
Someone kicked him. "Wake up!" came a familiar voice.
"Sasuke," Naruto opened his eyes, "Why did you wake me up!"
Sasuke poked Naruto with his foot, "We have a mission! Why do you always forget! We have to go trim Hokage-sama's hedges today."
Naruto wasn't listening, "Shikamaru came over yesterday. And Kankuro. Or was that also part of my dream?"
"What dream?" asked Sasuke.
"I had a dream with… Shikamaru and Kankuro."
"That they came over?" asked Sasuke. Naruto always confused him.
"No, they were making out on my couch!" exclaimed Naruto. He was still lying on the ground.
"Naruto…"
"What?"
"You're such a weirdo!"
"I know! That was even weirder than my dream where you started doing a strip dance on my table while singing about Canada's geography!"
Sasuke hit Naruto in the head. "Stop dreaming about me doing stupid things like that!"
While the two were quarreling, someone was watching them through the window. Someone who was trying not to be seen because he was ridicoulously disguised…
"Damn! I look so stupid in this," muttered Gaara, "I need to change my clothes before anyone sees me."
It was too late.
"Hey," Sasuke paused from hitting Naruto.
"What?" Naruto paused from getting hit by Sasuke.
"I thought I saw a cowboy outside the window!" exclaimed Sasuke.
"You yell at me for being stupid, now who's the one saying stupid stuff?" muttered Naruto, not too loudly. He didn't want to be hit in the head anymore. There was already a lump the size of a basketball there.
"I'm serious," Sasuke strode over to the window and opened it. He stuck his head out, looking around.
"Yeah right!" Naruto scowled, "Why would there be a COWBOY of all things outside my window?" He looked outside, "I don't see anyone."
That was because Gaara had quickly hidden himself in the leaves of the tree he had been sitting in.
"Phew, that was a close one," he muttered under his breath, "Man, this bites."
Gaara was dressed in a ten-gallon cowboy hat, complete with a sheriff's star, a vest over top of a dress shirt and, best of all, leather pants. The pants were pretty small, though, because they had been his Halloween costume two years ago.
"Ngh," breathed Gaara, "these pants are so damn tight! I can barely breathe." Gaara reached for the zipper of his pants, but he realized that it was stuck. "Aw, crap."
He started struggling. No matter how hard he pulled, the zipper wouldn't go down. This wasn't good! These stupid tight pants! Made him look like a loser, anyways. So Gaara tried pulling down the pants without undoing the zipper. But they got stuck around his hips. He was so involved in wrestling with his pants that he lost his footing and fell out of the tree.
Naruto and Sasuke heard a loud boom and stuck their heads out the window again. This time they saw Gaara.
"I told you I saw a cowboy!" cried Sasuke.
Naruto jumped out of the window down to where Gaara lay, still struggling.
"Gaara, what are you doing?" he asked.
"Trying to get my damn pants off!" yelled Gaara.