Chapter 3
At Hogwarts…
The Hogwarts choir (since when was there a Hogwarts choir?) started singing the Hogwarts school song (since when was there a Hogwarts school song?).
Dumbledore began one of his meaningful speeches, and since its Dumbledore talking, its always meaningful, as he was the only one Voldemort was scared of.
"Hey Ron, when did Dumbledore dye his hair gray and tie his beard up?" Harry asked, extremely confused.
"The white hair, flowing beard thing, went out ages ago, after the Lord of the Rings trilogy movie finally ended, with Gandalf gone, Dumbledore can start the trends (Lord of the Ring Fans turn angry with a reminder that the movies ended, Warner Bros. workers are extremely happy, more money for the Harry Potter movies now that this Lord of the Rings phase/fad has ended).
"Really?" Harry asked.
"Well you're Dumbledore's lap dog, why don't you ask him?" Ron said, quickly stuffing his mouth with food, as we all know, Ron doesn't get any food at home.
"…Welcome, welcome to another year at Hogwarts…Hagrid is now our new Care of Magic Animals (even though an educational degree is needed and Hagrid lacks one)…so have fun….muhahahahaha!" Dumbledore laughed evilly, "Oh and umm nobody who has had their parents betrayed by Sirius Black can go looking for him because they want to hurt, torture kill or do any forms of evil, because he'll kill you…and we can't lose more tuition fees!"
"Hey, so who is this Sirius Black guy?" Harry asked Ron.
"Who said the word Black? That is not politically correct, you now have to say 'of African descent'…honestly Harry!" said Hermione.
"Umm…okay" said Harry.
"And to answer your question Sirius Black is a criminal, he is not actually BLACK, but is quite SERIOUS…he is said to have the heart of a young boy…in a jar on his desk!" said Hermione "–oh yeah and he betrayed your parents, but don't get upset, because you'll have a whole scene later on with you crying and trying to be dramatic—in an attempt to show the audience how much the 'great' actor 'Harry Potter' has improved in acting—but this attempt fails miserably".
Harry was silent and confused. The attempt of being dramatic would fail miserably? But 'Harry' was 'good' at acting! This year at Hogwarts was getting stranger and stranger.