It looked as though it were going to be a beautiful day in Konoha. The sun shone brightly. The air was calm and peaceful. And when the ninjas woke up from their individual slumbers, virtually none of them could have predicted that this day would go down in history as one of the weirdest days the hidden city had ever seen.

!#$&()!#$&()+

"Orochimaru! Wake up!" cried a loud, commanding voice.

"Ugh. Just one more minute," he muttered into his pillow, savouring the evil dream he had been having.

"No, you must get up at once! Do you not recall what day it is today?" snarled Hinata, pulling the covers unceremoniously off of Orochimaru, revealing him to be wearing fluffy pink pajamas covered in bunnies.

Hinata stared in shock.

"Orochimaru," she said softly, "Are you sure you don't have more… evil pyjamas than that?"

"Well, I have some, um, ninja turtle ones," Orochimaru replied sheepishly.

"Well, that's a bit better," she remarked, "But as I was saying, today is a very important day." She narrowed her eyes, "It would be very… impertinent to sleep in. I might have to do something about it. And I doubt that it would be pleasant for you."

"Of course, Hinata-sensei," Orochimaru leaped to his feet. "I shall begin to get ready at once."

"Good. Very good," Hinata said, her eyes still narrowed, "There will be no more of this insubordination, I trust?"

"No, no, Hinata-sama," Orochimaru replied earnestly.

And as Hinata left the room, Orochimaru had to wipe a tear from his eye. He couldn't believe his little Hinata was growing up so fast. The evil inside her had grown and grown until it equalled even his. He was so proud of her.

Hinata made her way down to the kitchen. Kiba, who was pouring himself some Lucky Charms, froze. Hinata snatched the bowl away and began to eat. Kiba poured himself another bowl. Hinata snatched that one as well. Kiba started to cry. Hinata laughed and then took the whole cereal box.

!#$&()!#$&()+

There were several people who held grudges against Sasuke Uchiha. There was Naruto, who was jealous of Sakura's affection for the boy, and who also just didn't like him. Then there was Kiba's dad, who didn't like the way Sasuke rejected his advances every time he delivered the mail. And of course, there was Gaara, who had not forgotten that Sasuke had left him lying in his boxers in the front yard. But most of all, there was Hinata. And being on Hinata's bad side these days was not exactly a good thing. Even poor people like Kiba, who had done nothing wrong, were targeted by her (Kiba was raped and had his cereal stolen, if you will remember). So just imagine how Sasuke was going to be punished.

Sasuke was the one who had tarnished her reputation. Hinata was the world champion at everything. And I mean everything in the world. Her room was filled with trophies, as you may recall, for events such as parachuting, snowdiving, inching, walking, sanitizing napkins, speaking mandarin, licking stuff, and wearing the same jacket for the longest period of time in recorded history.

But Uchiha… shivers of anger ran down her spine just thinking about him. How dare he be better at taking leather pants off people than she was? How arrogant.

But the thing that angered Hinata most was the empty space. The empty space on her bookshelf, that she had reserved specially for the trophy for taking leather pants off people. She had gone to the competition full of hope, and perhaps the tiniest bit of arrogance. That arrogance had been her downfall. She had lost to Sasuke by one second. And that spot on her bookshelf was still empty.

But today, today would change all that. Hinata smiled that sweet smile of hers. She almost, for a second, looked innocent. And in her heart, she felt happy.

!#$&()!#$&()+

Kiba, still crying, went for a walk with Akamaru. No matter how hungry he was, or how much he had been violated, taking Akamaru for a walk was a vital part of his daily routine.

"Akamaru, you've always been my friend," Kiba began.

Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Well, anyways, this whole situation with Hinata is getting out of control. She used to be my friend, but she hasn't been the same ever since she started hanging out with Orochimaru."

Akamaru barked again.

"You're right," Kiba agreed, "I need to help her. I know she only raped me under that evil man's influence, so I don't hold any grudges against her. But I have to stop this. It's been happening every night now. It's getting kind of… painful."

So Kiba slowly, ever so slowly, tiptoed up to Hinata's room. Well, actually, it was really his room, but Hinata had taken over it a few weeks ago. Kiba had had to start sleeping in the dog kennel.

Kiba nudged the door open a crack and peered in. Hinata was standing in front of his bookcase (she had burned all his books and replaced them with her trophies). She was staring at one space, to the left of the middle shelf, and muttering to herself. Straining to hear, Kiba leaned forward.

"Sasuke. You beat me. Your insolence shall not go unpunished. But don't worry, it won't take long. It might even be painless, if you don't resist."

Kiba gasped. Hinata was going to hurt Sasuke! Unfortunately, Hinata heard him. She turned.

"Kiba," she said.

"Um, sorry wrong room," he gave a fake laugh, "I thought this was the bathroom! I'll just go then!"

"No, no, come here," Hinata ordered.

Unwillingly, Kiba approached her. He stepped into his room for the first time in months.

"Do you see this empty space?" she asked.

Kiba nodded, unsure if this was the response that would stop him getting bludgeoned.

"This is the space for the trophy that Sasuke Uchiha stole from me," she said.

And then it all clicked for Kiba. He had seen the competition those many years ago. In fact, he had been one of the volunteers wearing leather pants, waiting to be stripped. He could recall, clearly, the crying face of Hinata after she had lost. The zipper on his pants had stuck, and it had been the fatal few seconds that had cost her the tournament.

"That was um, really mean of him," Kiba said uncertainly.

Hinata nodded. "You may go," she told him.

Kiba, grateful to be escaping with his life, headed for the door.

"Be ready for me tonight," Hinata called after him.

Kiba's tears flowed freely once more.

He returned to the dog kennel, and hugged his dogs one by one.

"I love you guys," he choked out, "But I may not see you for a while. I need to go warn Sasuke, but after that I'm not coming home. I'm going to start my World Tour."

!#$&()!#$&()+

Sasuke was playing with his zamboni on his personal ice rink when he heard the doorbell ring. Reluctantly, he demounted, and went to answer the doorbell.

"What do you want?" he asked moodily, then noticing it was Kiba, he added, "Hey, would you tell your Dad to please stop hitting on me? It's getting really annoying!"

"Okay, I'll do that," Kiba said. He looked left and right, making sure Hinata was nowhere in sight. Then he whispered, "Hey, can I come in? I need to warn you about something.

"Okay, I guess…" Sasuke said. He led Kiba inside, and quickly kicked his Barbies under the couch so that Kiba wouldn't see them.

"Oooooohhhhhh, nice zamboni," Kiba commented.

"Okay, what do you have to warn me about?"

"It's Hinata," Kiba replied, still whispering, "You have to have noticed how she's been acting lately. She's… evil. And she's coming for you."

Sasuke snorted, "Oh, yeah, right. Are we talking about the same Hinata here? There's no way I'm scared of her!"

"I'm serious Sasuke, I heard her plotting against you. It's about that," Kiba pointed to the trophy that adorned Sasuke's mantelpiece.

"Well," Sasuke said, "If she wants it, she'll have to go through me."

"Just be careful, okay?" Kiba said. And then he left.

!#$&()!#$&()+

Neiji was very puzzled. Very puzzled indeed. He checked his answering machine again, but he still had no new messages. Kiba always left prank calls. Something was up. He was unable to contemplate this any further, however, because at that moment, Rock Lee burst through his living room window.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!" Neiji screamed in a high-pitched girlish voice, which simply confirmed all our beliefs that either he is hopelessly gay, or a lady in disguise.

"Hey Neiji," Lee said eagerly, "Want a plum?"

"No," screamed Neiji, "I do not want a plum!"

"Oh, go on, I've got lots!" Lee said.

"NO!"

"Why are you so touchy?" asked Lee.

"You just broke my living room window!" Neiji yelled.

"It's okay, you're not going to be living here much longer anyways," Lee replied in a voice that was a little too carefree.

"Not going to be living – wait a minute," Neiji's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, because I did such a marvellous job trimming the Hokage's hedges to look like shiny teeth, he's decided to give me a reward."

"What does that have to do with my house?" Neiji demanded.

"Well, a squad of house-demolishing ninjas is on its way here right now to demolish your house. Then they're going to give the property to me so that I can plant a plum orchard," said Lee cheerfully.

The squad of house-demolishing ninjas arrived at Neiji's. They were all promptly stuffed in the dryer, along with the unfortunate Rock Lee.

!#$&()!#$&()+

Although Sasuke had not shown it in front of Kiba to keep his reputation for being an unfazed macho, he was deeply worried. His brow was furrowed as he carefully, almost lovingly, covered his trophy with bubble wrap and packed it into his crate (the one he kept his Barbies in).

He got a little distracted, though, and started playing with Barbie and Ken. After a few hours, he got hungry. He went to go make lunch.

It's almost lunchtime, he thought, shouldn't Hinata have made her move by now?

He was in the middle of making an omelette when it happened. He heard an odd noise from under his couch.

He grabbed a kunai. Then, he stepped from the kitchen table, to a kitchen chair, to the bureau, to a laZboy reclining chair, and finally to the couch, so as not to touch the floor and alert whatever was under the couch to his presence.

Sasuke leaned over, using all the powers of stealth he had acquired as a ninja to aid him. Part of his shiny black hair hung sexily over his face (he had to look good in case any girls were watching him. (Which wasn't as unlikely as it seems, by the way. Sakura and Ino often peered into his windows to catch a glimpse of him. Luckily, they hadn't seen his Barbies yet)). He leaned over, and with a swift movement, grabbed the thing under the couch.

Sasuke yelped. The thing scurried around, trying to free itself of his grip.

But Sasuke didn't let go. He held on to Peppermen, the pig, with all of his strength.